Help me to understand

Posted by: Di

Help me to understand - 03/01/11 03:27 AM

Why do some mothers choose to take children away from their fathers during a divorce situation? And make it difficult for the Dad's to see the kids?

Obviously this is a THORN in my side!
Posted by: Edelweiss3

Re: Help me to understand - 03/01/11 06:22 AM

Our family is going through this hell right now. That is why my son is fighting for sole custody.
The mother wants to leave the country and bring her daughter with her. As if our granddaughter hasn't gone through enough seperation pains.
Why? Well in our case it's because the mother can't find work here. She has never tried to learn German, so no wonder. Another reason is that jealousy rears its ugly head. Her daughter is more attatched to her father and to us than to her. Many mothers also try to punish the father by using the child as a lever. It's all ugly and hurtfull. My heart goes out to all the children who have to go through this. A child with a broken heart is as bad as physical pain.
Posted by: humlan

Re: Help me to understand - 03/01/11 01:59 PM

This must be a new development..right? I imagine this is because your son and the mother have co-custody? But hasnīt it been decided by the court that your granddaughter will live with her dad? I am just asking you questions without helping you understand anything..but itīs not easy to understand..dear friend. I thought all this was decided this past month?

It seems to me that the last word has not been said yet about all of this? Since both parents have custody..your son must be able to oppose this?

So many hugs to you!!!!
Posted by: Di

Re: Help me to understand - 03/01/11 09:19 PM

the thing is....later on the mothers will "pay". The kids will grow up, hear the truth from the other side, then based on their own thoughts/observations, will come to their own conclusion.

It's very sad that they "use" the kids. Is this not considered abuse...ab-use....mis-use of the children. They are way too young to experience such childishness because there's marital problems. They have nothing to do with it!

If anyone here was one of the mothers who took the kids away from Dad, and regretted it later, please share your thoughts. No one will come down on you.....just trying to understand it all.

But, maybe there is no understanding.
Posted by: Edelweiss3

Re: Help me to understand - 03/02/11 07:33 PM

Iva, yes, my son thought it was decided...but then he got another invitation to see the judge and she said she wants to speak to his daughter...So the decision wasn't final after all. I guess my son misunderstood the judge, or maybe it was hopefull thinking on his part. So, we are still waiting to hear the final decision.
Posted by: Di

Re: Help me to understand - 03/03/11 01:17 PM

Then, the mothers "threaten" the father that they "will not see their children again"!

What is WRONG with the world?? Do they not realize that what is best for the children is BOTH parents?? Especially during formative years? Where are the counselors? Authorities? Judges who are on the side of the children?
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: Help me to understand - 03/04/11 01:05 AM

If it weren't for the children who inevitably suffer loss of one parent or another, divorce is a viable way to end the pain of a bad marriage. No one has mentioned child support! What about when one parent, usually the father, refuses to or just doesn't care and pays no child support. Then should he have the rigft of visitation? A child needs clothing, food and many other things and when a father wants to be a jackass, hurt the ex and does not pay should he have the right to see the child/children?

Too bad when a couple uses the kids as levers to hurt one another. Judges need to be more wise then most of them are!
Posted by: jabber

Re: Help me to understand - 04/08/11 01:23 PM

Hurting people, hurt people. "Ex's" know what the other side loves most and uses whatever or whoever that may be, against the one they're fighting. If a couple doesn't have any kids, they
use the dog.
Posted by: Anne HolmesAdministrator

Re: Help me to understand - 04/08/11 05:42 PM

Remember that old Willie Nelson song, "You always hurt the one you love?" Well, the concept/lyrics to that song suck, but the theme seems to be true.

Because someone has loved us, they know our soft and/or weak spots and the best way to use them against us.

It's really sad when former spouses fight this way.
Posted by: jabber

Re: Help me to understand - 04/08/11 10:01 PM

Exactly Anne. But you said it best!