He's the one...how did you know?

OK, calling all successfully (and happily married women)...

How did you know that he was the one?

And for you happily divorced and remarried women - I ask you the same.

Some girlfriends and I have debated this topic.....and I would LOVE your input!

Also, how do you know if it is too soon to get involved in a serious relationship?????

Inquiring minds want to know!

Danita

I call it the red flag theory. If you see ANY red flags run for the hills.

If he's the right one, it takes a little time to find out(in my opinion), yes in my opinion.

I believe you have to experience a few highs and lows and see how you get through them together.

MOODY men CANNOT be "fixed" and don't even bother to try. It's like putting a band-aid on open heart surgery.

I knew he was the one when he didn't give up the chase yet didn't pressure me if you can figure that one out. He was my best friend first.

Back to the red flags - if you see one that you don't like, ask yourself if it will be one you can ALWAYS live with. For instance Jealousy is not because he cares....

Danita, we all need someone who we are so comfortable with that we are happy to show them to the world...and visa versa.

It's too soon when you are not sure if it's not long enough. I know clear as mud.

Take your time and follow your heart with an open clear mind. Then let it happen.

Danita, I see good things in your future

Danita, this is probably not what you want to hear,…but here goes. I was never sure my husband was the one. I just thought I'd risk it. Pretty stupid, heh? But still, … so far our marriage has lasted 32 years.

Waiting for that "perfect" one may mean you might never find him. I was lucky to be able to pick and choose between many a marriage proposal. But there was always something wrong. Either one was too jealous, too egocentric, or I didn't like his body smell, or another liked alcohol too much. I ended up marrying a man that I felt I could look up to; a man that shares my interests and who embraces life with energy and love.

Despite all our ups and downs, I still wouldn't trade my husband for any other man that I have met in my life time. But then again…I never met George Clooney personally. Naw…I wouldn't even want him. I'm sure he's a womanizer, don't you think? And who needs that.

In any case I'd live with someone before I def. decide anything. As for when is it too soon to get involved? If being with him makes you happy happy happy…and you don't even want to meet another man….then it's not too soon. If you are still curious about the other fish in the sea…then I would throw my rod out, and fish some more.

I don't believe there is any ONE person for any of us, but I do think there are quite a few wrong people for each of us.

I agree with Chick on the red flag theory. If you sense anything is wrong, it probably is wrong. Can you tolerate those red flags? Or are they attributes, like Hannelore's body smell, that you just could not live with for the rest of your life?

I trust my intuition. But, I had to learn to listen to what it was telling me.

Have fun with this! Don't rush, but enjoy.

You left out "single" women so I suppose you don't want my opinion, but I'd love to contribute to this post. Although I don't have a "special" someone in my life at the moment, I believe wholeheartedly in love, marriage, and having someone with which to share your life.

If this is a general questions,then I would ask myself, "is he my best friend?" If he is, green light. If not, yellow - caution. Daddy always said, "Marry someone YOU look up to, someone you admire more than yourself. You respect them and when you look at them, its like looking in a mirror."

There are no guarantees. People marry believing it is for life but the divorce rate is well over 50% of marriages nowadays. Without debating the "why's," I truly believe it is because communication lines are drawn and never crossed; each person believing they are "right" in a given situation, and they are nonforgiving.

I also believe that love is something that develops over time and should grow and grow, like an old oak tree. If the roots are well established - LOVE, RESPECT, ADMIRATION, KINDNESS, FORGIVENESS - then the tree/love will grow to be a mighty oak and nothing can bend or break it.

If this is not a general question and you are asking about your recent friendship, then only YOU can answer those questions but from what little you've shared, it sounds as if you're very compatible. I think you'll find that everyone here is tickled pink that you have someone so nice in your life.

I would add though, if you are having angst over moving it to the next level, then why move at all? Be comfortable where it is NOW, and let it grow naturally.

OK, so here's the REAL scoup. LOL

Be kind to me here - I'm going to REALLY open up.

A friend of mine met my beau - she is intutive - she feels strongly that eventually I will get bored with him. (I hated to hear her say that!!!!!!!!)

She also feels that I've attached too quickly.

I am a person VERY open to input...perhaps TOO open to input....so now I'm shaken up a bit.

I'm starting to doubt myself and my feelings.

As Hanelore said, like her hubby of 30 plus years... this guy has MANY great qualities. So far, things have gone VERY well with us (we took our three kids away this wk. end and survived. this is NO small thing. lol) (two teens and an 8 yr old - all which can have horrible attitudes at any time). We had a misunderstanding a few weeks ago that we worked through beautifully!!!!!!!!!

I see him as being VERY like me - except a. he's a man, and b. he's an engineer (I said I would NEVER get involved with an engineer. lol) - so he thinks differently. When I've given him input on my needs/desires, he's listened and responded.

My only real concern with him is finacial. The one WISH I had was a finacially stable guy. He has a great job, works hard, but has an ex and family to support - and some ramifications from his divorce to work through.

I've already told him that in my next marriage relationship - there WILL be a prenup - and my money and bills will be mine, the man I marry will be the same - and we'll split household bills. Not romantic....but, you all know, been there, done that, got the short end of the stick.

He not only works a day job, but like me, is working a network marketing business. So, he has a vision to have more and do more in his life. He has also been through "Landmark training"....so he is inlightened.

So that's it in a nutshell. He loves God, prays with me, goes to church with me, treats me wonderfully, and SEEMS to be the guy I've prayed for (I know, over time - more will be revealed).

I just have had some doubt infused into my being - which is distressing me.

I don't know if I told you all or not, but I prayed in the begining - that God would bring "THE Man" into my life quickly. I don't want to have to go through a bunch of relationships to find my life partner. I believe at 41 I know what I'm looking for. And ladies, I believe that I have found it.

I believe that God created me to be a wife. I loved being married. I am making the most out of being single (and I AM content).....

Thanking you in advance for your input,

danita

Hi Danita,

Gosh, I would really like to encourage you not to put "too, too" much weight in your friend's remark that you might get bored with this man. It's good to get the input of people who love you and know you, but as you yourself said, at age 41 you know what you're looking for and you believe this man's "It." I encourage you to listen to your gut and try not to second-guess yourself.

Sometimes, I think we've put up with ill-behaved men in our lives for so long that when a really good, solid one comes along who treats us wonderfully--we (or our girlfriends, in this case) start getting some doubts.

We're not used to a nice prince because of all of the toads we've been kissing (and let's face it: there are a lot of them out there).

This guy sounds like a really nice guy, Danita. I'm impressed that he attends church with you. A little bit of "boring" can be a good thing. I mean, he's going to church with you, you guys went away for the weekend... Frankly, that doesn't sound horribly boring to me.

Just from "hearing" what you're saying in your e-mail, if anything it sounds like the financial end is a bit of a sticking point with you. You're wise to be aware of your own feelings about that upfront and address it with your guy--and work all of that out first before walking down any aisles.

Do you know how he feels about re-marriage? Is he up for that with the right woman? And what was his response to your feelings about a pre-nup and a his and hers approach to money and the bills? Does he agree with you on all of this?

And here's something that is always a good marker for me: What does "silence" feel like when you're together? Is it comfortable? Can the two of you simply be together without feeling like you need to stretch in order to make conversation? Can you enjoy being together, comfortably, and saying nothing at all?

Anyway, those are the thoughts of one 46-year-old woman who has been around the block, through the mill and you name it.

You're being very thoughtful about all of this, and I'm wishing the best for you.

Melanie,

Thank you so much for your kind input.

I'm with you on the prince v.s. frog thing. I have had perfect peace about this relationship up until now.

I thought the same thing about a little "boring" being o.k...but really - he loves to do "adventurous" things - and EVERYTHING we've done toghether has had a real spirit of "fun". I never did new things with my ex becuz he was critical - with "M"...I'm up for anything (except sky diving). lol

He said prior to meeting me he was done with the whole "marriage" thing - but feels I am his soul mate. We have talked about getting married in the distant future.

He's ok with the pre-nup and the bill situation.

Him and I can just "be together" for hours. We can lay around and cuddle and just "be".....the time just flys. we also can sit on opposite ends of the couch and just talk for hours about a million things.

thanks again for the input and "measuring stick"...these are such new waters for me!

hugs,
danita

Danita,
I'm wondering why you are considering your friend's remark at all. From the sound of things, your heart is telling you "this is the one," however, you're letting one remark made by someone on the outside of your heart, guide you. This doesn't sound like you at all. At least it doesn't from the Danita I read here in the forum.

Are you sure you're not letting this remark be your safety net? Could it possibly be that you're afraid this relationship might fail somewhere down the line and so you're using this remark subconsciously to help you NOT kick it up a notch?

So far you haven't given one reason why it wouldn't work (other than her remark) but tons of reasons why it would. How could someone else possibly know what is best for you?

After what you've been through, I can certainly understand your caution, for real! But girlfriend, why not just enjoy and be IN the moments now ... and let the rest develop naturally? What's the rush? I mean this in the most loving way! I think you know me well enough to know that.

And I pray that God will help you in moving past this preceived hurdle in your relationship with "M."

You deserve the best!

Quote:

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My only real concern with him is finacial. The one WISH I had was a finacially stable guy. He has a great job, works hard, but has an ex and family to support - and some ramifications from his divorce to work through.

I've already told him that in my next marriage relationship - there WILL be a prenup - and my money and bills will be mine, the man I marry will be the same - and we'll split household bills. Not romantic....but, you all know, been there, done that, got the short end of the stick.

He not only works a day job, but like me, is working a network marketing business. So, he has a vision to have more and do more in his life. He has also been through "Landmark training"....so he is inlightened.

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Danita, be patient with yourself. Super patient. Continue with your job and saving your finances under your name. See how things unfold with him.

Let him work out his own financial complications with his ex, child support. And if his own career will become more financially stable, he has dreams right now. He has to follow through ..not for you....but first, for himself (that he can stick to a goal long-term), and to meet his financial/legal obligations as divorced ex and father.

Just enjoy the relationship, his companionship and enjoy learning from each other. THere will be miles to go that the love will be naturally tested over time...