The Next Fifty Years, by Pamela Blair, PH.D.

Pamela will be our Featured Author during the month of September. Her book is The Next Fifty Years: A Guide for Women at Midlife. Please check back on September 1, 2006 to learn more and join in the conversation.

In talking with Dr. Blair, or Pamela, she offered more of her life AND the book by giving us "Her Story." Please read the following and you'll immediately see why we're very excited about having her join us for September.

In her own words ...

Riding back from the library on a beautiful late March afternoon, feeling the beginnings of spring, I was met head-on at a stop light by a speeding, out of control four wheel drive, teenage-driven vehicle--just one week after I had signed the contract for my first book (I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye)...

The impact of the speeding vehicle caused me to experience extreme whiplash. I was immediately disoriented and dizzy ... One minute I was a newly-contracted, soon-to-be-author, gainfully employed psychotherapist and part-time consultant----the next minute I was suffering a traumatic closed-head brain injury.

One day I was in control of my life and doing for myself, the next day I was dependent on others to make decisions for me, to drive for me, to think logically for me, to help me walk straight and find words, to guide me from room to room when I got lost in my own house. Excerpt from The Next Fifty Years: A Guide for Women at Midlife and Beyond (Hampton Roads, October 2005).

For most of the first year of recovery after the accident, I felt and behaved like I was 80 years old, or more. My daily schedule was suddenly different now, life was going slower than I could have ever imagined -- taking on its own composition, its own movement.

I had to walk with a cane so I wouldn't bang into walls or fall down stairs. I couldn't drive for almost two years because my eyesight and reaction time was compromised and my hearing altered. My neuropsychologist said this was normal. Not for ME it wasn't! I was a hustler, a juggler of many balls in the air. Now I was having trouble recalling how to make toast and remembering the word for milk (I called it "white stuff").

Now I was taking a shower only to forget which comes first, shampoo or conditioner. Did I remember to wash all my parts and rinse off?

It's now eight years since the accident and a lot of healing has taken place. However, I will never forget what I learned from my experience. Living the life of an "80 year old" wasn't so bad and I'm no longer afraid of aging the way I used to be.

When I was forced to cut back on so many of my former activities, I found myself with more time to work on my writing, to sit in the garden, to read for short periods, to be with my grandson and children in ways I'd never had time for in the past. As a 50-year old, 85-year old, I gave up my youthful urgency to control every outcome and every situation. I was finally free to throw myself without conflict, into whatever mattered most. I was deepening, digging into new soil, accessing "new brain", trying on another self, becoming a me I had not known before... and looking forward to the next fifty years.

Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D.
Author, Psychotherapist,
Spiritual Counselor,
Life Coach

Great excerpt. Can't wait to hear more. What an inspirational story.
Ann

Wow, talk about eye opening JJ...We never know whats in store for us around the corner. I admire those so strong that they can overcome adversity so bravely...I will definitely read this book.

I think the time she'll spend here will be rewarding for all of us no matter what situation we're in. I can't wait to hear more about her life path. You are so right Chatty, in the blink of an eye it can all change!

JJ

What a reminder to live life to the fullest and don't put off things until tomorrow. "Someday" is now!

Pamela sounds like an amazing woman and a role model for all of us.

Wow! Her story reinforces the value of living for today. It just brings to mind how yesterday becomes redundant, tomorrow is non-existent and today a gift. Maybe that is why it is called "present". I eagerly await 1st September.

Incredible lady. Can't wait to hear more!

Ladies, typically Featured Authors begin the first of the month. Sorry about this. We are having trouble tracking Pam down so we can get started. Hang in there. She'll be great once she gets here.

Thanks Dotsie. The direct link helps.

Hi --- it took me a while to figure out how to enter the forum. Thanks for your kind words. Sincerely,
Pam

Wonderful! We are so happy to have you. Although you given us "your story" would you like to share more of it? We are all ears!

JJ

Dear JJ -- thanks for asking for more of my story. Let me start with where I am today. After my brain altering accident and approximately two years of rehabilitation, I am almost 100% my age again! The Next Fifty Years came out in September 2005 and it's been a whirlwind ever since. My private practice is busier than ever, I'm speaking all over the place and I'm working on the next book (An Evolving Woman). After my two week vacation in Maine where I do most of my writing, I'll be speaking at the WomanSage conference in Stamford, Connecticut. Can't wait to be with such a large (400-600) group of middle age and beyond women. Have to go now, it's 7:35am and my day is about to begin --- but first things first. I will sit at my desk and write my usual gratitude list before I get dressed. Today's list will include how grateful I am to be part of this forum. Have a great day! Pam

A gratitude list sounds like a wonderful way to start the day Pamela!
Glad you have joined us.

I for one would love to hear what a typical day for you would include. And could you give us a peek inside An Evolving Woman?

JJ

Pamela wow! What a wonderful life you have decribed. I can hardly wait to read the book. You sound like a lady that took her adversity and turned it into a positive. We here at the forum are so lucky you stopped by and hope you'll remain and become a member. There is much we can learn from a lady like yourself. Welcome....

Well, I don't know that I ever have any typical days. However, today was one of those that was exhausting. Most days I'm up at 6:30. Eat breakfast with a cup of coffee then on to the treadmill where I watch an inspiring DVD for 30 minutes. These days I'm watching The Secret (available at Thesecret.tv) which illuminates and describes how the law of attraction works in the Universe. Sometimes I watch a Caroline Myss DVD, or something by Wayne Dwyer, Andrew Weil or Christiane Northrup. After my shower, I get to my email, writing my gratitude list and then to checking what clients I've got for the day, pulling their files, and getting a to do list ready for my assistant.

I'm working on two current projects. One is called, "Inspirations for the Next Fifty Years", a 45 minute audio CD based on the book which contains uplifting thoughts and guidance for the woman over 50. It also includes a visualization to help the listener feel connected to other women. As the book does, the CD provides spiritual inspiration and ideas to help the listener discover new meaning and purpose for their next 50 years. So that project is almost complete --- just waiting for the producer to tweak it a bit.

The other project is my next book "An Evolving Woman". When I wrote "The Next Fifty Years" I had just turned 50. Now that I'm 58 and closing in on 60, a spiritual deepening is occuring in my life --- I'm evolving! And I believe we keep evolving our entire lives (and maybe even beyond that). In any case, "An Evolving Woman" will be a book that keeps baby boomer woman thinking and in touch with their own evolving spirits through journaling and exercises. I'm thinking of making it a day-by-day format, but I'm undecided. My publishers are very interested and I'll get a majority of it outlined while I'm in Maine next week.

It's Friday night and time to have my weekly martini with my husband on the deck. Hope you all have a beautiful weekend... more later. Pam

Now if this all isn't an inspiring and uplifting way to start the weekend, then I don't know what is....thank you so much for expanding on it all. I can't wait until your next post!

Ladies, if you have questions, by all means go ahead and post them!

JJ

I really love the whole entire concept for "Evolving Woman". I think it is so important to hold onto that belief that we are constantly growing and changing and learning. We keep ourselves so busy sometimes we tune out to that, we miss the opportunity.

I'm so excited you are here and look forward to hearing more.

Do you feel this accident changed you spiritually?

Yes, I think it had a profound effect on me spiritually. Because of my limitations, I was forced to take life at a slower pace --- and when one slows down the mind and body, spirit has an opportunity to grow and take hold. One has an opportunity to hear that still small voice within. Having looked death in the face, I also became profoundly aware of the preciousness in every breath we take. What a miracle it is to see and hear, to walk and talk. If, as author Annie Dillard says, paying attention is prayer, then you might say that after the accident I was "praying" every minute of every day --- paying attention in ways I hadn't had the time to before....

How did everything that happen affect your marriage relationship? If that's too personal, please ignore.

Also, I've seen the movie, The Secret. It is definitely worth watching over and over. I love the principles and try to live them daily.

Do you think you were given a "second chance?" And as a result of this, a new purpose entirely?

JJ

ps---I meant to say to cut down on confusion and having to give answers in two different threads, we might want to stay in this thread for the "featured author" portion of your stay here.

Pam, I've got to tell you that I did your workbook, answered most of the questions and highlighted the heck out of it. We absolutely speak the same language. Much of what you've written about, I have also written or spoken about. I'd love to meet you one day and I think that may happen.

Anyway, want to give everyone a better picture of how your book is written because I think it will pique everyone's interest and you may sell some more books.

The accident had many good outcomes --- including strengthening my marriage. After his initial anger and upset over the circumstances, my husband showed a nurturing side I didn't know he had!

I believe every adversity has the potential enhance one's purpose in life --- but usually only in retrospect. While the difficult times are happening it's hard to gain the insight necessary for growth, although spiritual and personal growth is happening whether we acknowledge it in the moment or not.

Hi Dotsie --- I'm delighted you've been working the workbook! At first the publishers weren't sure they wanted to make The Next Fifty Years a book you could write in, but I insisted. They were worried that it might end up being too big a book. Well it's a hefty book all right, but I'm so delighted with the way it turned out. As you've probably noticed, not every essay will relate to every woman. However, the book is meant to be an ongoing journal, so some of the essays become more relevant over time (i.e. you may not be a grandmother today, but you might be in five years). I also hope that some women will fill in the answers and hand the book down to another woman, perhaps their daughter, who will benefit from the struggles and wisdom they've written about.

I'd like to know if anyone is using the study guide in the back of the book to start groups in their towns....

PAmela, the guide is wonderful, but I am so wrapped up in other things that it isn't soemthing I have time to do at this point. However, I would think it would be a great activity for a bunch of neighbors or colleagues to do together.

Hi ladies --- I'll be leaving for my vacation in Maine tomorrow morning. We have a house on the coast which is especially beautiful at this time of year --- it's also where I do most of my writing. This time I'll be working on the next book, An Evolving Woman. I'll write from 7am to about noon, then "play" in the afternoon and evening. I hope to check in with the Forum as soon as I get settled --- probably not until Monday as it takes about two days to get to the house with one day of sightseeing detours thrown in. Have a great weekend and I'll be in touch!

Bon Voyage Pamela, have a wonderful, restful vacation while writing the next best seller...

Did I hear her say come on over? JJ

In your dreams, JJ!

Maine should be beautiful right now. The leaves are beginning to slowly change here in MN.

Was it the book, Passages, where the author spoke of one traumatic event that changed her life? I believe a young man, who she was talking to, was shot in front of her eyes.

I believe we make a choice to grow from something or just have a pity party. I love your strength, Pamela.

Ladies, this came Tuesday and I am just getting around to posting it. Sorry Pam. I was traveling yesterday.

Dear Dotsie ---

I'm finally in Maine (as of late yesterday). We stopped off in Vermont (Shelburne, near Lake Champlain) to check on our house there and to spend a few days wandering around the area. Here in Maine I'm struggling with the slow (phone line based) internet connection. Tried to sign into the Forum this morning and got a message that the web site wouldn't load. Don't know if it's at your end or mine. I'm going into town today (a 30 minute ride each way) to see if I can find a WI-FI highspeed connection I can tap into. In the meantime, would you please copy and paste this entire email into the Forum so the gals know I haven't forgotten them? Maine is so beautifu at this time of year, especially by the water where we are. From the windows of the house I can see Frenchmen's Bay --- the sunrises over the bay are spectacular. My writing perch is on the second floor and I began working on my next book (An Evolving Woman) at 7:00am this morning. I also have to prepare material for my speech at the next WomanSage conference in Stamford, Connecticut. So although it will be a relaxing time here, I'm hoping it will be a productive one as well.

Thanks for posting this for me, Dotsie. Hope this find you well and happy today!
Pam
Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D.
Author, Psychotherapist, Spiritual Counselor, Life Coach

Hi there! Located a high-speed WI-FI connection on Main Street in Ellsworth about 30 minutes from the house. It's a great cafe with the most wonderful pastries and coffee. I'm sitting on a leather couch in front of the fireplace. My husband says we can easily stop here a number of times during the next week or so that we're here, so I'll be able to check into the Forum at those times.

The writing is going a little slower this year than it has in other years where the book just popped out of me! But, I am persisting. When I get back, I should have enough put together to send off something solid to my publisher. It's a rainy day here on the coast, but beautiful none the less. I'm off to one of my favorite haunts --- The Big Chicken Barn --- which has two floors of antiques and 1,000s of used books and big dusty overstuffed chairs to sit in. More later --- hope you're all having a great weekend. Pam

Pamela, where did you get the idea to make your book a workbook? Did that come from you ro the publisher?

I've noticed books tend to have more quotes, words of wisdom, thoughts to ponder, etc. scattered about in little boxes, different fonts, etc. Anyone else notice that? I think it's because it's easier to take in information in little bits. Thoughts?

Hi Dotsie --- the idea for making it a workbook came from me --- I wanted the reader to create a personal log of experience --- something they could pass on if they wanted to. I have also been frustrated over the years with books that didn't offer room to write. So, I convinced the publisher to put lines for writing on after each of the questions. They were a bit concerned that it was going to end up being too big a book --- and it is!

I think the little "scatterings" you mentioned have more to do with design than practicality. That's about the only thought I have on that, Dotsie. So, are we going to meet some day? I'll be speaking at the WomanSage conference in Stamford, CT in October. Will you be there?

Unfortunately, I will mainly be going to physical therapy in October, but I plan on getting around to some conferences in 2007.

Hi Dotsie --- I'm back from vacation and back to my home desktop computer. While I was in Maine, the power cord for my laptop malfunctioned and for the last few days I was without a computer to do the internet, but most unfortunately it stopped my writing in mid-stream!! Anyway, want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to be the featured author for the month. Wish it had been easier to manage the internet connection while I was traveling --- but we live and learn. You mentioned physical therapy --- are you willing to tell me (in a private email) what the therapy is for? I wish you well and look forward to staying in contact --- and to supporting one another both personally and in reaching out to other women. Take good care...Pam