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#11046 - 09/22/05 03:18 AM
Re: Addiction
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Member
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
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#11048 - 09/22/05 05:55 PM
Re: Addiction
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Member
Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 1550
Loc: Colorado
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Bookie,
BWS must be filling a void in your life, as it does for many of us.
Did you ever think you would belong to an online community and feel at home there? It is just an amazing phenomina (or however you spell that!) lol.
My hubby and I just flew through Salt Lake City to get to Hawaii....it looks like a beautiful place. I want so bad to go back there some day (soon) to explore it.
Danita
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#11051 - 09/23/05 07:14 AM
Re: Addiction
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Member
Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
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Bookie,
I know what you mean! I do have some good friends, but when you're single, sometimes it is still lonely. Most of my friends are either married or engaged and are not available except on occasion and usually for lunch. My dog Daisy helps a lot, but she isn't a very good communicator either, except for her tail. So it's very nice to click on BWS and talk to some friends whenever I want or need to.
Daisygirl
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#11052 - 09/22/05 08:15 PM
Re: Addiction
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Member
Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 1550
Loc: Colorado
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Bookie,
You will always be "listened to" and "heard" on these forums. It's refreshing.
Sometimes there are things we want to talk about, but not with people who "really know us". LOL. Though we become known in this group - it is different. It's a "supportive, loving, non-judgemental" kind of being known.
Fancy that.
I'm sorry about your marriage. That is so hard. My DH and I have come a long way in 20 yrs. We had a blow up the other night (which we NEVER have) I was pmsing it, felt like all day everyone was demanding stuff from me, and we had a small (but loud) arguement. Well, I went to bed, my miserable sniffly self (back to him), he turned over, kissed me on the neck, and told me he was sorry for being an ass. Wow. I can count in twenty years how many times he has appologized...and it's been...once. Now, that's growth
I made it a point to thank him the next day - I told him it ment alot to me.
My marriage has not always been easy - my husband has talked about "running away" for years. I've just loved him, and loved him, and loved him.
I told him last thanksgiving, that if I had a magic wand, and I could change anything, that it would be that he would adore me, and think I was the worlds greatest wife. I also told him in the next breath, that in 5 years (when our last child is gone) that we can renogitate our marriage contract, and if he is still miserable, that we can go our own ways.
That was kinda of a turning point for us. I'm building a business that will give us (or me) financial freedom - and honestly, if he doesn't want to be with me - I would rather be alone to enjoy the fruits of my labor!
I don't believe I would ever re-marry. I've got girlfriends and batteries. LOL did I say that outloud. sorry! rofl
hugs of encouragement, danita
p.s. see in the single section the list of why most of us would never remarry.
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#11054 - 09/23/05 02:43 AM
Re: Addiction
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Member
Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 1550
Loc: Colorado
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Bookie,
I'm thinking about changing my screen name to "naughty girl". It just suits me. I don't know where the naughtiness comes from - it just is there.
It is sad to be in a one-sided relationship - I have mourned my marraige more then once. I think this is why the good Lord gives us girlfriends. Some of my most fulfilling relationships are with women. I think we just love more deeply, we are more committed to understanding each other, caring. Maybe I'm wrong, but that is my experience.
You will see how this board adds to your life. It is soooo strange - not anything I would have ever thought I would sign up for!
Keep the faith bookie!
You will reep what you sow. period. It will come back to you somehow, someday!
Danita
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#11056 - 09/23/05 05:46 AM
Re: Addiction
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Member
Registered: 08/08/05
Posts: 816
Loc: Fredericksburg, Va.
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Sounds like truth to me. Brenda
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#11057 - 09/23/05 06:44 AM
Re: Addiction
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Member
Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 1550
Loc: Colorado
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O.K., I know we aren't allowed to male bash on this site. It's like rule #2. (#1 is no spitting)....
Why, Chatty, do you suppose, that most men (see, I'm not bashing with a generalization) are SELF centered. It's like they are grown up 2 year olds - the world revolves around them. Do you think it is because of their mothers?
Do you think mothers who "dote" on their boys are doing them a disfavor? (I know moms who won't let their boys even boil water).
I think it is our JOB (ah yes, just what all of us need, another task to do)...to train them. If WE don't, who will?
I adore my husband. Again, as I've said - he hasn't been prince charming for most of our marriage - he's been pretty absent in some ways - but things have improved, and I would like to think it is because of my modeling for him what a "good spouse" looks like. (supportive, loving, optamistic, joyful....etc, etc, etc)
I don't know. It's a mystery!
I chose to be happily married - I chose joy.
I do not have an abusive husband. He works hard for the family. He doesn't hang out at the bars. He laughs at my silliness.
I know there are women in REALLY hard situations - my heart goes out to them!
Danita
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#11058 - 09/23/05 07:08 AM
Re: Addiction
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Hey, I didn't know about the "no spitting" rule. Darn. I haven't been playing by the rules, then, have I?
Oh wait, "spitting" isn't the same as "dipping", is it. Okay, then, I'm good to go.
Whew.
I actually love my husband more than words could ever say. That's not to say that I haven't thought about leaving a time or two. But running away has been my pattern for most of my life, and it's gotten me places where I don't want to go again. So I'm not going to run away this time.
I keep focusing on "Loving" instead of "Leaving", because I know I love him more than I'll love leaving. That gets me over his occasional lapses and emotional absenteeism (which is usually actually "distraction" on his part...one time he barely spoke to me for three days...I was a mess...but had to laugh when he finally sheepishly told me he had been mentally building a fountain for our front lawn! Our front lawn is barely bigger than a tablecloth...he must have had a tough time trying to mentally fit a decent-looking fountain into that tiny space!)
Anyway, I guess the bottom line for me is that I know to the core of my being that he loves me, and that makes all the difference. When that love isn't there, what's the point of putting up with all that crap? (no pun intended)
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#11060 - 09/23/05 05:47 PM
Re: Addiction
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Member
Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
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Meredith, One thing about it, at least you are persistent. Twenty nine years is probably longer than all my marriages combined. (I refuse to reveal the exact number) I once took a test that said I was an 'experimental decision maker.' It said rather than analyze choices, I tend to decide quickly then change my mind if it doesn't work. So while others are still deciding, I've already made several mistakes and hopefully corrected them. Definitely my marital style. I've always fought that tendency in choosing a mate. I would take time, analyze it, try to think it through. This time, I didn't even try to fight it. Just went with my heart and I'm so glad I did.
Eagle, I can't stop smiling thinking of your husband mentally building that fountain. That's hilarious. Perhaps that's one problem I have with marriages. (Note marriage is plural in my mind) I am the one who builds fountains in my mind. I try to be social, but if I'm focused on a story or a painting or some business deal, I sometimes forget to communicate. Last night I was working on a play on deadline. I forgot to fix dinner. My husband tried to talk to me about what I wanted so he could fix something, but he finally gave up when I was unresponsive. He sat down at his computer and took some cold dressing out of the fridge and began eating it from the plastic bag. I got up for a drink of water and started laughing. Finally got something together for dinner and finished my play.
Oh well, I guess we just all have to work with what we've got. smile
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#11061 - 09/23/05 06:00 PM
Re: Addiction
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Thanks Smile, that fountain still makes me laugh. I had myself in such an emotional dither...oh he doesn't love me anymore, he's found someone else, what's wrong, maybe he's dying and is afraid to tell me...I went through the whole gambit of possible reasons for his being SO quiet and withdrawn. Now whenever he gets that way again, I ask him if he's building another fountain. He laughs and then tells me that he IS building something. He renovates a lot of houses, especially basements, and is constantly working out the details in his head. Right now he's got three different jobs on the go, so he's really distracted. It's frustrating, but at least now that I know what it is, it's almost endearing too. I guess I like what I've got...
Cold dressing...I like cold dressing.
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