Why we should get a "professional wax job" vs DIY

DIY = "do it yourself"

Oh the things women go through
Wax is not your friend!

** CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud...I
laughed till I almost
cried as I could just see this happening!

All hair removal methods have tricked women with
their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady,
scissors, razors, Nair And now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight.

Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids.

I then had the thought that would ring painfully in

my mind for the

next few hours:

"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the

medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a

clump of

hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your

hand, they get

warm and you peel them apart and press them to your

leg (or wherever

else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no

fuss. How hard can it

be?

I

mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically

inclined enough to figure

this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips

facing each other

stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my

genius kicks in so

I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000

degrees. ("Cold wax,"

yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh.

Hold the skin around it

tight and pull.



It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it

wasn't too bad.

I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and

maker of

smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking

on the kids, I sneak



back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair

fighting championship.

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip

across the right side of

my bikini line, covering the right half of my

*hoo-hoo* and stretching

down

to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long

strip) I inhale deeply

and

brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!





I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY

GOSH!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to

pull off half the

strip. DARN!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!

Everything is swirly and

spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay

conscious...Do I hear

crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to

normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the

one that has caused

me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.

I want to revel in the

glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up

the strip!

There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS

THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on

the toilet.

I see the hair. The hair that should be on the

strip. I touch.

I am touching wax. DARN! I run my fingers over the

most sensitive part of

my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted

hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot

is still propped up

on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I

put my foot down.

DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.

*Hoo-Hoo*?? sealed shut!

Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure

out what

to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get

the urge to poop.

My head may pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water

melts wax!!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the

bathtub, get in, immerse

the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I

can gently wipe it off,

right???

WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than

that used to

torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical

equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether

regions glued together

is having them glued together and then glued to the

bottom of the

tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way,

doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though

I had

cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months

ago to have a phone

put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed

before and has some

secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good

conversation starter -

"So, my butt and hoo-hoo are glued together to the

bottom of

the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't

know any secret tricks

for

removal

but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She

wants to know exactly



where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or

hoo-hoo?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I

give her the rundown

and she suggests I call the number on the side of

the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!!

I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to

scraping the wax off

with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your

girlie goodies

covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in

super hot water and

then

dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a

major hike and I'm

pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress

counseling for this

event. My friend is still talking with me when I

finally see my saving

grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the

excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub

some on and OH MY

GOSH!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the

dickens out of my

friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

IT WORKS!! It works!!

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she

hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and

then notice to my

grief and despair....



THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.



Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at

this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Now that's funny . Notttttttttt

Send this on to other ladies who need a good laugh

Well I now have on dry panties, what a hilarious post. My God girl, it has to be tree because no one could make up something like this.
I have to tell you, when you get here next week if you're wearing a scarf on your head, I am going to fall on the floor in hysterics. Not to worry I'll bring a dry pain of undies....LOL

Everytime I thought it was going to end, instead it just got funnier.

So Chatty, you and Danita are getting together? What fun do the two of you gals have in mind?

I don't know whether to laugh or cry...LOL...laughing won!!!!!

Oh...my...God!! That was so funny. Sounds like something stupid I would do.

Laurel

Ouch ha ha ha ouch ha ha ha !
Laughing tears are running!

I am sitting alone in a hotel lobby on my lap top. The staff are looking at me like I'm some kind of nut. I can't wipe this grin off my face. Should I tell them what I'm laughing about? I think not. All but one are men.

Leave it to Danita to post this. You're a riot girl.

Dots,

go for it.

Free advertising for the site.

The women will love it!!
danita

Hilarious! Now, another good reason to avoid wax jobs!

Yes Anno, we are getting together yet again and we do have quite a time of it. Dania is a really super lady!

When are you meeting? And do you get to meet the new fella?

I think something would be lost in the Mars to Venus translation.

I sent the "how men shower v.s. how women shower" to a man friend of mine - he didn't find it that amusing. I guess reality is just a little too "real" for some guys. LOL

I was on a date with my beau at a friends house of his (married couple) she showed me this story. (Ok, I'ld had two glasses of wine)..I was almost on the floor laughing so hard.

I could have almost written the story myself. (except add to it when I bent down to look at "the situation" my boomer belly got stuck to my nether parts.) argh.

Danita, you're a hoot.

And I believe the men/women shower post is in here somewhere. Did you post that too?

Today was such a beautiful warm sunny day. I decided to take my Mom for a ride and then invite her for a cup of coffee and cake at a fancy schmancy café'. This place was filled with people over 80 years old. Gee, I felt like a baby. Anyway the ladies were all elegantly sipping at their coffee and tea cups, wearing their widest brimmed hats, while holding their ivory walking canes. You get the picture…?

After our tea was served, I handed my mother your story, which I had printed out this morning. Mom loves reading little stories…ha ha…and I couldn't wait to see her reaction.

"Oh my." Then "OH MY!" And then a big guffaw spewing her orange pekoe tea right across our table and into the lap of 'MS.- Lady- Turned- Up- Nose.' It was wonderful. We laughed so much we almost peed. My mother got up and ran (as well as she could) out of the gold baroque restaurant. I lay the money on the table…and escaped behind her.

Just want to say thank you Danita for giving us a bellyfull of laughs today.

HL...the image of you and your mom is almost as good as the original story!

Danita,
I just did a search about waxing and it brought me to your post. What a scream-literally!!! And you've just convinced me not to wax!!

Thanks for the laugh.

I've been here all these years and this is the first time I've
seen this post, Danita. What a hoot! Absolutely loved it. You
funny!!!

I'll check it out when time permits. Welcome to BWS miniskirt!
The site you mention, looks interesting!