My BFF has been in a gettin' ready for the step of divorce for the past four years. She's finally pushed to the wire and ready to go to that hard place, I hate it for her but she has to salvage her life, and I totally understand where she is at, the worry and anger and sadness and betrayal. Her husband has been adulterous and manipulating her due to her worry of security, and he was the one to say it's over,despite her trying so hard to work thru the rough patch (I give her so much credit for trying so hard!) . I have heard it all from her over and over and over, and been there every step of the way for her, knowing she needs the support of her friends especially now, , but I know I will have to step back a little while she gets her head in the right place. and she can become empowered and rescue her identity....how can I do that? She totally has my sympathy and empathy but I know she has to be developing some stronger aspects- she admits right now she is very needy and I'm ready to be there for her, always will...but she has to cope with different aspects, the first one being alone (which she can't tolerate at all), plus she has a difficult time managing the everyday stuff without a man around (and I always have, my DH has always worked away and I learned to cope, manage and take the reins when you have to). Please somebody give me some ideas at how to be supportive but not fostering dependency for her, she's treading water pretty hard right now and she don't swim!.

Judy, when she is really pushed to the wall it is up to her to either sink or swim. Others have been there, some are still fighting the good fight with no one to care for or worry about them. Its something we all may have to face from time to time, and she is going to have to pull up her big girl panties and forge onward. She is not your child, she is an adult friend, encourage her all you can BUT do not become a crutch. She needs to hit the water and learn fast to swim... Pray for her, that always helps.

Oh you bet she's always welcome here til she gets in a better place. I'd never turn my back on a friend! Actually we have talked about that too, if she gets in a rough spot she can always come here-I think she has good legal rep. in place where she won't lose her home just yet but who's to say, it's not going to be an easy passage for her. And I am not going to be a crutch for her, just try to support her as much as possible and rein back when I see that's necessary. And God Bless her, she has started to go back to church- I know she will get some support and fellowship there, not to mention just the peace of having that back in her life again. I just want to be there for her and really help without hindering. I've learned just to listen, not to comment- to let her vent as much as she needs but not interject my opinion, just try to let her know she is stronger than she knows and in time she will be empowered more and more. Thank you all for your input, I really appreciate it so much!

Crutch NO, but I would happily take in a friend I knew was trying to help herself but was overwhelmed by bad luck. Anne, I have said you could come here and I meant it, not even having met you... I have had more than one person visiting here completely free of charge, until they got on their feet, no biggy! It is a pleasure to be able to share what I have with others.