Protective Bubble

Have you ever wished that you could take your teenage grandchildren and surround them with protective bubbles that would allow them to function in the world, but never be hurt by others or ever make unfortunate or ill-advised life-altering decisions?

I remember being 17 and thinking I was ultra-mature and knowing exactly what I wanted and where I was going. HA!! Did I have a rude awakening in the real world! It's just exceptionally hard to see a grandchild heading down a path that you know from the wisdom of your years and experience is going to be one that is marred by ruts and potholes, creating a horribly bumpy ride.

We are relegated to the roles of neutral bystanders because they are not our children. We can offer listening ears, advice if they are willing to hear it, fervent prayers, and reassurance that we will always love them unconditionally.

Throughout her growth stages of infant, toddler, and little girl, I cuddled my granddaughter on my lap as we sat in a rocking chair with me slowly rocking and singing Carole King's "You've Got a Friend." From the time she could speak, she'd say, "Sing it again, Grandma." And I would. Over and over and over. And I meant every word. Now she is 17, and I want to place her in that bubble. Life is tough, but I know that she has to make her own choices and deal with the consequences. I'd just love to hold her in that rocker and sing "You've Got a Friend" one more time...

Mary Anne, I am sure your grand daughter has fond memories of you rocking and singing to her. Why not tell her sometime that you'd love to sing the song WITH her? It might get some discussion going.

I don't have grandchildren, so I can't speak from experience, but my humble observation is that there ARE kids who continue to maintain good relationships with their grandparents, even when they are going through the necessary separation from their parents.

(My nephew, for example, who is in his late 20s is not speaking to either parent at the moment. Some long-held grudges which apparently date from his early teens have led to this. However, he still makes occasional trips to spend the day with my father. And I am delighted that their relationship continues to exist.)

Beyond that, you know a protective bubble will not properly prepare her for the world which she must eventually enter. Better that you offer her a reliable safe haven to which she can retreat periodically to relax and recharge.

I agree with Anne: just be a safe haven when grandchild needs it.