Seeking Peace

Maybe it’s the fact that all three young adult children are home. Maybe it’s because it’s summer and I want to play more and work less. Maybe it’s that I’m a boomer woman and experiencing peri-menopausal symptoms. Maybe it’s a bit of all the above. Who really knows?

Lately, I’m seeking peace. I want deep down, honest to goodness, peace in my heart. I want the kind that can only come from the love of Jesus.

Early morning, while sitting on the patio, surrounded by my Bible, journal, study, and prayer folder – petunia aroma, chirping birds, buzzing locusts, sun to my left, tall pines to my right, dog at my feet, I feel it seep in from the top of my midlife highlighted head to the bottom of my pink pedicured summer toes. The peace settles in and resides completely.

Then I close my God centered items, place them back in the basket at the kitchen table, head off to throw in laundry, water a few plants, straighten from the hours of young adult livelihood lived while hubby and I slept, and then get to work.

There are calls to make, emails to answer, forums in which to post, bills to be paid, writing to do, contest entries to be read, and the list goes on.

A couple hours later, I’m searching… The house phone rings, work phone, cell phone – all ring – friends come to call, the kids are coming and going, the dryer buzzes, dog barks, mailman arrives – the demands are piling up. Life’s in full swing.

I’ve lost that peaceful feeling. Sometimes - by God’s grace, I hear that still small voice and I’m called back to peace.

Other times – I’m so wrapped up, so charged, full steam ahead, lots of energy, onward, and I lose it totally…

until I awaken the next day, check in with God, and begin again.

I’m grateful He’s willing to greet me each morning, forgive me for losing Him, and allow me to begin again.

Does this sound familiar?

For God is not a God of confusion, but a God of peace. -1 Corinthians 14:33

What beautiful thoughts, Dotsie. I am moved by it all. I think the peace is always with us, we just have to seek it and hear it and feel it above this noise we call life. When I am seeking inner peace, I sit very still and just listen.

Thank you for these thoughts. They really spoke to me today!

Thank you, Dotsie. I also think peace is always
there. But it is easy to get caught up in our daily
doings and forget just a little.

Yes Peace.
I worked with a lady who prayed each morning as she started her working day...her desk had texts etc.She was quite open and public about her faith.
I differed in that only when asked I would share my belief.

she would ask for whatever she sought that day.Varied things..simple messages she sought.
One day she asked what I desired most and my answer was peace. I believe an inner peace allows me to function and best serve God.And yes this was when I was around 50.I think we alter our values according to a stage we have reached. When I have peace I can also feel joy.compassion and energy.Peace for me is not passive it is a state of balance.

It has to be worked for and attended to.In whatever way works for whatever situation.
Mountain ash

What a beautiful thread. Dotsie, the image of you sitting at your table every morning, surrounded by God in such a variety of ways, just fills me...with a mixture of awe, delight, hope, inspiration and yes, joy. Every morning now at breakfast, instead of reading the newspaper, I read a chapter out of one of those Women of Faith studies (I'm still working on the "Contagious Joy" - but now it's meaning a whole lot more than it did when I first began it). Every morning, I look forward to that moment when I can open that book and read that day's message (I also have daily inspirational books that I read earlier before even getting out of bed!). The moment I open that book, the image of you doing the same fills me with a sense of companionship, fellowship and yes, joy!

Mountain Ash, I love your words about peace. I especially take to heart "peace for me is not passive, it is a state of balance". That's my quest, finding and living out of a core of joy and peace, or in your words which help to clarify it even more, a state of balance.

Eagle
we earn our peace by understanding our anxiety. Sifting the chaff.

Middle Years ©

Fife, Scotland
2005

Middle years when sufficient has been absorbed
From life itself gives the platform of authenticity
This is from where we can sift the grains of truth
From the chaff of needless planting
Sown by the ideas and beliefs of others

Each season has its glory days
For me the vitality of spring
When races were run and days long
Still give joy in their shining yellow

Summer too when two paths in tandem
Enticed the woman and mother in me
Clever juggler that I was
Keeping all the balls circulating

Early autumn stocktaking time
The platform where I mill the grains
Done in solitary repose I now have choice
That only autumn brings

Autumn after a long summer is golden
No races await but words gather
Are in the wings waiting to be woven
Into a lasting force. evidence of my living

Hopefully a kind winter awaits
I prepare by drawing in the harvest
I have sown and gathered
Yes some chaff must be swept away

Beautiful sentiments Eagle and Mountain.

I also love the idea of peace being a state of balance. That spoke to me.

Eagle, one of the things that moved me to being in the word was sitting at a class at church and listneing to a woman say, "My days are much better when I pick up my Bible instead of the paper." Her words stuck with me and for years I heard her voice in the morning.

Mountain Ash, your poem is so perceptive - and encapsulates my own evolution so well. "This is from where we can sift the grains of truth From the chaff of needless planting Sown by the ideas and beliefs of others" pretty much sums up my journey right now.

The hard work isn't so much pulling out the chaff/weeds planted by others, it's having to repair the soil and plant new truths that will nourish and sustain me into the next phase of my life. The roots of the old chaff go deep and keep sneaking back up to choke out the new growth...requiring vigilance and constant care (and replanting) to ensure that the new growth (ie, way of thinking) becomes rooted enough to hold its own and thrive through anything new seasons might throw at it.

Interestingly
last night's lecture by Jan de Vries talked about the healing properties of plants. He mentioned amongst many others couch grass..which is the naughty weed here which is so difficult to remove.
yet here he was saying how it could heal.

Often its what is said to me and I pick up that us the answer to other issues.As if the Universe is giving clues.
Ponder on that .

In equal measure last night I was given a rare connection with a nurse/reiki healer who invited me to a healing circle and a convesation with a local person back from abroad.She poured her opinion toxicly on me like petrol on a fire..Just when I was having a fine time.It kept me awake for a long time.Processing the bigger picture.
My task today has been to become balanced again.
Ongoing work I surmise.
Mountain ash

Dotsie, I was going to say what Meredith just said: you never lose God. Even in the cacaphony of life (phones, buzzers, bells, and whistles) I envision you in peace. You have the kind of peace people yearn for: young adults living their lives and pursuing their dreams, a household free of drugs, alcohol, and poverty, the normalcy of a maturing body, wrapped up in service to women, and God, the energy of a healthy human Being, and I can't see that you "lose it totally" because you have mental health, psychological balance, and constant strong loving support. I hope I don't sound like I am lecturing or that I am discounting what you are saying. I am just seeing that even when you feel like you are losing it, you do have peace, Although your world is all a twitter with sounds that drown the birds, they are just different sounds of lives being lived. And for that, what is there to forgive? Have you not chosen a household, husband, and children over the convent? L, PL xxoo P.S. PMS or peri menopause can aggravate the sound of annoying sounds. P.S. I came back to add that I admire you so very much Dotsie. You ooze vitality with just a hint of vulnerability. I can't even say all the ways I admire you. Peace, sister.

Do you think God as our Father allows up to divert much as we may let a child risk take in order to gain experience (Like on a swing or paddle in the sea) so by being aware we have moved sideways Dotsie...we can devote again.It is a habit to attend church where devotions are followed.By making it a habit to return each morning I see it as renewal of faith.
We live in busy times doing what we have to do .Last thing I do at night is give thanks for that day.
Mountain ash

Dotsie, I understand fairly well what you mean about the peaceful state one gains in prayerful contemplation and the distractions from it caused by temporal responsibilities. I, too, struggle with the challenge to maintain the unfathomable peace I obtain from retreats, daily prayers and especially when sitting in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. How I envy those whose vocation in life is spent in monastic prayer. And, as one does not live a cloistered life, it is a daunting challenge when one yearns to find a sanctuary within oneself, in the midst of din, where one can be in peaceful communion with Jesus. But, as He is present everywhere, we can keep in touch with the peace obtained in the silence of prayerful contemplation through the movement of life which we personally experience from within in our thoughts, plans, feelings, aspirations and instincts we face daily. As we wish others peace, we continue to retain it.

This was a line I read in my morning meditation on joy:

Joy becomes a Hallelujah in the choir loft of our mind. (Barbara Johnson)

Throughout the activities of the morning, this line has been playing over and over in my mind, intertwined with a quiet-but-exultant Hallelujah chorus from Handel's Messiah. No matter where we went, or what we were doing, I could hear that Hallelujah above all of the other noises around me. Sanctuary within. We carry it everywhere we go; as long as we keep our eyes and ears of faith open, we maintain that "posture of prayer" deep within us even as we become immersed in the hectic pace of the day.

Dotsie, just a reflection...everything you describe in your initial post is what I perceive as an "abundant life". You mention that sometimes you feel like you're losing touch with God in the hectic pace of the day (I feel that way too, far too often), but now I'm wondering if when we immerse ourselves in the abundant life He Himself has given us, aren't we immersing ourselves in Him there too? He's as present in the midst of His own gift of abundant life as anywhere, isn't He? It's just a different facet of our connection with Him. Even the people we meet along the way are part of that connection to/with Him. Many of those encounters enrich our lives so much that the next time we enter into that more formal prayer, we come with even more to celebrate.

My own joy is breaking through...I think the lights are finally back on.

That's what I was trying to say: what Eagle said in post 161576.

Thanks to all the responses about this reflection.

While I know I never lose God, I certainly lose sight of him. That's what I meant. And, when I'm more aware of his presence, I live truer to myself and to him, and love that feeling.

Eagle, yes, I agree. I'm just talking about a more constant awareness which may bvery well be humaly impossible.

I'm so happy to her the ligths are back on. They've been on, but you just haven't been able to see them. Isn't it amazing when we can tap into the light and recognize it for what it is?

Dotsie, I know what you mean with all of this. There have been long stretches of time in my life (the single years) when God was everything - my entire day and life revolved around Him - but those were also the times when the loneliness was most suffocating. And then hubby came along, and there were long stretches of time when I was so busy that I completely "forgot" to spend any time with Him at all - but those were the stretches of time when I was the least lonely. I figured that the absence of that suffocating loneliness was also a gift from God, so I didn't worry too much about not being able to spend as much time with Him.

Now I have time and energy to find better balance...and am finding that it's never the same two days in a row. Some days I'm in constant awareness of God even while attending to hubby and the needs of the day. Other days life gets hectic and I "lose sight of Him"...and miss Him terribly. I think you have the answer, in carving out special time together...just as we do for hubbies and children and other loved ones, so too for God. Some days I crave more of Him, so will find pockets of time throughout the day to just sit still and be with Him; other days I feel His presence throughout the day's activities and it's enough.

I think that when we're in tune to it, something inside of us, perhaps the Holy Spirit, helps us to find the balance that fits our yearnings. It comes down to listening to that voice deep inside of us, then carving whatever amount of time will allow us to spend "enough" time with Him, whatever "enough" is for today.

How to do that around husbands, children, work, chores and day-to-day living is, well, I guess it involves some understanding that we ARE human (and meant to be human!) and perhaps (I'm addressing this part to myself here) I need to lighten up and enjoy the great life He's given me without worrying about Him so much...if that makes sense.

This is an awesome thread, Dotsie. Peacefulness is what I love about the new hobby, hubby and I found. The dog, Wild Bill and I hike through county & state parks and locate geocache, hide & finds. It's a harmless, nature loving pastime. Geology is kind of a "God thing" anyway. I hear what all of you are saying. Hope you can hear what I'm saying!
Prayers and blessings...

Jabber, my favorite ex boyfriend is a hydro-geologist. Water and earth. He's so comfortable in nature, hiking, biking, skiing. I'm thrilled for him that all these years he found a way to combine his love of nature with the science of his mind. Have any of you read the book about Mother Theresa where she at some point in her life spoke about separations from God?

Which ones of the many books written about Mother Theresa's? The one I have is Come be My Light and, a few articles on her journals. The best one of the latter is Sacred Doubt written by Rabbi Irwin Kula of Yearnings: Embracing the Sacred Messiness of Life
http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/irwin_kula/2007/09/sacred_doubt.html

The feeling of being unaccompanied by God was not exclusive to Mother Theresa though. Many saints have gone through the same. St Augustine and St Theresa of Liseux as well, to name a few. St Faustina of the Divine Mercy movement wrote extensively about it: Dark Night of the Soul. Here's an extract from it from my Catholic book club:

"Toward the first year of my novitiate, darkness began to cast its shadow over my soul. I felt no consolation in prayer; I had to make a great effort to meditate, fear began to sweep over me. Going deeper into myself I could find nothing but great misery. I could also clearly see the great holiness of God. I did not dare to raise my eyes to Him, but reduced myself to dust under His feet and begged for mercy. My soul was in this state for almost six months...

Further on, she continues with:

"My mind became dimmed in a strange way no truth seemed clear to me. When people spoke to me about God, my heart was like a rock. I could not draw from it a single sentiment of love for Him. When I tried, by an act of the will, to remain close to Him, I experienced great torments, and it seemed to me that I was only provoking God to an even greater anger. I felt in my soul a great void , and there was nothing with which I could fill it. I began to suffer from a great hunger and yearning for God, but I saw my utter powerlessness. I tried to read slowly, sentence by sentence, and to meditate in this way, but this also was of no avail..."

P.S. St Therese of Avila not Liseux.

What an amazing article, Lola.

This line would summarize my own spiritual journey more accurately than I've ever been able to articulate:

"And the more seriously we surrender to love the more we live on this razor’s edge of that doubt. [that we are one hundred per cent loved by another human being or by God or whether we actually love another person or God with all our heart and all our might.]"

To see it written in someone else's words based on the experience of so many other spiritual pilgrims helps...God keeps whispering into my doubt "Do not be afraid, never be afraid, for I am with you and go before you always"...this article whispers the same message. Thank you for sharing it here.

This is an excert from my prayer book’s meditation for July 29th…by Max Lucado…

“We need to remember that the disciples were common men given a compelling task. Before they were the stained-glass saints in the windows of cathedrals, they were somebody’s next-door neighbors trying to make a living and raise families. They weren’t cut from theological cloth or raised on supernatural milk. But they were an ounce more devoted than they were afraid, and as a result, did extraordinary things.”

Mother Teresa didn’t start out to be a “stained-glass saint”…she was just a feisty little woman who heard God calling her to care for the poor in Calcutta; she answered the call with every ounce of devotion and energy she could muster – even though time and the constant parade of death and poverty led her into her own “holy darkness” or soul journey. One of the paradoxes of faith for some (Mother Teresa included) is that the more deeply we experience God’s love and presence, the more impossible it is to comprehend His silence, and the more difficult the unanswered questions become to tolerate.

As I was reading Lucado’s meditation, I couldn’t help but think of our own Princess Lenora…I see Lynn as someone who has suffered through an unimaginable “dark night of the soul” and come out the other side “more devoted than afraid…doing extraordinary things” to help others.

That to me is what it’s (life, faith, wholeness) all about…turning our tragedies into strength for others, our perceived failures into compassion for others, our “dark nights” into beacons of light for others.

Everything that happens to us, no matter how dark, ugly or unredemptive it feels at the time, holds the powerful treasure of opportunity to learn and evolve “beyond the tears” (Lynn’s book title) and do extraordinary things for others along their way.

Eagle, I don't know what prompted you to say that about me. With sweet tears I humbly thank you for thinking of me. So many of us have been through the dark nights of our souls. What I've learned is by the grace of God. But first, I had to learn to recognize the grace of God. I read this in "Eat, Pray, Love" and I thought of Dotsie's initial post on this forum: "...there have been others who choose instead to get up before the sun and wash their faces and go to their prayers. And then fiercely try to hold on to their devotional convictions throughout the lunacy of another day." And I thought of Eagle with this line: "You have no idea how strong my love is." (context is that the author hears this as if a message from God." And this for me and my brother (perpetrator): "When the karma of a relationship is done, only love remains." I think of the word "karma" loosely, as if Karma is what the people are meant to go through in their relationship to get to the other side, which is love. Thank you Eagle, I do feel more devoted than afraid. I KNOW you are, my dear friend! From "Eat, Pray, Love" "Devotion is diligence without assurance." Thanks for the link to the article, Lola. It is deep to me, and required a couple of readings to grasp all he said within those sentences. L, PL

This is such a rich post. How touching to correspond with other women who take the love og God so seriously.

I was going to begin another topic with this quote, but I'll just throw it in here. We have a perpetual calendar that sits on our kitchen counter. It's called Hand in Hand:prayers and blessings for families. This was from July 25th.

"To be grateful is to recognize the love of God in everything He has given us - and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence a gift of His grace."
Thomas Merton

He longs to be gracious to us!

Giving thanks for the prompt from our gracious God to launch this site many moons ago. This is why I can't help but continue to listen and want to stay tuned in to Him. I don't want to miss another neat opportunity like this one, which I totally would have missed had I not turned to Him in prayer. It's all through His grace...and for that I'm grateful.

And we are the beneficiaries of that prompt. Amen to that!

What an awesome God, God is! His Spirit is evident in these forums. And how glad and grateful we are that the prompt of prayer birthed this website!

each day IS fresh and new ... may we be able to approach each day in that special NOW perspective.

NOW perspective? IMO a lot of folks would be better off if they could forget the past! Past heartache, past mistakes and embarrassments destroy more people than jj's alligators.

jabber, this is so true, but all the old hurts die so hard. They seem to jump into our mindset at the worse times. I think it takes a lot of mind games and positive thinging to make these changes, not to mention therapy.