I am hoping that no one else has this problem but if you do I would like to talk to you . On labor day I took my beautiful 22 year old son to New Hope Treatment Center in Chicago . He was suicidal in his 5th attempt to get off Oxycoton and Diluid both opiates . He has only been using the drugs regularly for 6 months and was not injecting the drug but he went thorugh severe withdrawal (he lived by himself but I was in contact with him every day he worked for me ) the withdrawal was awful and I had no idea that this drug was so addictive . He tried five times on his own (which we just found out about ) I noticed the rage and the sickness adn then he became susicidal which he couldn't stand so he would find it and snort it again. This is not a tough street kid this is a boy with an IQ of 165 and a good supportive family His twin brother had just gotten back from being in the Navy after 4 years every thing was pretty good but he liked the way it made him feel. Thes painkillers are horrible to wothdraw from and he and his friend both got really sucicidal and fukll of rage in trying to get off of them luckily my son did not need the IV detox but he was close. He has completed 30 days in treatment and willbe in Chacago alone for two more months in aftercare trying to re adjust I am a psychotheraist and have been through alcohol treatment myself and it took me a while to notice . Just wanted to share this story and see if anyone has a similar story

Hi Donette,
I went through a similar detox from an anti-depressant. On the advice of my GP, I stopped cold turkey one day, and started taking a new AD the next day. It was horrendous. I became intensely "jagged", enraged, bizarre, and eventually suicidal. My husband didn't know what to do. Finally he filled the bathtub with lavender bath gel, and very tenderly bathed me for about 20 minutes. It calmed me down enough for me to call a pyschologist and make an appointment to see him the next day.

These detox experiences are so dangerous, but not taken seriously by doctors at all.

My daughter is having alcohol problems. They have continued to increase. Last night, she was hallucinating. I called my oldest daughter who is in nursing school and we were both terrified. I have to leave today for a speaking gig in GA and I'm flying my oldest daughter in to stay with her sister. She's at a point that I can't leave her alone. I know how you feel. I'm crying as I write this. It's so heartbreaking. Just know I understand. When I return, I'm putting my daughter either in the hospital or detox.

Diane it is heartbreaking I went through a bad alcohol experience myself they found out later it wasn't all of it alcohol I began having psychotic experiences when I started the deprovera shot I started losing my memerory, had had seizures I was already drinking so I knew that I was dying so I drank until I became wetbrained the combination betwwen benzopine withdrawal (which I had been on for 30 years and just didn't have the energy to go get it ) the depo and the alcohol I entered the hoptial at 98 pounds literally a vegetable beleiving that I was dying and had brain demenia .
Get your daughter help and get her back alcohol, medicine withdrawal and different drugs can have different effects on different people I had had many bad things happen and still wan to escape from alcohol (it's been four years ) they thought I would be insitutionalized forever and I am back as a publisher , artist , and writer I ache everynight for my son being in so much pain but it is getting better . and he is getting stronger . Young kids going into treatment is so inconsistant with society as they are just starting to socialize and alohol is the most acceptable at this stage , don't ignore it until it is too late .
Alcohol and hallucinations is generally a sign of a deeper problem so dig deep kids are resillent it doesn't make it any less hard of the mothers and fathers etc.

I am so sorry to hear of your heartaches. There is nothing worse than watching a child struggle. I believe it's worse than experiencing our own pain.

I have heard terrible things about oxycotin (sp?). I know a woman who eventually ended up on methadone because she was addicted to that drug.

I pray for strength among all women who are managing addictive behavior with their children. Keep the faith that help is around you. Reach for it until you are satisfied for your child and yourself. There is hope. Perhaps it would be good for you to be in some type of support group for loved ones.

Thank you, Dotsie, My son is out of the in-patient treatment center and is living in a 3/4 house. He has gotten a part-time job working at a clothing store. His spirits are pretty good. He goes to the treatment center several hours aday for aftercare. He is in a great area in Chicago so I'm not as worried, if he decides to leave the problem that we have now is that he is afraid to come home in December becasue he is afraid to going back to his old habits. His girlfriend broke up with him while he was there. ( which is a good thing) and this is another reason why is is afraid to return home. The family of course wants him home but also afraid they he will slip. I wanted to provide an update and thank those who responded

Dianne, Donette, and anyone else suffering thru this kind of thing... I am praying for you and want you to know I'm here, if you need me. Nothing could possibly break our hearts worse than seeing our children in pain. My hearts goes out to you all.

JJ

My daughter checks in this morning to a 28 day detox/rehab program. She's scared but wanting the help badly. Honestly, I must live in a cave because I was walking through the room when she was talking to the intake at the facility and I had no idea how bad she was! Poor baby. She's no bigger than a minute and her little body must be in such bad shape. They said she could take books that dealt with her recovery but she told me she only wants to take her Bible.

She has no insurance and this program is costing $15,000 and my dear husband paid for it without the slightest flinch. Bless his heart. He said we've got to help our girl.

Dianne I am so sorry to hear this, but it is good that she is going into rehab. My best friend is a recovering alcoholic and has been in and out of rehab many times. This is very close to my heart and I will pray for your whole family, especially your daughter. It is a good sign that she wants to take her Bible...she knows where her help and strength come from. God bless her soul...and yours...

Thanks JawJaw
I appreciate it. I really try to stay tough but sometimes it gets me . Two years ago when my ohter son (Morgan's identical twin brother) got back from Irag he went on a drinking spree (he was depressed) becasue they decommisoned his ship and was really upset and took his brand new truck and hit a tree going 60 miles an hour. He was not drunk at the time, but called Morgan (the one in treatment) and told him he was going to do it Morgan heard the whole thing the crash the rolling of the truck the horn honking and finally 15 minutes klater the police picked up the cell phone and asked Morgan who the truck belonged to Levi had crawwled from the wreckaged to a store . Morgan hasn't been okay since. WE all were traumatized but I really think he was the most wiht his brother being 2,000 miles away in California . He felt really helpless and angry. When Levi finally got back from the Navy they are close but Morgan started using about that time

oops...and your husband's! It is so good to hear that there are some men who know what is more important than money.

Diane I just saw your post I am so thankful that your daughter has gotten help. It is the first step and she will be fine I will be praying for her.
I know what you are going through. and if you need anything Pm me or post here

Donette, I just went back and read your posts, too. I am so sorry and will pray for you and your sons as well. I know what a difficult road it is to be released from the bondage of drugs and alcohol.

Thanks ladies. This is a difficult day in some ways and beautiful in others.

On the way to the facility, the police had the roads blocked off...a four car accident with one fatality. They directed us another way and honestly, it was like something out of Blair Witch Project. Just scary landscaping, dark and people who were just...I don't know...scary looking? We drove and drove and got lost and finally found an elderly man who gave us directions.

The facility is absolutely beautiful. Huge entrance gates, green, rolling hills, horse stables, just a great place. After they did her intake, they gave us lunch and it was really good.

She has to stay in their hospital for two days and nights and will get a room after that. Poor thing looked scared but she's a trooper. We hugged a long time and neither of us cried because we knew it would make it worse.

28 days is a long time. It really helps to hear from those of you who understand what I'm going through. This is painful.

Dianne, how old is your daughter? I don't have any idea what you're going through. I know what it's like to have a friend with substance abuse problems, but it can't come anywhere near what you're feeling...

She's 34 but looks 18. She always gets carded. Just a little, petite thing that wears a size two petite.

I've had friends with substance abuse problems too. This is just scary. Plain old scary but thank God, we have the means to get her good help. This place is supposed to be the best.

P.S. Donette, I didn't mean to hog this thread. I know you're going through a rough spell too. Sorry.

As some of you know i lost my youngest son to drugs 12 years ago. He and his wife lived with me and when his violence became apparent, I offered to pay for whatewver treatment he would need but he took the addicts way out and ran away. I haven't seen or heard from him since, neither has his older brother. Addiction of any type is heartbreaking. I hope one day my son will be healed and come around. I will pray for you as I have prayed for Dianne and her daughter....

I had a good, long and hard cry last night. You know why? When we were eating lunch, I looked at her and her hands were shaking. It just broke my heart. That one little thing.

Chatty, have you heard from your son's wife?

Chatty, I had no idea...I am so sorry. I will pray for your family also.
I just found out last night that my dear friend, who was living in a sober house, got kicked out and I don't know where he ended up. He may be in jail as he was in viloation of his probation. They found empty liquor bottles in his room after he left. He told me he wasn't drinking.He has no family, no job, no car, no license, no where to go. He knows and loves the Lord, but the bondage of addiction is so strong. I am so sad for him and for all the children of you ladies. I can't imagine how you feel...

I find it totally amazing that all of us women walk around and prosper while carrying our baggage. We are amazing. Three cheers for boomer women. It may not be easy. The road is often hard, but we carry on in spite of some of our burdens. May God continue to strengthen boomer women and our families.

Dots,

Since you're in the "cheering mode" (not to take anything away from this topic ladies)...

There is something I've wanted to talk to you about.

Can we change the name of the webiste to "boomer babes"? I think it fits us soooo much better!

Danita
quick writer

p.s. Amen Dots! Boomer Babes rock!

I'm already a biker babe so why not?

Some funny news and good news too about my daughter. When they did her evaluation, they asked her if she was homicidal. She said, "No and please don't put me in a room with someone who is!"

She called today and feels pretty good. Only problem is they are not allowed to do anything alone and she can't find any women who will walk, hike or exercise with her. All they want to do is stand around and smoke. They gave her Valium last night so she could sleep and so far, so good. She seems like she's pretty happy so thank you God!

Chatty, I am sorry about your son..... One of my aunts had 2 sons who were addicted to lord knows what. One of them was beaten to death about 2 years ago and he was older than me, so he was on the street for most of those years. The other son found God and he is clean now. He tried to help his brother, but as you know, they have to want to help themselves. My aunt has been involved in Al-anon for years and is an amazing woman and has been able to prosper as Dotsie said.

Daisygirl

Dianne, what wonderful news about your daughter. Her sense of humor seems to be intact.
Hopeful, she will find someone for the exercise and walks.
Glad to hear the good news.

Chatty...sorry to hear about your son.
Such a long time, it has to be so hard not knowing.
May God protect your son, and put him on the road of recovery...back to his mother's loving arms.

Dianne, a Bible, the desire to exercise, and a sense of humor. She's on her way!

I didn't get a chance to come back and reply to Chatty but I wanted to say that at least Diane and I know that our kids are safe at the moment I cannot image not knowing where my child is. It must one of the most difficult things a parent can go thru.

My hear goes out to you but remember, wehnthey are on drugs they are not themselves and they are not he people we know. Sooner or later something generally forces them off them. Is it possible that your son is embarrassed to contact you , when they get clean they realize the pain and heartache that they have but people through and sometimes that is alot of guilt to handle. My prayer siwll be with you that someday, something will cause your son to return to you

Donette is so right. You are no longer dealing or talking to the person you knew but you're talking to the substance. I think when I got really angry with my daughter because she had raked me over the coals one night about what a horrible person/mother I was, I just blew up. The next morning I was still angry and she didn't even remember what she'd said. She started recognizing just how bad it had become. I think she scared herself that night.

Keep the faith, Chatty. He might knock on your door someday and I will pray for that. It's so painful and as mothers, we tend to blame ourselves.

Yes Donette, I'm so thankful that I know where she is and is being watched. Her room mate is in really bad shape. They put her back in the medical facility. Has been taking speed for a long time and I guess it's bad when they come down from it. She has bonded with my daughter, which I guess is a good thing...that she is trusting someone but they closely watch relationships being formed there and it isn't allowed.

Dianne, no I haven't heard from his wife either. He may have stopped using by now, I may have grandchildren I don't know about. My sons have always been taught by me that no matter what they did or do, my door and my heart is always open 24/7 to them, andi haven't moved. For the newer babes (Danitas name for us) Last Christmas Eve my ex stopped by, when he was leaving and getting into his car a woman got out of her old beat up car and asked if I was inside? He said, who wants to know? She proceeded to tell him she was Marks (son) MIL and she needed help from me about him. My ex got really angry and told her there was no help here for them. She cursed him and instead of coming to my door she drove off and h followed her to the main highway. My ex never told me anything but called my other son on his cell and told him, so David (son) called to tell me what had happened. When my ex came back I confronted him about the entire situation and he said, probably all they wanted was money, they know what a soft touch you are...Needless to say we had a battle royal and he was asked to go and never return. So whatever she wanted, I may never know...my son is apparently alive and living in Vegas. Thats one good thing I guess.

Wow. I would have been upset too. There might have been a chance for everything to be mended or she might have just wanted to talk to you about him. Now, you'll never know I guess.

Chatty...have you ever thought about taking an ad out in the paper?

Guess I never will know dianne and that really ticks me off.....

Brenda what would I say? He knows where I live and he knows he walked away, I didn't so it's his move. He either wnats to have us in his life or he doesn't but I can't make that decision for him. He knows or should it would never be brought up either, do not believe in rehashing old misery and we could act like he's never been gone(almost)so I wait.....

I can only imagine, Chatty. My oldest son used to be a trip but today he's married with three children and very successful in his business so there is always hope.

David and I are going to visit my daughter today. We are going to Chapel with her and then have lunch. She said her mind is clearing and she's becoming able to connect with life and God again. Good news.

Hello, I just had time to read this entire thread. I am sorry for what you are going through. As a recovered substance abuser myself, I want to tell Don that going back to the same environment is asking for trouble. One of the things that got me off street drugs was moving from PA to AZ. Otherwise I would have continued with my same old habits with the same old dealers. What helps is long-term care. The 30 day treatments are an immediate intervention, but for full recovery over a long period, there must be ongoing support. I've lived in St. Joseph MO. The amount of substance abuse is mind-blowing, not to mention that the city is a meth mecca. Chatty, I remember this about your son and it is so sad. At some points in my life I blamed my parents for my troubles, at other times I was grateful for whatever help they gave me, and yet other times I was too ashamed to show my face. It's so sad that you do not have the opportunity to communicate about this with your son. Dianne, I don't know how to say this because it sounds weird, but I am "glad" your daughter went to treatment. With commitment it can only help. Eagle, anti-depressants have to be monitored when a patient is going off of them! That's the trouble with GPs prescribing anti-ds. GPs are not as trained as psychiatrists and neurologists to know the fine tuning of chemical imbalances and the step process by which changes must be made. That doctor could have cost you your life! I'm glad your husband found a way to soothe you. Anyway, for what you all are going through, I'm so sorry, and I wish you lots of love and light. Lynn

[ October 16, 2005, 04:37 PM: Message edited by: lynn329 ]

We had a nice time visiting her yesterday and she introduced us to some friends she has made there. She's eating well and sleeping well even though they took her off the valium. She looks so much better and the shaking has stopped. I'm very proud of her because she's working very hard at her recovery.

She bought an AA Bible, which uses scripture and applies it to addiction and recovery. This is a young woman who absolutely detested any form of religion for years. She's back in the fold.

Hi Dianne, I'm glad to hear it went well. Keep us posted.

To all who have loved ones going through substance abuse, I am praying for you and so sorry.

Lynn,
My oldest son got divorced at 25 and his ex-wife moved from TX to FL with the kids and made it impossible for him to see them. She didn't play nice at all. He made the CHOICE to turn to drugs to get his mind away from his problems. At 30, he decided he wanted a different life and to make something of himself. He actually never became addicted, which was luck or body chemistry?! He realized his old friends and haunts would bring him down, so he moved to Ft Worth, stopped taking drugs and started his own building contracting business. Now at 36, he has his youngest son, got him at 13 and he is 14 now, and is very successful. You are right, you cannot stay in the same crowd and sometimes (this town was very small) place to change! Very good point!

I had twin brothers, 2 nephews and a niece also who were substance abusers!

It is terrifing, how we have either been there, our children have, or we know someone that has when it comes to substance abuse. It seems touch everyone in someway!

There are so many substances to use to avoid our emotions. June, I'm glad your oldest son got his life together. Dianne, last night I was just sitting quiet with no TV or computer and your daughter came to mind. It occurred to me that she might benefit by reading TEARS. Especially since she is searching in regards to a higher power. Can you loan her your copy? LLL

As soon as all of my friends get through reading it! All reading material has to be read and approved by the staff and she would probably be out of there by then. When she comes home she can read it, if I have it back by then. Geesh.

Okay, the rehab is calling me and almost demanding that I attend a four day program there. I just can't do it. It's impossible. I told the lady so and she basically said I had to attend. It's about forgiveness for the families who have hard feelings toward the substance abuser, which I don't. My daughter told me to not worry about it. I could attend one day but not four! That woman was really stressing me. My husband is home and sick, my older dog is in the Vets office hooked up on IV's as he's bleeding internally from his upper intestines. Yesterday was not a good day for me.

Oh Dianne, when it rains it pours. That is not too supportive of the family situation for the rehab coordinator demands your presence on short notice. Sorry to hear about your H and the dog! This is a difficult time for you. I'm so sorry to hear of all this. Love and Light, Lynn