eldercare idea for boomer women

If you find yourself and your siblings caring for your mom or dad, or another elderly loved one, here's an idea.

Dad has four children who take turns taking him to the doctors. Last week we started a journal that we leave at his house so all of us can take it to the appointments when we go. We take notes while the doctor is speaking so we don't forget anything. Then we leave the notebook on the table at Dad's for us to look through the next time we're there. So far, so good. He's had five appointments in the last 10 days. Lots going on, but for the most part, he's doing well and hanging in there. The appointments have all been heart related. YUk. I don't want to get old.

sounds like a good communication tool to start off amongst yourselves to ensure more consistent care and understanding of your father.

In some families, a computer might be better....I ofetn have illegible handwriting.

We did that for my dad too... but, it was during his hospital stays. He didn't want to be left alone, at any time. There were three daughters (me, one of them), who took shifts. We kept a legal pad, and noted everything that went on - meds, diet, doctors (he had several), who visited. It was part of our way of passing the baton. It is a good system. Up until last year, our dad could pretty much tend to his own business. He usually took one of us (our mom, or one of us girls if she couldn't go) along because he has a hearing problem.
We did it again when Mother went in for her three day stay in 2007. And, though not as in depth, we taped notes, etc. on the desk cabinet in M&D's house.
Thank goodness handwriting isn't a problem.
dots, it is a very good system, indeed.

That is a great idea.

I don't have siblings around, but I started going with my parents to Dad's appts., becuz they never heard all of it. It helped, I think when it's time for Mom and I to deal with her problems, I'm taking a tape recorder---becuz, quite honestly, there are times when the mind just wanders when you hear what you don't want to hear.

Great idea. Since I was the one taking my mom to all her appointments, I kept things in my head.

I used to make pill charts for my mom, so she could check off her pills as she took them if I was not there. It was so important to her that she continue to care for herself, and she did a great job, as long as I came by every day and checked in by phone.

That journal would be a great way to document what is really going on--the facts not the fears--and some day, it will also serve as a record of the way things really are.

Journaling is a great way for caregivers to relieve their own stress, but I've posted plenty about that already. I'm in the midst of my fourth journaling by e-mail group, loving the stories, and grateful that people want to share them. If you are curious about journaling for caregivers, e-mail me at Lgood67334@comcast.net.

Meanwhile, thanks for sharing another great idea, Dotsie.

Lynn
www.writeradvice.com

After DH and I moved out of state, I (being the only child) had to learn quickly to be a long-distance care giver. My ex-sil was a lifesaver in the beginning (she's a registered nurse.) But, ultimately, she did not want to be responsible for the increasing care that they needed. A conversation with an wise lady from Council on Aging said that my situation was like a snowball on the top of a hill - once it starts rolling downhill - it picks up speed -- and there were never truer words spoken in regards to end of life issues.

Long - long story short; Dad had a heart attack, then mother had a mastectomy, the Alzheimer's progressed and they needed home care. We started with a few hours a day (to help Dad with Mother's bathing, etc.) Then, she had a stroke and in a heart beat, we needed 24/7 care.

We moved back home. Dad was adamant that he wanted to stay in his home - and so, for nearly a year (after the stroke) we had around the clock care. Those ladies were my angels - it was truly a miracle that the next 10 months worked as smoothly as it did. They kept a shift journal for all of those months. Mostly just recording the mundane things - medications, meals, naps, etc. But, as things worsened, the entries did also. Yet, they captured some wonderful moments that I would never have known about - had it not been for those journals. I did not care to read them for about a year after they passed. It was just too much - but I certainly cherish them now.

Browser, I'm afraid you have painted a picture of life with caring for the elderly that is more and more common each day. I was in a similar situation with mom having breast cancer and sick in bed in one room, and daddy with Lewy-Body Dementia in the other. There are five girls in my family, fortunately, so we divided up duties.

Did you lose your parents at the same time? Or close to it?

It really affects so many of our generation - I have been trying to do all that I can to make sure that my kids have well-prepared plans for my care - if it comes to that. It truly drains everyone in the family. My Dad, bless his soul, was a stubborn man - and hated every minute that he had to be at the mercy of others. (Which was painfully obvious when the day that Mother came home from the hospital after her mastectomy, he decides to climb up a ladder and change a light bulb on the boat house. The ladder fell sideways, and he of course crashed to the ground.) I had to call a neighbor to stay with Mother while I took Dad to emergency room. The dr's all thought it was a hoot - and high-fived the 90 year old man for still climbing ladders...

Dad passed away in March (Easter Sunday) of 2005 - I think he just wore out. He was just shy of his 92 birthday. Mother held on (never knowing that he was gone -- just taking a nap -- if she asked.) As we approached the oncoming northern winter, the thought of keeping her in her drafty old house and the worry of keeping the caregivers was weighing heavily on me. I began to search for Alzheimer's nursing facilities - only to find that everything withing a 25 mile radius was full. Thankfully, we did not get to that point. She went into a fast decline and passed in August of 2005.

I will never forget how I felt as we drove home. After the coroner took Mother away, we packed up the parakeet, turned off the lights and drove home at around 3 a.m. It was over.

Browser...Isn't it something how that final memory is burned into our souls? I have a similar one.

God bless you for all that you did. I'm so glad I know people like you with such giving hearts!

orchid, love the idea of keeping a document online and updating that - or maybe an email going all the time.

gims, also like the idea of using it in the hospital. Didn't think of that. We may be facing a hospital visit so I'll keep this in mind. Mom would be so proud of us. She was forever taking notes and jotting things down to tell the other kids when we called.
"Did I tell you Uncle Joe is in the hospital?

"Did I tell you the Kloids are moving?"

morning, now a tape recored is really getting organized. Good for you. I recall several of us being in the room with Mom and her doctor and we all heard different things. We must all have ADD.

Lynn, Mom kept these little journals. One day, I'm going to go back and read them.

browser, you moved back home to care for them? Wow, that's admirable. Are you still there? I often hear about couples who loved one another so much, passing so closely to one antoher. While it's sad for those left behind, it's so neat for them.