My single parent

Last Christmas my husband drove my son, mother and father and I over to my sisters house for dinner. We had a nasty snow storm and a 1+ hour trip took 3+ hours but he could not let my folks be alone on Christams day no mater what!

Bless him for this. It was my Dad's last Christmas with us.

This year, I drove my Mom and her sister to my sister's house. My husband did not go due to bad chemo days. My Mom looked a bit shell shocked for the first hour that we arrived. My siblings wanted to know where John was and during all the explaining, I could see that she was thinking the same thing I was. "Just last year we were all together, now your Father is gone and your husband is fighting cancer". "What a year can bring". She had her cry and then we got on with things.

She was hooting with laughter by the time she was opening her gifts.

You never do know what a year will bring. In this case, I am watching my mother become a single parent. She is doing one heck of a job too. I am a little biased but to create a new identity for yourself at any age is hard but after decades of marriage-it is down right admirable. I think she will make it! And it will be a pleasure to see how she molds that person into who she really is.

How have your parents weathered the loss of their spouse?

My Dad died in 1979 when I was in New York for a one-week visit. I stayed on another month to help my Mom who couldn't cope with the paperwork or insurance (or anything, really.) My sibling #3 brother, who was 20 at the time, didn't cry at the funeral but otherwise completely fell apart and is still unhinged to this day, but that's another story (sort of.) He just turned 45 and still lives at home with Mom. He swears he's going to get a job, and she swears she's going to sell the house and move to a senior housing community in Florida, but neither of them can make the move to get on with their life. Major co-dependency and I'm glad I'm 3000 miles away. My sister and other brother, both of whom live somewhat nearby, are at wit's end and have mostly given up trying to help. I think my mother and brother are both so afraid of being alone, much of their life stopped when Dad died.