Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women

Posted by: Dotsie

Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/08/05 08:52 AM

Ladies, it is my pleasure to introduce Prill Boyle to you. Many of you may already know her because she has frequented our forums in the past.

Prill is the author of an inspiring book that shares the stories of twelve women who made life changes at mid-life. You are sure to feel twinges within as you discover other women have had similar thoughts, doubts, and fears, but chose to throw caution to the wind and took off flying.

My prayer is that you will read Prill's book and discover a passion to follow your dreams at midlife. There's no better time!

Prill, how about telling us a little about yourself as a woman and writer?
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/07/05 10:00 PM

Hi everyone!
First, Dotsie, let me thank you for inviting me here. I'm honored--and delighted--to be a part of this forum. I can't wait to chat with everyone!

Let me start by emphasizing that five years ago I couldn't have imagined being a writer, let alone one of Dotsie's featured authors. But I've learned that I have many more gifts and talents than I thought. We all do.

When I got the idea to write DEFYING GRAVITY, I was teaching English at a community college in Connecticut and looking for ways to help my students keep focused on their goals. Then in January of 2000 I came across an article in The New York Times about a 65-year old Kentucky woman named Wini Yunker. She had waited 39 years to join the Peace Corps and was leaving for a two-year assignment in Ukraine. I was so inspired by her persistence and courage that I decided to write a book about women like her--even though I'd never written anything before. The result is DEFYING GRAVITY.

As you might imagine, I have quite a story to tell and a wealth of experience to share about how to create the lives we want. I'm sure many more pieces of my story will come out as I chat with all of you. But, for now, I just want to say hello.

I'm excited to see where the conversation leads. We all have so much to teach one another!
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/07/05 10:31 PM

I'm testifying...not only will you enjoy the book, but you will treasure the friendship that I'm sure Prill is offering here. Remember I told you I like to surround myself with positive people? She's one of um....

I call her CinderPrilla...and the reason is for another time. Let's just say she's inspiring!

You will fall in love with the women in Prill's book. You will probably come away with a favorite story too mainly because it may fit closer to your own circumstances.

I'm telling you girls, you don't want to miss this book!

Hugs Prill---JJ
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/07/05 11:17 PM

Ladies, you can purchase her book through the link on the Book Club button on this site. It's a bargain from Amazon for $13.60! [Big Grin]
Posted by: Queen Me

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/08/05 12:32 AM

Hi, Prill!

I've already bought my copy. I loved the book! And, like Queen Jaw Jaw, I think you are absolutely grand.

Allyn

For those wanting to read an interview that Prill and I did together (and for more inspiration), go to http://www.averagegirlmagazine.com/corner.htm

I think it will only be up through Sunday of this week.

[ January 07, 2005, 04:34 PM: Message edited by: Queen Me ]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/08/05 12:37 AM

Thanks, JJ. And thanks again, Dotsie. Both of you have such generous spirits.

Something I've learned along the way these past few years is that there's room for all of us to be successful--however one defines the term. In other words, we can afford to be generous and help each other. Plus, it feels sooo good.
Posted by: Pam Kimmell

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/08/05 12:57 AM

I loved your book Prill (as I wrote to tell you after I finished it!!) I came away from the experience inspired by all of the women whose stories you told. So many paths taken in so many different directions.

Ladies if you haven't read Prill's book - DO. It's absolutely a memorable experience. [Smile]
Posted by: Queen Me

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/08/05 02:54 AM

Hi, Prill!

Do you mind sharing more about your experience of finding an agent? or publisher? or both?
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/08/05 03:44 AM

First, thank you Allyn and Pam for your kind words.

I'd be happy to discuss finding an agent and publisher. I'd love to hear everyone else's stories as well--both about writing and book publishing and, more generally, about pursuing dreams. I just did a workshop titled "If You're Gonna Make It In This World, You've Gotta Sound Like Who You Are." I think that's the bottom line for all three of these things.

In terms of finding an agent, a wonderful man named Paul Fedorko ( web page ) magically appeared in my life when I was ready. I know that's not helpful to anyone, but it's the truth as I perceive it. Once I had the clarity to be able to articulate in a sentence what my book was about and what I hoped to achieve in writing it, AND I was crystal clear that I needed an agent, one literally came to my doorstep. Yes, I had a personal connection. My agent lives with a friend of mine. But I didn't know that Paul was an agent when I told my friend about the book. And, two other agents gave me their cards the same week. One I met on a train; the other at a party. In all three cases, they must have sensed my clarity and my passion. I'm convinced that these are the keys. This is as true for finding an agent as it is for pursuing a dream.

In terms of getting a publisher, my agent did most of the legwork. He walked me through the process of writing a proposal, pitched the book to 15 publishers, and softened the blow from the 14 demoralizing rejections I received. Ultimately, I'm very happy that I went with Emmis Books, although I was nervous at the start. Because they're a small outfit, I've had a lot of individual attention--great for a first-time author--and publishing the book has been a collaborative effort. The company is owned by Emmis Corporation, a large multi-media company, so that's been helpful as well.

There are pros and cons to small publishing houses versus large ones and self-publishing versus having a professional do it. The bottom line is that each step of the way, it's important to ask yourself, "How does this feel?" It doesn't matter what others have done. What matters is whether the fit is right for you.
Posted by: Sherri

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/08/05 04:42 AM

This is exactly what I need at this time in my life. It looks like my early buy out is not going to happen. There are changes I want to make in my life, including retiring and writing full time. It depends on the financial aspect of our lives right now, and I am still praying on exactly what I should do.

I could retire now, and get a part time job and be ok, or I could retire now and possibly take care of my 3 grandchildren, or I can work until May, get my vacation earned and then retire. So many if's and what if's and I am really confused right now. Will order the book right away.

Sherri
Posted by: TVC15

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/08/05 04:35 PM

Welcome Prill,
I'm glad that Dotsie invited you to be our featured author this month. I've been meaning to get your book for awhile now and this was just the push I needed. Can't wait to read it!
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/08/05 05:12 PM

Hi Sherri & TVC15. Thank you both for taking the time to post an entry. Hope you enjoy the book.

Sherri, I clicked on your website. Love the picture of you with your grandchild! As far as your confusion about what to do next in your life, I can sympathize. I felt this way, too, as I was contemplating whether to teach full time or quit my job and write. (I ended up choosing the latter.) The financial aspect is important to consider, but you indicate that everything will be okay no matter what. (Am I right?) What a blessing that is.

Something I've been learning from listening to life story after life story these past four years--not to mention living my own--is that our timing is immaculate. We often tell ourselves that we aren't moving forward fast enough in our lives...or that such and such a decision was made was too hastily. (We can be so unkind to ourselves.) But in the overarching scheme of things, when one looks back at one's life as a whole, there's a perfection there. So my advice would be to relax and take your time to get clarity. Most of all, enjoy this moment right now because it's the only moment you have. Future ones aren't guaranteed.

As far as my own life goes, my youngest son is graduating from college in May. I'm not quite ready for grandchildren yet. Heck, I'm not even ready for a dog!
Posted by: Sherri

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/08/05 06:19 PM

Prill,

Thanks visiting my website. Little Kenzie is living with us right now along with her 2 year old brother and 3 year old sister. So many things to think about and do. I want to make some changes in my life, and I really am just trying to sit back and let go. It is sooooo hard to do that!

If I would have gotten my early retirement buyout, I could have taken care of the financial aspect and all would be fine. Then no question, I would out of the 40 hour work week, and doing what I want to do. I may know something by Monday, but right now it isn't looking good.

I am going to order your book today as soon as I can get on my big computer (Daughter is taking off all her pictures right now to transfer to her computer.)

Looking forward to this month with you.

Sherri
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/08/05 10:33 PM

Sherri--

I've got my fingers--and toes--crossed for you for the retirement buyout. Sometimes we don't know what's best for us, though. Don't you agree? Here's a Shakespeare quote I love. It comforts me when things don't seem to be going my way:

"We, ignorant of ourselves, / Beg often our own harms, which the wise pow'rs / Deny us for our good; so we find profit / By the losing of our prayers" (Anthony & Cleopatra, Act II, scene 1, line 5).
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/09/05 06:53 PM

My oldest son Gabriel said to me once that I'm not as comfortable with silence as he is. Maybe it's a woman thing to want to keep the conversation going. Who knows. But since no one has posted in the past 12 hours or so, I will again. (I'm almost never at a loss for words. [Wink] )

Despite what I said above about not yet wanting grandchildren—or even a dog—I was a little sad this morning when I dropped my youngest son off at the station to catch a train to Philly. He’s going back to college for the last time today. Usually he comes home for a week in March, but this year he’s going to be traveling for Spring Break. In the past he’s come back to Connecticut for at least part of the summer; but after graduating in May, he’ll be moving in with friends. All of this is to the good. I want him to be independent. But it struck me as I waved goodbye that I wouldn’t be doing this again next year.

On an unrelated note, every day I try and do one bold thing. (This is something I started when I began writing Defying Gravity.) My friend Tamara M. is my "bold partner." We check in with other and share what we've done. Some days, being bold for me means doing something as simple as making a phone call or writing a letter. (Yesterday I wrote Gayle King, the Editor at Large of O Magazine, to tell her personally about my book. I had seen her New Year’s Day on television leading a panel at the California Governor’s Conference on Women and Families and was inspired by her warmth, honesty and positive attitude.) Today I think I’m going to be bolder still and say yes to an offer I just received to do a workshop in Illinois this spring. I’ve never done the kind of workshop the organizers are asking me to create, and I’m nervous about it, but I figure, “Why not?”

Honestly, I can't believe how bold I've become. I used to think of myself as shy. But from the beginning of this project, I felt that I had to practice what I was advocating or my message wouldn't ring true.

What about you gals? Anyone been bold lately?
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/09/05 07:27 PM

Prill, I also bid farewell to my college age son this morning before church. I shed some tears last night, but contolled myself when I gave him a tight hug this morning. [Wink] He has a ten hour drive to school. He's extremely independent for which I'm most grateful. Last night he packed all his bags, etc. and loaded his car by himself. This is the first time we didn't help in some way. I love his independence, but that's why I was shedding tears. He hardly needs us any more. Amazing, isn't it?

Being bold? My faith has taught me to be bold. God has given me the direction and strength to take every little step along this site and book journey. I don't know where I would be without Him.

You should definitely do the workshop. They obviously have the confidence in you to do a great job, or they wouldn't have asked. What is the subject? Does it pertain to your book? IS it an opportunity to sell books?
Posted by: unique

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/09/05 07:53 PM

Well, Prill, I used to be bold and now I'm not. Wish I could remember how I did it!?! Any advice other than 'just do it'? It might be because I used to be 'single' and now I have an 8 year old to care for...and maybe not...I just wonder about myself these days. [Confused] Trying to find my way back to my 'good parts' and down load the acquired 'bad parts'.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/09/05 09:04 PM

Dotsie--

How wild! I had no idea you were going through the same thing today. And, yes, it's amazing how they grow up. Like you, I controlled myself when I gave Ev a tight hug this morning. (I shed my tears as I was posting my entry.) The bottom line is that even though the last of my children left today, being a mom never stops. I still worry about my 28 year old, even though he's doing great. I can't help it.

As far as the conference goes, thank you SO MUCH for your encouragement. It really helps. The conference is being sponsored by the Women's Center at the College of Lake County in Grayslake, Illinois. The theme is "Doing Gender Better: Rethinking Our Roles in Family, Work, Education and the Media." I'm comfortable speaking about late blooming, finding voice and even women's literature (I used to teach a women's lit course), but I haven't specifically thought about the issue above. I need to put together a one-page proposal today if I'm going to do it. If I accept, they'll pay me a stipend for my transportation and for the workshop. And, yes, I will be able to sell books there. Can you believe I would have even considered declining?

Which brings me to Unique's question/plea for advice. You're not going to like this, Unique. You specifically told me NOT to say it. But my advice is to just do it. Really. Just be bold. Start small. Four years ago I remember telling a friend who had extended me an invitation to a party that I loved her and loved coming to her house, but I hated parties and just didn't want to come. It sounds like such a little thing, but it was bold of me to say this. Before, I would have either gone to the party anyway or made some excuse not to attend. These days I accept almost all invitations--or at least seriously consider them--to stretch myself, make connections and meet new people. I really enjoy getting out there. But back then I was just starting practicing being bold (and, for me, it is a practice, it is a habit I've built) and it was scary to be so truthful. The cool thing is that the woman, her name was Lee, not only understood what was I doing (I told her I was practicing being bold), but was tickled.

So what I'm saying, Unique, is that I think you'll feel better about yourself and recapture some of that spirit you feel you've lost (did I articulate this right? am I "getting" what you're experiencing?) if you take some action. You don't have to do anything big. Being a mom of an 8-year old might slow you down--it certainly slowed me down when I was at that stage of my life--but it doesn't have to keep you from being the person you want to be.
Posted by: smilinize

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/09/05 09:46 PM

Unique, I am afraid I am in the same position except for different reasons. (or are they just excuses?)
When I was a single mother I was totally movitaved and boldly did all kinds of things. I have led "business planning" workshops and understand the importance of beginning a plan be it for a business or for a life with a vision and from that developing a mission. Maybe I have lost my mission and am living my vision.

I still do things, but not near as boldly as before. Maybe it's just age or maybe I peaked too early or maybe it's that I no longer have the mission and challenge of supporting and educating my children. Or maybe it's just that the particular "passage" (another good book BTW) of my life is now over and I can relax and enjoy the fruits of my labor.
I'm quite happy and perhaps too content, but on some level I guess I have bloomed once and maybe I am in bloom now, but I would like to bloom again, maybe in a whole new flower.
And I too hear "Just do it a lot." I believe it and it has worked for me before, but somehow now I need something to empower me first. Maybe Unique feels the same.
Any input Prill.
smile
Posted by: Evie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/09/05 09:54 PM

quote:
Originally posted by Prill:
What about you gals? Anyone been bold lately?

I agreed to present at the Women's Breakfast in a couple of Saturdays, even though I hate speaking in front of people and I only have a smidgeon of an idea of what I want to present on - and 30 minutes to fill.......panic hasn't set in yet, but I expect it will closer to the 22nd [Big Grin]

Prill, I'm really enjoying your posts and all the inisghts you've been sharing. I'm glad you're here.

And now a question for you ladies with college kids flying off to live their own lives - how on earth did you manage to let them get driver's licences (assuming you did)???????? [Confused] My oldest turns 16 this month and I'm thinking - who's bright idea was it to let kids drive at 16? (I got my driver's licence when I was 16, but of course that's different)......and even though he's a responsible, wonderful young man - he's going to DRIVE???????? yikes.......pass me the valium [Razz]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/09/05 11:08 PM

Evie, I'll talk about the panic of doing workshops and teaching kids to drive in a few minutes--after I get some lunch--but first I want to respond to Smile.

Smile, I love your input. By the way, I checked out your website, and it looks like you’re still in full bloom. Anyway, there’s a fine line between reasons and excuses. It’s a reason if you feel good about it, an excuse if you don’t. At least that’s what I think. Sounds like you’re content. Life isn’t all about doing. Sometimes one needs to sit back and enjoy the fruits of one’s efforts and/or take time to fertilize new ideas, new dreams.

But here’s the thing about blooming—and the problem with the metaphor. Unlike the flowers in a real-life garden, we can bloom again and again and again. There’s no end to blooming. No age limit. It’s dicey for me to give advice because it’s such a personal process. Every woman has her own unique circumstances, her own unique “baggage” to take—or discard—as she makes her way in life. That’s why I wrote a book of stories rather than a self-help book. I believe in the power of stories. I believe in the power of role models. I think what we often need is not advice, but inspiration to light a fire in our hearts and examples to lead the way.

Here’s a powerful question: “Am I doing what I want, right here, right now?” In other words, what--if anything--are you doing that you want to stop? What--if anything--are you not doing that you want to begin? If we're honest with ourselves, we might find that we love being the mom of an 8-year old—or the mom of a 28 year old, as I am—and want nothing more at the moment. Or, we might decide that we want to shake things up a bit. There’s no right or wrong here.

Here’s something I wrote in my journal a while back that I came across again recently. It expands on this idea of blooming:

“It seems to me that as we spiritually evolve, we become more and more ourselves. More vibrant, more elastic, more feet-on-the-ground, more head-in-the clouds. Like a snake, we shed our old, dry, tight-feeling skins and allow fresher, more colorful selves to emerge. In line with this, the late-blooming women whose stories I've been attracted to aren't those who merely switched careers midlife. To use another metaphor, the women in my book haven't simply tried on a new set of clothes. They've stripped their old garments of fear, self-doubt and self-consciousness and allowed their true beings to be exposed to the light.”

I guess you could say I’m on my third blooming, but I really feel like I’m just more myself than I’ve ever been. I recently interviewed a man in San Francisco who became a painter in his seventies. ( web page ). I guess you could say he’s on his third blooming, too. In his most recent show, he sold 30 paintings! He told me that when he walked in the door of his first art class at San Jose State at age 76, he felt like he’d finally come home. It’s not that he wasn’t previously himself and wasn’t using his talents when he was a real estate developer (career #2); it’s just that each transformation he’s made has brought him closer and closer to the heart of himself. Now he’s just pure Art! (That’s a pun.)

So...gotta go get something to eat. As I said above, I'll add my two cents to the kids & driving issue in a little while. The bottom line: Teaching my older son Gabe to drive was wonderful--a chance to bond one-on-one with no distractions. Teaching Ev to drive, on the other hand, was the most terrifying experience of my life, not to mention the fact that he ended up concluding that I was a neurotic nutcase.
Posted by: smilinize

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/09/05 11:47 PM

Thank you Prill.

I think you are going in the right direction with the stories. I have said that in my plays and in my writing, I want to speak a message of love to the heart and to the spirit of the reader. When I spoke to a Christian writing group recently, I did a lot of thinking about that. I concluded that the really important messages of life address the heart and those messages are best taught, as Jesus taught them, in parables (stories). When Jesus spoke the message of love to the heart and spirit of man, he spoke it in parabales. Sermons, essays, lectures, nothing teaches lessons of the heart like a story.

As to my not doing anything much lately, I'm not sure I feel bad about it within myself. Maybe it's others who seem to think I should be publishing, submitting, etc. Maybe I now have too much time on my hands and put things off and it's a luxury I never had before and don't know how to handle. ??
Just a thought.
Thanks for the great book and interesting info.
smile
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/10/05 04:51 AM

Evie— I used to be petrified of speaking in front of people, except in a classroom situation where, for some reason, I've always felt at home. I love the idea of acting and was even the lead in some plays when I was growing up, but when performance night came, I’d panic. My mouth would get dry (it occasionally still does, but now I just bring along a bottle of water and sip as needed) and my underarms would get wet. If it wasn’t so embarrassing, it would be funny. My fluids were in all the wrong places!

Again, it’s a practice thing. I’ve been all over the country promoting my book these past six months—10 states in all—and loving each speaking engagement more than the previous one. I can’t wait to get on the road again. I look in the mirror, metaphorically speaking, and can hardly recognize myself!

Anyway, bravo for saying yes to presenting at the breakfast. [Big Grin]

Don’t know if this helps or not, but a friend said to me last spring that the best public speakers, either consciously or naturally, incorporate the 3 H’s in their speeches: humor, humility and humanity. Just be yourself as they say. For a while, I thought humor meant telling jokes, which I'm TERRIBLE at; but then I realized that just letting my humanity shine through was humorous in itself.

Here are some other practical tips (I learned these at Toastmasters): (1) Don’t focus on yourself; focus on making the audience comfortable. (2) If your heart is racing and your hands feel clammy before you stand up and give your talk, squeeze your legs tightly together and feel the floor under your feet. It helps you get out of your head and into your body. (3) You can also practice belly breathing. (Do you know what that is?) These simple techniques really work for me.

As far as the teen driving thing goes, I can relate to your valium comment, although I’m so tiny (5’2") that even an Advil makes me feel doped up. But, yes, it can be terrifying to sit in a car with your inexperienced teenager at the wheel and just as nerve-wracking to be home at night while he's off driving around town with his buddies. Anyway, I wish you all the best. It's an adventure, that's for sure.

Finally, Smile, I appreciate your validation of my philosophy about story-telling. As I said earlier, I was teaching community college when I got the idea to write Defying Gravity. Many of my students took years to earn their degrees, and they performed intricate juggling acts to keep schoolwork, jobs and families simultaneously aloft as they realized their goals. They were dealing with so many serious issues—poverty, different types of abuse, a lack of English skills. One of my female students had even been raped by her father and gotten pregnant. There are no easy answers in cases like these, no simple steps to success. But I thought that if they digested a story like Jean Kelley’s (see my website and read her bio), they would say to themselves, “There’s hope for me.” And from the fuel of that hope, I thought that they might somehow forge a way, just like Jean Kelley did, to get where they dreamed of going.
Posted by: Evie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/10/05 05:27 AM

quote:
Originally posted by Prill:
But, yes, it can be terrifying to sit in a car with your inexperienced teenager at the wheel and just as nerve-wracking to be home at night while he's off driving around town with his buddies. Anyway, I wish you all the best. It's an adventure, that's for sure.

yup you hit the nail on the head there
[Big Grin] I don't know whether to get in the car with him or stay out of it! Either way, it's an adventure [Smile] My mom just learned to drive when she turned 60, had never driven before. While I most definitely admire her for getting her driver's licence (especially with my father getting less and less mobile) I refused to teach her how to do it - just did not have the nerves/patience. So, my son will definitely take a driver's ed course and I'll probably stay out of the vehicle till he's 30 [Wink] [Wink]

Thanks for the tips on public speaking. My problem is my hands shake terribly when I'm in front of people - I read a tip somewhere about keeping your hands in your pockets to hide this, but I'm not sure that's a comfortable stance for me - I'll have to practice I guess! [Smile]
Posted by: TVC15

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/10/05 04:58 PM

Prill,
I am totally enjoying your posts. They are so inspirational. I realize that I have become as far from bold as I possibly could get. I am going to try your advice and do something bold daily. I will start small and work my way up!

Evie, As for the son driving thing, here in NC the kids can start taking drivers ed at 14 1/2, yes you read that right, and guess how old my youngest is. You got it, 14 1/2! I have a 22 year old whom I went through this with and even though he is a more experienced driver then I am (He drove back and forth between NY and NC more times then I can count on my fingers and some toes) I am still not comfortable getting in the car with him... [Smile] I think it's just a Mom thing.
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/10/05 06:08 PM

To me, boldness evolves. It's not something you just wake up one day and do...it's a process. I can almost remember when I started blooming. I heard someone say one day, "what's the worst thing that can happen?" I thought to myself..."what IS the worst thing that can happen?" In that particular situation, it wasn't that bad so I bravely moved forward. Then the next situation came along and I repeated to myself, "okay, what's the worst thing tha.." you get the idea. Time after time...situation after situation, I repeated this phrase to myself, and 9 out 10 times, things worked in my favor, AND I became a little bolder.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I had a job I detested. It made me miserable and I knew something had to give. An incident happened that in all honesty wasn't my doing but I got blamed for it, simply because I was a subcontractor. The straw broke the camels back. I resigned. I said NO MORE.

I truly did not know where I was going to work, or how I would make a living, but I had worked for this company 24+ years and knew I couldn't work the job they had forced me to take any longer.

They asked me to stay and even gave me a new, wonderful job and a new office. Hello? If I had stayed in the job I had, I would have burnt bridges...However, because I was bold, this squeaky wheel got the grease. I am NOT advocating quitting your job! DON'T TRY THIS AT WORK....but I am saying that years of asking myself "what's the worst that can happen?" has payed off.

The worst is usually NOT as bad as living/doing/staying in a situation that is not right for you. Just my quarters worth.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/10/05 06:35 PM

Wonderful advice, JJ. That's much more than a quarter's worth.

For a magazine article last spring, I was asked to poll the women in my book and ask them what was the most important piece of advice they’d ever received. Echoing Georgia, several responded that someone along the way said to them, “What’s the worst that can happen?” Maybe later today, I’ll compile the other pieces of advice and share them with you.

By the way, I just had a personal e-mail exchange with JJ. (Hope you don't mind my sharing this, Georgia.) Besides directing me to her new blog entry ( web page ), we got to chatting about grandchildren. I told her that I loved what she had to say about her granddaughter in her blog entry titled “All Things Now.” She wrote me back and said , “I found out that when grandchildren are born, so are grandmothers.” Isn’t that great? (I love the way JJ puts things!)

Two other quick comments.

Evie— about your shaking hands, if you’re not holding a piece of paper, I doubt anyone will notice. If you need to use notes, ask for a podium. Then you can place your hands on it when you speak, hence solving the problem of where to put them.

Smilinize (what a sweet screen name; it makes me feel good just reading it)— you said that maybe it’s others who think you should be publishing and submitting more. Tell them if they’re so interested in submitting and publishing, they should try it themselves. I’m only half-serious, of course. But in a similar vein, my husband once said to me, “Stop being ambitious for me; be ambitious for yourself.” It was one of those defining moments in my life. I realized he was right. I was in my early 30’s at the time, and that one remark prompted me to go to college and get a degree. My darling husband made me see that I was projecting my hopes and dreams on him rather than living them myself. Anyway, it’s easier said than done to not care what others think, but it’s a worthy goal. Very liberating. Our lives our own to live, not anyone else’s.
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/10/05 07:54 PM

Unique -

I forgot to say that boldness comes in sizes too. The example I gave was super-sized; however, boldness comes in small, smaller, and petite.

For example, last week some inhumane person brought in a large jar of peanut brittle, donut holes, and a marble pound cake and left it all in the work cafeteria for any one to eat. How sick is that?

Anyhooo...passing it up was a bold move for me. Very bold. So see? Boldness does not have size boundaries...

JJ
Posted by: Dianne

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/11/05 08:32 AM

I love how your agent dropped into your lap. Same thing happened to me and it was proof, although I didn't see it until later, that my book was supposed to be in the world. So, to hear that you experienced the same thing is another miracle story that inspires me.
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/10/05 09:33 PM

Evie, I have a 16 year old who has taken Driver's Ed and has his Learner's Permit. I also have a 17 year old who has taken Driver's Ed, but doesn't have her permit yet. [Eek!] My oldest just drove from MD to SC yesterday ALL by himself. All I can do is ask the Lord to wrap His loving arms around them and try to leave it in His hands. Then I also need to keep getting on with my life so I don't have the moments to worry myself sick. Wow, many of us are inthe same boat!

As far as teaching goes, I was going to make the very same recommendation about the podium. Also, would it help if you taught your class by having teh participants in a circle sitting in chairs? I've done this and it's much less threatening than standing in front of everyone.

I've been asked to teach an Adult Ed class at church too. I'm doing it...by the grace of God. It's not until after Easter so I have lots of time to prepare. I just decided on the title. Finding Your Golden Nugget: Discover Ways To Grow Your Faith. Evie, what is your topic?

Prill, I'm sure we connect because I feel the very same way you do about sharing our stories! Also, you speak aobut women blooming. I like to think of us as a perennials because we are forever blooming. Some years our blossoms are better than previous years. It depends upon how we nurture ourselves. [Wink] The more tuned in we are to the spirit within, the richer our blossoms.

Smile, your posts remind me of the Bible passage about seasons. For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. I think it's Ecclesiastes. Timing is everyhting and I believe He's giving you this time to hunker down with your new hubby. [Wink]

Jawjaw, thanks for sharing your bold self with everyone in here. I'm so glad it worked for you. I totally agree with you about taking bold steps. I think of it as growing into ourselves. Little by little, and with each step comes more CONFIDENCE. That's what's at the root of being bold.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/11/05 02:15 AM

I thought I’d have a calm day catching up on e-mail and luxuriating here in the forum. Then the phone rang at 10 a.m., and the day took on a life of its own. It was a newspaper reporter calling, wanting to come interview me this afternoon for a profile piece. I had sent her editor a copy of the book last spring, and nothing came of it. I forgot all about it. But then this reporter, who believes in my message, decided that she wanted to help me promote my book. Isn’t that wild? Not only because she was coming from a place of such generosity, but because the seed was planted months ago and just sprouted this morning.

I love it! It validates my approach to marketing. I visualize my efforts at book promotion as planting seeds. I just keep spreading them as widely as I can. I try not to worry about when—or even if—they’ll pop through the soil. I content myself with knowing that some will take root and others won’t. I do, of course, make an attempt to select fertile ground. Sometimes I even prepare the soil myself. (For example, I spent all last week reading women's magazines, trying to decide which ones would be best for my Mother's Day pitch.) But other than being a teeny bit discriminatory about where I toss them, I just keep spreading my seeds.

Anyway, the phone started ringing off the hook right after the reporter left, and it’s just now that I’m back on-line. I love all the postings that have appeared in my absence!

Speakermom— How cool that you did an interview with Jordan Rich today. He’s got a huge heart, doesn’t he? (Are you aware of all he does for Children’s Hospital in Boston?) Kudos to you for following through on my tip.

As for your comments about being bold, I totally agree. I think it’s bold to be a writer period—to speak our truth "aloud"--not to mention opening ourselves up to public rejection. I love all of JJ’s comments on the topic. It’s important to keep a sense of humor.

Dotsie— How beautifully you articulate the idea of us being perennials.

And, finally, Dianne— That your story mirrors mine makes both sweeter.

Gotta to go eat. Looking forward to hearing more from everyone. Like I said in the beginning, we all have so much to teach one another.
Posted by: Evie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/11/05 03:55 AM

quote:
Originally posted by Dotsie:

I've been asked to teach an Adult Ed class at church too. I'm doing it...by the grace of God. It's not until after Easter so I have lots of time to prepare. I just decided on the title. Finding Your Golden Nugget: Discover Ways To Grow Your Faith. Evie, what is your topic?

Dotsie, I'm going to talk on Mary Magdalene - I'm basing it on Liz Curtis-Higgs bible study "Unveiling Mary Magdalene" and I'm going to show about 20 minutes of her video - so really, I'm kind of copping out because she'll be doing most of the talking for me
[Big Grin] I only have about 30 minutes in all to present, but I did want to discuss some things that won't be covered in the video because I don't have time to show the whole thing...

Thanks for all the tips on speaking, everyone - they will help - and for all the advice on the driving thing [Wink]
Posted by: Princess Lenora

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/11/05 05:07 AM

Hi Prill, I haven't posted because I don't have your book yet. I love the title! I want to read about women who stepped out mid life. I too used to be shy. Actually, I think I was not born shy; I think the confines of society, the secrets of trauma, and the dominance of father figures made me shy. So shy that in grammar school I wouldn't raise my hand even when I knew I knew! So shy that as an adolescent I passed on an opportunity to be in a pageant. So shy that as a young homemaker I couldn't bring back a brand new but defective toaster. BUT look at me now! I am so bold that I make my presence as an author known to the press. So bold that I took back a couch with a defective cushion. So bold that if a relationship feels toxic, I can say no thanks. I learned that I never got what I wanted while being shy because I was too shy to ask. Now, I know what I want and I'm bold enough to ask for it. Women are socialized to be passive while men get all the breaks. I say, let's embolden ourselves while the getting is good! Love and Light, Lynn
Posted by: Misfire

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/11/05 06:52 AM

Prill,
I put your book on my Christmas list and my husband bought it for me. As soon as I finish the book for my older daughter's mother-daughter book club, I'm going to read yours. I'm looking forward to it.
Posted by: smilinize

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/11/05 07:11 AM

I have a problem promoting myself and networking to benefit myself. I have and do promote others and usually I do it fairly well. But when I try to promote myself, I simply cannot do it.
In a situation where I am face to face with an indivdidual who seems interested in helping me, I feel like a fraud and a user and wind up making enemies or withdrawing from the situation entirely.
I can't seem to get past the feeling that I am using someone to benefit myself.

Any ideas?
smile
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/11/05 07:14 AM

Thanks, Misfire. ("If you want to fly, you've got to jump." [Smile] )

Lynn— Don’t worry about reading the book before posting. It’s not a requirement. No tests or quizzes will be given, I promise. I want anyone and everyone who has something they’d like to add to our discussion to feel comfortable doing so.

You are living proof of what I’ve been saying about the transformative power of being bold. And I suspect I'm not alone in relating to your poignant examples.

You speak of the confines of society, the secrets of trauma, and the dominance of father figures as all contributing to your shyness. Part of why I titled the book Defying Gravity is because I write about women who have freed themselves from the weight of societal expectation, family history, and most importantly, their own ideas of who they are. I didn’t realize until was I deep into the process of writing my book that I was gravitating towards women like this because those three things are the very ones I longed to be freed from myself.

Another thought: I, too, had a dominant father who silenced me. Maybe part of what attracted me to writing is that even though it ultimately becomes a public act, it feels private and safe when I’m doing it.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/11/05 07:19 AM

Hi again, Smile. I didn't see your post when I was replying to Misfire and Lynn. I've got to go to bed now (it's 11:22 p.m. and I need to be up by 6:30 tomorrow morning), but I have lots to say in response to your posting. I presume others have thoughts to share as well. I'll be back at the forum tomorrow, but until then, hope you have sweet dreams.
Posted by: Sher

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/11/05 06:23 PM

Hello Prill and all Boomer Chicks,

I've been a bad Boomer Chick lately because I've been so busy I haven't been around much. I sat for awhile this morning reading all these posts. I saw myself in so many of the comments.

Probably the most amazing thing I've read in awhile was this, "“It seems to me that as we spiritually evolve, we become more and more ourselves. More vibrant, more elastic, more feet-on-the-ground, more head-in-the clouds. Like a snake, we shed our old, dry, tight-feeling skins and allow fresher, more colorful selves to emerge. In line with this, the late-blooming women whose stories I've been attracted to aren't those who merely switched careers midlife. To use another metaphor, the women in my book haven't simply tried on a new set of clothes. They've stripped their old garments of fear, self-doubt and self-consciousness and allowed their true beings to be exposed to the light.”

In fact, I'm moved to tears. Something has happened to me lately and I can't explain it. As the ladies here can tell you, I've turned into some sort of self-promoting freak. [Smile] While this may not seem terribly remarkable, your head would be turned if you knew me. I've spent my life hiding, keeping my head down and my eyes toward the ground.

I'm a new creature at forty and suddenly everything is possible. My new, "more colorful self" is emerging and I love it. I can't wait to see what is in store for the coming year now rather than having my stomach in knots at the thought of getting older.

Maybe it's the estrogen! [Wink]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/12/05 08:13 AM

Hello Sheri!

So glad you’re back. You say you’re a new creature at forty. Well I’m a new creature at fifty. And like you, suddenly everything seems possible.

Maybe it’s the onset of menopause. (I’m getting used to stripping off my clothes in the middle of the night, and, believe me, I’m not speaking in metaphor!) I don’t know. But I’m more and more shameless each passing day. A few weeks ago I even stood in the front row of the Today Show crowd with a big poster of my book.

Still, I can sympathize with Smile’s reticence to promote herself. At first, I, too, felt exceedingly uncomfortable. (This might be a woman thing.) But I believe in the power of my book, and that belief propels me onward. Who else is going to promote it if not me?

Notice that I said that I’m promoting my book. I’m not promoting myself. I’m spreading the word about something I’m passionate about, that I believe in with all my heart. It’s like pointing to the heavens and saying to a stranger walking by, “Look at that beautiful sunset!”

And, second, who will do this if I don’t? Yes, I have a publicist, a great guy named Howard Cohen that works for my publisher. But he has a stable of other authors, many with books that have come out more recently than mine. He lacks the energy, financial resources and motivation to put his heart and soul into making my book a best seller. But I have all three. Yes, money, to some extent, is an issue for me; but I’ve been networking on the Internet, which is free, and using many of Carolyn Howard-Johnson’s suggestions from “The Frugal Book Promoter.” Even my travels have been self-supporting. I make sure to do enough private events where I sell books at a profit to subsidize the events I do in bookstores where I make no money at all.

But I’m getting away from the underlying issue that Smile brings up, which is essentially a psychological one. I think the shift in consciousness for me came when I realized that promoting my book was an act of self-love.

I’m going out for a few hours, but I’ll expand on this last comment when I return.
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/11/05 09:20 PM

Sher, I am so happy that you have found what you are passionate about and have the knowledge, energy, and will to go for it. [Big Grin]

Smile, you said...I can't get past the feeling that I am using someone to benefit myself. I think that's admirable, but probably not an asset when it comes to promoting your work. There are many people out there who ONLY care about promoting themselves and that sickens me. I can read their emails and pick up on it immediately.

I know you well enough to share that you have so much love to offer. I would never think you were using me. That's something you have to work on because I can't imagine people would ever perceive you that way. [Wink] Believe in yourself and your work. Realize that what you have to offer can benefit others. Maybe it will be easier if you consider promoting your work and not you.

I read an excellent book, Network Magic, by Rick Frishman and Jill Lublin. It's intense, but their approach to networking is not what's in it for me, but what can I do for you.
Posted by: Queen Me

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/12/05 12:02 AM

Hi!

I wanted to return to the posts about public speaking. I, too, used to get so nervous (stems from my childhood and a bad piano competition). I suddenly drew a blank and couldn't remember how to play. Yikes!

Anyway, I solved my "problem" like Prill did. I joined Toastmasters. I bet they have a chapter near you!! It's a painful, first step (well, okay . . . it was for me), but the "training" quickly helped me move past my fears. You learn (as well as your body--meaning your physical reactions to fear) that it's going to be okay. Of course, this is advice for future speaking engagements.

Prill's advice about your hands is great too. Podiums are a wonderful way to mask things and a good place to put your notes. By participating in Toastmasters, you'll learn how to stand, where to put your hands, how to craft interesting, entertaining speeches.

Re: Smile's self-promotion issues . . . I think it's about finding a message that fits what you are trying to do and say and that resonates with you. Dotsie had some great ideas. Consider creating a platform that encompasses your message, project or work. Also be honest. For example, I remember getting a letter from an author friend. It was actually a "mass" e-mailing introducing a new book that she highly recommended. I new that if I bought the book, she would get a commission. I was okay with that. I mean, she had not steered me wrong yet, and I didn't mind her profiting from my purchase. So, I ordered the book. When I got the book, I quickly discovered why she was "really" promoting it. She was featured. Now, she didn't mention being featured in the mass mailing. This bothered me. I guess I wish she had sent an e-mail telling us about being featured and then if we wanted to buy it either because she was in it or it was a great book, then we could. And, I would have gladly purchased the book for the "real" reason.

But . . . oh well.

Prill--
I've enjoyed catching up on all the posts. Thanks for sharing your agent and publisher story with us.

[ January 11, 2005, 04:05 PM: Message edited by: Queen Me ]
Posted by: Princess Lenora

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/12/05 01:11 AM

I'm reading with interest this topic about self-promotion. I learned early not to call attention to myself. I learned to be modest. I was socialized not to be TOO: don't be too talkative, don't be too pretty, smart, sexy, talented. I also walked with my eyes downcast, shoulders slumped. Don't be too much of your own self! I waited for months to tell anyone that my book had been published. I was graduating from college at age 48 at the same time, and I didn't want to be TOO successful all at once. I like the comment about it is not ME I am promoting, but my mission, which happens to be shared through my writing. I am becoming a bit better at promoting, especially when an event is tied to a cause, such as speaking and selling books during "A Week Without Violence." What I have a problem with is accepting the fact that I am good enough to get paid. Love and Light, Lynn
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/12/05 01:16 AM

Sher— I just noticed that I inadvertently put an “i” at the end of your name. Sorry about that.

Allyn— You’re so welcome. (I want to thank you publicly as well for all you’ve done for me.) Such sage advice you’ve given Smile when you conclude: "I think it's about finding a message that fits what you are trying to do and say and that resonates with you.”

Smile— When Dotsie gently--and wisely--counsels you to “realize that what you have to offer can benefit others,” she touches on what I mean by self-love.

Promoting our work is a way of honoring it and, thereby, honoring ourselves as creators. Whether we’ve written a novel, painted a portrait, or invented a new product, what we have formed out of the airy substance of our imaginations retains our unique DNA. Like the children we give birth to, our creations take on a life of their own the moment they emerge into the world from our wombs. But the nurturing doesn’t end just because the umbilical chord has been cut.

For me, I know there will come a time when I need to let go; but I’m not giving up until I’ve done all I humanly can to ensure that as many people as possible hear my message of hope.

To put it another way, I believe that our most valuable possession is ourselves, our spirits. And that's what I feel I'm giving others when I share my book with them.

Many people are more courageous than I. Others might have more to give. But this book took ALL of my courage. This book took ALL I had to give. I hope in the future to write even more truthfully, to touch on the miraculous, as Joni Mitchell calls it. But as I was writing this book, I was as truthful as I had it in me to be. How can I NOT be shameless in sharing what I’ve done with others?

This is such a rich topic, something I think many of us struggle with to one extent or another. I’d love to hear from more of you.
Posted by: smilinize

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/12/05 02:48 AM

I guess a part of my problem is that most of what I write is somewhat different than a helpful spiritualor non-fiction book.
In fact, what I really like writing is probably not going to help anyone at all. I have a need to write musicals and the easiest thing for me to get the opportunity for is towns that are celebrating special events. The musicals are purely for entertainment with a little education thrown in. It costs the theaters and towns where my work is produced thousands of dollars, part of which is my commission ($6,000 to $10,0000 usually paid from a grant), and much more for production costs. Most ofen I write for small towns where production money is difficult to come by, but I have it in my contract that they do so because that's what I love about it. I have written for free, but the towns seem to want some kind of ownership. There is much better attendance when they commission and pay for the play. It can take up to a year to get the money and production on stage.

When my work is finally pruduced, there is no drug, no ego trip, nothing that compares to the joy I feel as I sit in the audience and hear my work spoken, sung, and danced. Every laugh, every tear, and every hand clapping is just for me. It should be against the law to get so high. Sometimes I feel guilty for it.

Right now my state is two years away from our first centennial and I should be marketing and applying for grants like crazy , but somehow I haven't. I've been busy. I just finished seven short plays for my church and I've published short stories and poetry, but I really long for those wonderful huge expensive musicals and I don't even regard the other as work. But at the same time, I feel guilty for passing up an opportunity. I've always operated on the concept that "Opportunties are God's gift to us and what we do with those opportunities are our gift to Him." But then maybe passing up an opportunity is a luxury I never had before and should allow myself.

Like all writers, I also need validation and for me that validation comes at a high cost.

Just rambling thoughts.
smile

[ January 11, 2005, 07:31 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]
Posted by: mrsmuzz

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/12/05 03:10 AM

Boldness does not come easy for me. Recently I participated in a process which identifies strengths. Being bold was not one of mine! As a matter of fact "consistency" or "balance" was my strongest. Followed by communicator, empathy, achiever and harmony. However, the older I become the bolder I find myself. Even if it upsets someone elses balance. I recently broke off an unhealthy realtionship with a woman friend. I did it straight on with her. It was really, really tough. In the past, I would have just avoided her until she somehow got the message that I did not want to be friends with her. This time, I realized that she was manipulative and co-dependant and I told her I was not willing to be a part of that relationship. WOW, just reading that kinda scares me! I cried, she cried but I stood strong and have had no contact with her since then. That took more boldness than I have ever summoned before. But now that I know I can do it and the world will continue to turn on it's axis I feel stronger and more empowered than I have in a long, long time.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/12/05 04:27 AM

Smile, if you love writing musicals, then believe me, they are touching people. Art doesn’t have to have some lofty purpose. It’s enough for it to be simply an expression of ourselves. How cool to write a play that celebrates events in a town’s history. How wondrous to be able to entertain others. Who doesn’t love—and need—entertainment in his or her life? How can you say that your musicals probably don't help anyone?

You confess that it’s the best feeling in the world to sit in an audience, watching your work being performed, hearing people laugh and clap. You’ve even seen tears running down people’s cheeks. What more evidence do you need to be able to admit to yourself that you are doing something worthwhile? Of course you feel joy. You’ve earned that joy.

Even if you hadn't "earned" it, joy alone is reason enough for doing something. No greater purpose is needed.

This might sound insensitive of me, but I don’t think it’s up to you to decide whether your fee and the associated production costs are too high. Let others decide that for you. Don’t censor yourself. Don’t withhold your gifts because you fear towns can’t afford them. Just put your talents out there and see what happens.

But if you want to take a break from musicals, that’s fine, too. Looking at your website, I’m in awe of all you’ve achieved. I wouldn’t be surprised if you needed a rest. I love some of the comments Daphne Stevens made last month about turning inward. They dovetail with my invitation for us all to reflect on what we really want. Not what others want for us, but what we want for ourselves. Who says you should (I’d love to banish that word!) be applying for grants? My thinking is that if you truly want to be writing that musical for your town’s first centennial, then do it. If you don’t, then luxuriate here with us. We love your input.

Lynn— Reading your posting, I’m amazed at your accomplishments. You graduated from college at age 48! You published a book at the same time! You’ve faced your demons and written about them! What an incredible woman you are. Of course you’re good enough to get paid.

Mrsmuzz— Your story inspired me. I think it's one of the hardest things in the world to end a relationship. You say that consistency is your strength. Couple that with your emerging boldness, and the possibilities are endless.
Posted by: smilinize

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/12/05 04:53 AM

Writing this down is helping me to identify the problem so I can either solve or accept it. Thank you for the kind words Prill.

I missed Lynn's and Msmuzz before.

Lynn, I bet your professors were so envious of your publishing and graduating at the same time. What an accomplishment - for any age.

Msmuzz, Making a decision to just drop a friend is difficult enough. Maybe it's a challenge of midlife. So many of us seem to be facing it.
I took the cowardly way out and just stopped answering her calls. I admire you for having the courage to do it openly. I felt that I could have helped my friend if I had been honest with her, but I just couldn't. She is a middle aged divorcee and she was stalking a man. It was becoming pathological and it frightened me. I just took myself out of her life.
janis
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/12/05 05:38 AM

Smile-- I'm glad that writing about your confusion is helping you find clarity. (I hope my responses haven't been sounding too preachy.) For some situations, it just takes time to figure things out, for all the pieces to fall into place. It took me two years to get clear about leaving my first husband. When I finally packed my bags and left, I was still not absolutely sure about my decision. The following day, I went back. I thought maybe I hadn't tried hard enough to make things work. But when I walked in the door, I saw that my ex had already rearranged the furniture! There's more to the story, but the bottom line is that by the end of that evening, I was crystal clear that I needed to leave him. If I hadn't gone through that whole, painfully agonizing process, I might have always wondered if I had made the right choice.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/12/05 07:33 PM

It’s a snowy morning in Connecticut, but the roads are passable. I’m off to a meeting of an organization called The Passion Project. Its core mission is to inspire people to discover their passions and follow their dreams. The person who founded the group is a wonderful, 40-year old woman named Polly. Anyway, she contacted me after reading my book. Turns out she lives right in the next town! When I asked her what prompted her to found the organization, she told me the following story:

"My mother always used to say, 'Someday I'll do this," or "someday I'll do that." But she never did any of those things she really wanted to do. About a year after my mom died, I was looking in the mirror one day, putting on some make-up, when I caught myself saying the words, 'Someday I'm going to _____.' I stopped mid-sentence and thought, 'Oh no. Those are my mother's words.' Right then I grabbed my black eyeliner pencil and wrote in big letters across my mirror: “SOMEDAY IS TODAY!'

As a result of this epiphany, Polly went to India to work with the dying at Mother Teresa’s order, as well as to spread her mother's ashes and provide a sense of closure to her mom’s life. (Her mother had always wanted to go to India.) Then she came back home and founded The Passion Project. Anyway, I love and admire this woman and want to support her work.

Speaking of networking and promotion, the Passion Project is a good example. When Polly wrote me, I could have declined her invitation to speak at her organization. (Let me backtrack here and say that Polly might not have even heard about my book if I hadn't brazenly suggested to my friend Mary Jo that she display my book at her garden store and keep some of my bookmarks on the counter.) Instead, I not only accepted Polly's invitation, but suggested that we get together for lunch a few weeks before. We did, and we hit it right off. Then I told her that I'd like to be on her Board of Directors. I did this primarily because I believe in what she's doing, but I also thought that it would be great to make connections with other like-minded people. This is how I met a woman named Meg, who produced the off-Broadway show that I did an author talk-back at in December. And through doing that event, I met another woman who runs another group..... You get the idea. I also met an independent television producer. Here's the thing. Not only am I getting the word out about the book, but I'm meeting wonderful people who are transforming my life. I, in turn, have been trying to help them get the word out about their incredible projects. Networking is really about connecting human being to human being, one person at a time.

Dotsie is a great example of this. I had no idea about this site before she shamelessly contacted me through my website and asked me to do a link swap with her. We have been championing each other ever since. Even if not a single book gets sold on my end, just knowing Dotsie--and getting to know all of you--makes the effort worthwhile.

P.S. If my entries are too long to absorb, just tell me and I'll be briefer.
Posted by: TVC15

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/12/05 09:02 PM

Prill,
Your entries are perfect! I'm enjoying every word.
Posted by: mrsmuzz

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/12/05 09:08 PM

Prill,

Please don't change a thing! I really enjoy reading your posts.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/12/05 11:20 PM

TVC15 & Mrsmuzz-- Thank you so much for your kind words, but if anyone disagrees and wants me to keep my postings shorter, don't hesitate to say. I'm sure I can find a balance.

A few days ago I said that I would pass along the advice the women in my book shared last summer at the request of a journalist who was writing an article entitled "Secrets to a Richer Life." It's too much to digest all at once, so I'll give it to you a little at a time. The following piece of advice is from Linda Bach, who became a medical doctor at age 50.

She writes: "Tom Conway, my sixth grade teacher in Springfield, Ohio, said to me: 'You can do whatever you decide to do in life.' His words gave me the confidence in my abilities to be able to reach for the stars—in my case, to go to medical school. His belief in me helped me to ignore all the people telling me from age 12 on that girls were nurses and boys were doctors; to ignore male classmates in my pre-med courses who thought I must be dumb since I was a blonde; to ignore the professors in college who said I would get married, have babies and never practice medicine, and that a precious medical school slot would be wasted on me; and, finally, to ignore my own doubts that perhaps a 46-year-old brain was really too old to learn the volumes of material necessary to get through medical school and that a 46-year-old body could not sustain the insult of multiple sleepless nights-on-call. These words, given to me at such a young and formative age, become part of the fabric of my being.”

Isn't it incredible how one sentence--a statement of praise, a question--can change one's life? I'm curious as to whether any of you have had this experience.
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/12/05 11:23 PM

Prill, I always say that you just have to put yourself out there. Connect, connect, connect, but also encourage, encourage, encourage, and support, support, support! I haven't found a better way. That's why those are the keywords for my site/project. [Wink]

I don't know if you are willing to share this, but I'll ask. Do you have a favorite story from your book? One that resonates with you because of something you've lived through?

I've been asked this aobut the stories I've received for BWS. I definitely have favorites. Some have brought me to tears. One was about a mother, and the others were about abortions, adoptions, birth parents, and being sent to a home for wayward girls. I HATE that term.

The story about the mother spoke of how the mom was an awesome woman who put her kids first and NEVER followed her dreams because of her family. I would have loved to see my mom follow her dreams. She was an awesome, loving, caring, brilliant woman who ALWAYS put her family first. The things she could have done if it weren't for her passion for her family. I cried for what Mom could have been when I read that story. Though I thought she was pretty awesome as she was.

My husband and I went through 4 years of infertility before adopting two wonderful children from Korea, and got pregnant while waiting for our daughter to arrive. I love my family, but am very sensitive to all the issues that involve infertility, adoption, abortion (had my children's birth mother aborted...then what? Sad, but true), and wayward homes of the 60's-70's. To make a child assume another identity for months while living in one of those places without a soul knowing where they were, or being made to think they were with relatives in another state sickens me. [Frown] All for the sake of saving face for the family pride. [Mad]

Anyway, do you have a favorite, and why?
Posted by: Princess Lenora

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/12/05 11:51 PM

"But the nurturing doesn’t end just because the umbilical chord has been cut." Prill, that is a great way to make the point! Dotsie: that is amazing that you got pregnant while awaiting adoption! I've heard that several times. Everyone here has so many good points. I enjoy the discussions! Thank you for noting the book publishing and college graduating post. Dare I say that I was also going through breast cancer at the same time? I like "The Passion Project" and the way Prill avails herself to the projects you believe in. Love and Light, Lynn
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/13/05 12:47 AM

Lynn, I can’t believe all you’ve been through and accomplished. Breast cancer at the same time that you published a book and graduated from college. I hope you see what a light you’ve become.

And Dotsie— Connect, encourage, support--I couldn’t agree more and, like you, haven’t found a better way. This is why I keep telling people about your site. Feel free to ask me anything. There’s very little I’m unwilling to share. I don’t know if anyone wants to hear more about my life, but I love hearing other people’s stories and gaining insight into what moves and motivates them. Your comments about your mother, Dotsie, remind me of Polly’s experience with hers. (See my first posting this morning). How interesting that both you and she are actively using your gifts, following your passions, and working to make a difference. What a wonderful legacy both your moms gave you--and, by extension, all of us.

In terms of my favorite story, I honestly don’t have one. Every story touched a different chord. Each was my favorite as I was writing it. That said, there are two, for very different reasons, that resonate with me more than the others. The first is Patricia Symonds’. The other is Rainelle Burton's, which I'll save for another time.

Like Pat, I always felt stupid. Pat’s teachers, a group of nuns in Liverpool, England, convinced her that she wasn’t smart. My father did the same to me. She and I were told this again and again to the point where we believed it so deeply that nothing we did and nothing anyone could say would prove to us otherwise. My estimate of my intelligence was so low that I dropped out of college. Pat’s was so low that by the time she was in her 40’s, she still didn’t have a high school diploma. (Note that there were other circumstances & factors surrounding my leaving school and that Pat grew up in England under a different educational system, but the emotional gist of what I’m saying is true.) Then Pat turned her life around and in her 40's earned a GED, B.A. and M.A. In her 50’s, she spent two years living in a bamboo house in the mountains of Thailand studying Hmong culture. At age 60, Ph.D. in hand, she was hired by Brown University, an Ivy League college, to teach anthropology. She just got promoted again last year at age 70. Needless to say, the nuns were wrong. She's extremely bright.

Anyway, the kicker for me is that at age 38, as I was finishing up my Master’s degree, I was considering going on to get a Ph.D. But I thought I’d be an antique by the time I finished my dissertation and that no would want to hire me. In reality, I would have been in my mid-40’s, which doesn’t seem that old to me now. Then I met Pat, who never even considered whether she’d be hired or not. She just followed her passion. That’s when I started to realize that I was writing Defying Gravity not just to help other people come into their own, but to help myself.
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/13/05 12:52 AM

I don't know about you all, but I want to be Lynn when I grow up. Have you ever? Good Lord woman...I wish we had some sort of award to give you. Congrats on all three counts. You are to be admired...and admired...and admired...

Prill, does this Passion Project have a web presence?

And finally, we love your post and may not comment but it doesn't mean they are too long, it means we are sitting somewhere reading them again and again. Absorbing.

Course if you want to throw something in there every now and then about how cute and loveable I am, it won't hurt my feelings either.

What? okay...okay....tough room.

JJ
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/13/05 03:44 AM

JJ-- You, cute and loveable? You bet! [Wink]

Every time I read one of your postings, I just want to hug you. You can tell from mine how intense I am--I'm not apologizing for it, just calling a spade a spade--but I love how you lighten me up. Even when you're talking about something serious, you make me smile.

Here's the web page for the Passion Project. Polly's still working on it. She used to have her whole story posted, but it's no longer there. Don't know why. web page
Posted by: meredithbead

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/13/05 05:08 AM

First of all, can I quote myself here? From the intro page of my poet website (see below for link):

"Life is full of people with great ideas, who sit on their butts and do nothing. Then they die."

Which brings me to answer your question about the gutsiest thing I've done --

BECOME THE POET LAUREATE.
Which involved pitching (and doing mega reasearch for) an idea which largely produced the reaction: "Huh??"

Which involved pitching this idea to a City Council which had no idea what a Poet Laureate was or did, and a Library which not only had never done anything remotely like this, but had absolutely no money to do it (and for that matter, NO library in the United States had ever independently appointed its own Poet Laureate)

and presenting this to umpteen committees with umpteen+ questions, when I'd never spoken in front of a committee before

in a conservative suburban town not known for innovation

in a conservative Orange County which was not known for promoting poetry, and which had never had a poet laureate AT ALL. For that matter, neither has neighboring Los Angeles or San Diego. (Tujunga, 60+ miles NW of here and part of LA County, does. But none in LA proper)

even though I had been barely published

even though the prevailing "poetry cliques" of Orange County were either indifferent or outwardly hostile to my efforts (and many still are)

even though my closest friends including other poets were highly doubtful that I could pull this off, and told me "Don't get your hopes up"

I knew I could do this.

And I knew I'd never forgive myself if I didn't try.

And I did it.
[Big Grin] [Big Grin]
Posted by: smilinize

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/13/05 05:18 AM

Meredith,
YOU ROCK!!!

You are an inspiration to us all.

smile

P.S. Hey, I think I will start a new topic about the bold stuff we've all done. I bet we're all a bold bunch of boomers.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/13/05 06:29 AM

Let me second Smile's comment. You are one outrageous woman, Meredith! My jaw was agape from the first line of your posting to the last. At the end, I practically stood up and cheered when you said, "I knew I could do this. And I would never forgive myself if I didn't try."
Posted by: Princess Lenora

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/13/05 06:36 AM

Jaw Jaw, you made my jaw drop! Thanks for your admiration! Prill, thanks for posting about the anthropology professor. When I went back to college at @ age 45, I went to the college counseling office for support. I said to the counselor, "Yes, but, when I get interviewed for a job the employers will just see how old I am." The counselor changed my mind set in one sentence. He said, "No doubt that when they interview you they will see the quality you have to offer." Prill, I'm glad you inserted the comments about life events getting in the way of education. There are children who are considered stupid when what they are suffering from is PTSD. Violence in the home is an epidemic, and what youngster can concentrate on math after a family fight? .We are all experts and professors of our life herstories! Love and Light, Lynn
Posted by: Evie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/13/05 07:03 AM

Prill, Polly and the Passion Project!!!

(I love it [Smile] )

...keep posting - long, short, funny, serious - whatever, there is loads to learn here!!
Posted by: Princess Lenora

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/13/05 09:15 AM

Meredith, that is awesome about Poet Laureate. I confess that I heard of that term but I don't know what it means. Do you want to educate me? Wow. What work you went through to fulfill a heart and soul desire. I lived in Orange County: Aliso Viejo, Laguna Beach, Laguna Niguel, Costa Mesa, Santa Ana. Sounds like I have ADD of geography. Love and Light, Lynn
Posted by: TVC15

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/13/05 07:01 PM

quote:
Isn't it incredible how one sentence--a statement of praise, a question--can change one's life? I'm curious as to whether any of you have had this experience.
Prill,
When I was 4, I told a story to my best friend and her Mom, when I finished, her mom said to me, "When you grow up you should be a writer." I have never forgotten it, nor the way she looked at me when she said it. 40 years later, I am finally persuing this dream/mission/passion that has followed me every single day of my life. I don't know why I never bothered to take the time before, but lately it seems imperitive that I try.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/13/05 09:55 PM

From my journal this morning:

". . . No god, no parent, no lover, no friend would be as unforgiving with us as we are with ourselves. Can we even fathom the courage it takes to be human? Have we ever considered that sometimes merely getting out of bed in the morning to face another day is an act of heroism?

"I don’t know why these words are spilling out of me. I don’t feel depressed. Quite the opposite: I’m excited to see what the day will bring. Maybe it’s because I’ve been reading over everyone’s entries on Dotsie's forum. I hardly know how to respond to some of the women's stories. I am so touched by their humanity, their boldness, their courage to confront the wilderness within. Even those who profess not to be bold have been just that by posting their thoughts.

"We are tiny specks of light swirling is a seemingly infinite universe. Billion year old stardust Joni Mitchell calls us. But these ladies are also giants. I hope they know that; I hope they feel it deep in their bones. . . ."

Lynn— How fortunate you were to have such a counselor say, “No doubt that when they interview you, they will see the quality you have to offer.” But what is PTSD?

Evie— Thank you!

TVC15— Every sentence of your posting contains a gem. How wonderful that your dream has finally caught up with you!
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/13/05 10:05 PM

I've had several defining moments in my life. Once when my Daddy told me that you always have two choices...1) do something about it, or 2) shut up and cope. Amen. Another moment was when a fellow co-worker who was my senior told me one time that no one was indispenable and if you thought you were, put your hand in a bucket of water...the hole left when you pull it out is how big or important you are....this is sooo true. And helps put things into perspective. Then one summer I was on the beach with my cousin. It was West Palm Beach, 1969 and uncommonly cold...so we left the beach and were mingling with others at a strip mall when I noticed a poster in the window. A very large one. On it was a poem by an unknown author called Deserderada. In it the author says "do not compare yourself to others, there will always be those greater and lesser than yourself." I was feeling very unsure of myself, had just graduated high school and boy was I wandering. That one line gave me something. Hope? Maybe...confidence? I think so. I've never forgotten it.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/13/05 10:30 PM

JJ-- Great advice! Especially love the hand-in-the-water story. It's so true.
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/13/05 11:32 PM

Prill I hope you don't mind me posting this here, but I just found the poem (?) and I wanted to share it. Forgive? It does go along with your message to the world.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and agressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you will become vain and bitter, for always there will be persons greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your acchievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possesion in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you what virtue there is. Many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection.Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all ardity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of the spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and lonliness.

Beyond a wholesome disipline, be gentle with your self.You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you concieve Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

- found in Old Saint Paul's Church, Baltimore; Dated 1692
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/14/05 12:03 AM

JJ-- Do I mind that you posted a poem? Of course I don't! And you're so right that it relates to what I was saying earlier this morning:

"... be gentle with your self. [I like how "yourself" is written as two words here--as though one's self can be held in one's hands and treasured.] You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

No doubt.
Posted by: TVC15

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/14/05 12:16 AM

Jawjaw,
That was wonderful, I'm going to copy this and save it.
I think it sums up perfectly what Prill has been talking about.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/14/05 01:47 AM

I agree, TVC15.

Okay, are you ready for some more Defying Gravity wisdom? The next piece is from Wini Yunker, the woman who inspired me to write the book. Here's what she says:

"The best advice I ever had was from my mother, Ruby Glass Mastin. She was always a positive thinker and, by example, taught me to be one. Her byword was that NOTHING EVER BAD HAPPENS THAT SOMETHING GOOD DOESN'T COME FROM IT. She believed that expecting the best to happen actually helped it come true. I use her advice every day of my life. It helps me to persevere, plus it makes life more pleasant."

Let me add that Wini and I have become friends. This past summer we traveled around together doing book talks and tv shows. (Well, truthfully, we only did one tv show, but we had a blast with it. You can view a clip on my website.) Perceptive lady that she is, Wini noticed right away that I sometimes sweat the small stuff. (What? Me? [Big Grin] ) I know better, but I can't always help myself. Anyway, she said to me, "Prill, my mom always told me that 'worry' is a four-letter word." Throughout the entire trip, Wini would NOT let me worry. It became our running joke. The beauty is that she kidded me so much about it that the advice finally stuck.
Posted by: Dianne

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/14/05 01:56 AM

ALL OF YOU are an inspiration to me. I needed to read your words today.
Posted by: meredithbead

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/14/05 05:35 AM

Lynn329, there's a history of Poet Laureate on my website, and that should answer most of your questions. Different Poets Laureate will perform different functions according to their abilities and the needs of their community.
Posted by: Princess Lenora

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/14/05 07:16 AM

Hi girlfriends, I have just this one post before I pack my computer for the move. Prill: PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ; I got on my soap box about children and violence in the home) Also, Prill, I went to Barnes and Noble in North Kansas City today to get your book. I was told that it would not be available until March 2005. The sales person let me look at the screen because I had asked if your book was print-on-deman. Nope. She asked me if I wanted to advance order, but I'm moving. Now. Today. Please, if you get a chance, private email me so I can see how to get a copy. This way I can go right to your response when I get a chance instead of reading all the posts (not that I don't want to; this is strictly a time constraint for now.) Jaw Jaw, the Deseradada saved my life in 1969. No joke. I was in 9th grade, contemplating suicide, when I read that I had a right to be here, no less than the trees and the stars. You mean me? I have a right to be here? Like a tree? Saved my life. You can shop the internet for beautiful posters of this poem, which was found in a church in the 1800s. Meredith, I will check your site again. I was too fascinated by the beads to get to the poetry on my first visit. To everyone, Love and Light! Lynn
Posted by: smilinize

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/14/05 07:32 AM

All these posts reminds me of things I have learned from.

First of all my Daddy always said, "Keep your eye on the donut and not on the hole." I try to remember that when things aren't perfect.

Second, when I worked for government, people teased me about being so 'enthusiastic' about whatever project I was involved in. (I volunteered for everything and they thought I was nuts for doing so, but I met some fabulous people and got some wonderful experience)
Anyway, I thought I should change and be more downcast and worried looking (A friend said looking worried was the way to the top in government..?)
Well at some point I came across an old dictionary and for no real reason at all I looked up 'enthusiasm.' It had a word origin breakdown and what an eye opener. The 'en' in enthusiam origniates from the Latin word for 'inside.' The 'iasm' part comes from the words 'to show' and the best part was the 'thus' part. It comes from 'theos' which means God. So the word "enthusiasm' literally means "Showing God inside."
WOW! I decided to ignore the nay sayers. I was DOING IT!!! So from there on if I was enthusiastic, I showed it!!
smile
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/14/05 07:49 AM

Lynn-- I'm posting here rather than e-mailing you personally so that everyone can read my response. (By the way, if anyone wants to contact me privately, you can reach me via e-mail at prill@prillboyle.com.) I can't thank you enough for calling my attention to the problem. The hardcover is still available and you can either find it--or order it--at various bookstores, including Barnes & Noble and Borders. (Not every store has copies in stock.) It's only the paperback edition that won't be available until March 2005. My Barnes & Noble in Connecticut just ordered and received a bunch of hardcover copies this week because a profile piece on me came out today in the local paper. Anyway, I'll call my publisher tomorrow and see what's up in North Kansas City and why it's not in the B&N computer database.The cheapest and often easiest way to buy it, however, is through Amazon.com. Here's a link: web page .
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/14/05 08:36 AM

Smile-- We must have been posting at the same time because I didn't see your response until now. I had no clue about the derivation of the word "enthusiasm." How interesting...and validating. (I, too, am an all-around enthusiast.) Thank you for passing it along.

Your observation reminded me of something that happened when I was a high school English teacher. I always taught Greek & Latin roots. The Latin root of the word "meticulous" is "metus," which means fear. When I shared this with my students, one of them blurted out, "So what are YOU afraid of, Mrs. Boyle?" Everyone laughed, including me. They sure had my number! [Roll Eyes] My classroom was probably the neatest in the school. It was beautiful--at least in my opinion--with jewel-toned maps, Shakespearean memorobilia, and even an arty-looking green lamp to soften the florescent lighting. But every stack of paper, every pile of books, every doo-dad (I kept a collection of 3-D puzzles & "toys" on my desk to calm fidgety ninth-graders during one-on-one conferences) was arranged just so.

Related to this, when I first started writing, I had trouble finding my voice. I kept censoring myself. I wanted every paragraph to be a work of art. Plus I was afraid of offending people. (Can you believe that now I'm giving workshops to help others find their voices?) Natalie Goldberg's book Wild Mind was a tremendous help in this regard. I did her writing exercises every morning for a while, and they slowly loosened the knots inside my head.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/14/05 01:25 PM

After I posted my last entry on the forum last night, I had a scare. It sounds melodramatic to say I almost died, but that’s what happened.

I had put my computer to sleep and gone downstairs to turn off the lights when I decided to indulge myself and have a small piece of chocolate. As soon as I put it in my mouth, I had what I presume was an allergic reaction. Almost immediately my throat closed up. I couldn’t inhale or exhale; my breath was stuck between the two. A minute or so went by. I was standing next to my kitchen counter, and I thought to myself, “If I don’t start breathing in a few more minutes, I’m going to fall down right here and die on the floor.” I didn't have much hope that I would be able to regulate my breath before I lost consciousness, and I was pretty sure that an ambulance wouldn’t get to my house quickly enough to save me. I wasn’t afraid to die; I was just shocked that Death had come for me at that instant.

I got a piece of ziti caught in my throat a few years ago, and the feeling was similar; but I knew that if I could cough it up or drink some water to slip it down, I would be okay. Plus, there were other people in the room. Last night I was all alone because my husband is in D.C. on business.

Just as I was reconciling myself to dying, I started flashing on my loved ones. An unformed, unspoken prayer. I clumsily grabbed the phone and tried to dial 911. I couldn’t see the numbers on the headset without my glasses, so I wasn’t sure I dialed correctly. I didn’t hear any ringing. Still, I kept holding it and trying to speak so that if an operator did answer, I could tell him or her where I lived. I wasn’t able to make a sound. Another minute or so went by. No breath. Then miraculously I began to sense a miniscule pathway beginning to open in my throat, at which point I put down the phone and focused all my attention on following the subsequent wisp of air as it became an inhale. A short while later, the phone rang. (I had inadvertently turned it off, probably soon after I dialed.) It was the 911 guy asking if I needed an ambulance. He was so kind, so concerned. He stayed with me on the phone five or so minutes while my breathing returned to normal.

I’m still not sure if I had an allergic reaction, or if the episode was somehow connected to this nasty cold that’s settled in my chest. My lungs are fairly fragile right now.

This might sound strange, but I’m someone who, metaphorically speaking, lives with death on her right shoulder. I discipline myself to try and be both mentally and emotionally prepared to die. I’ve been doing this since I was a child. Ironically, it helps me live more intensely, more joyfully. I’ve brushed up against death a few other times in my life besides the ziti incident. Once when I was four, I almost drowned. Then, when I was 20, I had a serious car accident. That same year my apartment in Boston was broken into when I was home.

But, as I said above, this was different. Each of those times, I felt cradled by an angelic presence. This time I felt so alone. But in reflecting on it now, I can see that I really wasn't.

************************************************************

I wrote the above in a Word document in the early hours of this morning. (I couldn’t sleep.) Before going to bed, I opened my e-mail and found the following note from my dear friend Nancy. She had no idea what happened to me last night:

"I was thinking about this today: Ultimately in this life, we come alone and we leave alone. And although at times we get to walk with different travelers, in the end we take no one with us, only our true selves. When I’m not connected to God, that seems lonely and sad; and yet when I am connected, it is so amazingly beautiful, so majestic, so divine. How can it be that so much love has been poured into us, IS us, and that we are the ultimate gift given to Ourselves? And yet how magical also that on this journey of life to the ultimate destination of ourselves, others come along that prod us to question, to think about what we are doing, to try and get us to look at what motivates us, what we want, what is real and what is true? And when someone comes along on our path who sparks the fire of yearning for self knowledge, isn't that a most precious gift? In my life, you have been one of those people."

I’m in tears.
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/14/05 07:32 PM

Prill, no wonder you're in tears. This is all so freaky, yet DIVINE. I pray you experience it that way. All things happen for a reason. ALL things. The gasping for breath, THE SURVIVAL, and the lovely note.

This is very powerful. May you reflect upon why you are still with us...ad why you had the scare while alone. God is at work in miraculous ways. This is not an every day occurance. What is HE saying to you? Please take time to figure it out. You will remain blessed.
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/14/05 07:36 PM

While taking a class at church many years ago the teacher simply stated that life is nothing but choices and the answers to those choices lie within. We are responsible for our own lives. No one else, but us...and if we choose to let God in we're sure to make better choices that will bring us more joy.

It works for me!
[Wink]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/14/05 11:13 PM

Hi everyone--

I woke up today to such an outpouring of love and support. Many of you e-mailed me privately. Thank you all for your concern and kind words.

The following is an edited version of my response to a personal e-mail Dotsie sent me this morning. I am sharing these very private thoughts in the hopes that my honesty will help someone out there. Clarifications and additions to the original note are in brackets.

Dotsie,

Thank you so much for your concern. . . . Mike comes home either tomorrow or Sunday. He's not sure which yet. I'm still not clear whether I'm allergic to chocolate, or whether I had some sort of attack related to this virus I've been struggling with since Christmas.

I've had very little sleep. I'm still quite weepy. I might go back to bed in a few minutes. But I woke up this morning, looked out my window at the trees swaying in the wind, listened to the rain falling on my roof, and felt this overwhelming sense of gratitude. I almost always wake up with a feeling of gratitude in my heart, but this morning is different.

I was given a very special gift last night. It's exactly like you said: This was no ordinary occurrence. And as you so wisely, helpfully, suggested, I need to take the time to reflect on why this happened when I was alone, why I felt so alone.

I'm not religious per se. I wasn't brought up in a particular faith. We didn't go to church. But my parents transmitted to me their belief in God, a deep respect for human life, and a sense of wonder for the mystery of it all. . . . For 30-something years, I've been taking time each day to meditate and pray. To connect, as my friend Nancy says. . . . The whole time I was writing my book, my prayer, my faith, was a lifeline. But lately--the last six months or so--I've been working so hard to get the word out about my book that I think I've gotten away from prayer, from gratitude. I've been giving it lip service [in reading this over, I see I'm being way too unkind to myself--"lip service" is too strong a phrase], but I haven't really been taking the time to be thankful, to connect with my God-self.

Whereas writing is a very solitary activity that lends itself to reflection, promoting is a very outward-directed activity. My e-mail box is overflowing. My phone sometimes rings off the hook. People come to my house to interview me. I travel for speaking engagements.

I'm loving my life. I'm happier than I have ever been. I am so humbled and thankful. But I think I need to slow down. To breathe. To trust. This is embarrassing for me to admit to you, but I think a part of me feels that if I don't make my maximum effort every day, my [bestseller] dream won't come true. [To clarify: From the beginning, like many authors, I've dreamed of my book becoming a New York Times bestseller, not to glorify myself or to make a lot of money, but as a signifier that people all over the country are reading it.] That statement betrays an inherent lack of trust in God, a lack of trust that I am being taken care of, that my dreams are sacred and larger than myself. I keep telling people that my effort IS my prayer, but I can see this morning that my practice and my faith needs to be deepened.

Thank you for giving me this chance to write through my feelings, Dotsie, and to be there to listen.
Posted by: DJ

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/15/05 08:47 AM

Prill,
What a frightening episode you had! You're so lucky you survived it.

It does sound exactly like anaphylactic shock -- an allergic reaction to something you ingested. You might want to look at all the ingredients listed on the chocolate -- it might have been the chocolate but it might have been something else.

Usually there's a warning before such a severe reaction -- like maybe the previous time you ate this food, you experienced something like asthma perhaps, or stinging in your throat, etc.

I've had food sensitivities/ allergies and once experienced my throat closing after eating pistachios, but my episode wasn't anywhere as severe as yours.

A family around here lost a 15-year-old son a few years ago, to a peanut allergy. His dad brought chocolates home from work, and the son put one in his mouth, realized there was peanut in it and spit it out, but still he went into shock almost immediately. They got him to the emergency room within about 15 minutes but he died. Some people are so sensitive that even something that's been in a machine with the food they're allergic to could put them into shock.

[ January 15, 2005, 12:49 AM: Message edited by: DJ ]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/15/05 10:08 PM

DJ— Thanks for the input. And, yes, come to think of it, there was a little warning sign—a tickle in my throat.

The bottom line: How cool to have a dress rehearsal for death. [Cool]

I woke up this morning to a beautiful, sunny day. (I slept eight hours!) All week it’s been gloomy. First snow, which I love. Then rain. Then a dense fog. But today it’s crisp and clear. Glorious. Think I’ll take a walk at the beach later with my mom. (Long Island Sound is only a mile from my house, and my mom lives a mile in the opposite direction.)

After I posted yesterday morning, I spent the remainder of the day reading over my journals from the past two years. For those of you who keep a journal, I highly recommend doing this. Julia Cameron suggests in her book The Artist’s Way that journal writers re-read their entries every three months. I’ve done this in the past, but haven’t taken the time lately. Instead, when I write something in my journal that I particularly like, I type it up and save it on my computer. (My journal itself is written in longhand.) As I was reading, I laughed and cried and was amazed to discover that not one day had gone by where I didn’t express gratitude. Not one. But whereas the entries from the first year, during which time I was still writing and selling the book, contained many references to trust, the second year contained far fewer. So of all the heart-on-my-sleeve, hot-off-the-press comments I shared yesterday, the one about trust rings particularly true in hindsight.

My journal-reading experience, though, has left me with a concern. Because I consider my journals private, I don’t censor myself at all as I’m writing. These journals contain not only my observations of my exterior life, but reflections on my interior life as well. In other words, I use my journal as my therapist. I work out all my “issues” on the page. This means that I’m occasionally putting on paper thoughts about my loved ones—my husband, my children, my brother, my mom—that I would be horrified for them to read. The issue isn't that I'm worried what they'll think of me for saying such things. I trust that my family knows and loves me for who I am. In many cases, I have even talked with them about the very issues I've first articulated on the page, and we've worked them out together. But I don't want to leave them with hurt feelings.

Believe it or not, in the few minutes the other night where I wasn’t breathing and thought I very well might die, I flashed on my journals. No time for a complete thought. Just an “uh oh!” I don’t want to destroy my work—I mine my journal for flecks of gold that I use in my writing. I also don’t want to start censoring myself. But on the other hand, I really don’t want anyone reading them after I die. Am I being silly?
Posted by: chickadee

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/15/05 11:25 PM

Prill, did you make an appointment to see a Dr. about your episode? I feel for you having to go through that alone. I wouldn't just pass it off as an allergic reaction, I'd get a Dr's opinion.

I never gave much thought to my journals after I'm gone.I wouldn't be here to explain some entries and I could see where the reader would become confused and get the wrong message. My journal is my "guts on paper" at the time, so to speak.
Hmmm...A journal vault...If there's no such place, maybe I need to create one. Sounds like a great business idea...seriously.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/16/05 01:28 AM

Chickadee--

Great idea! A journal vault. I love it. The only problem would be figuring out when to send our journals to storage. I mean, despite that little tickle I got in my throat a split second before I stopped being able to breathe, we don't always have much warning before it's our time to go.

As I said, maybe I'm silly to worry at all. I mean, would my husband or kids really WANT to read thousands of pages of my barely legible handwriting? Especially when most of what I'm saying is pretty banal. There are gems there to be sure, but they're buried pretty deep.

And, yup, I'm going to go see a doc. Chocolate is not just one of my favorite treats; it's one of my major food groups! I'm not willing to let it go without a fight. [Big Grin]
Posted by: chickadee

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/16/05 02:16 AM

I am going to put each one in a large brown envelope as I am finished with them, label it journal # ?, and the last will/testament says send to "Journal Vault" One time fee - check enclosed [Big Grin]
Glad you're going to see a Doc.
chickadee
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/16/05 03:15 AM

Perfect! I think you've got yourself a new business opportunity, girl! "If you build it, they will come"--at least I will. [Wink]
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/16/05 03:39 AM

A dear friend of mine and I discussed this journal issue several years ago. We shared where our journals were and decided we were to get each other's journals after we died and toss 'em. [Big Grin] We need to address this again because we were half joking/half serious.

Another friend and I were discussing journals and ended up having a laughing attack. Here's why: my journal sits in a basket in our kitchen with my Bible, prayer folder, and a few other things. I don't believe a soul has ever cracked it. [Eek!] Everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives they probably don't realize it exists...which I think is healthy, but so funny. [Big Grin] If my husband or children had their journals sitting in the kitchen I'm afraid I'd have to peek. Am I nosey, or what? [Eek!]
Posted by: Sherri

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/16/05 06:32 AM

The poem is wonderful, you inspiring words a huge benefit to me, thanks for sharing all your wonderful stories.

My writing came about cause I always used to do extra credit reports, I loved researching them and writing them, and I actually wrote letters! Everyone told me I was the best letter writer they knew. Dad wanted to be a writer, I wrote until I was 15, then at 50 decided I was going to go for it. So glad I did! Now at 55 I have some major goals planned for this year.

1)Publish in Glimmer Train or By-Line magazine,
2)Sign a book contract for my wip "Bitter Water"
3)Find a publishing house that will print my book of poems after I get my rights back.

Big goals for me, and now I have said them, confessed them to everyone, and now I need to be held accountable!!

Sherri
Posted by: Evie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/16/05 08:53 AM

Prill - wow, so glad you are still here [Smile] thanks for opening your heart and sharing your insights from your experience.

Dotsie - I'm like you - my journal is right on my desk, out in the open. As far as I know [Wink] nobody every looks at it. But, if my kids had journals and left them lying around - I'd be sorely tempted to read them!!!

Sometimes I have difficulty writing in my journal, because I'm afraid it will be read and so I have trouble being entirely clear or honest with my journal - anyone else have that problem? or are you all really good at pouring your hearts out on paper and silencing the inner censor???
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/17/05 02:29 AM

Such a rich, deep discussion we're having. Thank you everyone! Love the humor as well. [Wink]

Dotsie-- Hate to admit it, but I, too, would probably fall into the nosey camp. Maybe it's being a writer, but I'm intensely curious about people. Doubly so about my family. By the way, I expressed my journal concern to my husband last night, and he just laughed, which, in turn, made me laugh. He said, "Are you kidding? Who's going to read that stuff? It's like a ton of gobbledygook. Sure, I might thumb through it, but that's all."

Still... I don't think I want to take any chances. [Eek!]

Sherri-- I can relate to your story. Like you, I poured my heart and soul into composing personal letters and school essays. But even though I loved writing, I never considered myself a writer. It took me 47+ years to take my joy in the craft seriously.

Evie-- You are so welcome! Here's another insight I had this morning from my scare the other night: So long as there's breath in our bodies, there's hope. As I think I expressed in my original posting about this incident, I couldn't figure out what I could do to start breathing again, to turn the situation around. I had almost no hope. And then, at the very last second, that wisp of air went into my lungs. (I'm so dramatic, aren't I? [Big Grin] )

I used the above line about hope in one of my versions of the introduction to Defying Gravity. (If you don't have the book and want to compare, I think you can read the final version via the "Open This Book" feature on my Amazon.com page.) But it sounded a little trite, so I eventually dismissed it.

Here's how the book originally began:

"Since I began writing about women who discovered their gifts midlife and refused to let go of their dreams, I’ve heard one question again and again: “Do you mean there’s still hope for me?” My answer is always an emphatic yes. So long as there’s breath in our bodies, there’s hope."

Not trite at all! [Big Grin]

Now back to Evie--

Love that you had the courage to announce your goals and be held accountable. Anyone else want to do the same?
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/17/05 02:35 AM

Whoops-- I'm getting names mixed up again. (My husband is always tell me I move too fast.) I meant to address Sherri at the end. Also, in response to Evie's question, my answer is that, yes, I'm good at silencing my inner censor. (Maybe too good, as you can see from reading these postings.) That's why I'm worried about my journals. [Eek!]
Posted by: Evie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/17/05 05:00 AM

quote:
Originally posted by Prill:
Whoops-- I'm getting names mixed up again. (My husband is always tell me I move too fast.) I meant to address Sherri at the end.

-whew! scared me for a moment - thought I'd announced some big goals I was going to held accountable for [Razz]

I need to work on silencing the inner censor bit - I think I'd got farther in my journalling if I did.

I was just thinking that it's awfully egotistical of me to think anyone's going to bother reading what I wrote there anyway, isn't it??? [Razz]
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/18/05 08:03 AM

I write so I can understand exactly what I'm talking about, but I'm not totally honest because I don't want to hurt feelings of those who may peek. [Wink] I believe that if the kids read honesty as wise adults they would understand my concerns, but as teens they would probably think I'm a wierdo. Does that make sense?

Maybe I think this because Mom always kept a notebook of her daily activities with pieces of conversations about the kids/grandkids, but it wasn't the same kind of journal I keep. Hers was more of an account of what was going on in the family: vacations, games, doctor appts, reminders, etc. I was never interested in them at the time, but now that she been gone three years I hope to take a few days and read every word of her notebooks. It would be a lovely connection to her, and would probably reveal what was most important to her...her family.

My gut wrenching honesty enters when I put my head on the table and am silent with God, always remembering to take time to listen to what He has to say in return. Sometimes I write what I hear Him speaking to clarify how much He loves me in spite of my human traits.

Prill, can we talk about soem of the women in the book? I'd love to.
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/18/05 08:30 AM

YES! How bout Maureen? Yuhooooo Maureeeeennnnn....Her story captured me, can you tell? hahha..

JJ
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/17/05 10:41 PM

Dotsie-- Like you, I write so that I can make sense of what I'm feeling. As Wallace Stegner says in his book All the Little Live Things, "How do I know what I think until I see what I say?" And because my kids and stepkids are grown up and no longer around on a regular basis, I don't worry about being totally honest on the page. My husband is both respectful of my privacy and occupied with his own work.

So Evie, while it's true you might get further with your journaling if you censored yourself less--and I can vouch for the benefits of doing so--I think Dotsie has found a good middle ground.

I'd be happy now to talk about the Defying Gravity girls.

JJ, you mentioned Maureen. At 40 or 41 (I can't remember when her birthday is), she's the youngest woman in the book. (The oldest is now 87.) I interviewed her at her home in Jacksonville, FL, and we bonded almost immediately. She and I describe it as having a "soul meld." By the end of the interview, we were completing each other's sentences. [Eek!] She was pregnant and had a big belly. We spent all day together, the last two-thirds of it on her bed having a picnic. During the final segment of the interview, she's sitting in her "depression chair," which she describes in the story. At the time I interviewed her, she wasn't really clear about whether she wanted to stay in her job. Yes, she'd fulfilled her dream of going to Smith College. Yes, she was joyful. And yes, she was comfortable in her skin. But her job as a prosecutor was extraordinarily demanding as well as time consuming. She was understandably worried about how she was going to juggle her work with being a new mom. The good news is that in this past year, at her request, she's been reassigned. She's still a prosecutor, but her current job is much more flexible. She seems very happy.

What else would you like to know?
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/19/05 08:59 AM

I felt a closeness to Mary Orlando. I appreciated her desire to have people nest in her home. I loved reading about the renovation and all the comaraderie among the women, family, and friends who helped. She oopened herself up and was graciously blessed.

Also, her tapestry story is one of my favorites. I heard it years ago and have held onto it. I have total faith that God sees the tapestry and we see the side with all the srtings attached and knots.

I loved the ending when she mentioned having been given the gift of strength and confidence. She also mentioned no longer being alone which I think is a big fear for many of us. [Wink]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/19/05 05:44 AM

Dotsie— I intended to post a reply much earlier today, but life intruded. How wonderful! [Big Grin]

You know what I love? I love that each woman in the book is someone’s favorite. That’s what I hoped would happen when I set out to write. I wanted to choose a wide enough cross-section of late-blooming women so that every reader would find at least one story that struck a chord.

I’m so glad you mention Mary Orlando. Her dream of opening a bed & breakfast, as humble as it might appear in comparison to Linda Bach’s (the doctor), Irma Elder’s (the CEO), or Patricia Symonds’ (the anthropologist), is no less important. As is true with these other women, the fruits of Mary’s efforts have rippled outwards, and she’s touched more people—and in a more profound way—than she could have ever imagined. She’s even touched you, Dotsie! To me, she’s an archetypal mother figure, a woman for whom family, followed by church and community, are by far the most important things in her life. These are Mary’s passions, and she's honored them.

Our culture and the media, which both follows society and leads the way, tends to put a value judgment on one’s choice of work and leisure. In its peculiar hierarchy, being a matriarch these days isn’t as lofty a vocation as being a senator or stock broker. But I didn’t want to elevate one person’s choices over another’s. I’m tickled that Evelyn Gregory—at age 71, no less— went from being a retired bank vice president to becoming a flight attendant, whereas Maureen Horkan went from being a flight attendant to becoming a prosecutor. Each person’s dreams are sacred. And, to quote Paulo Coelho, I truly believe that in following them—no matter what they are—we help heal “the soul of the world.”

Ironically, Mary’s divorce, which was initially so devastating, turned out to be a blessing, which is where the tapestry story comes into play.

I visited Mary in August. She was hosting a “barn razing.” The place was filled with family, friends and neighbors working side by side. It was like a scene out of a movie, only better.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/19/05 10:37 PM

Hi everyone!

I'll be out today doing errands, but will check in this evening to see if anyone has posted. Early tomorrow morning I'm leaving for the West Coast for five days, but I'll have my laptop with me and will be able to stay in touch.

Technology is amazing, isn't it? When my youngest son was studying in Sweden last winter, we Instant Messaged almost every day. Even though he was practically on the other side of the world, I felt as though I knew more about what he was up to in Sweden than I do when he’s in Philly. ‘Course with kids, that’s not always a good thing. [Smile]

I’ll leave you this morning with another piece of advice from one of the women in the book. This morsel comes from Jean Karotkin, who started off her interview with me by saying, “My life began the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer.”

After surviving breast cancer, Jean became a professional photographer. She’s on my mind today because we spoke on the phone yesterday.

Here’s what she wrote: “My photography teacher, mentor and friend Rick Eilers told me from the beginning, ‘Keep it simple.’ He was referring to my camera and lighting equipment and the way I shoot. His advice helped me immensely, especially when I started traveling to photograph my subjects for the book. I was such a beginner to the craft, and keeping it simple allowed me to focus on creating the image with my eye rather than be confused with technical issues. Because I worked without assistance, keeping it simple also meant less equipment to schlep around.”

Keeping it simple is good advice under almost any circumstances.

By the way, let me put in a plug for Jean’s new photography book: Body & Soul. (web page ) Think the best way for me to describe it is to quote from my review on Amazon:

“Ms. Karotkin's powerful photographs truly capture the spirit of her subjects, whose stories of coping with breast cancer are told through brief vignettes. This is an inspiring, provocative book that challenges American ideals of physical perfection and redefines what it means to be beautiful. I imagine Body & Soul will resonate with anyone who has either experienced breast-cancer first-hand or known someone who has; but I hope that all those teenage girls who aren't happy with their bodies will also read this book and take its message to heart.”

P.S. Jaw Jaw-- Has anyone told you lately how cute and loveable you are? [Big Grin]
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/19/05 11:08 PM

why no, they haven't! Well...unless you count when I looked in the mirror this morning and said, "Jaw Jaw--You ar" what? That wasn't what you meant?

Honey, with my friends and family, when someone says "you sure are cute" it usually followed by "ah...can I.."

Know what I mean? hahaha....so thank you Prill...you've just been elevated to APRILLA THE SAINT...

JJ
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/20/05 01:06 AM

Prill, she was another favorite of mine. I connected with her because my sister was going through radiation treatments for breast cancer while I was reading your book this summer.

Her statement about life beginning with the diagnosis is so encouraging for women to hear. Many women think death sentence, while others think life!
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/20/05 04:22 AM

Well, heck yes, JJ. Why NOT count yourself? [Wink] (Personally, I accept all compliments, no matter where they come from. [Big Grin] ) P.S. I might be sweet, but I ain't no saint. [Roll Eyes]

Dotsie-- I agree. The heart of Jean's story is about turning a negative into a positive. To me, she's a hero.

I'm glad you brought up your sister. I've been wondering how she's doing and keeping her in my prayers.
Posted by: Evie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/20/05 04:36 AM

quote:
Originally posted by Prill:

Technology is amazing, isn't it?

Yup...my son mentioned today that he was learning Excel at school....he's in Grade 6. I flashed back to when I first learned Excel - I think I'd already birthed one child by then, and had been in the work force for quite some time
[Smile] ...computers sure have changed fast!
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/20/05 04:53 AM

Evie-- Excel in 6th grade! Really? I'm pretty tech-savvy, but I'm a Neanderthal compared to my kids. My oldest designed my website for me [Cool] and maintained it for a while. He's even busier than I am, though, and would get grumpy whenever I'd ask him to update it. [Razz] I finally had him teach me how to do it myself. It's easy.

Websites--that's a whole other topic. They're great for promotion, and there's lots you can do to increase your hits.
Posted by: TVC15

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/20/05 05:23 PM

I don't think I'd even be on the computer if it weren't for my kids teaching me everything about using one.
Where would Bill Gates be without teenagers?
Posted by: Evie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/20/05 06:10 PM

I'll confess to being the computer hog in my family - my kids are always complaining they can't get on the computer because I'm on it [Wink]

I guess I come by it honestly. My dad was one of the first in our area to use computers for accounting and preparing taxes - we had a computer in our house before most (of course, it was the "work" computer so it wasn't for fooling around on - not that you could do much on them back in those days). He would have been in his early 50's then.

Today, in his 70's, he's still up on a lot of the latest computer technology and would be on the computer a lot if not slowed down by arthritis [Smile]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/21/05 05:15 AM

TVC15-- Guess you're right. Where would Bill Gates be?

Evie-- I can relate. My dad, too, was one of the first in our community to get a computer. He was an engineer and really into gadgets of any kind.

Just arrived in L.A. I'll have more thoughts to share later. [Wink]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/21/05 10:06 PM

One more thought about websites. Many of you already have wonderful ones. But if you're a published writer and don't yet have a "hidden" press page on your site, I highly recommend that you put one together. On mine, I have downloadable high-resolution jpegs of my book cover as well as my publicity shots. I also have a downloadable pdf file of my press release, plus contact information. It's a work in progress. Having recently redone all my press materials, I need to update it again. The bottom line is that I've directed the media to this page again and again, with great results.

On an unrelated note, I'm meeting my dear friend Nancy in a few minutes. (She's the person whose e-mail I shared with you last week after my breathing scare.) At this time of my life, I think my girlfriends are as important to me as my husband, mother and children. I don't want to, or need to, rank anyone. My family and friends fill different roles in my life. My point is that I doubt I would have persisted in writing my book without all the support my girlfriends gave me. I'm certain I wouldn't be the person I am today without their love and encouragement.

For years, my closest friends were men. The woman I was closest to was my mom. Nancy is the one who made me realize that I needed to put more energy into my female friendships. About a decade ago, she said to me, "Prill, your mom is going to die. Your sons are going to grow up. And, statistically, you'll probably outlive your husband. Who's going to be there for you then? Your girlfriends, that's who!
Posted by: pmterrell

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/21/05 10:07 PM

Hi, Prill:
I'm a new member and I just ordered your book. I have three sisters; all three of us changed careers in mid-life. My older sister had been a pediatrician for more than 20 years when she decided one day that she'd really always wanted to be a lawyer. So at nearly 50, she went to law school and is now practicing law and loving it. My younger sister was an advertising executive pulling in the big bucks when she decided at 40 to enter the ministry. Now she is ordained and has her own church... And I operated computer businesses, overseeing programming and applications development when I realized that I'd really always wanted to be a novelist. So here I am, with two suspense/thrillers on the market and another in the hopper... I thought my sisters and I were unique until Dotsie recommended that I read the posts in your forum. Now I can't wait to read your book!
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/21/05 10:35 PM

Yuhooo...Trishhhhh...so glad you've joined us girlfriend!

All--this is a friend of Pam's who fortunately for me, Pam introduced me to. Isn't she cool?

You must check out her books.

JJ
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/21/05 11:06 PM

Hi p.m.-- So wonderful to meet you! Thanks for sharing your inspiring story, and heartfelt congratulations for all your success. Sounds like you and your sisters could easily have been in my book. Actually, I can envision your family story being a book in itself--a case study exploring the geography of both your individual and collective courage. (Seriously.) Would love to hear more from you.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/21/05 11:12 PM

Any friend of JJ's (and Pam's) is a friend of mine! [Big Grin] But then, Trish, I could tell I was going to like you just from reading your posting. [Wink]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/22/05 09:16 PM

My friend Nancy took me yesterday to a Korean women's spa here in L.A. I've never spent so much time with so many naked women before. These were women of all ages, all sizes, all shapes. To me, every one of them was beautiful, and the experience made me view my own body even more compassionately.

What does this have to do with late blooming? A lot, I think. Part of coming into one's own, at any age, involves an embracing of one's unique self.

No time to write more this morning. I'm out for the day again. But I have a lot more to say about this. Would love, as always, to hear others' thoughts as well.
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/22/05 09:29 PM

Oh boy, then I have lots of growing up to do. [Big Grin]

My MIL gave me a gift certificate for a massage. The only massages I've had were in physical therapy.

I asked a friend who worked at the spa to recommend a good masseuse. Little did I know when I made the appt that it was a male. [Eek!]

If you look up masseuse in Webster's it says a WOMAN who gives massages. Times have changed. [Wink]

Anyway, I was a wreck when I saw that HE was going to be rubbing me with lotions and potions while I layed there half naked...more than half naked. [Razz]

I wouldn't take off my bra. Nope, I left that on UNDER the robe, which I wouldn't take off either. Aren't I a weirdo?

He eventually UNHOOKED my bra strap under the robe. Boy did he have his work cut out for him. I was tied in knots.

It was NOT a good experience.

Do I need to chill, or what?

Prill, glad you can wlak around with naked women. I'm not there yet. [Wink] But I do want to hear more. [Wink]

Keep enjoying your trip.
Posted by: unique

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/22/05 11:17 PM

Prill, I'm glad you enjoyed your day at the spa. I had the pleasure of enjoying a Korean Spa in Korea. A friend of mine took me to a resort hotel that had some water features and these amazing hot springs. Thanks for reminding me of that wonderful day. It was a little disconcerting being with all the 'naked' ladies; but only because I was the only caucasian woman there. Even if you don't completely speak the language, you can always tell when people are talking about you. That part was a little disconcerting, but not in a bad sort of way. I thoroughly enjoyed my time there; had things gone differently, I'd probably still be over there. For a long time after I came back I had dreams of being over there. When I woke up I'd be so depressed because I'd realize I wasn't really there. Sometimes it even made me cry I wanted to be there so badly.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/23/05 04:41 AM

Dotsie-- I'm sitting here chuckling as I read your posting. [Big Grin] (The importance of humor in our lives is a whole other topic.) I can just see you lying on that table clutching your robe. I love massages, but my mom is like you. She'd rather go to the dentist than a spa. In any event, don't take me too literally. I didn't mean to imply that successful late blooming was somehow contingent upon being comfortable taking your clothes off in front of strangers. [Wink]

Unique-- So good to hear from you. By the way, I hope some of the responses you received to your question about how to become bolder in your life were helpful. If you weren't satisfied, feel free to discuss this some more.

How wonderful that my last posting conjured up a warm memory from your past. (After pressing "Add Reply," I questioned whether I should be writing about naked ladies. [Roll Eyes] ) I think it's a fruitful exercise to look back at those times one has really enjoyed and figure out how to bring the essence of that particular pleasure into one's present-day life.
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/23/05 06:01 AM

All I know is I want the number of that masseuse

what?

JJ [Wink]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/23/05 09:39 AM

JJ, you are truly incorrigible! I just luvya. [Big Grin]
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/23/05 06:48 PM

You say that like it's a bad thing...teehee...

JJ
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/24/05 08:14 AM

JJ-- To the contrary. It's a veeeery good thing. [Big Grin]
Posted by: chickadee

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/24/05 08:46 AM

You know Dotsie,I can relate...years ago... NOW... I'd probably just pull off the ol bra (if indeed I had it on that day) sling it the corner and say, "Now don't be shy young man", "I've got stretchmarks older than you." A little to the left...Oooh yeah thats it. Quite the knot, huh. Relationships's 'il do that to ya. Stay in school son. [Wink]

Unique, hot springs sound soooo relaxing.

Prill, just love this post.

Negged isn't it. Naked is bad...negged is good. Clarification please Queen. I have learned so many nice things since I flew South. [Wink]

chickadee

[ January 23, 2005, 12:48 PM: Message edited by: chickadee ]
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/23/05 09:23 PM

That's an easy one Chick...

If someone is getting Naked, they are ready for their Saturday night bath.

If someone is getting nakkid....they are up to no good. [Big Grin]

Hope this helps.

JJ
Posted by: chickadee

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/23/05 09:37 PM

OOOOooohhhhh. OK. So... negged is if they do both?
chickadee
Posted by: smilinize

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/23/05 11:51 PM

Chick,
Don't listen to JJ. She's just in the South.
Sweetie, you're in the SouthWEST where men are men and cows are scared!!
Out here if you say, I'm just all "negged" out, it means you've just about had all the negative crap you can handle for one day.
And if you get "naked," you could be taking a bath, but more likely you're either posing for Playboy or your boyfriend has a new Polaroid camera.
But if you get "nekkud," you're getting ready for some real FUN!!
And if you're as "nekkud as a plucked chicken," you are having FUN in public.

So be careful with the N words.
smile

[ January 23, 2005, 03:54 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/24/05 11:58 AM

So glad you gals are having fun with the nekked thing. (JJ--don't go there! [Razz] ) I just returned to my hotel room and am sorry to say that I'm too pooped to post. [Frown] Tomorrow morning I'm leaving Los Angeles and flying back to Connecticut, but I'll be back on-line Tuesday. [Wink]
Posted by: unique

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/24/05 06:19 PM

Godspeed, Prill. Come back to us safely!
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/24/05 09:06 PM

The things I learn in this neighborhood! [Eek!]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/25/05 09:54 PM

Thanks Chickadee and Unique. [Smile] I made it home safely, although I didn't pull into my garage until 3 a.m. this morning. What an adventure JFK Airport was last night! Anyway, glad to be home.

Thought I'd start the day by shifting the topic away from nakedness--it's too COLD here in CT this morning to even think about taking any clothes off [Big Grin] --back to late blooming. I've been passing along some of the tips the women in my book wrote last spring for a journalist who was doing a "best pieces of advice" article. Here's my contribution:

“When I was 20 years old and working as a secretary at Harvard University, one day I confessed to my boss, a geomorphologist named Michael Woldenberg, that I’d always been terrible at math. He considered my statement for a moment, and said, 'You know, anyone can master the hardest discipline by simply taking it step by step.' Until that moment, I had always thought of myself as math impaired. I had never considered that I simply might have missed bits and pieces of knowledge along the way. Later, remembering what he said, I taught myself algebra with some books that I found at a community college bookstore. I started at the beginning and re-learned all the basic concepts. In the process, I discovered that solving problems was not only rewarding, but fun. Mastering algebra and then geometry ultimately gave me the skills and the confidence to take advanced math and science when I enrolled at Georgetown University in my 30’s. Then I tackled college French the same way. Even though I had studied French in high school, I insisted that I be allowed to allowed to start over with French 101 at Georgetown. The same approach worked for me when decided to learn to play the piano. And finally, when I set out to write Defying Gravity, I remembered Professor Woldenberg’s words again. Although I had never written a book before, I knew that if I broke the process into steps, I would eventually accomplish my goal.”

Let me add a caveat to the above. If anyone on this forum wants to go back to school, it's not necessary to do the groundwork I did. Colleges have courses to help you fill in all the blanks that I filled in own my own. The subtext of what I'm saying is that much of what we think of as talent--and therefore inaccessible to most of us--is in reality a combination of acquired knowledge and hours of practice.

A very empowering theory, to say the least. What I didn't say above is that the first way I tested it out--and testing it out was exactly my intention--was by signing up for crochet classes. (I'd always been intimidated by ladies with knitting needles!) I followed my professor's advice, and ended up making an afghan. Not a very attractive afghan, but an afghan nonetheless. [Razz]
Posted by: Sadie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/26/05 12:23 AM

Well, hear I am a terrible speller and depend of possibe on the spell checker a lot. I have starting writing for which I have always loved to do. I have only written a short letter to the editor for our local newspaper and the editor love it so much , by the way is was about me . I was a Crossing Guard and wrote of my experience of seven years out on this lonely corner.

Now , I have started typing about my experience as a caregiver and the problems I have had with relatives and nursing home and none stop for the past five years. I got inpired by all my friends on this site . They give me courage to think and not be afraid of anything they give me faith my very best in life .

One question is it better to type this all down or to do this in long hand? I found both works for me now. I found going to my past and working up to the present in this books is working well . I guess I am on there right track with this. In the back of the book I plan to give people the resouse they need to find out information to whom you can go to for help. Like the Omubsman and elderlaw , National Coalition of Nursing home reform. I have already helped two people get the help they need.

I also if I should keep the names of realtives out for the worry of being sued if I should worry about that . I would love you book. My husband and I love to read and we have stacks of books here.

Thanks for your help,

Nancy [Big Grin]

[ January 25, 2005, 04:24 PM: Message edited by: Nancy50 ]
Posted by: Erica Miner

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/26/05 05:22 AM

Hi Prill,
Just wanted to say how impressed I am at your intrepid travels in this season of 'weather.' Cross country flying is never fun, but with blizzards and such, you deserve a special medal for taking it in stride. Nothing like living in New England to develop the 'chops' to defy the elements!
Erica
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/26/05 06:29 AM

Thanks, Erica. Great to hear from you. No need to be impressed. I love to travel. I also adore New England. All four seasons. We're getting more snow tonight, and I'm like a little kid. I can't wait. [Smile]

Nancy-- Good to hear from you, too. Congratulations for having the courage to write about your experiences--both as a crossing guard and a caregiver. You seem to want to help others benefit from all you've learned. How wonderful! [Big Grin]

You asked whether it's better to type or write in longhand. I think it's a matter of personal preference. When my thoughts are flowing easily, I use a computer. When I'm stuck, I always go back to longhand. The physical act of putting pen to paper slows me down and allows me to excavate my thoughts and feelings. From that deeper place, I'm better able to pick and choose the words to describe as precisely as possible what I want to convey.

I’m not aware of any physiological research that supports using longhand when one is blocked, but I wouldn’t be surprised to discover such a study.

Regarding whether to include people's names or not, your concern is valid. For my book, I had the women sign legal releases before I published their names and stories. In my entry this morning, I even briefly hesitated to use Michael Woldenberg's name. But since I had already communicated the above information to him personally, and what I was saying was flattering rather than inflammatory, I decided to go ahead. I think he'd be pleased to see his name in print in this particular context.

When in doubt, ask the person if it's okay to use his or her name. In any event, proceed cautiously. If you don't have something nice to say about someone--or you're revealing sensitive information--I personally wouldn't use a name.

What do the rest of you think? [Razz]
Posted by: Evie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/26/05 07:27 AM

re the typing vs longhand

When I write poetry I use longhand - I want to see all my starts, and revisions, and crossing outs and going back to's [Smile] . When I'm typing a story, essay, devotional I pour it out on the computer...

Interesting, I'd never thought before about why I use either!
Posted by: unique

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/26/05 08:22 AM

I can't write as fast as I can type so if something has to get down in a hurry, I type it. I do like to see my 'longhand' on the page, so I do both -- depending. I get more out of me longhand. Sometimes I look at the screen and my mind is just as blank as a New Word Document. [Eek!]
Posted by: meredithbead

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/26/05 11:24 AM

I always write things out longhand first, I guess because I'm used to it. After the first draft and revisions are done, I type it up. Then future revisions are done on the computer.

To me the hand-written copies seem more special somehow. I save all the originals.
Posted by: TVC15

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/27/05 08:04 AM

I'm with Meredith on this one. I prefer to write longhand first and then revise while I type it out on the computer. I never thought about why before but I think Prill has the answer to that within her post. More time to think about what I want to say.
As far as using peoples names, I try to avoid them in my essays. I change them for privacy's sake. I've been becoming concerned with this lately and have decided to concentrate more on my fiction. And have also begun considering using a pen name.
Posted by: Sadie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/27/05 08:39 AM

I am working with senstive information about these relatives and what they have done in the pass . So the names I will not use . They for shore would sue me. and say it wasn't so. What about my name should I change it also. Giving credits in the book for the lawyer who helped me thur trying for Guardenship be OK! I will ask her permission also. I still have lots of questions This is new for me. Need lots of help.

This is my goal for the new year . Write this book and get the word out . I do have a title for the book that this Boomerwomen Speak has helped me to decide on .. I might add so far this has been a wonderful help to me.

Help ! [Eek!]

[ January 27, 2005, 12:50 PM: Message edited by: Nancy50 ]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/27/05 08:52 AM

I love all these different perspectives.

When I initially got a computer, I had to train myself to compose first drafts on it. It was almost as if I had to rewire my brain. But now, as I said above, I do the majority of my writing this way.

Here's what Natalie Goldberg in her book WILD MIND has to say about this issue:

"I do all my original writing by hand. I have greater mobility: I can write on planes, with friends in cafes. Plus it feels more connected with my body; my hand moves with my arm and shoulder, which is connected to my chest and heart. All good writing comes from the body and is a physical experience. Can you type or use your computer? Of course. It's a different physical act so a slightly different voice might come out."

I wonder if this last sentence is true.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/27/05 08:56 AM

Nancy-- I'll e-mail you later today. [Wink]
Posted by: smilinize

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/26/05 09:40 PM

quote:
Originally posted by Prill:
Here's what Natalie Goldberg in her book WILD MIND has to say about this issue:

"I do all my original writing by hand. I have greater mobility: I can write on planes, with friends in cafes. Plus it feels more connected with my body; my hand moves with my arm and shoulder, which is connected to my chest and heart. All good writing comes from the body and is a physical experience. Can you type or use your computer? Of course. It's a different physical act so a slightly different voice might come out."

I wonder if this last sentence is true.

Gee, what an observation.
I am always seeking information about the physiology of writing. That adds a whole new variable. As soon as I can get to the med school, I'll try to find out if any research has been done.

Interesting.
smile
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/27/05 12:50 AM

Smile-- Make sure to tell us what, if anything, you learn. I bet I'm not the only one who's interested.
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/27/05 02:42 AM

Yes, ditto. Let us know what your research turns up SMILES...

JJ
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/28/05 08:00 AM

I was in a journaling class yesterday and this very topic came up.

I always journal longhand because I can't erase ink or change my words. They just flow. I believe this is a more honest way of writing. No delete buttons to hit if you think you wrote something too personal. It's already there.

I use the computer when writing what I submit, or want to share with others. It's so much easier. I can edit as I go along, cut and paste, delete, whatever.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/27/05 09:45 PM

Dotsie-- I'd love to hear more about your journaling class. What other topics did you discuss? I'm always looking for ways to dig deeper, fly higher and be more honest in my writing.

Can't believe how fast the month is zooming by; I only have one more week on this forum. To recap, here are some of the issues we’ve discussed so far. Feel free to comment again on any of them…or bring up a new topic.

1) Finding a publisher and agent

2) The financial dimension of following one's dream

3) The seasons of our lives: Respecting timing

4) Issues revolving around children leaving home

5) The importance of being bold (News update: I took Dotsie's comments to heart and signed up to do that Illinois conference. [Wink] )

6) Finding a way back to our "good parts" and downloading the "bad parts" (I love Unique’s technology-inspired image!)

7) Good coming out of "bad"

8) Shyness about promoting oneself

9) Dealing with public speaking jitters

10) The value of storytelling

11) Worrying about what others think of us versus our own needs and desires

12) Teaching kids to drive

13) Overcoming trauma through writing

14) The value of doing something for the sheer joy of it

15) Writers’ need for validation

16) The rewards of networking

17) Defining Moments: How one sentence can change a life

18) Finding one’s voice

19) Jaw Jaw being cute and loveable (Every one of you is loveable! [Big Grin] )

20) Journal issues—private vs. public

21) Importance of trust

22) Questions about the Defying Gravity women

23) Technology—designing websites, etc.

24) Longhand versus typing
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/27/05 09:59 PM

Whoops. I forgot #25: Being comfortable in our seasoned bodies. (Hmmm....not sure I like the word "seasoned" here. It sounds kinder than "middle-aged," but conjures up visions of being prepared for a stew. [Razz] ) In case anyone lives in the L.A. area, or is planning a trip there, here's the website of the Korean spa I visited web page . It's for women only. I highly recommend it.
Posted by: unique

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/28/05 12:08 AM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Prill:

6) Finding a way back to our "good parts" and downloading the "bad parts" (I love Unique’s technology-inspired image!)
I'm an *analog* woman in a digital world [Wink]

16) The rewards of networking
This is the best place for it on the web! [Big Grin]

18) Finding one’s voice
You can do that here, too [Smile]

19) Jaw Jaw being cute and loveable (Every one of you is loveable! [Big Grin] )

Ditto! [Razz]
I love how you broke it all down for us. Were you a curriculum developer in a *previous* life?
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/28/05 09:29 PM

Prill, I have to mention Jean Karotkin again. She's the woman who did the photography book about breast cancer.

A very important topic was mentioned in her story and that is timing.

Timing is everything, and unfortuately we aren't always in charge of that time. I believe God has everything in order. He sees the big picture and knows when to make things happen. We need to be patient and receive His grace. We need to let Him connect the dots and in the end the whole picture will be revealed to us. [Wink]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/28/05 10:01 PM

Unique— Love how you broke down my breakdown! [Wink] And what a great way to describe yourself: "an analog woman in a digital world." I'll have to think about this concept some more, maybe springboard it into an essay.

In terms of being a curriculum developer, I was never one per se. But as a teacher, I routinely designed lesson plans. Some people consider themselves right-brained; others, left. To bring my Defying Gravity vision into the world, I've needed to access my creative/intuitive side as well as my logical/organized one. It takes both to write, publish, and promote a book. The good news is that you can always solicit help if you feel deficient in either of these domains. There are scores of wonderful souls out there--not to mention every single woman on this forum--who would be happy to assist you. All you have to do is ask.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It’s FREEZING here this morning! (My thermometer says it's 7 degrees outside.) Not only are the rhododendrons curled up like tight cigars—always a clear sign of frigid weather--but when I went outside a few minutes ago to collect my newspaper, it even hurt to breathe. Hope you all are in gentler climes.

As I’m writing this, I’m realizing that I associate each of you with a state: Dotsie from Maryland, Jaw Jaw from Alabama, Unique from North Carolina, Meredithbead from California, etc. (Meredith, are you by any chance an “OC” fan? My secret vice is watching The OC on Thursday nights; my secret crush, on the other hand, is Nicholas Kristoff of the New York Times. Guess I'm a complicated woman.) Of course, you all might not actually be natives of these places, but that’s how I've got you organized in my mind. Does anyone else do this?

Speaking of breathing, in case you're interested, here's an update on my choking episode. I finally went to an ear/nose/throat guy yesterday at the recommendation of my G.P. He put a camera down my throat. Very strange sensation. It didn't hurt, though I had to supress my gag reflex. Anyway, he said that my throat's been injured from, among other things, a bronchial infection. I had no idea. He gave me some medication that he claimed would stop the spasming and allow my throat to heal. (I'm generally an anti-medication girl; I don't even like taking aspirin unless I'm in agony.) Should take about a month. He also said it was good I came to him when I did because I could easily have had another attack and that, this time, I might not have lived through it. That sure got my attention. Needless to say, I'm taking my meds. The moral of the story is: Don't put off seeing a doctor when you've got something wrong.

Unfortunately, at least for now, I'm not supposed to eat anything with caffeine. That means no chocolate. I'm also not supposed to ingest anything with mint, ginger or cinnamon. As an Altoids addict and a chocoholic, this is not welcome news. Yes, I'm grateful to be alive, but I'm feeling a wee bit cranky today. [Razz]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/28/05 10:19 PM

Dotsie— Sorry I missed your posting before I pressed "Add Reply."

I agree that timing IS everything. The phrase has become a cliché, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Not only Jean Karotkin, but every late-blooming woman I interviewed would concur.

For those of you who haven’t read my book, here’s an excerpt on this very topic. It’s from my journal, tidbits of which I weave in between the stories of the women:

“I recently read that Native American author Beth Brant was driving somewhere before her fortieth birthday when a bald eagle flew in front of her car and told her she was supposed to be a writer. She changed the direction of her life and stepped back on the gas. For most of us the signposts are much more subtle. More often than not, I suspect, one misses them altogether.

“That said, several of the women I’ve interviewed—Linda Bach, Jean Kelley, Jo Fuchs Luscombe and Patricia Symonds—were similarly approached by a casual acquaintance who innocently uttered a few words and altered the trajectory of their lives.

“Here’s what I wonder. Were these four women—five, including Beth Brant—approached at the precise moment they were prepared to take their respective leaps? If they had heard these words of encouragement a month earlier, would they have been able to respond? Or would the words have been dismissed as pure folly? In my case, I think it’s very possible that I wouldn’t be writing this particular book if I had read about Wini Yunker even one day before I did" (111).
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/29/05 12:16 AM

If I held the answer to that question Prill, I'd be considered one smart Buddha instead of so darn lovable.

Its such a good question, and one that I've often asked myself..."why did I discover writing now? Why not earlier in my life when I had a good memory for Pete's sake?

And I think the answer lies in the fact that I would not have listened to the voice inside that guides me to write.

God, the universe (whatever one chooses to call IT), knew I wasn't ready. It's almost like I finished off the first 50 years and went, "Whoa Nellie, that was fun! Hm...now what?" And in comes the writing...

I think everyone is different and their "Aha" moment comes when they're ready to receive it and are open to discovery....just my dollar's worth...

JJ
Posted by: TVC15

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/29/05 04:12 AM

Wow, Prill, that question really makes me think! (ouch) No really, great question. I sometimes wonder about things like that myself. Like why we decided to move out of state when we did. A year earlier and I would have said it was nuts to even think about it. Now we say we wish we had done it sooner. Timing is definitely everything.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/29/05 04:19 AM

quote:
I think the answer lies in the fact that I would not have listened to the voice inside that guides me to write.
You've got more than a dollar's worth here, JJ. I feel the same. Raising kids was another factor for me. I didn't seriously begin writing until my youngest son went to college. It's funny that I could teach high school full-time and still take care of my kids, but I couldn't seem to write and simultaneously be a mom. I think it might have come easier if I'd been journaling at that point in my life. I know lots of women with children at home who are prolific writers. (There are several on this forum.) I just wasn't one of them.
Posted by: smilinize

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/29/05 05:19 AM

That's an interesting observation about children Prill. Strangely, I was so much more prolific when my children were small. I was also a single mother. Somehow that empowered me.
At that time I was on a mission. I wanted to raise and educate my daughters. I needed money and since I was a chronic insomniac I wrote at night, I worked during the day and played in the evening.
I wrote articles and published. Wrote proposals and submitted, got contracts and grants and built a company.
Now my mission is accomplished. The vision is a reality and I am still writing, but I'm no longer compelled. I like to help others, but I'm coasting.
I'm free wheeling through the second half of life. Wheeeee!
smile
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/29/05 07:19 PM

TVC15— I don’t know about you, but my environment affects my creative output, not to mention how I feel about my day-to-day life. My husband would be happy living anywhere, but I’m much more sensitive to my surroundings. I’ve lived in Colorado, Georgia, Virginia (suburban DC), Massachusetts, Upstate New York, Maine (summers), and Connecticut. Everywhere I go, I soak up the culture and let it texture my life. But my heart sings more in some places than in others. Where I live now—an hour from New York City and a mile from Long Island Sound—inspires me to hit the high notes. I love this place!

Smile— Sounds like you’re in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. [Big Grin]

Here’s a new topic: The Significance of (Sleeping) Dreams

Last night I dreamed I held a wild tiger in my arms and tamed it with my love. Don’t have a clue what the dream meant on a symbolic level, but I woke up with such a sweet feeling. It’s almost as if I were holding myself rather than the tiger.

Throughout the writing and promoting of my book, my dreams have played a critical role in both guiding and empowering me. I’ve had more than a dozen flying/levitation dreams and several magical dreams about animals. I dreamed of a wolf, the experience of which I recount in the book, a black dog, a fluorescent green owl, twin iguanas (this was a lucid dream—a dream where I was conscious of dreaming), and a crow. From each of these animal dreams—with the exception of last night’s tiger—I awoke with a crystal clear understanding of their significance.

I highly recommend keeping a dream journal by your bed to write down the ones you remember.
Posted by: TVC15

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/29/05 11:29 PM

Prill I moved from Long Island to NC and I do miss the beaches! The sound and the bay are the best there! I have been more creative since the move but then again I'm not working anymore either so I have more time.

I am one of those people that very rarely remember my dreams but when I do they are doozies.
Posted by: Thistle Cove Farm

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/30/05 04:26 AM

Welcome Prill - your book sounds fabulous! I adore reading about women who have traveled beyond what they perceive their capabilities, talents and gifts to be.

I'm way behind in the posts to your intro, hope you've received a positive response from your letter to Ms King.

Sandra
Posted by: Thistle Cove Farm

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/30/05 04:42 AM

About being bold...earlier this week I wrote the Editor of Small Farm Today magazine and pitched myself as a speaker at the 13th Annual Small Farm Today Conference in MO in November. He accepted and now I've got a paying job, plus expenses. He said their average attendance is between 4,500 and 5,000 and I'll be one of the key note speakers. This is the largest crowd I've ever addressed and my topic is "How To Make Your Small Farm Pay"; it's teaching folks how they can increase farm income.
Posted by: chickadee

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/30/05 05:23 AM

WOW Thistle, this is great news. Such a large crowd to speak in front of would probably scare the hide of most. Getting paid to talk about something that you do ...isn't that a great job.

Uh...You're not gonna wear your sheep face are you? [Wink]
chickadee
Posted by: smilinize

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/30/05 08:50 AM

Congrats Thistle. You'll do great.
smile
Posted by: meredithbead

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/30/05 01:51 PM

wake-up for work in 5 hours, so a quick reply to Prill: I'm a NYC native, in OC since 1980. Never watched about 98% of TV shows, including "The OC."
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/30/05 09:34 PM

Some unexpected company came last night, so I don't have time to post anything thought-provoking this morning. [Frown] I'll be on-line again later this afternoon.

Didn't want to let another moment go by, though, without congratulating you, Sandra, on her bold move; telling TVC15 that I wish you still lived on Long Island so that I could wave to you across the Sound (or maybe even have lunch!); thanking Chickadee and Smile for always being so supportive; and thanking Meredithbead for responding at all considering you had so little time.

As my son says, ttyl (talk to you later). [Wink]
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/31/05 02:30 AM

Thistle, you'll be the best speaker there. Youa re speaking about something you're passionate about and that makes all the difference in the world. You go girl! I'm so proud of you for stepping out and making a difference in your second career.
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/31/05 02:39 AM

Prill, I can't help but keep going back to your book. Here are a few sentences that spoke to me:

My first husband died when I was forty-eight. That's really when my life began. Up until then, I didn't know myself very well.

Until that time she probably didn't have time to consider who she was.

I'm really psyched about women who are finding themsleves at midlife. Until this point we've been so busy caring for our spouses, children, and other family members. In addition, we've worked and volunteered like there's no tomorrow.

Finally at midlife we are finding time to pause and consider what truly makes us tick. Many of us finished school, started work, had children, and haven't stopped yet. Now that we have a second to breathe and be alone with ourselves we can get to the core of who we are and what we are being called to do with the rest of our lives. I find it very invigorating.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/31/05 08:15 AM

Thistle-- When you put yourself out there the way you are, you're not only helping yourself to stretch and grow; you're also helping the rest of us by being an example. [Cool]

Dotsie-- You're right about Jane Work, the woman you reference. In her own words, she told me exactly what you imagined--that until midlife, she really didn't have much time to consider who she was and to pay attention to her inner voice. Her life revolved around her husband's and children's needs and wants. I found it fascinating that as soon as her husband died and she enrolled at Case Western University, she went from being a self-described conservative housewife to a liberal feminist. She's a hoot. Now 87, she's as fiery as ever. This morning, I spoke with her son. He leans as far to the right as his mom leans to the left. (Or at least, this is the impression I get.) But despite their political and religious differences, they're each other's biggest fans.

I said previously that I didn't feel I had the mental space to write until my kids left home. Part of this is that I was not only working and raising kids, but I was volunteering in the community as well. As a matter of fact, when I left teaching to pursue my writing passion, one of my biggest fears was whether I could emotionally handle not being on some kind of schedule. It seemed like I'd been booked since I started nursery school at age four. That's a bit of an exaggeration, but not much of one. If I wasn't working or volunteering, I was chauffeuring kids around. But I gradually came to understand the danger in being busy all the time. So despite my trepidation, I was ready to take a journey to myself and exhilarated by the opportunity to design my days however I wanted. It's been an on-going discovery process.

The bottom line: Like you, Dotsie, I'm obviously psyched about women coming into their own in midlife. And there's more and more of us doing it. [Big Grin]
Posted by: Erica Miner

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/31/05 09:22 AM

Dear Prill,

I just wanted to congratulate you on being a stellar featured author this month. You have captured everyone's attention and held forth beautifully and with great poise. I am truly inspired.

All my best,
Erica
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/31/05 09:09 PM

Erica--

Thank you so much for your kind words. You made my day!

All my best to you, too.

Prill
Posted by: Maggie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/31/05 09:14 PM

Dear Prill,
I have enjoyed your words of wisdom this month even though I haven't posted I still have read them.
When you wrote about dreams it really caught my attention. I dream all the time so after reading you post put a dream journal on my headboard. I'm waiting for the dreams to come back.
Thanks again and I can't wait to read your book.
Maggie
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 01/31/05 09:31 PM

Thanks so much, Maggie. Wonderful to hear from you. I'm sure the dreams will come back soon. This may or may not prove to be valid for you, but I find that the more I write about my dreams, the more vivid they become.
Posted by: Princess Lenora

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/01/05 04:32 AM

Hi Prill, me too, it appears that I vanished from chatting with you. I got too busy relocating and setting up a web site/business. I could not get your book before I left KC. So I am making it the top of my book list when it comes out in paperback in March. Love and Light, Lynn
Posted by: Sadie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/01/05 06:26 AM

Prill,
I am glad I got this chance to talk to you . You have helped me out a lot and will look forward to reading your book.

Thank you ,

Nancy
Posted by: chatty lady

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/01/05 06:27 AM

I wanted to congratulate Sandra, wow, what an honor and how proud you must be. You sold yourself and your idea. I so admire that in a person...

I married very young, 18 and my husband passed away three years later. He was a momma's boy, the good kind and I always was the strong one who took charge of bills, repair men, making sure income taxes were done literally everything. When he passed although devistated I still had the strengtgh I needed to survive. I remarried 7 years later to a businessman that was 22 years my Senior and became halpless. He did it all, I had to do nothing but be there for him and mother to our 2 children. I allowed him to be the boss in all things, I became his shadow, his wife, nothing more really. After 14 years we divorced and I was on my own, literally. I had to regain my strength and independence and was a then single mom, I worked very hard and was successful. By age 50 both my sons were on their own. Sitting at the lake one day enjoying the balmy weather I found my thoughts becoming extremely descriptive about my surroundings. I went inside and bought a small pocket notebook and sat down and began to write. I ended up writing several articles about the cleansing of the soul through separation and the realitazation that at any age we can become anything we desire and I was going to be a writer. I decided that right then and there and have never looked back. I find it easier to be me with no one around to fuss over. My characters are my family and they are exactly who I want them to be for the most part. I wouldn't be happy doing anything else except write even now nearing age 65....It completes me. [Smile]
Posted by: Evie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/01/05 06:28 AM

Prill,
Ditto on what everyone has said about having you in the Featured Author's forum - it's been great reading the posts each day.

I too have to wait until March to get your book, but it is definitely on my "wish list" for when it's available [Smile] and who knows, maybe by then I'll be through the stack of books currently in my "to read" pile!
Posted by: chickadee

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/01/05 07:57 AM

Prill, I have thoroughly enjoyed this month with you and the girls. What have I learned? Many things but in particular, to boldly go where I haven't gone before. It was the kick in the pants that I needed! Your book is on my list too. You will of course be part of the forums, so I'll let you know when I finish reading it.

Write on!
chickadee
Posted by: TVC15

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/01/05 09:04 AM

Prill,
I wish I'd gotten to know you when I could wave back at ya from across the sound, but if your ever in NC feel free to drop by for lunch any time. Thank you for spending this month with us and I hope you are going to continue posting at the forums.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/01/05 09:41 AM

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for your kind words.

Chatty Lady-- What a story! Love this line in particular:
quote:
"I wouldn't be happy doing anything else except write even now nearing age 65....It completes me."
Getting into the habit of being bold is life transforming. I promise. But when it comes to dreaming, you've also got to have stick-to-itiveness. Persistence is the single most important trait the women in my book possess. They refused to give up on themselves. Even when their situations looked hopeless, they kept on going.

Here's what I've learned: When one reaches an impasse--emotional or otherwise--that's not the moment to turn back. It’s the moment recommit to the journey. Oftentimes, this is when the magic begins.

P.S. I'll continue posting on the forums after my time here is up next Monday (the 7th), but I'm going to be traveling over the next two months and won't be able to check in as regularly. Just know that I'll be thinking about you and wishing you well. (You ladies are like cyber sisters; how could I ever forget you? [Big Grin] )
Posted by: pmterrell

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/03/05 02:04 AM

Hi, Prill:

Thanks to you and JJ for responding so quickly to my post of a week ago. Sorry I haven't been back in the forum since... Life got very busy. But then, what else is new?

Your book arrived from amazon yesterday, and I can't wait to devour it!
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/03/05 02:51 AM

P.M.-- Hope you enjoy the book. I know what you mean, by the way, about life getting busy...and I completely understand. The beauty of this forum is that there's no pressure to respond or actively participate. You can drop in from time to time, stand on the sidelines and watch, or post every day. [Wink]

Also, two notices:

1) I unintentionally started a separate thread on the significance of dreams. If you haven't read these postings and would like to, just click on the following link: web page

2) Several of you have told me either via private message or on the forum itself that you plan on ordering my book once it comes out in paperback in late March. That's wonderful. [Big Grin]

If, however, you'd like to have the book sooner, I'd be happy to send you a signed, personally inscribed hardcover copy. I've got some on hand. I charge the same price as the bookstores ($20) and take personal checks. Also the hardcover on Amazon ($13.60) is still slightly cheaper than what the paperback will list for at Barnes & Noble and Borders (around $14).


...Now, more about dreams. (I'd love to integrate the two threads so that we're, literally, all on the same page.)

I had another flying dream last night. It was very simple. I came upon a tall, grassy hill that I needed to climb. I decided it would be much easier to fly to the top than walk, so I did. Once at the summit, I looked down and noticed my husband standing at the foot. I hoped he would fly, too, but I wasn't sure he knew how. He was too far down to hear me, but I kept saying to myself, "Just believe you can do it, Mike. That's all it takes."

In day-to-day life, believing in ourselves might not be enough to become a brain surgeon, Renaissance scholar, or the next American idol. (Passion, persistance, hard work and, perhaps even an innate gift are all factors.) But flying in my dreams is not about technique or talent or anatomy. It's all about believing.
Posted by: Princess Lenora

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/03/05 07:37 AM

Wow, Prill, I am glad I stopped by to read about this dream! Luv that! Flying! Love and Light, Lynn
Posted by: pmterrell

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/03/05 07:30 PM

Thanks, Prill! And also thank you so much for signing up to attend Book 'Em 2005 in Waynesboro, VA on October 22 (www.bookemfoundation.org). I am real excited to meet you and JJ, and to see my good friend Pam Kimmell again. I think the best part of the whole event is the camraderie between authors. It is such a supportive group. Definitely a place to meet lifelong friends. I will be in touch to schedule you for a panel discussion and a solo talk. I'm sure it will be standing room only when you're on the stage! You're a popular woman!
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/04/05 08:49 AM

Lynn-- So glad you stopped by and read it. By the way, every time I glance at your "Love and Light" closing, I smile.

P.M.-- Popular? Me? Ah, shucks.

Seriously, I've never thought of myself as popular. Now that I'm living in my home town again, though, old high school classmates often tell me that I was. The fact of the matter is that I was a painfully insecure adolescent. I know I was friendly with lots of groups of kids (I was voted "friendliest" sophomore year), but popular? No way. I actually felt the opposite--that I didn't really belong.

The only reason I'm mentioning this is because I've been thinking a lot about self-image since I started interviewing late bloomers. So many women are emotional anorexics. In other words, what we metaphorically see in the mirror is not our true selves. Our vision is warped by past wounds, societal ideals of women and beauty, and just garden-variety low self-esteem. The reason this is important to recognize is that these distorted images of ourselves hold us back from blossoming into the glorious, powerful women we were born to be.

Anyway, I am SO excited about Book 'Em 2005. What a great cause, too! Can't wait to meet. [Big Grin]
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/03/05 09:14 PM

Allright, I've come here to rant and rave. All this talk about dreams and wouldn't you know I woke at 4:39 this morning dreaming. Darn it. Right after I said I never dream, never wake up, sleep like a dog, etc.

Of course I looked at the clock, tried to remember my dream over and over again. Woke at 4:44 still trying to remember and thinking all the while that this is just what I didn't want to happen. Isn't that wild?

All I remembered this morning was getting my arm closed in an elevator. Come on ladies. That better mean something. I lost a couple minutes of sleep over this.

[Big Grin]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/04/05 07:30 AM

Dotsie-- I've been out all day. Otherwise, I promise I wouldn't have kept you in suspence about your dream. The significance is obvious. Can't believe you don't see it. [Big Grin]

Despite your protestations to the contrary, you obviously want to levitate, fly--whatever--with the rest of us dreamers. Hence the elevator. But, because of your past experience, you hesitated just a second too long and didn't make it all the way into the elevator before the door closed on your arm. Your arm, still holding onto your dreamless past, but striving for a more dream-filled future, got stuck.

All kidding aside, I have no clue what other people's dreams mean. But it's fun trying to figure them out. [Wink]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/04/05 07:38 AM

Rats. I spelled "suspense" wrong again. (I've made this mistake before.)
Posted by: Sherri

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/04/05 08:02 AM

Prill,

Interesting about the mirror. I look in the mirror and see and ugly overweight 55 year old, who has dreams of grandeaur. I have a hard time believing in myself as a writer, even tho I have been published and paid and have a book out. Sometimes the perspective changes according to the day, today is a bad one. I don't know what the right thing to do is any more.

Sorry for my rant.

Sherri
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/04/05 08:42 AM

Sherri--

No need to apologize. I always find that it's healthy to let my monsters out. They're like vampires; they lose their potency as soon as the sunlight touches their bodies.

I just went to your website again and looked at your picture. You're a radiant being, completely worthy of those dreams of grandeur.

As far as believing in yourself as a writer, you ARE a writer. You don't have to take it on faith. Of course, of all people, I understand that it's not that simple. Some days I, too, have a hard time believing in my gifts. My guess is that most writers do. There's a mysteriousness to the process of creating any kind of art that engenders insecurity--a sense that our creations simultaneously come from us and from something beyond us and out of our control.

Here's a true story:

A writing friend told me when I first started working on Defying Gravity that I would have days where I would be so despairing and feel like such a fraud that I would want to give back my advance and call it quits. (She was right.) She said a friend of hers had written an entire book minus the last two chapters when the doubt monster started gnawing at her feet. This woman actually DID call her agent. She told him that she wanted to pull out of her contract and that the book wasn't very good anyway. The agent listened to her rant and then told her to get back to work. The book won a Pulitzer Prize.
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/04/05 02:26 PM

I'm laughing at you Sherri cause I've seen your picture and you couldn't be ugly if tried. Prill is so right. You ARE radiant. Not only that but you are the first to jump in and help others here on the board. Girl...believe in Sherri. WE DO!

Love ya, JJ
Posted by: TVC15

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/04/05 05:59 PM

Sherri,
I too think you are radiant and wonderful. Self doubt is normal, I go through it all the time, but don't let it get the better of you.

Prill,
I love the vampire comparison! That's a great way to look at it.
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/05/05 01:45 AM

Prill, I'm laughing at your response to my dream. HELP. I really want my sleep. Promise!

Speaking of doubt and fears...and forgive me if you think I'm always talking about God, but I can't help it.

I experience His grace daily. I too have fears, doubts, worries, and angst, but I'm working very hard at replacing ALL of those feelings with courage, strength, determination, and confidence in my relationship with Jesus Christ. He wants us to succeed, better ourselves, prosper, do well, and give Him the glory. When we can tap into His power we can accomplish whatever our little hearts desire.

Carry on boomer women with all that God has intended for you! And that means you too Sherri! Believe in yourself simply becasue you are worth believing in! Right ladies?
Posted by: smilinize

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/05/05 02:10 AM

quote:
Originally posted by Dotsie:
forgive me if you think I'm always talking about God, but I can't help it.

Please don't try to 'help it.' By reminding us that God is always in your heart, you are a blessing to us. So don't go changing. We like you just as you are.
Course if you start losing a lot of sleep over those dreams, you might turn into a real grouch. Uh oh. Then we'll be in trouble.
smile
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/05/05 02:16 AM

I agree with Smile. We like you just the way you are!
Posted by: Pam Kimmell

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/05/05 02:39 AM

Me too! I like you just the way you are Dotsie. Sherri my friend, I think all of us have our "days" when we look in the mirror and go "WHOA! WHO IS THAT?!".....but we need to remember (and it's not easy when staring in a mirror) that INNER beauty is so much more "attractive" to people - outer beauty fades. You are a beautiful person and I mean that.

[Wink]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/05/05 10:35 AM

You're so right, Pam. In 7th grade, my friend Kathy K. said to me: "You know our looks are going to fade over time, so we need to start cultivating our inner beauty." Wise girl, eh? I've always remembered her words.

Here's an interesting exercise. Look at your high school annual. Aren't there people in it that look gorgeous in their photos who you never thought of as beautiful? And vice versa.

We are not two-dimensional beings. Real-life beauty, as opposed to cover girl beauty, is not a matter of nose shape and dress size. It's a quality that eminates from within.

On another note...

I'm participating in a "Creative Abundance" workshop this weekend that two of my dear friends are leading. Since I'm in the process of designing a "Defying Gravity" workshop, I thought it would be fruitful to experience a workshop from a student's perspective, to be on the other side for a change. On Sunday afternoon, I'm also scheduled to speak. Should be fun.

In other words, I probably won't have a chance to check into the forum during the daytime, but I should be back here both evenings, hopefully with some thoughts to share. [Wink]
Posted by: Sherri

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/05/05 07:31 PM

Thanks Prill and all of my boomer friends. I should have read my post and saved it for the next morning to read again before I posted it!! What a whiner!! I was not looking for pats on the back and praises (although they did make me feel better), I was expressing myself as I honestly felt at that moment.

I am doing better, even have a little itch to write again. (Why do we have to go through those slow times?)

THanks to all of you for your love and support. I appreciate every single one of you and love you all.

Sherri
Posted by: smilinize

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/06/05 08:16 AM

Seems like we all need to express those self doubts once in a while. And if we get a little positive feedback it can help us to get ourselves going again.
Hang in there Sheri. You're doing fine.
smile
Posted by: Sherri

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/05/05 09:06 PM

Thanks Smile
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/05/05 10:33 PM

quote:
Originally posted by Pam Kimmell:
but we need to remember (and it's not easy when staring in a mirror) that INNER beauty is so much more "attractive" to people - outer beauty fades.
[Wink]

Maybe that's why all of us boomer women are focusing more on wisdom than beauty. We know what we're up against! [Razz]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/06/05 03:57 AM

Smile--

quote:
Seems like we all need to express those self doubts once in a while. And if we get a little positive feedback it can help us to get ourselves going again.
I agree!

I'm for aything that prevents us from wallowing in self-pity and over-indulging in self-doubt. Another aspect to this is that when we voice our insecurities, it helps others feel less alone in theirs--more connected to the human community.

Dotsie-- I've seen your picture--I can't remember where--and you're pretty darn beautiful. Hope you know that. [Wink]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/07/05 08:48 AM

Hi everyone!

What a pleasure—and honor—to have spent this month with you.

Dotsie, I can’t thank you enough for inviting me and then regularly fertilizing the conversation. Thanks also to every one of you who posted, as well as those of you who didn’t. Can you imagine all of us in one room together? Watch out world!

JJ-- Remember how I said I’d send you a ticket to come visit me if my book becomes a runaway best seller? I meant it. Maybe I should invite everyone to come along. Wouldn’t that be wild? [Big Grin]

As the Featured Author these past four weeks, I hope that our discussion has stirred something inside each of you and prompted you to ask yourself, “Am I the person I aspire to be? Have I designed the life I truly want?”

If the answer is “yes”—and for some of you it clearly is—I applaud you and encourage you to share your story with others. If the answer is no, it’s not too late to make a shift. As my friend Scarlett said to me an hour ago, “We’re living longer; we can reach for longer dreams.”

I truly believe that each of us must forge our own way. But if you feel stuck in your life, here’s an exercise from the workshop I attended this past weekend. You may find it helpful; you may not. If you’ve read my book, you’ll see that it’s reminiscent of the exercise that catalyzed my writing career five years ago.

Begin by asking yourself: “In my wildest, most far-out dreams, what would I like to do with the rest of my life?” Don’t worry about how much money, education, or time your goals will take to accomplish. Don’t worry about how old you are now. Don’t censor yourself at all.

Now imagine that you’re ninety and that you have in fact accomplished those dreams. Writing in the present tense, list at least 10 of the things you’ve done, created, manifested, etc.

Here are the first four of the ten items I put on my own (dream) list yesterday:

1) I am a radiant being that uplifts people wherever I go.
2) I raised compassionate, responsible, and successful children—happy with their choices and financially independent.
3) I wrote several best-selling books, each more truthful and powerful than the one that preceded it. I sold my work without selling my soul.
4) I envisioned and created my dream life of writing, public speaking and teaching interspersed with extended periods of reflection and play.

I’m not there yet, but you just wait. J

I was watching the Super Bowl this evening and am reminded of something I read in the NY Times today about Tom Brady. Supposedly, Brady’s sports psychologist taught Brady to take responsibility for his actions and forget about the factors he couldn’t control. A winning strategy! I can’t control whether my book will be a best seller or whether my children will be successful. But I can take responsibility for my choices, my effort, and my attitude. And step by step, I can walk towards my dreams.

Author Gail Godwin in her novel Evensong says, “Something’s your vocation if it keeps making more of you.” That’s what Defying Gravity has done—and is still doing—for me. I don’t want to presume that you’re looking for a vocation, so I’ll simply wish you boundless joy and all the best.

Smooches, hugs and much, much love.
Posted by: unique

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/07/05 04:04 PM

Prill, it was great having you here. Re: "all of us in one room together..." I had taken it a step further and had been thinking it was a good thing we all didn't live in the same state. We'd soon end up owning the world!! That much Boomer power concentrated in one area would be an awesome thing to behold. With the 300+ of us who are members of this forum -- well that's enough to staff a small country, isn't it?!!
Posted by: jawjaw

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/07/05 06:15 PM

Prill,
The honor has been all ours. You provided us with so much insight and inspiration. How can we thank you? Your book holds a prominate place in my home, and so will your next three or four.

Love you to pieces....can't wait to meet you in October!

p.s. I just have to ask...Dotsie regularly FERTILIZED the conversation? hahah...okay, I'll be nice...heheteeheehaha....whaohooo....
Posted by: unique

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/07/05 06:38 PM

...with MiricleGrow(TM) jawjaw, not the other stuff... [Razz]
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/07/05 07:48 PM

Ahhh shucks. Thanks, ladies. [Roll Eyes]

And, yup, Unique, I was thinking along the lines of Miracle Grow! JJ, What a mind you have! But, eee gads, I wasn't dreaming of inviting 300 people to CT; I was thinking of the 24 who chatted with me here this month.

Believe it or not, my husband would LOVE you gals; and if any guy can handle all that girl power in one place, he can. That's a whole other topic--the importance of surrounding ourselves with supportive people. Maybe I'll start a thread about it later this week in another forum. But today's the time for goodbyes.
Posted by: TVC15

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/07/05 07:55 PM

Thank you Prill for a wonderful month of chat and insight and for the invitation!
Shall I bring a dessert or a bottle of wine?
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/08/05 08:32 AM

TVC15--

You're so welcome. Thank you, too! Don't worry about wine or dessert. Just bring yourself.

First things first, though. The book isn't (yet) a best seller. Anything any one of you can do to spread the word (Amazon reviews, telling friends, recommending me as a speaker, etc.) would be wonderful. [Big Grin]

Remember that I'm happy to reciprocate. All you have to do is ask. [Wink]
Posted by: Dotsie

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/07/05 11:20 PM

Prill, thanks so much for being such an attentive guest. You were selfless in sharing information about the book and you! A perfect guest.

Ladies, this forum is taking a little break until March 1, 2005. I'm getting the authors on an month to month basis beginning with the first of the month. It works better for press releases.

Patricia Terrell, author of The China Conspiracy will be our next Featured Author. I will post all the information about the book tomorrow in this forum under a new topic.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/08/05 01:06 AM

You're so welcome, Dotsie. To say it's been a pleasure is to understate how much I've enjoyed everyone's input.

By the way, I'm thrilled that Trish will be your next Featured Author. March 1st also gives us plenty of time to read her book before she comes on board. Can't wait!
Posted by: Pam Kimmell

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/08/05 02:36 AM

Huge hugs to you Prill - I'll deliver one in person in October. You are truly an amazing woman who seems to have most certainly defied gravity in a number of wonderful ways. No wonder your dreams are filled with flying..... [Wink]
Posted by: Sherri

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/08/05 03:09 AM

Dear Prill,

I have enjoyed tis month with you and hope you stick around in the other parts of the forum. I love your enthusiasm and advice.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/08/05 03:58 AM

Hi Pam and Sherri!

Thanks, ladies. You're both wonderful, too. See you in the other forums!
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/08/05 04:02 AM

...and, Pam, I'm looking forward to getting that hug in person in October. [Big Grin] I'm hoping Dotsie and some of the others will end up joining us.
Posted by: meredithbead

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/08/05 04:55 AM

Prill, it was an absolute joy having you here this month. I especially loved the clarity of all your daily (or more) musings and reporting on life.
Posted by: Prill

Re: Prill Boyle, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women - 02/08/05 05:00 AM

Likewise, Meredith. An absolute joy reading your postings! (Your one about becoming the Poet Laureate blew me away.) I wish you all the best.