Updating know-how about men as life partners

Have you updated your knowledge about what some men truly are like??

Before I joined this forum, I was not totally aware of some men snagging some women because they are "purses".

Or some women who are STILL looking around for wealthy /financially well-off man to "look after them". Yea right. There are alot more men these days who want their life partner to contribute financially (even if it means she has her own separate account).

Hi Orchid, good question. I have rented our finished lower level to a 31 year old single mom, she has half-time custody of a 2.5 year old boy. She is desperately seeking a someone to care for her. I don't think that is realistic. I see that she dates men in their thirties who are not yet capable of being on their own either, ie. one guy moved back into his parent's home after his divorce. How about looking for a man that provides comfort and security with or without money, and accepts the other? I don't contribute to my household financially, but when I did we had a joint account and my separate account. I would not do that any differently.

I have a coworker who has been taken to the cleaners by two different women. One he married, the second one he didn't, she had a child before he met her and she's now suing HIM for child support (not his kid, and no he didn't adopt it either)
This coworker LOOKS for independent women who he will not have to support. Can't say as I blame him.
On the other hand, women do not make as much money as men. They are more likely to be criticized for taking time off to take care of their children too. So it's wise for a woman to look for a man who is a good provider. Interesting but true that it's a good idea for men to do the same!

I never thought of the cave man dweller and the BBQ correlation! When I was a victim advocate at an agency that dealt primarily with abused women, I was surprised one day when an older man came in for a chit-chat. I thought he might be at the agency because his daughter and/or granddaughter were being abused (or, perhaps son). No, this man in his seventies was there to help himself. He had married a woman in her forties because, he said, he was lonely. She took him for all he had, which was not much, and she kicked him out of his own house! Yes, she had physically abused him, and he said he could not strike back because he would never hit a woman. I went all the way to court with him so he could get a restraining order on her, and return to his own house. He kept saying he was lonely and stupid.

Certainly Ann, it would be helpful that both partners contributed to pay for living expenses, housing, etc. or "in kind" work as a full-time housewife/house hubby if no children around / caretaker for childen/live-in aging parent...PLUS have abit leftover for a "Friday night date" or wk. long vacation out of town somewhere.

That's what I was meaning. But there are some women who are secretly waiting/hoping to land the well-off male fish. And I don't think certain shows (ie. Desperate Housewives) and real life society gals who wear elegant fashionable clothes,..really help the situation. There's nothing totally wrong with that but if it means the hoping woman is not looking at her own life path and what types of opportunities to save money or earn more money (ie. take some night courses to upgrade her skills), then it is putting one's life on hold..for the Prince to save the woman.

I agree that pay equity between men and women isn't always there.

Here are 2 stories of women with challenging financial situations but can with tremendous preseverance and hard work realize part of their dream ...on their own:

1) My partner's daughter-in-law, her mother is a single mom and raised her daughter since she was 2. Father ran away. The mother became an accountant (over a long period time to get courses and credentials) and has her own house. No, she didn't get an inheritance. The accountant's family lives on farm in a totally different province...

2) one of my sisters, who is single and childless...is a receptionist (which is not high paying at all) for a major hospital. And has had this job for nearly 20 yrs. She saved down payment and has her own tiny detached house. She doesn't own a car and uses public transit. She made sure she bought close to conveniences. So she saves alot of money.
She is like all her sisters and mother, she can sew..and has done for some of her clothing, etc. So there are ways of saving...

Instead of waiting for the knight on white horse to save you.

I don't want any man to "save me." I "do" want a man who can pay his own way and maybe do nice things for me every now and then (and I would do nice things for him as well).

I am probably damaged beyond repair. Would probably "not" ever even consider co-mingling my finances with a partner/husband. We might have a joint account to contribute to, for paying monthly expenses in an equitable manner. But beyond that? I don't think so.

Which is probably why I will forever remain.... single.

Whirlwind

Whirlwind, you might be surprised..there would be some men who would like their own account plus a joint account for monthly expenses. And without making a big deal, especially if already he isn't a regular flashy spender.

But such guys might have learned the hard way from ie. a divorce, or they might be accountants or lawyers (specializing family law). But such guys DO exist.

Life is so ironic. We just received word that my step brother was killed in an accident in Louisiana. He was very wealthy, he was a petrochemical engineer who worked putting out oil well fires in the gulf war. He married a gold digger and now she has pretty much gotten all his worth. The family is in shock, fortunately he had no children.

Madeline: I'm very sorry for your sudden loss. It must be a real shock.

Yes, it is. particularly difficult for my stepfather, he's been good to our whole family and was very proud of his son(s)
he's lost so much already and now this is just heartbreaking.

Madelaine, I am so very sorry to hear of this loss. There is no way to make sense of a traffic and quick loss such as this. May you all feel God's arms around you during this time.

Madelaine, I'm so sorry for you loss.

Madelaine, condolences on your loss.

I apologize for missing this until now. My condolences for you and your familys loss.

I missed this too. Madelaine, I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

Whirlwind

So my stepfather was never much of a talker, and over the years has frustrated my mother by retreating into the television or the computer instead of conversing or whatever. Since his son died something very strange has happened. HE seems to have awakened. He's been emoting, conversing, making eye contact. More than he has for years! I'm so surprised. We had them over for dinner last night, just the 4 of us, and to my surprise, He made a little joke. He just doesn't DO this. Maybe losing a son reminded him that's he is still among the living.
To all you kind people wishing me the best, it wasn't really much of a loss for me, my step brother(s) and I were never close, at most I've seen him 6 times in my entire life. The critical relationship is to my 80 plus year old stepfather who is the only one who has ever really been a grandfather to my sons, and to my husband, more of a father than his own father. But thanks anyway. Life sure is strange.