cost of care/retirement communities

flossie, from what I understand, it's going to get even more expensive for us boomers. Plus, there aren't going to be enough care providers to care for all of us. Scary.

Anne, at one time I thought it was sad when people dropped dead of a heart attack and didn't get to say their goodbyes. Now I think it's a blessing. I know it's a shock to the family, but God only knows what everyone may have suffered through had they lived.

Anne, now that's what dedicated man. I'm glad to hear you attend support groups. I have a dear friend who used to run support groups for families of Alzheimer's patients. We are only dealing with early stages of dememtia, but she has been a tremendous help to us. HAve you read The 36 Hour Day?

My sister who was only 50 when she died from MS, suffered from what the doctors called; Severe Dementia, the last 2 years of her life, while I cared for her. What a sad state to see someone once so vibrant and full of life to have to endure. I sympathize with anyone going through this with a loved one now, I had to learn as I went along and it was never easy for me or for her, God love her.

My partner's 92 yr. mother was admitted to a care facility in Nov. that is associated with a teaching hospital. She is incredibly lucky. Though she cannot have much belongings there and shares a rm. with 4 other ladies, the health care staff spend time with each patient. They have health care team meetings with family member. There are specialized geriatric physicians. She is abit wheelchair bound now and needs assistance for bathroom.

She is actually making more friends and loves to talk to the caregivers. They like her because though she is frail, she is still talkative and friendly.

We could only hope for this type of care at the final stage of life.

It terms of cost, she is paying around $900.00 per month...for all health care and place to live.

Ladies, I commend all of you who are caregivers or take the responsibility for your loved one(s) to obtain the proper care. These are such tremendous undertakings, the care of another adult, not to mention the stress, emotion, and costs associated. Although I don't have the greatest of relationship with my mother, I know that (as the oldest sibling and w/out children) that I will need to make similar decisions. Decisions I hope are the best possible care for her and any other family member. Also, hope I stay in the best of health to support myself until I must make a decision concerning myself, too!

Dostsie,
If your husband needs up to 4 injections a day, why is he not on the pump? I have an 18 year old niece who wears one and it delivers the insulin as her system needs it. It was a major expense for my sister up front, but in the long term, it has paid off (according to my S - I would not be in a position to judge that myself). Also, even tho my niece has to continue taking her blood sugars, it's not like it was before... and she can eat (and does eat) pretty much anything, WHEN she wants to. She has Type I, of course...

I certainly agree that the cost needs to go down. Independent living is just an apartment with friends, meals and activities. Sure, this costs more but there should be some type of coverage for this to defray costs.

Maybe a baby boomer group should check out options and start their own buildings. We certainly have the power and skills.

Regarding long term care insurance! I recommend everyone get it (I did). However not all policies are the same. Speak to more than one long term care specialist and find one that represents many companies.

If I need help at home, I want to know it is there. The cost of care is too high and going on Medicaid is the last option. If you own a home, worst comes to worst reverse mortage is available. But that also is final option before Medicaid.

I can understand what everyone is saying. When I was just 21 years old, newly married and my husband collapes on his doctors lawn never to walk again. Two years taking care of him and an infant made me think what my life is going to be. My husband even in a wheelchair continued to teach school. I was the one with no income. After much sole searching, left him with the baby (now 35 years old). Busy time in my life with my mother ill as well.

My mother died about 36 years ago in her 40's of cancer. My father did not have money for full time care so he brought in someone for a few hours while he worked and took over afterwards. Eventually she went into a nursing home with terrible care.

My father was lucky to have a new wife who helped him through the cancer. He died two years ago just turning 80.
My husband's parents had each other until the last minute and lived in Portland, OR while we live in Michigan. My father in law was the sick one but my mother in law died six months before him. Eating at the table one minute and dead the next. He went into a senior foster home which I can not praise enough. In a few month after arriving there, hospice came in to help. We came in and stayed with him for two weeks. Finally went home and he died while on the plane. We turned back around.

Now it is me with my vision. Long Term Care Insurance was very important to me and my husband. As I said before, Medicaid and nursing homes are my final option. Any way to have care with loving support is my wish.

gimster, he has no desire to go on the pump until it tells you exactly how much insulin your body needs. It's still a guessing game. He doesn't mind sticking himself to test or inject. We attended meetings about the possibility of him doing so and he wasn't interested. He takes excellent care of himself. He's incredibly disciplined.

Phyllis, your comment about loving support with good care is what we're all hoping for. So true.

I agree that getting free consultations from a variety of companies and Long Term Care Insurance specialists is vital. If you need some recommendations, please let me know. There are two I have in mind and both are great. They represent many companies and some even cover those with physical challenges.

Start now to research the laws in your state, the type of facilities available for the parents, how the costs are figured (some are based on ability to pay), and the various in home care options. Also, find out at what levels state aid programs kick in and what your state requires and/or allows. They are not all equal. I've been through all of this too.

Hard as it is to think about, home care is not always best. Some elders don't even want home care. My husband's mother was one of them. She absolutely did not want her family changing diapers. And, since she was a widow, staying in her home would have meant total isolation. She loves her care facility and is more active than she was at home.

In regard to the long term care insurance. It is best to get it as young as possible (it's cheaper then) and carry as much as you can. We have two policies on my husband. Unfortunately, we have none on me because they won't take me. Look for one that will allow at home care. Also look for one that requires as few of the daily living skills as possible to qualify to draw on it. There are something called daily living skills and insurance policies will require from two to three or more be gone before you qualify. I can explain that more if you wish. Let me know.

I gave someone else in this forum some of this infor, but I'll repeat it because I'm not sure I could tell you where to find it.

One other suggestion is to document your parents' information, such as insurance policies, bank account numbers, etc. You can tactfully offer to help them make a list in case they need it to fill out hospital papers, insurance claims, etc. Then, be sure to keep a copy for yourself. If they will allow it, get your name on a bank account with them too. Even if there is a Power of Attorney in place, it doesn't always work the way the books tell you it does. Everything will be easier if you have direct access to funds to pay bills or otherwise help them.

I don't want to overwhelm you, so I won't try to cover all I learned doing it for over ten years. Both of my parents had different forms of dementia and physical disabilities before they died. My husband's mother is still alive at the age of 92 and we continue to handle her legal and financial affairs. She's been lucky. She did not have significant memory problems or health issues until her late 80's. Only in the last few years has she needed care assistance.

Believe me I've learned a lot. One of the biggest issues I have with the things they tell people to do to be prepared for the time they need assistance, is that many of those things are not a guarantee. The POA (Power of Attorney) is just one example. It's commonly thought that having one in place will allow your family to help you if necessary. My parents both had one. However, the bank told us they don't have to accept them--and they often don't. We learned from experience.

I'll check the board occasionally, but don't hesitate to send a note if there is anything I might be able to help with. I also did case management for adult developmentally disabled for some years. So I know medications and a bunch of recordkeeping, caregiver, nursing, legal stuff that sometimes comes in handy.

Keep a positive outlook and take care of yourself. You can't help anyone if you don't. That is the hardest thing for people to do in these situations.

Penny:

I agree with what you said about the aging dilema and cost of care. I discuss some of these topics in my book. Naturally there is nothing more touching than personal stories. Having information is not enough if the people we want to help doesn't want it. New tactics are necessary and they don't alway work.

My clients come with these types of frustration and the key is thinking outside the box.

Before I forget, your website was worth bookmarking.