October's Story - You Help Write It

Dotsie, I just had an idea on what to do with this forum for the rest of October, since we're without a featured author this month. We used to do this sort of thing at summer camp around the campfire. But I don't remember what it's called.

Someone starts a story, with one or two sentences. Then each person takes a turn (or in our case, it could be several intermittent turns) contributing the next couple of sentences to the story. It's a lot of fun, and one never knows where the story will go, because it's totally dependent on where each new contributor decides to take it. I don't know if it would work here, but could be fun to try.

Any feedback? Ideas?

[ October 17, 2005, 12:05 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

I hadn't realized there wasn't a FA for October. I thought that there was such an interest in Eagle that hers superceded whatever was scheduled for October. Good idea Eagle.

Great idea Egale

Once upon a time, there lived a baby boomer woman who was interested in changing the way

This is where the story begins:

Once upon a time, there lived a baby boomer woman who was interested in changing the way that men ran the world. The first thing she did was


Next?

[ October 17, 2005, 12:06 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

start a website called "Boomer Women Speak". She invisioned it to be a safe place, where woman would gather in a "virtual" online community. They would share life experiences, laugh together, cry together, and get bumfuzzled together...

next

The group grew and grew and grew until they were finally big and courageous and powerful enough to vote Dotsie in as the President of the United States. Many of the Boomer sisters stood with her as she began to change the rules of the land. One of the first new laws she made was...


Next...

designers were required to make clothing that boomer women could wear...

...and feminine hygiene products were now (finally) considered a "necessity of life" and therefore provided free...

thongs were outlawed as were slacks and jeans any shorter than 1 1/2 inches below the belly button.

Next

It was legislated, at this point, that women with hairy legs, and boomer bellies were to be honored and reveranced! All hail boomer babes!

Okay, okay I'll go along with the boomer belly thingy but hairy legs, no way Josee, we are not slobs after all so why look like one. Sorry to break the story chain but this had to be said, yuk, bad girl Danita...

Story con't...Upon further consideration the boomer women decided above all else they must guide other women by example first and reason second.They planned an innauguration ball for Dotsie.
(next)

[ October 17, 2005, 09:00 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

The orchestra played " I am woman" and Dotsie and the "first man" were joined on the dance floor by her Vice President, Eagle and her husband...

[ October 17, 2005, 09:26 PM: Message edited by: Western Bluebird ]

As the music soared and the celebration continued, there was a sudden commotion at the front door. It was the Queen, and her faithful servant, Trixie. The music stopped, a hush fell over the crowd and President Dotsie gasped as the Queen swept across the floor, eyes sparkling and....


next

Her red dress was flowing as she give a wave to us all standing there waiting for the Queen to acknowlege all the Boomer women .

[ October 17, 2005, 10:20 PM: Message edited by: Nancy50 ]

But da Queen saw the table full of oreo's first and made a move towards it. Blinded by the thought of chocolate cream-filled cookies she tripped over Trixie and....

her crown went rolling all the way across the floor and landed at the feet of SMILES who was sooooo gracious and kind, that's why they called her SMILES. Trixie was in the background laughing her big boxer butt off... but SMILES held up her hand for silence and said....

"who has the grey poupon"?

Everyone looked at each other in utter confusion. The room erupted in soft whispers as Chatty strutted in the door with grey poupon in hand. She exclaimed loudly, "......

[ October 17, 2005, 11:48 PM: Message edited by: Danita ]

"Has anyone heard of my latest grey poupon recipe? It's easy and no calories. You just mix it with green gelatin and I emailed it to Meredith who made it into bounding balls." DELISH

"Here you are Queen JJ, catch!" She threw the green and grey ball to JJ who grabbed it and tossed it through the nostalgic hula hoop brought by Danita. JJ flew through the air like a gazelle making a slam dunk that would put Michael Jordan to shame.

She tossed the grey mass to Smile who handed it off to Dotsie. Dotsie took one look at it and said.....

"Searcher, can you make this mess a blessing? Look what Chatty has done with the grey poupon. I wouldn't feed this to J.J.'s dog!"

And with a little toss of the poupon jello mass to Searcher, Dotsie went back to the dance floor.

All the while, lyn329456 "hut one, hut two"....

...tried to bring a little military decorum to the fiasco. However, while focused on the flying jello and mustard concoction she tripped over a darling Sheltie which had wandered in through an open door.

Sprawled on the floor in pain and shock, she lifted her head and said, "I can't lay here on the floor - I just washed my hair." At that moment...

Lynn329 smiled brightly and love and light was shining on the boomer women, and joy was spreading across the people, and violence was a thing of the past. Everyone was stoned on the mind-blowing mellowing effects of the jello. Lynn's favorite scientist and secret fantasy deemed the mustard concoction as the missing ingredient to clean up the enviornment. World peace was readily obtained because ....

there were NO politicians present and NO one was in charge. They didn't need anyone in charge.

Just then, 20 flamingo's came walking into the room and on their backs were serving trays...FULL of Oreo's...behind them were purple donkeys (hey, I'm writing this) and in their saddle pouches were pitchers of milk, whole, 1%, 2%, and chocolate. The crowd was astonished but happpy... the music was "Lean on Me" but just as Danita started singing ....

Daisy, the Weimaraner, strutted into the ballroom as if she were the queen. She wore a Dolce & Gabanna creation and looked stunning with bling dripping from her neck and wrists, all four of them. Trixie, Daisy's best girlfriend, greeted her with a fine high five and said.....

"Did you bring the Spam?"

[ October 18, 2005, 11:45 AM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

To which Daisy replied, "Oh yes! and I brought recipes for the 20 cases that Smile so graciously supplied - there's recipes for spam gumbo, coconut spam, pineapple spam, barbecued spam, sugared spam, spam with nuts on top, spam quiche, eggs with spam, spam with green jello, spam with grey poupon. And then there's the dessert section - bouncing chocolate spam, bouncing chocolate spam whith whipped cream...but whom shall we choose to create these delicacies?

And...JJ was not a choice because they all knew she didn't cook...

but suddenly to the rescue came a voice that had already become familiar to sooo many boomer women across the nation! It was CHATTY WOMAN! Faster than a Fry Daddy... Smarter than the Microwave... Chatty-woman burst thru the door wearing her "I'm here with stupid" T-shirt which pointed to

Mr Diputs, Chatty's personal ingredient measurer and dishwasher. Chatty took one look at the buffet flamingos and gasped in horror. She marched over to the crownless JJ, (stepping on the clean hair of Lynn329 who was still lying on the floor) and cried...

[ October 18, 2005, 12:27 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

Searcher because she was so stupid that she never filled out a Life Application and therefore never received any benefits!! Searcher turned to CHATTY WOMAN, yanked at the bottom of her cape and said"Oh great CHATTY WOMAN" Can YOU in all your wisdom and great power, fix this mess?

Chatty replied, "Why of course! The head chef of this hotel happens to specialize in Spam creations! I'll see what he can create! The boomer women, both 2 and 4 legged, are having too grand of a time to fool with cooking!" She returned with a smile on her face.........

[ October 18, 2005, 01:43 PM: Message edited by: Daisygirl ]

only to find Sammy swinging from the chandelier singing...

Lynn329 who actually did have someone step on her hair when she was 5 years old. Her mother was shopping and little Lynnie laid down on the floor under the racks of grown up dresses because she was tired from Mommy's ability for infinite shopping sprees, and a giant woman with size 10 shoes stepped on little Lynnie's clean hair, and never apologized. So the grown Lynn finally gets up off the floor to hear Sammy say, "Dotsie! Dotsie! Dotsie for president....

...which created an uproar of approval from the growing crowd. But, Sammie is now bored with the Human Species and joins Trixie and Daisy for a round of strip...uh...poker...

...but, we digress. Back in the kitchen Chatty is preparing green eggs and spam. Do YOU like green eggs and spam? Or grits and spam, maybe beans and spam? We could start a spam-o-gram.....

We could eat them here or there. We could eat them anywhere....

In the meantime, Daisy, da Trixster and Sammie are wondering if there are any other 4 legged types invited to this shindig! It's way more fun to have 4 when you're playing poker! They discussed how Miss Dianne was just kidding when she suggested they were playing strip poker......"we're not that kind of girls....we're worth more than a spam sandwich," said Daisy. "Yea, da Queen raised me better than that!" replied Trixie.

They proceeded to the main ballroom to search for another poker player, where......

...Here or there; there or here? How about green eggs and beer? Stripping's not the coolest thing - a stripping Boomer is a ding-a-ling!

Speaking of ding-a-ling, Dotsie's cell phone started ringing. The band stopped playing, the poker players stopped in their tracks, Lynn stopped untangling her hair, JJ picked up her crown off the floor, Chatty put her Spam-covered spatula down, and a hush fell over the room as everyone stopped to listen in on the conversation. Dotsie's face radiated joy as she answered, "Oprah, is that really you? You want me to what?" She hung up her phone, walked over to the microphone and said, "Guess what ladies, I'm..."

Next!

going to dish the dirt with Oprah but dam I'm hungry. Just then the orchestra began to play 'hail to the chief' and all eyes were on Dotsie with Queen JJ by her side, she waived her hand and declared all will sit now and enjoy the spam feast...suddenly through the stained glass double doors marched a dozen chippendale dancers clad in leopardskin g-strings, carrying trays of heaps of roasted fresh vegetables, mounds of sweet and yukon gold whipped potatoes, the most colorful of fresh salad veges. There was baked salmon, grilled lobsters, prime rib of london broil, stuffed goose and not a speck of spam or jello could be found anywhere. All applauded wildly as they tore into the feast. Chatty bowed humbly before Dotsie and said, " sorry guess I lost my head." Once Dotsie saw the Chocolate Cherry cakes, the Banana creme pies, Fresh strawberry tarts and the 4ft. high lucious Lime Angel food cake she sighed and said, never mind!!! One mystery has occurred, the 12 hunky male dancers have dissapeared and are no where to be found. Hey wheres Smile, JJ, Lynn329, Daisygirl and meredith is missing too, where could they

[ October 18, 2005, 08:12 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

busted, said SMILES...

but even though they'd been found out, the ladies and the chippendales they had "kidnapped" enjoyed their OWN feast (ahem) in the privacy of the.....

Flamingo Room, where...

raucous laughter and giggling galore could be heard echoing down the hall into the dining hall where the REST of those gathered for the spamless feast were having desserts of various types and wondering......

where Dotsie had hidden the hula-hoops.

[ October 18, 2005, 09:26 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

In the closet where else . There are red ones and green hula hoops and purple one and stacked up in a row . So, Eagle shouts we know where they are so...................

each Chippendale hunk took a hula-hoop as did each boomer-chick. It would be the craziest hula-hoop contest on earth! The winner would receive.......

2 little but oh so strong West Highland White Terriers who jump through hoops to be the first Westies ever doing a lap dance. Oh, their oh-so--sweet names, Annie and Gracie, belie their dare devil antics as they lap in the luxury of those hula-hooped hunks. They bark up a storm to get the attention of Sammie and....

(This is begining to sound a little like Jabberwocky only not just as elegant just how crazy are we?) Only that remains to be seen, Ma'am.

We're not crazy at all. We're just a bunch of fun-loving boomer women and we were very elegant until this hula hoop thing. It's hard to twirl a hula hoop around your waist when your boobs get in the way. But for a Chippendale, I'd give up my Ben Gay and Arthur Itis and give him a try. If we can't do it, maybe we could play with Jack's..........

latern.

Jack brought his precious grand pappys' lantern to the ball. He wanted to make sure that every corner of the elegent room was LIT!

Louisa tried grabbing Jack's latern, but Jack resisted. She pulled again. He pulled back harder. Before you knew it, there was a good old fashioned brawl taking place on the ballroom floor.

And from a corner...those infamous words were shouted from the party girl in the group, "PIG PILE".

Oh my, there were bodies everywhere. Poor Jack and Louisa were at the very bottom.

"Woooo hoooo shouted Danita, Party ON Boomer Babes!" As she made her grand leap to the top of the pile!

Just then, Meredith waltzed in leading six feral leopards (to match her outfit) on beaded leashes. The leopards snarl at the other animals but remain at her side.

"I traded them for my husband. Much better behaved."

And while we're on outfits: What's the deal about Jawjaw wearing a red dress? She's a redhead, ahem... Meredith pulls out a gorgeous, slimming, teal green dress from a fancy shopping bag.

"Jawjaw, I was slumming on Rodeo Drive and thought you needed this.

And BTW, who stole my jello?"

SHE DID! SHE DID! Pointed Jaw Jaw and Danita at each other as they both wiped Jell-O off their faces...

Oh cool! Teal! Would somebody please hold this red rag while I slip into this beeeeuuuutiful teal thang? Said Jaw Jaw...

But what's this? Just as she was about to sasshay around the room her beaded sandles hit a banana peel, she flipped, legs flew up, her bottom hit a small trampoline in one corner of the room, and she did a large bounce in the air, one summersalt, (I give her a 10) and she landed on Leopard #1 who in turn...

screeched loudly and with one swipe of its' huge paw, accidentally (?) ripped a HUGE tear in Jaw Jaw's teal dress thereby exposing her.......

Jello-O bowls... who knew? Of course Danita jumped to the front and with a loud AHA! TOLD YA SOOO...TOLD YA SOOOO... (said with nana nana boo boo voice) confronted da Queen about her private stash of the stolen stuff...

"I only wanted to have enough to give to our Leader, Dotsie..." sniff...sniff... sniffed the Queen...

just then----from behind a curtain jumped none other thannnnnnnnnnnnnnn

ELVIS!!!!! Yes indeed he truly HAS BEEN alive all this time! Who knew??!!! Well of course JawJaw knew and had arranged for THE KING to sing a special song to Dotsie on this wonderful occasion....he grabbed the microphone and began crooning......

Jellooooooo Dotsie, well Jelloooooo Dotsie....its so good to have----

But he was suddendly interrupted by....

A LOUD belch! Those who were there described it as a "monster burp".

Who was the culprit? The ladies looked around the room at each other with suspicion etched on their faces.

Dots had her hand over her mouth in utter disbelief, her cheeks tinged red.

"uuum, excuse me", said our beloved leader.

Elvis, replied in his sexiest voice, "

"I'm all shook up."

Then Elvis grabbed one of the hula-hoops off the floor, reached out and pulled Dotsie into the circle with him, and they danced cheek-to-cheek, Elvis crooning gently, "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me" He gazed into Dotsie's eyes and continued, "I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see."

Dotsie blushed twenty shades of red and pink, then gently pulled out of Elvis' arms and said...

ahhh, thank ya...thank ya very much, but I'm taken big guy...

Everyone standing around was in awe for about a nano-second, then there was a mad dash made for the hula-hoop, and da King...right before everybody reached him though, a voice was heard to say....

"Chickadee, what are you doing here?" Chick raced into the crowd...

[ October 19, 2005, 02:54 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

GET OUT, GET OUT...each and every one of you. "NO MEN ALLOWED" screamed chickadee. What's this boomer world coming to!

Chickadee rounded up the boys one by one calling attention. C'mon...hut, one, two, three, hut, one, two, three...Chippendaleds get over here, NO, SMILES not you...

ELVIS come on, WE are going home, you know your not allowed to be here if your not in drag..."Where's your new red dress I bought you?"

Follow me men.

Chickadee opened the door to let the musky crew out when she was met eyeball to eyeball with her arch enemy..

[ October 19, 2005, 02:54 PM: Message edited by: chickadee ]

The Fox. The fox eyed the Chick...the Chick eyed the fox... round and round they eyed... they eyed some more...then they crossed eyed... then just when everybody thought there would be blood shed,

one of the poupon-jello balls bounced by. Chatty grabbed it and flung it at The Fox. With mustard and green jello dripping from The Fox's eyes and chin, Chickadee was able to jump into the nearest Chippendale's arms and...

show us all why they call her CHICK-adee... Nancy50, Robin and Brenda got up from their vantage point at the end of one of the long tables and began gathering up the leftovers in plastic bags smuggled in by non other than Meredith knowing there would be food left and she was sick of eating greens and bouuncing cookies. Sherri screamed "ladies please lets remember who we are." Yea shouted Dianne, we are boomer babes hear us roar. Donna and Dian began singing sweetly but all eyes went towards Pam and Sandra who jumped to the top of one of the tables and began waving their arms and shaking their bottoms while they......

[ October 19, 2005, 07:58 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

did the macerana!

http://www.cnn.com/WORLD/9703/04/fringe/india.macarena/

[ October 19, 2005, 06:02 PM: Message edited by: Danita ]

It was a mad house of fun and merriment when all rose to join in, Dreamer, Junebug, StacyM, Maggie, NH Jackie, speakermom, amd Toni all began chanting "shake that thang." Erica, Beth1119, unique, DJ and NatureGirl showed us some moves that would've made even Smile blush. Just then Sunrise yelled out to JerseyGirl and Sher for all to hear, would you look at Lynn and Lynn329 each trying to out do each other, "I'm best, no I'm best,"... Oh no check out the group in the corner trying to start a stripping contest and who is the leader, AskDutchy says its Danita of course, with those hairy legs, who else? Hey you ladies stop that right now, BeadAngel and candiceJ, Evie, ariadne54, Dahti, Louisa, angelsmuse, agate, Bookie, and Vicki M. put those things back on, shouted DallasGal this isn't Las Vegas you know. Oh no, look at mammajude, fiftyandfine and KayB giving a new meaning to the word FREEDOM....thats right Lionspaaw and WestertnBluebird corral them all and throw some cold.....

[ October 19, 2005, 08:00 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

champagne over them ASAP! My goodness ladies, Danita said as she guzzled a bit of champagne before dumping the rest on top of several of the nearest girls' heads....remember we are LADIES and we're here to honor our new President Dotsie! Oh Dotsie?? Dotsie?? Where are you Dotsie??? All of a sudden there was the sound of a Harley Davidson's engine starting up and to the total amazement of the assembled crowd......

Off rode Dotsie into the sunset, on the back of a hog, with her handsome first husband in the pilot seat.

Meanwhile...back in the ballroom...

...amidst the hula-hoops, bling-ed barking, spinning spam-balls, stuffing smugglers, Macarena Mama's and confused Chippendales, stood the one person who could bring peace back into the chaos and save the evening...Songbird...and she began to sing.

United we stand,
divided we fall,
and if our backs should ever be against the wall,
we'll be together, together,
you and I.

The women gathered round, pulling themselves back together. They joined hands and...

[ October 19, 2005, 08:16 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

Elvis was getting restless. He was jealous of all the attention the Chippendales were getting from the boomer women. Some words flew back and forth. "Hey, Elvis, Are you lonesome tonight," one of them yelled? That upset Elvis. "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog!" he yelled back. Before we knew it, an argument ensued between him and the Chippies. Louisa tried to stop them by suggesting they stop all the nonsense and shake hands. But it got worse when one of the Chippendales spilled champagne on Elvis's Blue Suede Shoes. Elvis couldn't take it any more. He took out his cell phone and cancelled his stay at the Heartbreak Hotel and said he was going back to Las Vegas. Chatty pleaded with him and begged him not to leave.

"Queen JawJaw, can't you do something to make him stay?" Louisa screamed.

"Okay, okay," said da Queen. "He can have some of my Oreos. But only a few."

That kept him happy, but then the Chippendales got mad at JJ. Louisa and Nancy50 got them all singing Karaoke and before long it was a party again....until.............

Chatty's top fell off.

She stood there motionless for just a fraction of a second.....

When J.J. tossed her two bowls of jello to cover her nakidness!

"wooo hooo" shouted Chatty, "party on Boomer Babes".....

(I have so many tears in my eyes from laughing so hard that I can't see to type! Bathroom break!!)

Then before anyone knew what was happening three of the chippendales attacked her, spoons flying. jello dissapearing fast. Chattys eyes glazed over from all the spoon action going on, been celibate for many years she purrred, not dead!!! Oh be still my heart. Just then Meredith came to her rescue, spraying her with whipped creme so she could escape and get her top back up. Smile in the meantime threw the chips some meat that Nancy50 dropped from her doggy bag it seems no one thought to feed these hungry men. To most Boomer women men are nothing more than.....

Eye candy...but hey, the hunks need chunks of food to fuel their firey passions!

So as the men were scarfing up the food like common rodents.....

Elvis and one of the Chips started fighting over the last Oreo. The Oreo broke apart, and Elvis ended up with the half without the creamy center.

"Don't be cruel," he cried, "Treat me nice, I beg you; I may have been dead all these years, but I don't have a wooden heart!"

The women sighed (some swooned), and the Chip with the creamy-centered Oreo said...

"There are the Lynn's and I am in love."

Which Lynn out did the other and caught Elvis's eye and which Lynn out did the other Lynn and caught the Chip's eye?

The oreo was momentarily forgotten.

No it wasn't. The Queen scoffed it up in a flash. She'd never let an Oreo go to waste. Those foolish men. You can't blame Elvis. He's been out of the loop for so long. He just keeps saying "I Want You, I Need You, I Love You." And the Queen still won't give him back the Oreo. Meanwhile, the Chips are running after Chatty saying, "There's always room for Jello." What does Chatty do?............She..........

Was caught by the most luscious White house Aid, all golden and male, not a political bone in his body, who promptly fell in love with her wit and beauty!

But Chatty said, "Honey, before we can become an "item" you have to take the new Boomer Date Questionare! You look pretty good on the outside now let's see what you're like on the inside. She took him to the library and gave him the 10 page quiz and a pen and asked him to give it to the secretary (who, by the way, was just as good looking as Mr. Golden Boy) when he was finished.

Miss Chatty always said you should never put all your eggs in one basket.

Next

One Chip was so in love with the Lynns that the Lynns didn't have to out do one another. Instead, they worked in tandem, only it wasn't work at all, it was all play and lotsa fun. There was the sassy Lynn, there was the feisty Lynn, with a chip as the creamy center. (Hmm...we be getting into erotic fantasy here) Then Daisy walked into the room, and was shaking her fingers at the Lynns: "Remember what Chatty said: Don't put all your eggs in one basket." So the Lynns decided in tandem two baskets was better than one, and they fetched another Chip. But this Chip was no ordinary Chip because he was ...

the epitome of "A Hunk" whose garment was overstuffed with bills the boomer women had adorned him with.
Bookie stepped forward and gladly volunteered her bookkeeping skills but only if "da Queen" would boot the King out of his counting house while Bookie and the the Chip counted his money.

Licking the crumbs of the last Oreo from her lips the "Da Queen......

[ October 20, 2005, 01:35 AM: Message edited by: Bookie ]

escorted Elvis out onto the veranda where Elvis proceeded to play his guitar JUST for Da Queen who was swooning in ecstasy as Elvis looked into her eyes and sang "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You". As the moon shone brightly, and Da Queen swayed and swooned, the sound of sirens could be heard approaching from afar! Elvis stopped singing and said..........

Thank you, thank you very much.

With a startled jump, Dotsie woke up in a panic, her heart beating wildly.

"It was all just a dream! Thank Heaven - I was having a nightmare - the Boomer Women would never get themselves into such messy situations!"

She splashed cold water in her face, got a cup of steaming coffee, sat down at her computer and started typing.....

HELP, I don't want to be president. I enjoy boomerwomenspeak.com and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women too much to give it up for presidency. So she gracefully bowed out, scanned the room and appointed...

Lynn! She wanted a job that would allow her to work from home and travel with her family. So she was appointed to do good amongst the land.

Her first task was to...

abolish income tax as we know it! She set an amount that every individual in the USA would pay each year ($1,000) and determined that the Government would come out ahead that way, as would the citizens! Everyone rejoiced! Lynn proved that Boomer Women Rock! Plus they are very smart!

The next day......

We honored women! We remebered all the women who came before us, who passed down lifetimes of information to make us strong.

A national holiday was declared in honor of all women. Plans began for a national monument on the mall in Washington, D.C.

The plans began to unfold...

...and Oprah heard about them and invited Dotsie to be on her show. What a day that was! Dotsie brought those of us who participated in this written adventure with her, and Oprah gave all of us wonderful gifts to celebrate our "Boomerism". The gifts included ....

...a week-long all-inclusive all-expenses paid (including whole new wardrobes, shoes and watersports) stay for all of us together (no Chips allowed) at a luxury spa on one of the Caribbean Islands (not during hurricane season)...

Of course Oprah will join us for the boomer chick trip! We are all SO COOL, how could she resist?

Since we will be flying on a private plane, we can bring our dogs and there will be activities for them to enjoy and nice soft beds to nap in while we are getting massaged, waxed, pedicured, manicured.....and just plain cured!

Every night we will have gourmet dinners and dancing under the stars - who needs men to dance!

Hmmm.....I wonder if Oprah has enough money to buy all the shoes I would like?

[ October 20, 2005, 04:56 PM: Message edited by: Daisygirl ]

After everyone was "cured", they all took a bus to tour the soon to be opened "Boomer Retiree Castle" It was only two days away from the ribbon cutting ceremony and the girls wanted to make sure everything was in order...

The day finally arrived and the huge sign above the long drive-way into this magnificient new community for women only was unveiled in a ribbon cutting ceremony with solid gold scissors held of course by ourleader Dotsie. A hush fell over the crowd to see the words changed on the sign from Boomer Retirement Castle, to the original name chosen ions ago, BOOMER BED & BREAKFAST....You needn't be retired to come, rest and enjoy the other boomer sisters company at this wonderful estate with rolling green lawns, ponds with swan swimming leisurely and brooks that bubbled around lush lilac bushes. Each had their own personal flair they added to the construction, Chatty for example took over the kitchen and dining room adding magnificient chrome appliances, triple ovens, dual microwaves and it even came equipped with its very own herb garden in the greenhouse. You can't cook without the tools she exclaimed. Everyone agreed and Eagle Heart decided to put her special touches on the.....

[ October 20, 2005, 08:16 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

...Sanctuary Garden. Roses of every colour flourished there, and flowers of every description bloomed beside pathways that meandered along the bubbling brooks and through ivy-covered trellises. There was even a stone bridge gently arching across the pond. The Sanctuary Garden was a gentle oasis, designed to soothe the soul.

Everywhere you looked, you could see the love and care that the women had poured into this wonderful estate. Why, just over there, you could see...

[ October 20, 2005, 08:39 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

tiny little cottages where each visitor to the Boomer B&B could stay as long as she wanted to - there were several that looked like miniature English cottages with roses trellised around the doorway and beautiful perennial beds tucked in around the stone sidewalk....and others that had thatched roofs like Irish cottages with whitewashed half-timbered walls. There were all kinds of different "accommodations" according to what kind of world the Boomer who was getting away from it all would like! Even a beach hut surrounded by sand and a........

beautiful clear lake with a colorful sailboat tied at the dock. There were other boats, but they all must be quiet and slow as to not disturb the serenity of the Boomer B&B. A woman could take a nice thick novel and float out to the middle of the lake and read to her heart's content in perfect quiet. There was a long dock that was suitable for fishing as well as having a meal alfresco.

After we all settled in, decorated our cottages and relaxed for a time, we decided to celebrate with ........why of course, another Boomer party! This party had a theme, and a very special guest, who was...........

Don Ho! Yes, he is rather old and decrepit, but when he started singing Tiny Bubbles (in the wine...make me happy, make me feel fine..)it became clear that the theme of the party was a Luau. Waiters appeared bearing huge platters (yes, PuPu platters) - and a huge champagne fountain was wheeled out. The champagne flowed over a beautiful ice carving of a....

...nobody could determine what the carving was, because at that very moment several menopausal boomer women had a collective hot flash and jumped on the ice carving to cool down...

...and before the waiters could yell "aloha", the beautiful ice sculpture melted into the champagne. The hot-flashing boomer women floundered in the champagne fountain for a few frightening moments, creating waves that splashed over the edge onto everyone's feet.

"Oh pooh," said...

[ October 20, 2005, 11:57 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

...Dianne, you've ruined my new shoes!

It was a champagne tsunami - but one the Boomers really didn't mind as they were cool now (in more ways than one, and they had all swallowed copious amounts of champagne when the big wave hit....) But most miraculous of all - as the champagne dried on their skin and they looked at one another they realized they all looked young - no one looked over 25! Everyone had lost the middle-age spread - they could easily get roles on "Desperate Housewives" - but no one felt desperate! Dotsie said....

(First line should read...It was a champagne tsuname - but NONE of the Boomers.....)

(Sorry - I'm not awake - tsunami, not tsuname!) All other typos will go uncorrected!

"Ladies! I do believe we have found the champagne fountain of youth!!!".....and as the other Boomers who hadn't had the "benefit" of the champagne bath leaped into the fountain, they all.......

...watched the wrinkles, pounds, grey hair and varicose veins disappear before their eyes. It was miraculous! It was joyous! The women danced in the fountain as the champagne continued to cascade over their rejuvenated bodies. Dianne kicked her ruined shoes off and joined them.

All too soon, the champagne stopped flowing, and the women climbed out of the fountain. "Well, what's next?" they asked. Someone in the crowd said, "Let's .....

[ October 21, 2005, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

...Let's go shoe shopping"

Not only did their bodies rejuvenate, but when they tried on new shoes....


Next.

why, the champaign fountain of youth had healed all the bunions and corns and they were ALL able to purchase the highest sexiest heeled shoes they wanted. They could shop all day in their high heeled shoes, so they had Fred, the pool boy take their shoe boxes to the limo and they continued on to........

The boomer strip bar where they strutted onstage in all their glory and slid down boom boom's dance pole.
As they gyrated to center stage they were joined by the Chippendale Dancers who had arrived to cheer them on.
Chatty grabbed a chip and began a hoedown as JJ looked around at all the fabulous examples of maleness and murmured.....

..."Please don't tell me this is just a dream..." But just then, the heel on Chatty's new shoe broke and she fell into the...

audience. They passed her around over the tops of their heads until chatty shouted, "You better put me down, I'm going to vomit".

With that, the boomer women carried chatty out of the lounge (whose bright idea was that anyways) and back into the limo the went...headed for the boomer B&B.

Upon arrival, they were surprised to find....

...their husbands and significant others waiting...tapping their feet...drumming their fingers...smoldering with anger. Until...they saw how their rejuvenated wives/SO's looked - they couldn't believe their eyes. They all stood up and.....

...begged their wives/partners/SO's for forgiveness for all the pain and frustration they had caused over the years...for the unwashed dishes they had left in the sink, the dust bunnies they had left unswept, the piles of laundry they had left on the bedroom and bathroom floors, the gourmet restaurants they never took them to, the exotic lands they had never explored...it was a wondrous sight, and a welcome sound.

The women rejoiced over being appreciated and honoured for the first time in their lives. As the sun rose, lighting up the eastern sky, the Boomers decided to...

let their husbands and significiant others mop up the fountain area and clean up the dishes and do all the nasty little jobs that no one wanted to do to prove their worth. All the gals went into the Boomer B&B to sample some left over roasted pig from the luau and listen to Don Ho seranade them while the five chippendale dancers that followed JJ and Smile home while being tempted with promises of fun, gave everyone a foot and calf massage with fragrant luscious Arbonne and Mary Kay lotions. It was a relaxing time for the women and they giggled and watched their men try so hard to earn whatever love they might be getting later...might be getting is the key because after all

[ October 21, 2005, 07:57 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

The boomer women were feeling so good they decided to forgive their significant other (after they finished cleaning of course.) They went over to tell them....

they would need to take a dip in the champaingne (creative spelling?) fountain of youth and they too, would feel like boogying the night away too!

When into the room comes John Travolta and Oliva Newton, then Patrick Swazy and Baby! They start dancing until......

the sun came up.

The boomer babes decided it was time for some much needed rest. All this partying had taken a toll on them.

So off they went to their respective lodging, some with husbands, some with "signifcant others", and some with their beloved four legged buddies.

The boomer beds were the most lavish beds ever made. They were like sleeping on a cloud. The room tempretures were set to perfection...

The ladies were lulled to sleep with the fragrance of "ginger citrus" (giggles) permeating the room, ensuring deep, sweet slumber. (Danita had it piped in through the vents)

In the evening, when everyone arose from their naps......

there was a heated discussion going on as some of the women grumbled that this Boomer B&B was for Boomer women only, NOT their husbands etc. It was a place of solitude and comraderie for the women and not a place for baggage. It is not the Holiday Inn. They have to go said Chatty lets put it to a vote so we can get on with our Boomer babes high jinks in private, ok said Queen JJ as she sipped her steaming coffee and munched one of the fresh baked jelly rolls. Eagle stood and said all those in favor of the rule NO men except for entertainment say I, others say nay, thats it them the

[ October 23, 2005, 05:41 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

...men have to go! Then Dreamer, the quiet one, spoke up with an excellent idea! "Let's hole a huge bake sale all day and a Margarita and Guacamole Party all night to raise money for the Boomer Men to have a place of their own! Then we'll know where they are, our homes won't be turned into pig styes while we're here, and we can have some peace!"

Fabulous idea, shouted Searcher, Pam, Dotsie and the others...let's vote!

I vote nay, let these lazy men have their own bake sale and booze party. No wonder their helpless, these women do everything for them? Now you see why so many of us stay single and free. I vote we send them on their way then hold our own sale and.....

Meredith, who had already traded in her husband for six leopards and really didn't care where he was (any place but here...) rolled her eyes in her best (albeit lousy) imitation of domesticity and purred,

"Why, I'll be happy to bake for the men. I have this perfect recipe -- avocado nut cookies. We could feed it to the men first, and see if they bounce."

(Ms. Grammar Police wishes to remind everyone that she'd never misplace a modifier, and that "they" in the last sentence does, indeed, refer to the men.)

Perhaps if they ate enough cookies we could bounce all the men away? Just a thought...

Or if they drank enough booze we could float them away?

Either way, away is where the men should be.

And so it was voted by a majority of the Boomers present, that the men be banished from the Boomer B&B. A compromise was reached relative to at least HELPING the helpless men (tee hee) with raising money to build their OWN "getaway" spot by donating some baked goods. Chatty formed a crew of ladies who had "special recipes" (including Meredith's avocado cookies) and off they went to the kitchen to........

...begin baking away but then, the women decided rather than give the men enough booze to float them away, they drank it themselves while creating cookies for the newly homeless men...

Daisygirl, Chatty, Dianne, and JawJaw baked dog treats for dogs in foster homes rather than cookies for humans. They were so delicious that dogs and dog people from all over began placing orders and before they could say "roll over" they had a brand new successful business! They only kept half of the money for themselves, and contributed the other to dog rescue organizations throughout the country! The Boomer chick home became the headquarters for "Le Chic Chien Cafe" and was just the beginning of ................

a really true effort to help the truly helpless. These treats were so good they could be eaten by people too. Well except maybe for the Avacado bouncers, these were used as toys for the dogs. JJ and Dianne had the wonderful idea of making some cookies in the shape of a shoe and they were the quickest to sell. Chatty decided to make some look like steak bones and those went well too. Daisygirls fire hydrante cookies were too good to be true and the dogs that they were tested on gobbled them up, all except for a tiny chihuahua who insisted on trying to lift his leg on one. The kitchen was filled with song as the women watching and packaging the cookies sang, Elvis's You Ain't Nuthin But Hound Dog. Just then Eagle Heart and Smile appeared in the doorway laughing wildly because

[ October 24, 2005, 09:11 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Eagle and Smile had just run into Elvis in Person down at the local juke joint. Wow what a guy! Good looking as ever.

He said tell all the boomer girls...

thank you, thank you very much.

side note from the peanut gallery:

would you guys stop resurecting (where is searchers's dictionary) Elvis...PLEASE???!!!!!! You're killing me here!

[ October 25, 2005, 11:56 AM: Message edited by: Danita ]

Sorry.

....Hmmmmm - it seems many of the Boomers were still high from the champagne tsunami! The plan was to hold a public bake sale, followed by a public margarita/guacamole party with the proceeds donated to the men so they could build their own place and stay out of ours!

So while a few Boomers were busy with the dog biscuit business, the rest got busy and baked up a storm, prepared gallons of frozen margaritas and guacamole and held a mega fund raiser! It was a huge success, making so much money that enough was donated to the men to build their own place and the remainder was invested intelligently in a fund to be used for Boomer Women cruises!

The first cruise was scheduled for....

"Today!" exclaimed chick as she flittered around the room, licking the salt from the Margarita glass she had in one hand while trying to fit her strewn clothing into her suitcase with the other. "Short notice but Hey, ya only live once, right?...Anyone see my bikini wax kit? I need it to do my eyebrows." Diaaannnnee, did you see...

"I can't think of a better way to celebrate Algelmuse's Birthday can you, Danita? Danita?...DANITA!!!...wake up. ELVIS has left the building. C'mon get up, you're gonna be late!
What's all the commotion about said a sleepy eyed...

Meredith. "Geez, you gals know I don't do mornings. It's only noon. Let me sleep off all the chocolate I ate last night."

At the sound of the word "chocolate," several rabid-eye boomer babes including...

Dreamer (who lives for chocolate.....) raced into Meredith's room and dragged her out of bed. After all - it was the day of their first cruise!

"C'mon, Meredith" they shouted...."get dressed, pack your suitcase - our plane leaves in 3 hours and we have to go through airport security!"

"We'll be on the ship in 5 hours. We'll dine tonight at the Captain's table by special invitation, so we'll eat light and then hit the all night buffet!!"

We're on our way to.....

Greek Islands where the food is scrumptous and satisfying, the sands are white and soft and the men are dark, hard and eager...With a sparkle in her eye Meredith squeezed into her leopard skip pants and matching bolero and they were off. Just them Chatty burst from her room saying oh mamma, a cruise and no cooking for me for the entire time, I am drunk with excitement. As they hurried along JJ rounded the corner with Danita on her heels, saying hey can someone fit this case of Oreo's in your suitcase? If I don't get my cookies once a day I.........

[ October 26, 2005, 08:27 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

...crumble."

Eagle Heart stuffed JJ's Oreo's in her carry-on bag, solemnly promising not to eat them on the way to the cruise ship dock, even though she was very hungry. "It's a good thing it's a bag of Oreos and not a cheesecake," she thought to herself.

But a terrible thing happened on the way to the cruise ship dock. The taxi got caught in a traffic jam and the longer they sat in traffic, the more appetizing those Oreos looked. Finally Eagle couldn't stand it any longer and...

[ October 27, 2005, 09:48 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

jumped out of the taxi screaming, "I can't stand it! I can't stand it!"

Passersby looked at her like her brain just went bazongos, except for one tall gorgeous black-haired man who

ran up to the Taxi, grabbed the suitcase full of Oreo's thinking it contained jewels and money, and off he fled...on foot. Wearing flipflops designed by Meredith.

He hadn't gotten too far down the alley when...

the suitcase flung open and all of Eagle's sexy bright-coloured lingerie scattered throughout the alleyway. One hot purple pantie hit a poor homeless man right in the eye. Her fushia bra landed in a ragged woman's empty soup pot. The package of Oreo's flew through the air and landed right in the arms of a very hungry-looking man. Eagle, JJ, Danita and all the other women who had followed the Oreo-thief gazed around them and...

[ October 28, 2005, 08:34 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

watched the taxi as it drove out of sight. He was in cohoots with the tall dark haired man.
JJ said...

Meanwhile, the stunned dark haired man looked around, up and then down. He saw his flip-flops as if for the first time. Colorful beads adorned the straps. The beads glistened and gleamed in the sunlight. He grinned with delight at how coordinated the beaded flip flops were with his toe rings. He realized the jewels were already his when he took off a flip flop and looked at the sole: It was a one-of-a-kind pair of flip flops created by the famous Meredith Bead. All the treasure in the world was right at his feet. Feeling oh so glad, he wondered how he could make amends for being in cohoots with the taxi driver, and running off with the loot. He had an enlightenment right there in the dank alley. Bright light washed over him as he decided to make amends by....

buying everyone passage back to the cruiseline and of course, dinner at the Captains table. With the Captain... and the taxi-cab driver. And Meredith.

But that wasn't where the story ended... oh no. Just when everyone thought it was safe to go in the water... a shot was heard! But who was shot? Was it the taxi-cab driver? The divine Ms M? The Captain? JR? Worse...JJ? What were the girls to do?

LLLL-ooooo...Mi-a name is Her-cu Piorot... I am a famous Belgium detective and I'm at your disposal, heard the women... huh? Beligum? Detective?

Do you all speak Southern? asked JJ...

About that time Eagle jumped up and said, Wait! Stop! I have something to say....

Eagle said: "When I jumped out of the car screaming, I somehow noticed this kinda strange couple eyeing me. I thought it because I was screaming, but now I remember -- they pointed a device -- it looked like one of those new camera phones with a tape recorder.

I think they were spies! And the shot came from their direction!"

and BTW, the tall dark-haired man had the epiphany because I everything I make has a little bit of my energy in it!

[ October 29, 2005, 06:17 AM: Message edited by: meredithbead ]

"Spies? Here? What KIND of spies? You mean like the James Bond type?" asked JJ...

"Uh huh," said Meredith. "And they shot a hole in the Taxi, look!"

"They killed a taxi?" asked Eagle. "I don't get it, what did the Taxi ever do to them? You think they hate Yellow?"

"Yo, girls, whats sup?" chimed in Danita as she saundered up to the now dead Taxi.

In walks Pinki/Pam, detective on the spot. "Step back everybody... let Bailey have a look here" said Pam as she put on her very fashionable, yet WHITE detective hat.

"Ah Pam, its after Labor Day" says JJ

"HA! I laughed at Labor Day naysayers! I laugh in the face of trouble! I laugh at--... wait, did you say its after Labor Day?" Pam asked

"Ah...yup" says JJ between Oreo bites.

"Hmm... cuse M wah..." says cool and deb-bon-air Pamster.

"Here we gooooo" she said as she puts on her now very cool WINTER detective hat... ah, Tam..., ah... hmm... wonder what one WOULD call that thang?

"What thang?" asked the onlooker Lynnie. "Not only what would you call it, but how would you describe it? Use your best adjectives, because they hold the clues to solving the mystery of the missing.....

...teal bead-tassled toque that Meredith had created to go with the one-of-a-kind pair of flip flops that she had made especially for the tall dark handsome Oreo thief. Now why would Meredith make beaded flip flops and a matching bead-tassled toque for an Oreo thief? Why would a flip-flop-wearing thief need a matching bead-tassled toque? Because...

the oreos are such an aphrodesiac that some people will do anything to get them. You see, it was the tall dark handsome thief that had seduced meredith with oreos long before she knew he would turn on her to get hold of her stash of the legendary aphrodesiac. Here is how he claimed her for his own: he brought the oreos to her in a satin draw string bag lined with caramel colored cloth. This was no ordinary bag because the strings were not strings at all but golden locks from a real live fairy. The fairy had used her magic wand to cause all oreos in the land to become powerful aphrodesiacs. Before Meredith learned of his betrayal, she had created the toga (toque) because he had wooed her with oreos. Ah, she fell so hard for his charms! Her sisters, nearly a thousand strong, all tried to warn her that this tall dark handsome man was too good to be true. Yet, full of the powerful potion of oreos, she....

swore he was her one true love.

And there's the cause of her trouble. Before she knew what was happening, he...

ran away again and beads scattered as he fled. Ah but Meredith had had enough of tall dark and handsome. And all in good time, because Dotsie was about to announce the featured author for November. Dotsie, the leader of the thousands of sisters, had seen enough of their escapades run amok, and she decided it was time to say....

(ahem, Dotsie, I think that's your cue to end this delightful-but-gone-on-for-much-too-long October story....)

Dotsie was about to announce the featured author for November. Dotsie, the leader of the thousands of sisters, had seen enough of their escapades run amok, and she decided it was time to say....

[ October 30, 2005, 12:28 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

Wheres Chatty? Everyone knows its her job to seek out and destroy unscrupulous males who try to put something over on a Boomer sister. Everyone began to chant Chatty, wheres Chatty and yet she was no where to be found. Dotsie led her flock to the cruise ship not caring what this man was about or why someone would shot a taxi cab. As all arrived and were checked on board the ship to begin a relaxing stress free cruise, Chatty appeared with a female ships Captain followed by numerous female crew members (what did you expect)and all set sail for the Islands to renew their spirits and enjoy this male free atmosphere together. The delightful smells from the galley told then that not only were their wonderous feasts being readied but also looking around them they discovered oreo's galore looking like tiny little lifesavers to save the sinking boomer spirits...and they sailed off into the sunset towards the November skys to find the newest talented author to be honored........The End

[ October 30, 2005, 08:18 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Well done! Nice ending to a long and winding story, Chatty!

And they all lived happily ever after.

Amen...

Amen...

And tomorrow beins a new featured author. The book is Beyond the Corner Office: Essays by Nine Women, Edited by, Judith Scheffler.

Nine former corporate women share their stories.