fustrated

Hi, my name is Maria I just turned 42, I have two kids my boy is 19 and my girl is 15teen. and I am in the early stages of monopause I think, but it has been hard for me since I have always been there for my kids and husben I mean I have done everthing for my family, my husben does nothing around the house. the thing is that I pertend that I am ok and its all good but lately I have not been feeling so good and my sex drive is gone I have to pertend there too, just to make my husben happy and I hate it. I have been to a doctor and I refused the medication since I am not one to take anything I dont even take pills when I my head hurts. I have read about it and I understand what it is but I am having a hard time with it cause of my family who depends on me so much, I have tried to talk to my husben about it but he dont get it, he thinks I could just deal with it cause it is part of life but the sex is just not there and he makes me feel bad about it. what to do? my kids on the other hand have no idea I try to keep them out of it since every time I feel sick I not show it. I dont want them to know that thier mom is not feeling well I have always been that way, thats were I am with this and hope that this forum gives me a little break I feel like running away then reality hits me my family needs me. I am mexican and my spelling and gramr is not that great but I never let it bother me so please forgive me If I dont make sence.

Mariaelena, welcome to the Boomer Women Forums.

It sounds like you are in a typical Mexican family situation -- man is macho, and woman is expected to do everything. Your kids are at an age where their hormones are exploding. I'm not saying they can't or won't understand, but they're at a stage in life where they can think that their issues are the only issues. If you're too tired to do something for them, just tell them, because they're old enough to do many things for themselves. Maybe even try to explain to your daughter about the other end of the hormone change. Compare the two.

If you're not feeling well, your kids have caught on whether they say it or not. However, if your son is into the machismo thing, he might shrug your problems off as "womens stuff."

I'm not sure that your husband will change. You say "he thinks I could just deal with it cause it is part of life but the sex is just not there and he makes me feel bad about it." Tell him it's part of life and HE should deal with it. You should not feel bad. You don't "owe" him sex.

So you need to take care of yourself. No one will die if you take a nap and don't dust the windowsills this week. Also, add soy products to your diet: soy milk, soy burgers, tofu, because they contain phyto-estrogen (a weak plant estrogen) that helps ease your body into the change.

Hi Meredithbead, thanks for your input I have been getting my kids to do more,. but they are as busy as I am my son works and go's to collage and my dauger is in high school with all honer classes so when she gets home she is up to her ears with home work, both of my kids are pertty much taking care of them self but I still do a lot for them. As for my husben well I do blame my self I have always done everything for him and now that I am not feeling well I wish he would pick up the slack but he just dont get it. I am not sure if I am in that ( typical Mexican family situation -- man is macho) that you refere to since my husben is not mexican he is white, and in his family his mom and dad worked together as a team. And in my family yes my dad was a macho man but he helped my mom he cooked and even taught her how to cook. I do feel that I am in my mom's shoes she was very devoted to her kids and husben and always put them first, she took care of my dad till the day he passed away, always catering to him, some times that was good and sometimes bad. but I could go on, on how proud I am of my mother, but thats not why I am here, I know my husben has needs and thats ok but I wish for once he could put his emotions aside and understand were I am comming from. I have always been a postive person, out going rarley get upste with family and friends but latley everything gets to me, I get to the point were I cant control my sadness or I feel ansy. I do hope that this forum helps me deal with everything I am going threw and helps me deal with it so I dont take it out on the ones I love.

It's not devasting for your teenage children to at least know that you are experiencing abit of menopause. They are getting old enough.

It's not a good thing to "protect" children by not saying you are not feeling well. As long as they know they are not being blamed for anything. You don't need to say much more to them, but just for them to know.

WHile you sort out stuff with your hubby, is there something new you've wanting to try/become better? Focus on that. You need a break. I hope you do some form of exercise.

Mariaelena, are you in Vegas? I live in Vegas too. YOu could give me a call and maybe I could help in some way...
If you want my number just ask. Welcome to the forum, you'll love these ladies, each and everyone...Wild Yam capsules are also good for keeping menopause symptoms at bay...

Mariela
How lovely you joined this forum.
Bit by bit each woman will give you support and understanding.
Is there a well woman clinic who would test to see how your hormones are.Then holistic chemists or health food shop give more advice.
What are your interest... sewing:? cooking? do share. Then give some time over to that interest.For me its gardening.Growing seeds. We all need our personal place to retreat.These times are like filling our fuel tanks.
Love your name...conjures up beautiful images.
Mountain ash (Scotland)

mariaelana, I really don't know when menopause normally starts. I was about 52 when it started, so 42 sounds abit early. Just wondering if you are plain burn out; just too many demands on you from your family. How to cope with that is most likely difficult if you live in a "macho" household. But you have found the right place to vent, and there are lots of sympathetic hearts here.
How sweet of Chatty to suggest you contact her. She has given so many of us good sound advice.

Thanks so much lady's I have been reading some of the forums and its nice to have forums like this. Yes I live in Vages I have been here for 10years and I love to meet new poeple please do send me your # chatty lady and thanks so much for the invite. I love to draw and paint and do diffrent things, I make things on christmas and give them to my brothers and sisters since I have so many and since I am the only one here in Vages I try to give them something to keep then close to my heart. I also love to cook, with Christmas coming I cook lots of tamales, and cookies I am one of those poeple that just make what ever comes up and its always comes out good. Thanks Hannelore I have been to a doctor and he say's that I am permenopause I dont have PMS any more and I cant sleep do to hot sweats, I get very mooding and my sex drive is just gone I have been like this for almost a year. Oh yeah and cant for get the hot flashes threw the days, this is not normal for me i hate it I dont like to be ill so it can be fustrating.

Hi Marielena and welcome! One of the things that growing older helps us to finally understand is that we don't really have control over anything. What we resist, persists. I've found that the more I fight my body and try to push it beyond what it wants to do, the more it rebels. I had a very long perimenopause -- about 10 years -- and it was horrible. (I wasn't the nicest person either!) I had to let go, take some naps and ask for help.

It may not be normal for the "old" you, but it's normal for you now. You aren't ill. Your body is just changing. The good news is that at the end of this stuff -- there's no more periods!!!! :-)))

yeah!lol I do like that part no PMS. thanks, man I love this I am starting to feel better the more I read some if these forums.

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....I also love to cook, with Christmas coming I cook lots of tamales....

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Woman! Do not come here and start a salacious discussion of tamales or I am liable to slobber all over my keyboard until it requrires professional cleaning services. Tamales ohmygod, homemade tamales....what I wouldn't do for a homemade Christmas tamlale.

Peri-menopause be dammed! Just give me the tamales....I love you truly. Can I move in?