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#13784 - 12/05/03 03:34 AM Binge Drinking
swimbo56 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/30/02
Posts: 68
Loc: Towson, MD
I had prior knowledge that college students do alot of drinking. They did so 30 years ago too. However, I had hoped that the teaching we had done at home had influenced my own children so they might dabble lightly, if need be, but not get heavily involved. My first child off to college never did any drugs/alcohol in high school and only enjoys a beer or wine now and then, very rarely. He is a junior. I found out my college freshman was drinking beer at school parties, but never expected the amount, or how often. Unfortunately it became very apparent on Thanksgiving. My 18 year old left home at 8am with friends, they driving, to go early to the parking lot before the annual Turkey Bowl, 2 rival HS's play football at 10am. We, as a family, the rest of us that is, drove down in time for kick-off. I looked for my son, but never saw him during the game. On my way to the car I had a funny feeling he was in trouble and prayed he and friends, and all those other families, arrived back home safely. Before I could get out of our car, I was receiving a message to call the ER because my son was there. He was"ok" but I needed to call and speak with the doctor. Well their OK was different from mine. It seems he never left the parking lot and was drinking rum and cokes, he states an entire bottle. The parking attendants called 911 as he was intoxicated. On arriving in the ER at 2pm he was still drunk. He kept going in and out wake/sleep states. They hadn't pumped his stomach nor inserted an iv, but were mildly encouraging fluids. There were 2 guards posted at his door to keep him from walking out. It was devistating to see my son this way. After forcing 4 liters of fluids I was finally able to take him home at 5pm. Needless to say we missed the Thanksgiving dinner that the rest of my family attended with relatives. While sobering up he was very appologetic, remorseful and worried he was hurting himself. He in particular should never drink alcohol as he has been on medication and will always be, that should never be combined. We've been preaching he should be the designated driver for all his friends since he was 7. Guess it didn't work. I'm not sure now where to go. My husband sais he is just being a typical college kid. My son states he has been doing this for a year now. I don't know how I missed it. Last year he was to kiss me good night on returning home, how did I miss it. Anyway, I was afraid to send him back to college Sunday, back to the same friends who he apparently drinks with every weekend. I had him sign a contract saying that if he didn't clean up his act, I would pull him from there and he'd either have to live at home and go to school around here or I would even commit him to detox. I also told him he needed to get some counciling. He agreed and signed the paper, but in talking with him tonight he sais he hasn't drunk since leaving home and doesn't even want to. I know this won't last long. He sais he can cut down and isn't an addict. I don't believe so. Guess I'll need to go to Allanon. If anyone has any tips to help me or my son and family I will definitely listen. As a mother I want only the best for my children and I just can't fathom why anyone would purposely drink oneself to oblivian, guess that's why I never have. Thanks for listening.

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#13785 - 12/05/03 05:52 AM Re: Binge Drinking
Candice Johnson Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 416
Loc: Alexandria, VA
Don't think how didn't I know, I know this is hard to do. Trust me when I tell you that there is not one 20-something I am friends with who didn't do something incredibly dangerous that their parents never knew about.

I agree with you when I you say tht you know this "I've learned my lesson thing" won't last. I remeber as an RA in a dorm how many times we'd send people to the ER and then a month later we would see them drunk again.

It's hard when you have to send them away knowing what's going on. I don't know how well a contract will work, but I would enourage him to do some other things to get him involved at the school, possibly getting him away from the people who have influenced him since he went off to college. He should see a counselor and I would urge him o see someone at school. It's free, there is always someone there and they are usually well-versed in these types of problems.

The one thing I wouldn't do is talk to him about drinking every time you talk to him. Make your concerns known. Let him know what it's doing to you to know that he has this problem. Let him know what you would like him to do about and then let it go. I know he's still in school and he's your child, but if he's on his own, he needs to know that this is something he has to do for himself because he respects himself. You'll be there to help, but it is up to him.

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#13786 - 12/05/03 05:10 PM Re: Binge Drinking
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Swimbo, I'm so sorry you had to wrestle with this scare. What are we going to do with these teens? Like my mom would say, "We can talk 'til we're blue in the face....!"

But that doesn't mean our kids are going to always listen.

I'm so glad the parking lot attendant was on the ball. That's something to be thankful for.

We also have a first year college student and we know he's doing his share of drinking at college too. We are also those kind of parents who ait up for our children, kiss them good night, speak openly about consequences, alcoholism in the family, drinking and driving, etc. When we spoke with him at Thanksgiving time, he shared that he doesn't drink nearly as much or as often as he has opportunity to.

I guess that should make us feel good?

We are all in this boat together. We just learned of a mother who was SERVING the kids alcohol at her home and told them they could spend the night...SO NICE of her...and then after the kids were drinking for hours one of the moms called and said she was calling the police because she knew what was going on.

The COOL MOTHER then told the kids that if they could get out of there, they should. LOVELY, just put the drunk kids in their cars and send them on their merry ways at 2:00am. [Mad] What are these parents thinking? [Eek!]

But to get back to your son. I'm adding him to my list of teens I'm praying for. I figure the good Lord is their father too. I just pray He wraps His arms around them and carries them gracefully through the perils of childhood. There may be set backs along the way, but He will give us the strength to get through them one day at a time.

I'll pray that this was scare enough and that he will venture off with a different crowd while at school, and just to keep him covered, that should he decide to drink again, he won't consume too much.

You are also in my prayers because I know how we moms take things to heart!

Just know it isn't you, it's him finding his way. [Wink]

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#13787 - 12/05/03 07:40 PM Re: Binge Drinking
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Swimbo,
Don't you just wish you could put him in a closet and when he turns 25, let him come out again? If life were only that simple. I do agree with giving him other things to focus on. I think a lot of kids drink to excess because they are bored with their lives, and once it becomes a habit, watch out!

My prayers are also with you and my thoughts as well. My boys both drank when they were in school (high school) and it wasn't easy. I too sat up at night waiting on them. They really thought I didn't know...

We made it thru those years and they DID turn around; however I think losing several of their classmates to car wrecks and suscide was actually what opened their eyes. I hope it doesn't take anything this drastic for your son or his friends. My best to you and remember what Dotsie said. It ISN'T you, it is him finding his way.

Hugs,

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#13788 - 12/05/03 07:50 PM Re: Binge Drinking
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Swimbo,

Your post reminds me of a goofy story about my kids. When my oldest daughter, was probably 16 or so she came home from a ball game or something smelling of beer. I went berserk. I was ready to commit her to a detox unit, take her to the shrink, send her to juvenile hall or maybe just adopt her out.

I felt like such a failure. I cried and ranted and carried on like it was the end of the world. Her younger sister, merely observed and enjoyed the distraction from her own minor infractions.

When the oldest started college, she drank a little socially, but certainly nothing to worry about and never did drugs. She finished college with excellent grades and is now a wonderful mother.

Then the youngest, turned 16 or so and she was, as usual, compelled to out do her sister. So she swiped a bottle of brandy from the 'locked' liquor cabinet and took off with some friends to 'drive around' in her new car. I thought they were just riding around until I got a phone call from a parking guard at a church where the whole carload of kids had parked to throw up. They had a designated (sober) driver so he just held them there until the parents could come to take them home.

This time I didn't feel like a failure. I was furious. I went to pick her up and on the way home, I silently seethed trying to think of appropriate punishment. I contemplated the END her social life, possibly putting BARS on her windows or chaining her in her room for life.

She knew she was in serious trouble and looked terrified. After sitting silent for a while she finally commented "Well Mom at least you've matured a lot since my big sister did this".

Somehow I was reminded that it had happened before and that we had all survived once and probably would survive again. We both started giggling and arrived home laughing like maniacs. She didn't escape entirely. She was grounded for quite a while, but we all recovered and went on to conquer other problems.

The youngest too drank socially in college, but graduated suma cum laude and is now an excellent mother.

Both kids and I survived and have those stories to laugh about today. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Swimbo, this too will pass.

I know his drinking himself into the ER is terrifying, but if we think back to our own teen years, we probably all did some pretty goofy things, many of which probably should have put us in the ER, and we all somehow survived. So I say react however you want, but most importantly, just love your son and move through this.

My youngest's standby defense was, "Hey Mom, I could be out doing drugs and robbing Seven Elevens."

smile

smile

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#13789 - 12/08/03 09:09 PM Re: Binge Drinking
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
smilinze, thanks for reminding us that one day we will look back on these days and laugh at some of the ridiculousness that appears so serious right now. [Big Grin]

Swimbo, I don't mean that this is a laughing matter. It's just that smilinize reminded me that when we are in the midst of these tragedies we are so heavy hearted. Later in life, we can typically find something to lighten up about!

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#13790 - 12/15/03 08:42 AM Re: Binge Drinking
lionspaaw Offline
Member

Registered: 11/28/02
Posts: 887
Loc: SW Florida
I raised two boys -- and I have to agree that this is something kids are going to do -- test the waters of everything in life. It's how we all learn -- how we have the knowledge to talk to our kids when it's THEIR time to do the same stupid things we did as kids.

You have some choices.

Drive yourself crazy with worry and nag him until you either drive him away or drive him to drink more.

Drive yourself crazy with worry and write him off.

Drive yourself crazy with worry and trust he learned THIS lesson and wait for the next lesson he's off to learn comes back and kicks you in the gut.

Drive yourself crazy with worry -- did I mention that you might drive yourself crazy with worry while raising a kid ??????????????

No matter what you say to them -- they're going to figure you don't know what you're talking about and that they aren't you and things are different with their generation and and and -------- BUT -- he heard you -- and he made a mental note about this lesson

so my choice was to go with

Drive yourself crazy with worry and trust him

You feel you raised him right -- to know the difference between right and wrong -- to be responsible for his actions -- so now all you can do is sit back and watch and see how it all unfolds. Be there to support him but you can't live his life for him. You gave him a contract to sign and now you have to trust he doesn't break it. If you let him think for one moment you don't trust him to live up to it -- there won't be any incentive for him to keep it -- (she didn't think i'd do it anyway so why bother)

drive yourself crazy with worry -- and believe God has assigned a good guardian angel to him [Smile]

and then come here where all us mothers can drive ourselves crazy together [Smile]

[ December 14, 2003, 12:44 PM: Message edited by: lionspaaw ]

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#13791 - 12/16/03 05:42 AM Re: Binge Drinking
swimbo56 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/30/02
Posts: 68
Loc: Towson, MD
Thanks to all who gave advise. I have decided to sit back and take many deep breaths and hope he will realize it is better not to hurt oneself on purpose. I do hope some of the training we gave him has sunk in. I will say his grades were great and we hope they will remain so. So far he has been fine while at home. We still have 3 more weeks before he is our of my eyesight. What I don't know won't hurt me routine. So, I continue to walk and try to get sleep each night. Thank you all again for the advise.

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#13792 - 12/16/03 05:49 AM Re: Binge Drinking
lionspaaw Offline
Member

Registered: 11/28/02
Posts: 887
Loc: SW Florida
and that's what the forum is all about [Smile]

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