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#11044 - 09/22/05 02:43 AM Addiction
Bookie Offline
Member

Registered: 09/18/05
Posts: 99
Loc: Arizona
Ok, I'm coming clean with all of you. I have become a BWS addict!

I have been a member only a few days and I am hooked. I keep having to walk away from my computer and tell myself "Ok...enough! I've even turned my computer off three times today but because I can't work without it I've had to turn it back on. Thank goodness work is slow this week and I'm not in the middle of tax season. Otherwise I'd be in big trouble!

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#11045 - 09/22/05 03:17 AM Re: Addiction
Eagle Heart Offline
Member

Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
Wait, shouldn't this be posted in "Friends Heal Friends" instead of "Illness"? This is one illness I ENJOY having!

I know what you mean, though. Some days (like today) it's impossible to get any housework done...can't imagine how I'd ever work a job around this place!

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#11046 - 09/22/05 03:18 AM Re: Addiction
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
Me, too!

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#11047 - 09/22/05 06:25 AM Re: Addiction
Bookie Offline
Member

Registered: 09/18/05
Posts: 99
Loc: Arizona
You are right Eagle Heart
To be honest I wasn't sure where to post it.

My mind has been reeling with thoughts on so many things. I have really related to so many of the postings and experiences of other women on BWS. I have this overwhelming desire to keep reading and to begin writing once again.

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#11048 - 09/22/05 05:55 PM Re: Addiction
Danita Offline
Member

Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 1550
Loc: Colorado
Bookie,

BWS must be filling a void in your life, as it does for many of us.

Did you ever think you would belong to an online community and feel at home there? It is just an amazing phenomina (or however you spell that!) lol.

My hubby and I just flew through Salt Lake City to get to Hawaii....it looks like a beautiful place. I want so bad to go back there some day (soon) to explore it.

Danita

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#11049 - 09/22/05 06:15 PM Re: Addiction
Eagle Heart Offline
Member

Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
Bookie, I firmly believe that every woman who comes here is meant to come here, not only to find friendship and healing, but to bring her own wisdom and insight to the "banqueting table", so to speak (some, like JJ and Chick, might be known to think of it as the "Party Palace").

I've already been enjoying your posts, and look forward to hearing more of your voice and experience. And I was just kidding about the choice of which forum to post this...it's my dry (VERY dry) humour...it doesn't always come across well. I'm very much echoing your sentiments here!

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#11050 - 09/22/05 06:38 PM Re: Addiction
Bookie Offline
Member

Registered: 09/18/05
Posts: 99
Loc: Arizona
Danita
You wrote: "BWS must be filling a void in your life, as it does for many of us."


You are absolutely right! I have very few people in my life with whom I feel safe enough to pour out my soul to and receive the understanding and feedback found here at BWS.

The one person who should be my best friend and confidant - my husband - just says things like: "Get over it" This from a man who when I met him 8 1/2 years ago told me I am the only woman he has ever been able to talk too. But when I really look back on things he never really talked to me about the things that mattered. And now the silence in our relationship is deafening.

Recently my husband who is 10 years older than me has been having some health issues that appear to be heart related. This morning I told him about a new heart transplant program at Mayo Clinic in Arizona - we had been talking about a friend of ours who needs a heart transplant - he said "maybe that's what I need" And I blurted out: "Yes maybe we both need one then maybe we would love each other again" "Yah right" is all he said. Truth is...I know that we have never loved each other. Oh sure we care about each other and we fill some needs but too much is missing.
Ok I know I'm rambling and maybe all this belongs in another forum.
Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

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#11051 - 09/23/05 07:14 AM Re: Addiction
Daisygirl Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
Bookie,

I know what you mean! I do have some good friends, but when you're single, sometimes it is still lonely. Most of my friends are either married or engaged and are not available except on occasion and usually for lunch. My dog Daisy helps a lot, but she isn't a very good communicator either, except for her tail. So it's very nice to click on BWS and talk to some friends whenever I want or need to.

Daisygirl

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#11052 - 09/22/05 08:15 PM Re: Addiction
Danita Offline
Member

Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 1550
Loc: Colorado
Bookie,

You will always be "listened to" and "heard" on these forums. It's refreshing.

Sometimes there are things we want to talk about, but not with people who "really know us". LOL. Though we become known in this group - it is different. It's a "supportive, loving, non-judgemental" kind of being known.

Fancy that.

I'm sorry about your marriage. That is so hard. My DH and I have come a long way in 20 yrs. We had a blow up the other night (which we NEVER have) I was pmsing it, felt like all day everyone was demanding stuff from me, and we had a small (but loud) arguement. Well, I went to bed, my miserable sniffly self (back to him), he turned over, kissed me on the neck, and told me he was sorry for being an ass. Wow. I can count in twenty years how many times he has appologized...and it's been...once. Now, that's growth

I made it a point to thank him the next day - I told him it ment alot to me.

My marriage has not always been easy - my husband has talked about "running away" for years. I've just loved him, and loved him, and loved him.

I told him last thanksgiving, that if I had a magic wand, and I could change anything, that it would be that he would adore me, and think I was the worlds greatest wife. I also told him in the next breath, that in 5 years (when our last child is gone) that we can renogitate our marriage contract, and if he is still miserable, that we can go our own ways.

That was kinda of a turning point for us. I'm building a business that will give us (or me) financial freedom - and honestly, if he doesn't want to be with me - I would rather be alone to enjoy the fruits of my labor!

I don't believe I would ever re-marry. I've got girlfriends and batteries. LOL did I say that outloud. sorry! rofl

hugs of encouragement,
danita

p.s. see in the single section the list of why most of us would never remarry.

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#11053 - 09/22/05 10:58 PM Re: Addiction
Bookie Offline
Member

Registered: 09/18/05
Posts: 99
Loc: Arizona
Danita, Danita!

You have me laughing out loud! Reminds me of Sally Fields line in "Punchline". Something about being intimate with something made by Black and Decker.
Oh My!
Thanks for the words of support and sharing with us.
I truly believe we get back what we give but I have to tell you I've become so tired of being the only one in this relationship that trys to make things better that I've pretty much given up.

I think I'll take this subject over to the the Marriage forum but in a way because of the dynamics of our relationship over the past 8 years this dicussion could still fall under addictive illness.

As I spill my guts in future postings, you will understand why I say this.

Ok now I really really have to get back to work. I know you will all be there when the work day is over.

Thank you

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