I'm in love

I admit it, but I'm not sure he feels the same. I haven't told him, of course. My friends are telling me to "be careful" but once you're there, you might as well go for it, don't you think?

It always happens when you least expect it. If you don't remember, he's the one I ran into at the grocery - we had graduated from high school together. We've been slowly getting to know each other and having a great time.

One verse that has sustained me through this is "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." I didn't right down the book or verse#.

Daisygirl

Daisygirl! This news does my heart good. I'm so happy for you. I've learned over the post that you are one smart lady and I'm not the least bit concerned about your outcome. You are nobody's fool. You are level-headed and compassionate, and you have a good heart. He must be the same or you wouldn't love him.

If you don't keep us posted I'm coming up there to see for myself...capish?

JJ

Thanks JJ,

I think in my past I've been too smart for my own good. I'm trying not to think too much and allow my past to affect this relationship. I've been single 15 years and have learned too much about the hearts of men (women, too). I've been the queen of bad experiences but hopefully that is changing. If not, I know you ladies will allow me to whine a little, then kick me in the rear, and encourage me to get over it.

Well even with all my cynicism about relationships, I still believe one should give things a chance....Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Just think with your head, not your heart...Keeping my fingers crossed for you Daisygirl...

Well, you know me. If anything, I'm too cautious. I've been done in by knowing I'm that way, then I cut a guy some slack and I end up with another sociopathic liar. I'm trying to have a balance.

Daisygirl, not to get too personal, but does this guy live in the same area as you or is this a long distance relationship? Just curious. I'm so hoping this works out for you and think he will be one heck of a lucky guy!

JJ

Daisygirl, This is WONDERFUL news...ever since you wrote about your chance meeting with this man in the Grocery store after so many years I have wondered how it was going ....now I know!!! I truly believe in Kismet...and this sounds like that to me...I'm holding good thoughts that this works out for you...in the meantime...just relax and enjoy the ride...

Don't you love the feeling of being in love? That excited, joyful, energy? What a great diet! I'm so happy for you!

He lives within 15 minutes of me.

I'll try to enjoy the ride, but I have a knot in my stomach. If we decide our feelings are mutual, I'll enjoy it more.

Regardless, I don't regret having met him.

I also met a man recently up in the mountains where I'm staying until this coming week-end. Hes a doctor from Utah, a widower up here with his daughters and their nanny. We've spent quite a bit of time together talking and visiting, then I noticed something that turned me off...Every other word out of this mans mouth was ME! He's one if those men that no one can ever love as much as they love themselves. So I backed away, fast! And here I am on this glorious sunny day in the mountains talking to my boomer friends, content as can be. I'm happy for you Daisygirl and you know they say its when you're not looking that you find Mr. Right.

[ June 01, 2006, 08:03 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Chatty, that man may have no idea that he's so self-absorbed. Have you thought about telling him gently why you are backing off?

P and I are spending the weekend together (no S) 2 beds in the hotel room.

The result of all this happening is that I am allowing God into my life more. How could I not, when He answered a one line joking prayer? He conked me on the head, waved a sign in front of my face saying, "I love you and I am listening every minute of every day." Timing is everything.

I wonder if I'd ever asked before? If so, I don't remember.

[ June 02, 2006, 10:52 AM: Message edited by: Daisygirl ]

chatty, I love your comment about not being able to love soemone as much as they love themselves. I've never heard that before. How old are his kids? they must be young if he has a nanny with him. Are you robbing the cradle?

Daisy, I look forward to hearing about your weekend. This is getting more exciting by the minute.. I am so happy for you!

It would take a younger man to keep up with Chatty!

I'm with Daisy. I think you should tell this man that he needs to stop talking about himself because he may not realize he's doing it and it might be nerves. If a man hasn't dated for years, he doesn't know how to do it anymore.

I had a man tell me that I sent him back into therapy by being honest and telling him that he was a control freak. He was too! His therapist agreed with me. Sometimes, we're doing these guys a favor and it could prevent them from being alone for the rest of their lives.

Well Doc is pushing 60 and his girls are 17 and 19. He calls the woman their companion. They love to be kids and run about and he chooses to rest and relax so this woman, Lily does the running. She is kind of like a mom, probably in her 30's. Its sad but he is a very well thought of surgeon and seems nice but you know me, always sizing these men up. I did calmly mention to him that he said ME alot. He laughed and said he loves himself and why not he is wonderful, all the women want him, kids like him, hes rich, successful, a self made man and good looking. He said the last night I saw him at the lodge, "aw come on, you know you are impressed by me, tell the truth now." I said, "so you want the truth huh? Well Doctor in the time we have spent together, I have found you to be a braggard, egotistical, arrogant, smug, cocky, rude, and full of yourself. I wouldn't date you if it meant turning lesbian and before you come back with a smart remark, remember those beautiful fake teeth of yours and whether they are worth keeping." My granddaughter and his eldest daughter fell out laughing as I turned and walked away. This man is really out of control..

[ June 03, 2006, 06:11 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Okay, he's probably calling a therapist right now!

He IS full of himself, isn't he? Gross. I think (know) you gave him something to think about and the "teeth" remark is priceless.

Update.....this morning flowers arrived at the chalet with a note that read:
We are leaving this morning. These are my SORRY gesture to you.
It was signed, Adorable Doctor Daniel...and he drew a happy face.

Oh well, it was an experience for me and I know for sure I was right about him. Even on vacation I find losers, geesh!
I'll be headed home late this afternoon!

[ June 03, 2006, 06:21 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Good for you Chatty - you must've given him something to think about if he sent you flowers. Maybe he'll wonder why the only women he has in his life are shallow and after his $$.

I had a great weekend with P. We stayed in Cincinnati on the riverfront where there are many restaurants and activities to do. He was a gentleman and all is well.

Daisygirl

Fandamtastic Daisygirl, I am thrilled for you. Maybe this is the one? True gentlemen are hard to find these days. This one seems to realize how lucky he is to have found a real lady!

Daisy, so far, so good. Pretty cool. I look forward to hearing the rest of the story!

Daisy....this all sounds so romantic and exciting...I am absolutely thrilled for you...can't wait to hear what comes next!!! He sounds like a keeper to me though!!

Chatty, your experience with "Doctor Daniel" sounds like the makings of a really good short story for Redbook or the like....you may as well capitalize on the jerk's obnoxious behavior toward you...I'm glad you let him "have it" before you left....Bravo!!!!

This love stuff sure is difficult. I could be wrong, but I don't think this is going to work out. I'm discouraged.

Daisygirl

Daisy, what is making you feel discouraged...if you don't mind sharing. Maybe can make you feel better. Hang in there and don't think too much.

Daisy...I agree with Dotsie...don't "think" so much....take it day by day....hoping for good things for you...

Actually, I'm not so smart or I wouldn't be in this situation again.

I'm having a poor me day. Thanks for your encouragement.

Whats up my sister Daisy?? You know I've been thinking about Doctor Daniel. At least he is an upfront jerk, he lets everyone know right away what he is all about. He may not be a keeper but at least I didn't have to invest alot of time finding that out, so three cheers for the obvious jerks. Its the sneaky ones that scare me.

Oh yeah, that's sooo true, Chatty. The sneaky ones that creep into your heart, know that they have it or a good part of it and then BAM! Slam you with the truth when your heart is thinking instead of your head. Ouch. Been there a few times.

Recall that CEO guy that I was goo-goo gy-gy over a while back?? Well, anyway, he turned out to be extremely full of the smelly refuse, and I do mean thick chunky clunks of it too. I'm glad I ran this guy thru the BoomerLadies first. I got great advice; mainly do alot of talking first and then some more. We did that and we spent alot of time together. My daughter liked him and he was just okay by my son.

We did breakfast before heading to his office most mornings, lunch and plenty dinners.

What he was really trying to do was make me fall in love and work for little $$ to none. He involved me with most of his business deals and just completely put me in his life/business so to make me really feel like we had something and we could really work the business out that was surely falling apart. It was falling apart because so many other corperations were finding him out. He needed a new mouth piece to renew faith in the company and that was to be me once he 'trained' me.

He was telling other folks something totally different about our relationship. That hurt but I woke up and scared some of that smelly stuff out of him and he paid me and we haven't spoken since, well, with the exception of the few business aquaintances that I connected him with. I told them about my experiences and then that business went null for him too.

Oh yeah, I found out that he was a gambler on top of being a liar. I should have known that such a 'good catch' was just too good to be true. Those two wives he claimed that the divorces were the fault of them ONLY must have had such a miserable time with him. They'd fallin in love with those lies.

Chatty, so true, so true. It's the ones who know how to trick you without really lying. I don't know if this one is a bad one, just that everything was fine and then - wham - he's gone with no explanation.

Sugaree, I been down your road also, only I married the jerk. Right before I bought my house, he suggested I help him refinance his house so he could get a better rate with my good credit. Fat chance. I was house hunting!

I am feeling better now than I was earlier. It's the initial let down of the phone calls stopping and a person who I considered a friend is just gone. I realize my heart will heal and my little disappointment is nothing compared to the burdens of some of you ladies.

I started seeing a counselor last week because I really want to discover why this happens to me so often.

Your support is very appreciated.

Daisygirl

[ June 08, 2006, 10:39 PM: Message edited by: Daisygirl ]

okay, I realize I'm obsessing.....however. The man just called me and we chatted for maybe 5 minutes - he didn't ask me for a date this weekend. What is going on here? I have a leaking tire and he said be sure to call him if it goes flat. Is he playing me?

I'll be waiting to see this answer. Been there too. More recently, a known jerk from the past, had been calling. Since my heart was still in it, sprinkled with a bit of lust (hate to admit that but true:), I was receptive to the call. He conversations presented me with a man anewed by some enlightening experiences. Since he is out of town, we were only limited to phone communication. I've been knowing him for over 16 years and found it so so hard to believe that he acted the way he did in the past. He basically apologized and made my heart sink and palpitate at the thought that he was truly becoming the man that I'd always wanted and believed he could be. We talked day and night for weeks that turned into a year without physically thrilling each other.

Then suddenly, the phone calls stopped. Why? What did I do? When did I do it?

Daisy, these men are just crazy. That's my answer and I'm sticking to it.

The End.

Daisy,
It seems as if you met this man again about three months ago and maybe a couple of months since your first date. You mentioned being out of town some, so if it's any consolation, at least you didn't waste a lot of time before seeing his true colors.

Maybe you are getting better at determining who should be in your life quickly before investing too much time and emotion. A skill we all need to develop.

smile

[ June 09, 2006, 08:58 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

Daisy, did you hear from him yet? If so, what was his excuse? Whatever it was/is, don't listen. When we feel this obsession with love, we act and feel, right? Well, 'if' his feelings were genuine, he'd react without recourse that same way. His behavior may be early signs to avoid.

He called at 10:00 Friday eve., I was busy celebrating my bd w/friends. He didn't leave a message. I didn't return his call and won't. He called me every day last week except Tuesday and Saturday. I'm confused. Thursday when I told him I had to put air in a leaking tire, he said be sure to call him if I need rescuing. ????? But that's the kind of stuff they say to keep you hanging on, isn't it?

I've had a very busy weekend. Went out w/friends Friday, Saturday I went shopping w/gf, then my DGS spent the night. Today I'm going to church, then helping for a few hours at another church event in the afternoon.

Still, it has been difficult. I don't play games or hard to get. I have a full life and I'm doing things I normally would do. I don't carry my cell with me every moment (I guess that's a game, isn't it).

Believe me, I won't do anything stupid, but at the same time, I haven't given up on this guy just yet. I will date someone else if anyone interesting asks - but how likely is that to happen? Not very.

Daisygirl

Daisygirl, I'm confused. I re-read the post but I'm not clear on what is discouraging you. Did you have a great weekend together and then when you returned he stop calling? Is that it? Where he was calling daily, the routine changed?

I'm wanting to give this guy the benefit of the doubt simply because I think you are a good judge of character and if you thought/think you are in love with him, then he has to be pretty nice. Could it be that he is scared of being too close, too soon? I'm guessing here.

I'm glad you are staying busy, no matter his reasoning.

I am a firm believer that people come into our lives for a reason...

Keep us posted and SUGAREE! HELLO AGAIN! Girl, where have you been?

JJ

Daisy, I am so grateful you have a full life. That has to help. It's much better than sitting home waiting for the phone to ring.

JJ, Maybe I am overreacting. He called and/or emailed every day except 2 last week after we returned. The conversations were short and he seemed a little distant. This weekend he didn't ask me out and I haven't heard from him, except for a phone call on Friday, with no message.

I am really confused and hurt, but maybe I am expecting too much, too soon. I'm sure he has no idea I feel this way, although he does have an idea that I like him a lot lot.

Would you guys please pray for me tonight?

Daisygirl

[ June 11, 2006, 07:36 PM: Message edited by: Daisygirl ]

Daisy you said the trip was a sexless one right? Maybe thats not the way he honestly wanted it and he is having second thoughts. I feel sad for you but better you know now rather than later if he isn't honest about what he expects from you....

You got it girlfriend...I'm just dropping by to check on a post and saw this. Don't count the phone calls, rather step back and relax with it all...it will play itself out one way or the other and all the worrying in the world won't change it. Good Lord...that came out like a sermon...forgive me. Because it certainly wasn't meant that way. I just hate seeing you uptight about the situation, that's all.

As Dotsie said, you have such a full life and so many friends. A bunch of them right here.

I can so relate to your feelings right now, and it IS hard to figure out, but trust me, answers will come. You just keep on being the wonderful person you are...WHO COULD RESIST THAT? If he does, it's HIS loss!

JJ

Thanks a heap you guys! JJ, I need a good sermon right now, I think. You are right, all the worrying and analyzing doesn't change a thing.

Thanks for your friendship.

Daisygirl

Daisy, I had an elderly man give me very good advice years ago. A woman puts more into a date than a man does. She will start believing there is more there than actually is. He said if we learned to relax and not think about the guy and go on as if we'd never met him, our lives would be better. I followed that advice while single and it worked for me. Stay strong and just love yourself.

I was so disconbobulated today that I went to see my counselor. She helped me to realize that it has been me who backed off from this relationship and not him. When I explained the details, which is too much to put in writing (and maybe too personal), I discovered that the ball was in my court and I just didn't return it. I put the big wall up.

I talked to him today and he asked me why I didn't return his call because he wanted to go out on Saturday. I apologized and explained that it seems I have post-traumatic-stress syndrome (per my shrink), from the horrible experience I had with my x - I have the same feelings although P hasn't done anything to deserve it. I'm expecting lies, abuse and more lies, but I have NO evidence that he would do so.

My counselor advised me to lay most of the cards on the table and be open about what is going on. I risked it and tried to be as honest as I could - I'm not going to tell EVERYTHING, you know.

I cannot imagine how messed up I would be if there had been physical abuse also.

We are okay at this point.

Daisygirl

Wonderful Daisygirl...just wonderful! I never knew this equation, so I didn't think in those directions....

I'm so happy you are back on track with love. You are so deserving!

JJ

So happy to hear you are feeling a little better about things Daisygirl...it's only natural to be a little cautious after all you have been through in the past...you did such a smart thing by talking to your counselor about everything...sometimes, the things that trouble us most when they stay locked up in our heads, have a way of disapating once we speak out about them to someone and get another perspective...Hang in there...

My counselor asks me some very difficult questions. I've learned that once I am aware of what my subconsious has been doing, it doesn't work anymore, but whatever my issue is, it will try to protect itself in some other way.

I'm not sure if I'm really in love but I would like to find out. I just hope that P will not give up on me.

Daisygirl

Daisy sometimes its just good to relax, don't analize the situation to death, take it slow, enjoy each new discovery and go with the flow. You can't blame this guy for what happened in the past, that isn't fair. Try to clear the slate in your mind and give him a new clean surface to doodle on, kapish????

I had no idea I could have something like post-traumatic stress syndrome because of my divorce. It was final 3 years ago! I suppose it didn't come out until now because I haven't dated anyone I really cared for until now. Love = Misery......that was what I've experienced so far in life.

I still have some of those bad feelings, but I refuse to allow them to affect my life like that any longer.

How wise of you to understand this fully and not give support to those feelings! How are things in the love department today? Still lovely I hope!

JJ

He is coming over this evening and I am going to talk to him about us. I am going to ask him to help me with my fear of intimacy by understanding I am struggling and working on growing, by just being himself and by not giving up on us. I read a few articles from the Cloud & Townsend website and learned that it is important to be honest and truthful about what I feel. Mature love does not happen without risk.

This is going to take some time, I think. I hope P will be willing to hang in there with me, but if he doesn't I'll move on.
Daisygirl

Daisygirl, I think Chatty's advise is very good. Although no one likes to be on pins and needles, nonchalance is best and relax and allow opportunities to occur naturally within the relationship. Perhaps you could talk to him "along the way" in the relationship, thus keeping him intrigued?

Maybe you could ask him what it is he's looking for or what he expects from a relationship.
Just be honest, it is always the best way to go.

Mustang, I caused this man some grief by not returning his phone call and appearing to be uninterested. Two weeks ago I got angry at him inappropriately and it was very upsetting to him. I think he needs to know I care and that I am doing everything I can to grow past my limitations. My counselor believes I need to let him know that much.

Bluebird, One thing I know is that he would expect his friends to return his phonecalls. I will ask him that question - that's an important one.

Let me tell you, this will be very hard, because my normal MO would be to well.....move on and not deal with it. One thing - I cannot pretend to be happy and carefree when I'm not. He sees right through me and sometimes surprises me by what he knows without me saying a word about it.

I appreciate you ladies so much. This has been a very difficult time and knowing you care means a lot.

Daisygirl

Daisygirl, thanks for clarifying -- I did not read the thread in its entirety! Perhaps you could explain and then offer to take him to dinner or a movie or both?

Mustang, I think I'm going to make a grilled chicken salad for dinner and hopefully he will stay.

Here's a link to a great article re love from the cloudtownsend site in case anyone would like to read it. There are other topics like family, dating, depression, and faith issues. They are a well-known Christian counseling organization and have a radio program. Their books and philosophy is all Bible based.

http://www.cloudtownsend.com/Articles/7articles8.htm
Daisygirl

[ June 14, 2006, 05:56 PM: Message edited by: Daisygirl ]

Update: I did talk to him and I am okay with the results. He was not very open with me, but I can't blame him for that, I would be leary also. We "like" each other and will continue to date and if that doesn't work out, we will be friends.

Daisygirl

Baby steps sweet Daisygirl, baby steps!!!

[ June 15, 2006, 03:59 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Daisygirl....one can never have too many friends.

The one man I love with all my heart is also my friend. He was my friend first, then he became my best friend, and now he owns my heart. Not because he claimed it, but because he earned it.

Hugs, JJ

The thing is, I feel so much better. After a bad relationship years ago, I became distant from God. This relationship with P caused me to look at how self-centered I've been always protecting myself. I know God forgives me and I am praying I will have a chance to ask others from my past to forgive me.

I found a box of letters I received through the years from friends and acquaintances (sp?) appreciating my friendship and the love they received from me. But they were all from years ago, because I became a closed up person, with walls all around me. I haven't received any letters or cards like that in years. I really want to go back to being me. With God's help, it can happen!

Daisygirl

[ June 15, 2006, 12:09 AM: Message edited by: Daisygirl ]

You can and actually you have already started because we all love you and send you our feelings if not in cards, in words right here through he forum.

[ June 15, 2006, 04:03 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Thank you Chatty! Today I do feel loved - and it's so nice.

JJ, I'm very glad you have someone like that in your life.

I've been single a long time and now realize I have probably been repelling the good guys away. Although, you know there are very few good ones out there at our age.

Update: I haven't seen P since I backed off and all that, but you ladies won't believe what happened again.

I have run into him accidently 2 times at the grocery, the first time I met him again and another time soon after I got angry because he changed his plans. Well, last night I was in Hobby Lobby and heard someone say "hey there lady" but didn't think it was meant for me. Yes, it was him. I went ahead and left without knowing he was there, but he tried to call (cell phone was in the car). We've emailed today, but I still haven't talked to him.

Does anyone not think this is a God thing? How often do you run into someone you know while out running errands? I do realize that it does take 2 and I'm not sure he gets it yet. Although he did tell me he thought it was no accident that we met. The reason is yet to be determined.

[ June 20, 2006, 03:02 PM: Message edited by: Daisygirl ]

Sounds like fate is trying to intercede in some way. Wait and see what transpires. I never say never now because I have had to eat my words too many times....

I just read this thread from the beginning (the romantic in me...which is a LARGE part of me!), and now I'm wondering...The last post about this topic from Daisygirl was in June and it is now October. Are there any updates?? This is a cliffhanger!