I'm not trying to pry whatsoever, I've got one in my life. I'd like to discuss this ......well, really, I don't know what I want to do. I think I handle things well and I've got some really strong feelings about comittment and loyalty and what I teach my children....and I know there has got to be other women who deal with a similar situation... I know how I cope but I'm wondering how others do.
So since I'm new I won't drag this on and on. I'll wait to see if I'm the only one.

Please know you are not prying. Asking for help, encouraging others, and supporting others is what this forum is all about.

Also, trust me, you are not the only one.

While I have not had to do with drug abuse by someone living in my home, I've had to deal with it in loved ones. Alcohol and drug addiction certainly have the ripple effect in families and with close friends.

I'm going to try to see if someone I know would be willing to chat with you by e-mail... if that's okay.

I'm glad you're here and hope you will find someone to communicate with since you've willingly opened your heart.

Please know it's a disease and you are not to blame! I'll be in touch with you later in the day by e-mail.

DreamrKate,
Welcome to our home. As Dotsie has already said, don't be afraid to ask anything. You will find nothing but loving, caring individuals in this forum. Just remember, I'm the queen and you have to show due respect! LOL! Just joshing.

I have not had to deal directly with drug abuse; however, I know ones who have. I have heard horror stories involving their children, spouse, sibling and even Mothers. Some have overcome, some have not. The one thing that seems to be a common factor in the successful ones is that the person with the problem WANTED TO GET BETTER.

I wish I had a magic wand to make this problem go away for you, but I do not. I will tell you that prayer has worked wonders in my life and if you would like, I would be grateful to ask the good Lord to help you and guide you. Please know that we are here to help with support. Don't be afraid...you have friends here.

[ October 15, 2003, 09:42 AM: Message edited by: jawjaw ]

What a wonderful welcome Ladies! Thank you for making me feel so "at home". It's sort of nice to be somewhere anonymous....this is anonymous, right? Anyway... I found this site because I was looking to ....well, I guess I was looking to share my story...actually I was looking for an online way to submit a query "letter" for a magazine. I know this is a very edgy subject but if I've lived with this for all my marriage (25 years). It's my feeling (and I could be wrong) that there must be other people like me who have navigated around this problem to make a pretty full life. And so that's kind of my thrust.....I've managed, and it hasn't always been horrible, and I have managed to be able to relax some of the time and I have a fairly good life. Well I think it's fairly good...but it is odd sometimes how you (me) measure your (my) life against other people's and how you figure out where you are.

DK,
I read your post and I am a little confused. Are you saying you are looking for somewhere on the net to send a query letter hoping to submit your story about living with this problem? If so, I might be able to help you, but I would need to know more. Your call...feel free to email me privately.

I guess I forget that you don't know me... I kind of think in pieces I guess. You know, my thoughts are like 12 people trying to get out a door at the same time. Actually, the way I found this site was that I was looking for a woman's magazine site where I could submit a query - to find out if there was any interest in having a situation like this come to light - by sharing my story. However, I came upon this site, looked at it and thought "wow, a woman's forum, where there might be other women that have shared the same situation but maybe have handled their lives differently. I just hit 50 this year and I feel like I'm entering, or have been entering a complete wakening and I could be in the "I am woman, hear me roar" stage.... although, I must say, I really hate cliches.

Does that make better sense?

DK,

Don't know if I want to e-mail you because it sounds as though it wouldn't be cool if this special someone learned you were sharing this information. Is that right?

My friend that I had in mind had a child who was a drug user. I am guessing in your case it may be your spouse.

Are you interested in sharing your story in here to get feedback from your peers, unload, seek guidance, or all of these? Just let me know and I'll see what I can do.

Now if you are interested in sharing your story, you can always submit it for my book project. I continue to collect stories and your topic definitely fits the description.

The story should explain your situation and at the end there should be some kind of reflection. Have you written your story yet? If not, it's very possible that when you get it down on paper you will learn things you didn't even know about yourself and the situation.

Anyway, please keep us posted. Sounds to me from your last post that you are finding your voice and are willing to share it at the expense of helping yourself and others. I say, blessings on you. Sharing our stories heals people.

Good morning Ladies~ Dotsie, to answer your questions... I think I am looking for it all - a place to reflect, share, and write, so please don't think that you're missing anything. My person IS my spouse and his drug addiction, when it's active, affects everything he does, much like when he is not taking anything, how this too affects everything around him. I read something recently, but I don't know where, that said that at least five people are affected by the user when they are "sick". And those same people, when the user decides to begin the healing process, begin to heal as well. I thought that was rather interesting because I have seen this and I've found it to be true-at least in our case. We have four wonderful, delightful children who range from 10 to 22...they are happy and healthy and responsible and I've had this love affair going on with them since the day they were born. My husband does too, when he's emotionally available. Maybe my story is "Why I Stayed"... I don't know yet. Maybe what I seek here is response, to measure my own motives, to seek validation of my own. Marriage and relationships are so different to each person, we all strive to glean something different from it, probably depending on where we've been in our lives and what our past familial experiences have been. For whatever reason, I evidently have a need to care and my husband (and he is really a good man, contrary to what your preconcieved notion might be) needs to be cared for... but... does that mean 'forever'? I haven't decided. I think I'm waiting for a sign. A sign that I've shared with God and no other living person... just so I know it's HIM I'm hearing from. So... you may email me at work during the day, I'm on California time, and you're always welcome to email me at home later too. I think I posted those on my profile. You have access to that, right? If not, I'll check when I get to work, where I'm going right now, and I'll send it to you.

Oh my GOD... I'm the longest-winded person in here. I'll try to calm down.

no dearie...that honor belongs to the Queen...also better known (and loved by all)as...that old bag of wind...heheheh...

hey...that's what you are here for...to explode, expel, or expand! Go for it, you are among friends...