Back in June I formed a group called the Whatever! Club. It started out as a small group of women (4) who met and discussed the issues plaguing us and our relationships with loved ones.

Since then, the club has grown to 22 members and the one topic we discuss frequently is communicating our sexual desires/feelings to our mates.

Surprisingly (to me anyway) was the fact that many women have difficulty telling their mates what they want and how they feel about intimacy.

Can YOU express your sexual feelings and desires to your husband/mate and is he receptive? Can he understand when you're not in the mood? Does he know that intimacy goes beyod the bedroom?


Peace & Blessings,
Beverly Mahone
Author, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age
http://www.talk2bev.com

“I’m not a writer because I wrote a book. I wrote a book because I was inspired by God.”

This seems like a "taboo" subject but I don't have a problem expressing my thoughts on the subject. My husband and I have an open relationship when it comes to intimacy. By that I mean, we discuss what things we like and what we don't. We both believe sex goes well beyond the bedroom and we enjoy making each other happy. What better time to get "wild and crazy and swing from the chandeliers" than when you're married.

I think the reason some husbands cheat is because their wives don't feel comfortable for Whatever! reason in expressing their intimate desires. Unless they just don't have any at all.

Peace & Blessings,
Beverly Mahone
Author, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age
http://www.talk2bev.com

“I’m not a writer because I wrote a book. I wrote a book because I was inspired by God.”

Beverly, I don't think it's a "taboo" subject. I'm still thinking about it and will probably respond later this evening. This actually might have been a good topic for a Poll...

I can't answer your question yet, but I must comment on the cheating comment. Men cheat because they cheat. To blame a wife for not feeling comfortable enough with him to express their (her) intimate desires is not fair. And, as you say, if they don't have any at all ("they" being wives, "any" being intimate desires) then I wonder what's with the husband that inhibits her. I'd rather have no sex life and discuss that openly and safely with my husband than to meet his needs (if any) to prevent him from cheating. If a man or a woman's needs are not being met, the most intimate thing they can do is discuss it. But to say that a man cheats because she is not comfortable discussing just does not sit right with me. What's with him that he can't make her feel comfortable and safe discussing the subject?

Lynnie,

I agree with what you're saying. You're right. Men need to take responsibility for what's not working in the bedroom also. They are the ones who are quick to avoid the issue and seek comfort in the arms of someone else.

I believe we, as women, do make more of an effort to try to work out the issues--but you have to admit there are still SOME WOMEN who have a "frigid" attitude and that can make it difficult for both sides to talk.

Peace & Blessings,
Beverly Mahone
Author, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age
"Hope for the Holidays" http://www.talk2bev.com/holiday.htm

Hi Bev, I guess we can't generalize one way or another. I'm pretty open minded, but I can't imagine cheating. I don't like lies, and cheating is a lie. I do think women are more likely to initiate discussions about "us" in a relationship, but again, that's a generalization.

Some women are "frigid" because they are married to men who treat them like crap, neglect them, and then expect them to actually make love to them. I was one of these women and I tried to have conversations with my x about my needs but he couldn't have cared any less about any needs I had.

I have no problem sharing any thought that crosses my mind with my husband. He is my absolute best friend. I tell him exactly what I like, want, enjoy, etc., and he does the same. Why not? I don't get why married people wouldn't? Our goal is to please one another in every aspect of life.

A healthy, wise way to look at marriage Dotsie, that works and you and Dr.R. are living proof of that. When writing one of the two advice columns I wrote for newspapers, I got two different takes on this subject from wives. One wife stated that she was wild and passionate and experimented in bed, and her husband said AFTER she caught him cheating that she was too "out there" and he felt inadequate in pleasing her ideas of love making. So he found someone young that he could teach (control) his way....
The other wife said just the opposite, that she let her husband do whatever he wanted to do and he cheated but said it was because she wasn't fun in bed. Didn't really seem to take an active part or want anything kinky, and so on, and so on. So here are yet two cases proving that your dammed if you do, and dammed if you don't. In my experience, I have found that if a man wants to cheat he will, no matter what his wife does or does not do. Oh and they will always find a reason to blame the wife for their infidelity ....thats a fact!

I probably shouldn't tell this story but here goes: I got two of David's neckties and tied his hands to the headboard. Being Mr. Romantic he said, "That's my expensive tie!" So, I got a cheaper one and being a tie, it kept coming undone. So I told him to just pretend he was still tied up. He complied! We still laugh about it.