Becouse of the chances of people meeting the majority of users are people generally more open than usule about their private life's?

I have read a lot of personal stuff in the bommer rooms (in between getting lost and never finding THAT intresting conversason pice again) I know its a time thing.

I dont know, dose the annominity (pheeew spelling) make it a lot easier for people to talk so to speak. Or do people still feel vulrible and insecure (human enough emotion's)after they shared something really personal to themself's.

I know all if not every responce i have read has been supportive (the wonder of women) Or dose it just feel diffrent becouse your typing and not speaken? Is it easier or harder couse your not looking into someone eye's or gessing as to how what your saying is being recived?

This may off been asked a thousand tmes but i was just wonderring what people's experience was.

So far i have type stuff (talked or so it feels) Thats been a bit more open than i would normally disclose, yea i am ok bout it all but i was just wonderring how everyone else feels, what your experience been like, If you dont mind?

celtic_flame

I imagine I wouldn't tell someone on the street about my winter coat (hairy legs)... but I told all of you. I think the more I get to "know" you all, the more open I feel about things.

However, you will not be hearing about my sexual fantasies, my strange dreams, my, ummm, well - nuff said!

I think I share with all of you the same things I would share with a good friend - but not my closest friend. Make sense?

Good question, Celtic_Flame!

Kathy

Oh, I'm always telling too much, and usually regret it. I tend to be an impulsive talker, like you Celtic flame. That's actually the good thing about spilling the beans here. Usually I check my post before pressing the post button. There have been many a post I never sent; although, it may have been much more interesting. (cringe).

But I have also got a lot of sympathetic posts in return, which I feel are genuinely sincere. I'm sure there is a certain appeal to being anonymous. But gee, now we know each others real names and even addresses through the Christmas card sending. That doesn't change anything for me though. The only thing I wouldn't want is that my x boyfriend finds me here and reads my posts. He'd probably just rub his hands together in glee when reading about some of my marriage problems, as trivial as they may seem.

What Kathy! We aren't your best friends! No, I know what you mean. Some things should not be posted in the internet. There's also a drawback with the written word, and that is if someone is being sarcastic or joking around, you sometimes can't tell. Oh yes…that's what those little smileys are for.

Great question Celtic flame! You're bubbly personality foams right through cyberspace at us. Love it!

On the issue of anonymity, I would like to think that a few had removed the barrier at some level as Hannelore mentioned. There have also been occasions when few members have met each other and that, I believe, result in friendships formed over a period of time. Is there a difference between the support given online or in person? Definitely. Not in the sincerity with which it is given but by practical application and expediency. There have been occasions when I have wished I could do much more for some of the friends I have met here. Much, much more than just offer support and encouragement online. But, one makes do with the limitations and gives support in spirit which is always from the heart. I appreciate that the forums are treated with the comfort and ease that one can come to it at anytime and discuss personal matters at any level. I think shared circumstances or being on the same wavelength, more than anonymity, makes it easier for anyone to discuss personal matters. To connect, support and encourage are the purposes of the forums. It lives up to that. And, I am sure many would echo that it is hoped no one is left feeling vulnerable or alone. Have I come away with regrets over any of my posts? If I think I have offended anyone, yes, I would definitely regret a post. Otherwise, I go by the saying: "Quod scripsi, scripsi" i.e. what has been written, is written.

Right ladies....careful here, you may encourage Celtic toooo much!!!!Hannelore ...foaming..ha!!! I have seen her froth(only when there is a full moon and she is in a pre-'I HAVE NO CHOCOLATE, rant). No Celtic pet...no one knows your bank details..... yet...nor your bra size.....but for a small fee ladies, p.m me and I'll let the cat out of the bag.(I am joking...promise)Celtic, if you check back on my posts from the time I joined....you will see a few of my cringe-worthy stuff Hannelore mentions. You did get me thinking about my own babble...and call me naive, but I usually get the feel that everyone is genuine. I think if I was being too overt, some of the other Ladies would guide me and put me straight.

Fair enough response Kathy .

Popea

I'm definitely one of those people who has poured my heart and guts out here. When I "stumbled" in here, I was beyond broken, desperately lonely, and heading somewhere dark that I've been before and didn't want to go again. Because of a bombardment of life circumstances, I had no friends to turn to, and finding BWS was absolutely, without a doubt, the answer to a desperate prayer from a very tender and loving God who knew I needed to be here.

I've probably told too much; I'm (literally) an open book here...yet, very few outside of here know me at all (unless they've read my book). But I share what's going on inside of me for two reasons...first, because I've been very lost and confused and unable to find my own way out and needed to find a safe place and safe people to help me make my journey out of that dark place; secondly, because there is immeasurable, priceless, incredibly gifted wisdom within these "cyber-halls". It's a risk, opening oneself up here, but for me it's been a risk that has brought unimaginable healing to my life, and a wealth of sister-friends who have made my life worth living again.

I wrote in my book about the people who loved me back to life. Well, my sisters here at BWS have loved me into being.

I should add that there is a third reason now for sharing here, and that's to "pay it forward". So many have taken the time to care and support me along my journey, that I want to do the same for others. We've spoken about "wounded healers" here before, how there is great power in the wisdom of those who have "been there, done that" and found meaning and life beyond the agony. I've been touched and healed by many wounded healers here; so when I'm able to contribute in such a way as to be a wounded healer for someone else, it's worth taking the risk of opening up.

I love this question. It is a thought I have had from time to time.

I am honest, but I don't devulge every single detail of my life. Sometimes there are things going on in my life that I want to share with everyone, sometimes just my friends. I would never fear sharing those types of stories here.

But, like Kathy, there are a few parts of me that only people that have known me forever would hear about. Not much, though.

And I know that I have written some strange things, hopefully not offensive though. Sometimes I just want to be with my friends and I start topics not worth starting, just so I can hang with the girls.

For me personally I have always been closed mouthed and protective of personal facts about me. Example: I frequented the same cocktail lounge in Illinois for nearly 10 yeras, my friends were there. I did business there, ate lunch there, even sang with the small group there. Get the idea? I was there more than anywhere and NONE of these people really knew anything about me. None knew I was married, had children, or even where I lived exactly. Yet we were all good friends and had a ball together.....Since finding my Boomer family, geesh, you ladies know me inside and out, husbands, religion, kids, animals, parents, and all that is in my heart and my head. I keep nothing secret from any of you. I feel quite comfortable talking my brains out in here and if I am unable to get in here at least once a day I feel like I'm missing you and something. I believe the thing that most surprises me, along with my new found candor is the way I feel about you ladies. I feel close to you all and protective and I get very angry when one of you are sad or someone hurts you, like I'd like to slap the s--t out of them. Does that make sense to you? Interesting and thoughful question Celtic....

If I am working away late and getting to bed about 2 am and I check in on the boomer just before bed, then I am probably half delirious, half hypnotised (editing vocals or mixing music) and got up from the computer thinking what ya just say that blethering rubbish for, but I will pretend I haven’t written it you pretend you haven’t read it if you will. Funny thing is it probably arrives to you ladies mid afternoon or something due to time difference. Bear this in mind it might explain a fair bit!

I have despaired at the length of the posting I have blethery fingers, my wee thought digits or extensions….. and I can’t stop them lol I am generally happy enough and unless I am obviously being serious then I am always trying to kid around, but have also reflected and hopped I haven’t hurt anyone. I have also wondered if the sense of humour does have such cultural differences as the comedians claim (usually the flops mind ya).

I have only been in here a short time and Po (the hat) was remembering with my how I was going no don’t put my e-mail address in and any photo yet etc etc….. then within days I am giving allsorts of thoughts about all sorts of things, just life eh! Thing is I feel comfortable enough in here and getting a feel for the place as a whole and some of the various characters and their different sides and I mean that in a good way…. From funny haha to sensitive and warm. ………..

Then I start imagining all sorts of other things like piecing together a whole mental image, of the person based on what I have read. I think that’s what we do in face to face relationships anyway.

What’s nice is their less emphasis on look’s and body image because all we have to visually judge is 1 photo and the written word…..in some ways a better world is made. Time to think before a response is handy too… ..but as hannalore said the delete button sometimes gets the better of us….

Popea tells me the hall monitors stop anything offensive or risky getting posted they just delete it. I thought they were just nice ladies that made sure you had turned off the computer after you went to bed lol. No if you do get deleted do you get an e-mail telling you, is their a hall monitor conference group, or support group if necessary lol

What do they do, are they the queens of the delete button?

(would they also consider spell checking, for the love of god or 50p a paragraph whatever means more to them lol)

Not that I want to start a trend to see how much you can get away with without getting deleted lol what was that about dreams and fantasies ………June , of the Rick and June duo, lol No seriously seriously, What were they…..

And Popea, Popea oh Popea, my bra size is fine and I have not got any money (hahaha ha ha) none that you know of and if everyone starts laughing at me and you get rich remember who cooks Sunday dinner round here, no Brussels for you my lass.

Hey Chatty, I'm watching your number! 8999! That could cause an accident on a car's mileage counter...we're all watching!

I just have to add another comment on this topic. That is, there are some very special ladies on this forum that set the tone. I don't want to name them all, too many, but without these ladies this place wouldn't have the heart it has. I don't go to any other forum, so I can't compare, but I can't imagine any other place that seems like 'home' over the internet like Dotsie's forum. It's just amazing. I'm so happy and thankful that I found this site.

Now dear Celtic Flame… as far as I know you aren't allowed to swear here…but with your gift of expression…you don't need those words anyhoooo. Have you tried other forums? Can you say what you want in those? Well, this is my first one…and I'm a loyal lass. Did I say lass? Is your lingo rubbing off on me?

Popea you don't have to eat brusselsprouts. I think It's time that food from the 15th century no longer be served. yuck.

I have posted too much a few times and feel a little queasy about it since I am also a very private person. I can't say you know more than anyone because I would have to write a book to explain all the joys and painful experiences of my life that make me, me.

I believe no one knows ALL about me. I am still friends with my bestfriend from H.S. She knows a lot, but only has a broad view of my life as a single, Christian, professional, grandmother, dog-lover, politic-addicted, adult child of an alcoholic, high maintenance etc, etc. My youngest sister knows the most, since she is also my friend, but she doesn't really understand the single life. I have several good friends, who know and understand me pretty well, but they don't have the entire story either, especially of my childhood. You ladies here have a different perspective, not the entire story, but a story based only on my words and not what I look like, what car I drive, my clothes, even my accent or tone of voice. It's really kind of cool, when you think about it.

I value all the important people in my life and you all are included.

Hiya Gals, one last thing...you are all still like my family of big sisters....only much more sane!!!! How lucky am I?

Keep Sweet

Popea

Great question, Celtic. I have wondered if I shared too much and realized I can't share enough. We learn from each others mistakes and successes. I am more open here than in person with many people I know, and for good reason. This is a safe harbor. The sisters have said it all...I am grateful that I can come here any day, any time, dressed any way I want, legs shaved or not and say almost anything I want to/need to and feel cherished as I feel towards all of the women here. We are blessed! Thanks, Dotise, and all of Dotsie's gatekeepers.

Celtic, so you know, we that are monitors on certain threads are only suppose to keep that topic running smoothly. Keep it active and interesting. We "DO NOT" have the ability to DELETE anything. The Moderators alone have that power, and they are Dotsie and JJ. If I see anything that seems inappropriate, I merely alert Dotsie or JJ so they can make the decision whether to delete it or not. You and everyone here can alert them as well if you notice something offensive. (I may have missed.) We are fortunate though to not have had too many bad ones needing to be removed. You're posts are charming to say the least.

Good question, Celtic. My only concern is not about the women in here, it's the fact that this is an Internet site and anyone can read it. I remember way back when I first joined, doing a google search of something and it brought me to the actual posts. I don't remember how I did this, but it made me leery. That's why I'm glad to have the alias. I don't mind you ladies knowing my name. Of course now we even put our photos on here I think I'll google me and see if I come up

Louisa

Hannelore, as you have asked no i havent been a member of any other internet forums. Just the meeting type weer you are boared sensless but get a cup of coffe and network like mad for work.

This is fun the other is obligitory (said my boss hhmmm)
but i dont work their anymore.

The only other personal stuff i have ever been involved in via internet was for a very brief period weer i went to a chat room (is that as taboo to admit as it is heer) The same bunch of women went as well, we formed frndships had fun and talked real time even over phone a few times (they were all american) ........It fell away as too many creeps were in the same chat room interupting and it got a bit distressing after a while...(especilly since uninvited private messaging was considered rude). I am not prudish by nature but i had never heard of cybering! Some of the other girles stoped comming and i just got fed up of all the fuss and negative carry on, i would come off the computer feeling tainted, like my psyche had been car crashed.

Iv never felt that here.

One bazzare thing was i briefly met Popea there .....for all of 10 minets before the computer got booted. Strange thing was we didn't recognise each other but brefly knew each other in real life, the odd's of that are high.

Talking about it yrs later once we had became better aquainted and frendly we rembered the conversasion as she was just after an opperasion and was studying, it made it memorable becouse we weer both living in NI and everyone else was in America. But still incredible odds. eh!

I know what you mean about special ladies i was just remarking to chatty-ladie in some post that the same names appear time and time again, .....so where have you hidden the other 1,500 lol

oh and popea used to love brussel sprouts and it is the seasson for them agaaaainnnn. once a year is too often for my liking. ......but poor pet got a bug in one in the hospital food during her last stay.....in my momentery horrer of having to face them i had forgotten she is off them now wooohoooo. .....If they are really from the 15 century how do you keep yours so fresh, do they have freezer burn lol

oh and the

didnt escape me and yea i do love them.they are sooo

One wee thing anyone, what are the rules about pming or iming private messages whatever its called heer

heer uninvited, is it considered rude? becouse their a few unintrusive things i would like to ask some of the peeps heer but am a bit unsure of it, and a public refusal often offends, as it's said heer......in this case a nerviouse brakdowen may result, ok ok just as dramatic as a mild huff lol


ok popea just said lol aint used heer a lot, it just me laughing out loud, like this

Celtic_ember once flame but i am tired now , night god bless

Thanks for the info chatty-ladie, and sorry if having a joke about me not knowing what the hall monitors weer for hurt or upset you, i really would't mean for that to happen or for any of the other ladies that fullfill that function to feel that way.

That being said this is the place (welcome lounge)to get thse things ironed out, what the hall monitors do. I think that this is the area anyway. I think Po has been under the belife that certine things are not allowed. As well as just the normal common decency and respect, i dont know if she asked.

What would hurt and i think it's a protective thing is i have a liking for getting to know what the rules are it feels safer that way than getting to know and like people then being asked to leave. I dont know if that type of mecanisum exists. As i was just explaning i had a strange and unseattling prier experience to internet chatting....it just got too upsetting for me...I was wonderring how that sort of thing was avoided and dosen't happen heer.

Iv never seen anything obfensive heer and put it dowen to most of the people being frendly or infact frends. It is preety amazine that from so many people their is so few bad or negative carry on, preety cool place. eh!

celtic_flame and again night

I am on a Disney forum, but it is not like this one. I was once on a Red Hat forum/chat room. I guess it was more of a chat room. I was writing a story for the paper on the Red Hat Ladies and visited a chat room. The ladies were nice, but there was a weirdo that was going on and saying all sorts of terrible things. He (or she, who knows) would oftem send private messages to someone. I didn't care for that. I lost interest in it after a while.

Louisa

"I have also wondered if the sense of humour does have such cultural differences as the comedians claim"

Hmmm...don't think so. Anyone who takes a crack at it is just as funny as the other. Ask JJ.

That is one reason I am not putting my picture on and I like the idea of Dianne's shoe and her pretty feet . Dianne what a wonderful idea you had . I don't want my picture going out to the World Wide Web , but this is a matter of choice to each of us . To each his own .

I am not sure if I have said to much or to little , but maybe once I did say a little to much and , well need I say more . Haa...

You girls would not believe how private I USED to be. I was called aloof, stuck up, shy, reserved, haughty, and even unfriendly. Mostly, I was scared. I was afraid that if I started speaking about my own self, who knew what secrets would escape? I am a good listener and I can spend hours listening to someone else without them learning anything about me. A friend I reconnected with after 30 plus years will call me to vent for 3-5 hours, and when I am drained and ready to hang up, she will say, "What's new with you?" While I normally would not put up with this, this particular friend needs a good listener. But my problem in the past was that I was TOO focused on others so that I could AVOID my own self. Now, my life is literally an open book. For those who have read my memoir, you know that I reveal my entire childhood and young adulthood for the purpose of letting others know they are not alone in their suffering from trauma. Spilling the beans about my life had a purpose: to comfort others, to confront violence, and to change society. Whenever I want to run and hide because I reveal so much in my book, whenever I think I might regret what I wrote, I remind myself that I was on a God-given mission to reveal truths so that others would not suffer in silence. And that's the way it is here at BWS. I think that BWS is the most supportive social site I've ever visited, and for that reason I don't hold back here. I feel there is a lot of giving and receiving of love even though we don't see each other. I was concerned when I Googled myself and found posts from BWS in plain view. So I am a little more careful now. As for my picture, all the people I worried about "finding" me have found me, and I dealt with that. Hey, it's hard to be a published author and remain anonymous! So, to answer the Celtic questions, I'd say that I feel safe enough here to post just about anything. Brussel sprouts? Yuk. As bad as lima beans!

Renee, you are a good photographer. Why not put a picture like that? It would be fun to identify you that way.

Lynnie, I have read your memoir and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I hung onto every last word. And it is a ministry to reveal what you have lived through for the sake of the betterment of other women. I hope you never regret revealing so much in the book. It is through stories like yours that others are set free. You should be so proud of yourself because your story is written once and for all. That's such a testament to the light you shine in this world.

Thanks to all of you for the kind comments about BWS. It was my dream to provide a safe haven for our generation of women to connect, encourage and support one another online. By the grace of God, and the hearts of the wise, warm, and witty women who frequent our neighborhood, this dream has become true. Pretty wild, huh? For those of you who haven't read the guidelines for some time, here they are:

Boomer Women Speak Forum Community

A Place to Share from the Heart and Connect with Women
A Place to Share Stories, Give and Receive Advice, and Meet New Friends

1. Community Guidelines
This site operates solely by the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated. By communicating in BWS’s forums, you are agreeing to abide by our community rules. We promise to provide a safe haven where members are encouraged to treat each other with respect. Women are expected to support and encourage each other with enthusiasm.

If you are new to the site, come on in. If you’ve been around for a while, be sure to welcome our newcomers. We know you may think you have a dumb question or post, but in our online neighborhood there is no such thing. Anything that comes to mind is okay with us as long as you follow our guidelines. Whether you are rejoicing over a new job or whining about a relationship, more than likely another boomer woman is going through something similar. Being supportive of one another is why this community exists. Remember, “Friends Heal Friends.”

2. Respect
As long as you always act with respect for other women, it is okay to let it all hang out in the online neighborhood. Feel free to write with emotion in your heart while posting.

3.Screen Names
We ask that you kindly choose a screen name with good taste. We will reject your choice if you select something we believe to be vulgar.

4. Etiquette
Please refrain from the following:
1. Using all capital letters. It’s considered shouting online and makes it difficult to read.
2. Posting the same message on several boards.
3. Posting anything obscene, illegal, abusive, degrading, insulting, or threatening. We won’t tolerate harmful communications. We’ll delete anything that attacks someone’s race, sexual orientation, religion, or personal being in any way. Profanity is forbidden.
4. Providing your telephone number or home address.

You are free to discuss the following:
1. Personal views
2. Religious beliefs
3. Life stories
We simply ask that you not attack the beliefs or choices of others. Please don’t tell others what they should or shouldn’t believe. Don’t tell them how to live their lives. A perfect example of this is faith issues. Please don’t tell someone that your belief is the only right one and that theirs is wrong. Posts like this are considered attacks and we will delete them.
4. Give your email address only if you want to receive email. Posting your email
address makes it public and allows others to email you.

5. Professional Advice
Remember while sharing stories is informative and helpful, nothing takes the place of professional advice. Please seek proper attention and don’t rely on our community for personal counseling.

6. Publishing Your Words
Your words may be used in other places on our site, but we will always notify you first for permission.

7. Copyrights
We ask that you not post anything that you don’t have the right to publish. We also ask that you not violate any copyright laws in your postings. We will delete posts that contain such violations.

8. Advertising
Do not use our forum community to solicit products or services.

9. Other Web sites
It’s absolutely fine to place links to other Web sites. Anything that interests you may also be of interest to others in our community.

10. Reporting Problems:
Please contact dots@boomerwomenspeak.com if you encounter messages that are offensive in any way. We have the right to terminate any user, at any time, for any reason, if our judgment tells us so.

11. Contacting Us
Please contact us for any reason that you deem necessary. We are only a mailbox away. dots@boomerwomenspeak.com

Thanks for reminding us about the rules Dottie which turn out to be guidelines, theirs a good difference in the connotation. I read them in the way in and haven’t looked at them since theirs nothing untoward in them and thankfully a filter that keeps safe from attack some of the other people in this sight (words can be and are painful, judgment especially). One thing that’s special about the guidelines is the reference to (freedom) religion or spirituality, and leaving each to their own. I really like that I think sometimes for some people when they feel they have nothing left in this world all they may have is their version of their god and how important that in itself is.

Hannalore you collect the similes all you want lol, can I collect your wit your funny and upbeat and I have never found you to be offensive, you’re just lovely….

Lynie…… .. Just clicked on your link and had a wee browse through your sight (that sort of things or checking peoples profile never really occurred to me till now)……..That’s a pretty open and commendable sight. Congratulations for facing and being successful in the process in your private life. Making it public exceptionally brave and commendable. I do believe the sharing of trouble helps other people in similar situations through the process of identification, I strongly believe that and at times just what a life saver this process can be. …… Yea I imagine the feelings of vulrability or exposure from the publication to be high but you went ahead and published anyway, with such a potentially high personal risk …..Say’s something good, resilient and strong about your character.

I have never published anything, I know Popea has a good few publications and has dune for a long time, stories and poetry. I do a bit of poetry and writing myself but tend to keep it more to myself, selfishly its myself I write for, more the process of writing that aids me. I am happy enough with that at the moment.

I have been dyslexic for most of my life, well the part were you start reading and writing from lol …before that who knows lol… .. It took until I was 24 for this to be discovered….long story…So keeping written things private to avoid comment been my default pattern, but I found ways round that (god bless computers) since then theirs been no stopping me studying, which was always considered by myself to be beyond my grasp and encourage by a few others to be this way too, but here we are lol I am having the last laugh and enjoying learning to the full extent of my capabilities………I express my creativity in different forms and in different mediums. I have found the perfect ones for me or alternatively I am just perfect for them……either way something that fits perfect for everyone, I am just thankful I found mine

Oh even better I worked out to write in word doc. Spell cheek and cut and past ……taaaaaraaaaa cant think why I hadn’t thought of it earlier

Now delighted ….celtic_flame

Saundra, I don't have a distinguished accent - very boring.

Sometimes I may delete something I've written to post because I'm not sure I am communicating it well enough to get my point across. Even though I've been told I have a gift of written communication, that is more for business and not baring my soul. When I bare my soul in person to a friend, they can look at my face, into my eyes and see more than what I am saying - and I can see when they care and understand me, or if they don't. We can't see that here.

I've chosen not to post my picture due to privacy issues also, but I have enjoyed seeing what you all look like. I would be willing to email it, but not post it on a public website. However, I really don't have a good picture of myself since I am the photographer in my family.

Lynnie,
You are so sweet and uplifting these days . That is a good idea about my pictures I have taken and I could post on in the place of my picture of my flowers. I was sitting here feeling low about Christmas and miss my mother who died this last March and miss not sending her a card and cookies she loved so much . Thanks this has helped a lot

Renee

Dotsie, thank you so much for what you wrote : re: regrets. I am going to save what you wrote and everytime that bad habit of self-doubt raises its head I will look at what you had to say. Thanks also to Celtic. I must surrender to the mission, as Celtic's quote says. Celtic, it must have been such a struggle to be dyslexic without diagnosis. How did you get through school? It must have been so much harder than we might think. Renee, I think volunteering is a good thing if you've had enough time to yourself to process what you have been through. You can still bake cookies for her and send her a card, or start a card collection that you keep in a special box or Christmas tin.

Yea primary education and even the secondary school was a nightmare the kindest teacher thought I was bright enough but didn’t know what was up with me. The less kind had some not very nice or complimentary names for me and when physical belting was allowed I would be beat often for being illiterate, laziest or stupid, even retarded in the worst scenarios. This nonsense did give me very poor confidence and show it self in the silliest of ways like I would never send Christmas cards so no one would see my hand writing. I left school early and with no qualifications the school was happy enough to let me go. My dad was self employed and decided I would work for him, I had other ideas. I did both for a while then thought it better to be away from the family form of control lol.

I was lucky enough (at the time) to be in a relationship with a university professor, they noticed the types of mistakes I was making while reading a mate’s kid their bedtime stories. They knew of dyslexia and noticed the pattern within the language problems (could you believe they were a linguist 7 or 8 languages lol) I didn’t know much about the condition, and flippantly say “but that the excuse that stupid people used for not being able to write” After some encouragement I went enrolled at college got accepted (as a mature student) and got my first test.

They test your IQ (raven’s progressive matrix) but don’t use a word based one. They then test reading writing and comprehension of word test and if there is a big disparity between the two i.e. high IQ coupled with low literacy performance then that is what decides the results of this specific learning disability. I would advise anyone or anyone to get their child tested and in the uk a diagnosis gets teaching support and different language teaching methods so it’s well worth it.

University education been dun with aid of computers without that then my handwritten pretty bad spell checking and I am allowed to get someone else to manually spell check my work to eradicate things like homophones etc. That type of support and a lot of determination saw me through.

I am also lucky to feel passionate about the topics I chose to study and my master’s dissertation, that a great driving force.

The advantages to thought and types of thinking give me an advantage in my job and skills. Where one functions within the brain lakes other functions almost become stronger ……in the end it has worked out perfectly for me.

celtic_flame

PS i learned how to write in word then spell check but it leaves some mistakes but it makes it easier for me and easier for you ladies to read

Hi Lynne and mornin' Celtic, just reading the posts is making me grin broadly. When Celtic remarks on how lucky she was and is.... I am awakened to just how proud I am and was during the time of study on the Ma Hons. I was given the privillege of proof reading and spell checking that work, how lucky was I?
In my formative years and due to my shyness and family problems...I beleive I was saved from further trauma because I hid in books. My uncle was well read and would encourage me, lending me his books...many of which were 'classics'. My verbal and written skills soon outstripped my classmates and my older siblings(I am the youngest). I was bullied by both and told to'"shut up and talk right" if I used words with more that three syllables. I also learned very early on to write poetry as a way to express my emotions and disguise a world of pain. It got to the point where I had to read and write in secret for many years.
I write and publish now and speak as I speak...even though I would still be told that I am a 'know all' sometimes. I can shrug it off now with relative ease with the knowledge that it is their ignorance and not my problem.
I could not imagine a world without the ability I have had for a long time and know I am truly blessed.
This has been a realy good and thought prevoking post and further threads. Thank you all Ladies for your insight and input.

Keep Sweet.

Popea

Celtic, I'm so sorry to hear how the school system treated you. It breaks my heart but look at how you've recovered and how far you've come.

I don't share everything here for the very reason Lynnie mentioned...google. It's too easy for nosey family members or shirt-tail kinfolks to find out what you're saying.

I'm safe with my picture unless some pervert with a shoe/foot fetish finds it!

Celtic, you have a most interesting story about overcoming adversity. I am amazed at how you perservered in spite of beatings and name calling. I can hardly stand it to think that you were beat. I'm so sorry. What are the topics you feel passionate about, and what is your master's dissertation on? What is your job? I'm glad to hear you say that things have worked out for you.

Popea, I also hid in books, and I was disparaged by my father, who acted like he was competing with my brain. He told me to go outside and play like a normal kid instead of being a "book worm." What is Ma Hons? What do you publish?

yea they changed the rules in school these days it used to be that you could hit a child up to six times on the hands with a cane or a belt, thats just what they were legally allowed to do. Time back the school athorities came to their senses and banned the use of physical punishment in school's.

I studies psychology, then counselling

I had a teaching yr then my dissertation was on self-harm or mutilation. I looked at the training received by the other counsellors, and counselling methods used within the therapy’s.

Self-harm the most popular growing trend (within all age groups) for expression of distress in the uk and as usual theirs not enough training within the caring professions to deal with the growth of people coming forward for help.

My PHD when I get round to it be in same type of vain

I stopped working to have child (he be 3 in February) Before that my paid work was in drug and alcohol treatment and education. I had a private practice in alternative healing and hypnotherapy, (that’s my professional qualifications) I have been recording hypnotherapy CD’s and including visualisation to do some spiritual work ,meeting angel of unconditional love, and rediscovering female sensuality. As child starts Pre School then I go back doing face to face work.

The advantages of the make of the brain of a dyslectic is greater Visio spatial abilities (I think in pictures) which is great way to interact with the sub concise of someone in a hypnotic state.

I used to work for the spiritualist church as a medium spiritual healer and doing talks on spiritule theory or philosophy. That type of communication all works via the senses and especially pictorial

The Self-harm I care a lot about the treatment services being trained to good standards. If you Liken S-H to addictive processes i.e. obsession and compulsion and as a type of coping mechanism, then there big similarities.

So it's not all doom and gloom (tough at a young age) but the bigger picture makes it ok now and I don’t dwell in my past lol dun it enough and it wouldn’t serve me in anyway.

So what punishment systems were their in the USA what they like now. Have any of you found the sometimes strange circumstances being just perfect to form a skill or quality in your life or personality. That fits perfectly or underpinned you’re adult life's work??????


Celtic_flame

I let popea tell you what types of publishing she's dun , I am well proud of her

Dianne how the foot anyway and the new shoe hunting going, are you getting used to it yet??? the new you

Hi Lynne,
Ma Hons was Celtics' Masters that she has just spoken of. My published work came about when I lived in a refuge for survivors of domestic violence and C.S.A. I got together with a worker who would write too and we began sharing our work. I was also doing a creative writing course at Queens Uni in Belfast here, conducted by Medbh McGuckian who was Queens poet in res at the time.(My favorite Female Irish Poetess)
The refuge worker and I came up with thr idea to get a book together and sent a mailshot out to all refuges in the North of Ire, for women and staff alike to send in their work. The feedback was awsome. I asked Medbh if she would choose a title and help edit and she oblidged. I submitted about 15 peices of my own work...all the work was chosen anonamously. One of my poems was used for the title...I was blown away. The book is called "The Foam Sprite" and is an anthology from those(and myself)I have described. That was way back in Dec 92...wow!!! I think you can still get it through Belfast Womans Aid...I always end up giving my copies away!!
I have published articals on domestic violence, child battering syndrome and self harm, all locally. I think that is the gist of it Lynne....boy I can blether!!!

Popea and Celtic, you should both be very proud of yourselves for the work you've done and are still doing. I think you two are wonderful and such a blessing.

The shoe hunt continues. Toe is much, much better as long as I don't abuse it by trying to slip into a pair of kind of pointed shoes. They are a no-go. I feel very boring.

Hi Dianne, thank you for your kind comments. my wee heart goes out to you about the toe and shoe situ!!! I am just rediscovering heels!!! I am 5ft7(AND A HALF!) and for years felt like a drag queen if the heel was more than one inch!! I am embracing 3 and half inchs now and walk tall. ( I have to admit that I have been envious..as most of the drags look better in them than me!!!) There are some geourgous round toed on the catwalk this season...would the abuse your wee toe pet??

Popea

Round toe works for me...so far! I've always wondered how drag queens learned to walk so well in those high heels.

I wanted to ask you gals from across the pond if you know of Gordon Smith (from Scotland)?

wait..... Dianne, are you talking bout Gordon Smith...black wavey hair...has a few red haired cousins??? Let me know becouse i dont wanna tell you about the wrong one.....

Oh and the drag queesns, popea says (on drag walking) heel toe, heel toe, heel toe....thats how they do it.... She also gets the best tips on hair removal, well the're in a worse state than most of us.

celtic_flame

http://www.thepsychicbarber.co.uk/about.html

Gordon Smith, the medium.

I have never regreted joining BWS or pouring out my woes. In real life I have regreted telling too much. When my 'dramas' happened I was not with it at work. I am in a high profile job and felt I should explain myself to my boss, a lady, who appeared sympathetic. However BIG mistake. She is older, always been single, now seems to view me as a complete dunce. For those who don't know, I chose to stay married when my husband wanted to leave. He would have left if he truly wanted that. He is not the sort to be coerced into anything he does not want to do. However, some of my friends thought I was a saint, and others like my boss, thought I was a dimwit!! So, I actually find this forum a safe haven to express myself, because there are no real life repurcussions, well that is not entirely true, the support here is constant and that has given me so much strength.
I would actually be interested in Michelle's views on 'women who stay with men who stray' - that is the title of a book I have borrowed from the library in an attempt to understand myself better!! I wonder if I should start a thread with that theme??

I have a bad habit of telling to much at work and regret it! Yet, BWS is a safe haven to share ideas and a wonderful support system.

I believe by sharing some of your innermost feelings you allow people to gain a better understanding of who you are. Sometimes I hurt and want to share it. Life isn't happy go lucky all the time. You never know who's life you will impact when you share.

I want to talk about my sex life more because it's sooooo good. OK who's blushing????


Peace & Blessings,
Beverly Mahone
Author, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age
Purchase your copy of “Hope for the Holidays” at http://www.talk2bev.com/holiday.htm

“I’m not a writer because I wrote a book. I wrote a book because I was inspired by God.”

Celtic, you are amazing how you kept up with your education while dealing with dyslexia. And you have a 3 year old? Your work is similar to my interest. In the US, it is not that SI is a "growing trend." SI (self injury) has always been a way that some who suffer turn to in order to feel relief. The difference is that SI or SH gets more attention now, and counselors are trying to understand. It is true here in US that there are not enough counselors to go around to all those who seek help. Thanks for telling us more about yourself!

Popea, thanks for telling more of yourself. I also write about DV and CSA. Funny how similar some societies are no matter where they are around the world. It sounds like you are in a good "place" in your life spiritually speaking, and otherwise. It's so great that boomer women is international!

I used to have a postit note on my PC at work which said Peace, Love, Silence - just to remind myself. I think I'll put it back.

Celtic_Flame and others:)

My poetry absolutely blathers about my private life, so I don't feel that I'm much of a mystery. Plus my pic and practically life story have been out there since ... forever. My websites list my full name.

This said, I'm a "what you see is what you get" kinda gal -- stultifyingly logical and eye-poppingingly honest. I'm one of the earlier members here, and those who know me will tell you that I don't mince words if I have something to say. I don't worry about people disagreeing with me or not liking what I write, because it would be delusional to suppose that we all agree on everything. I also try to look out for others, if I feel someone is getting hassled.

In the emotional arena, I feel my purpose at BWS is more to help than to be helped. Sometimes I omit things about my life because the stories are too complicated and it would be too much effort to type it all out.

In the absolute worst rock-bottom year of my marriage, I was in a chat room almost every night from 1-3am, which is when the weirdest of the weird and the saddest of the sad came out. People were constantly playing head games. I took it as intellectual sport and anything-to-not-go-to-bed-with-my-husband. Since most of the chat-roomers were constantly lying, I tried to trump the lies -- instead of posting a 30-year-old pic of myself (or someone else!) I maintained that I was 7'3" and weighed 485 lbs. Or something like that. Thankfully, we don't get that bs here.

Most of the deleted posts at BWS were either men or spammers. The ladies here all make it a point to not be rude to each other (although we've had a few rabid squirrels now and then.)

Say what you will, as long as you say it with heart.

Thank you Meredith for explaining that so well. Just another reason we call you, "The Divine Ms M." Don't you just love this gal?

Well Meridithbead my dear, you don't say much and not often but when you do say something, all should heed your words because they are always filled with wisdom and heart....

Hi been away from room couple days you all been bizy lol, diann wasent being to rude i was joking bout the red haired cousins, sometimes my sence hummer's bit obscure. I dont personally know that man but know of him ...theirs some cable show he's got on over heer i dont know if you get it their...a good guy doing a fair bit of work...

I dont know anyone too famiouse in any walk of life (well 1 semi-famiouse national starlet lol) just the star's i have meet in the boomer room.

Nice to see some of the new names (too me) but familure to the rest of the ladies making post's now what room you all been hanging out in lol.


Oh thanks to you ladies that put my name to the christmass card sent to NI that was very sweet of you's.

I can't take credit for what comming your way but i know its gonna be a nice surprise for you ......even though i am busting to tell you i am the worlds worst for blowing surprises but this time my lipssss are sealeddd (superglued) good job i have my fingers for heer lol

celtic_flame

Celtic Flame
I have just had time to read all the posts on this topic.
I am so interested in your achievment dspite late diagnosis of dislexia.Did you really get belted at school.How awful.I worked in education and care that this happened.
It has not stopped you feom shining.There is an authentic honesty in your posts.Like you I was on a forum where we discussed one writers work.Since then I had to put a stop on bulk mail...so creepy people do hover around.No problems here.I have PM and these people are delightful.I do like that you and Popea are this side of the Atlantic...I never did have a sleep over.... a prom or did anyone at school have a car.I did have dancing lessons poetry of Robert Burns and historic castles...You know what I mean...
Love to all.I love reading about cultural differences.
Mountain Ash

meredithbead, I have missed your voice. It's great to have you back.

Gordon Smith...is he the rather clever hairdresser (barber) from Glasgow.How did is fame come to your attention?
he is so natural and sems to have a rare gift.
Mountain Ash

I met and had two long conversations with him at my publisher's birthday party in CA. He is the nicest man and asked that I send a copy of my book to him as he had domestic violence in his childhood and said that was when he began to pull inward as an escape. Also, he doesn't charge for his readings because he's usually dealing with people who have broken hearts and refuses to make money off of their grief.

Thanks all! I'm still on 60-hour work weeks until Christmas, so I'll pop in and impart my wisdom (ahem) where it lands

Aye a lot of the mediums dont make money out of their service to church's the most a lot of them take is traveling expenses. Theirs hundreds of the lesser knowen mediums working this way without that much fame or money but they consider it as a way of doing service for their god and for people just to know or experience that their is life (continium of sorts)on the other side.

Their just wee tresures touching a few wee harts as they go their way.

Mountain Ash isent it great we have the ode to the haggis as part of our culture, ok ok well, kilts, ok ok well whisky, shortbread, ermmmm rain oh acid rain.
Isen't our countryside butifull well i thnk so anyway.

"My love is like a red red rose that first did bloom in june"
Tam o shanter.
I tell you this one funny story its short!!!
I lived in Spain it was new years, they sang Auld lang sine.
I got into a verbal argument with one spanish lassie becouse she clamed it was a traditional spanish song....

hmmm rember Alexiander bell and the telephone, oh and penicilane, Robert louie Stevenson and our own BArd....

Well whatever but i am awfully awfully proud you know..lol
What part of the land are you from.... (never mind the proms)

Celtic_flame

Oh sorry one last thing just for the educators, belting and beating the pupuls was just standered practice.....

Just standered untill you could standered up to them. ...lol no.....

Untill the late 80's or early 90's. Then it was stoped by LAW from parliment.

celtic, this went on in Catholic schools during the 60s and 70s. I recall boys being grabbed by the tie and whacked against the chalk board a few times. It's very disturbing to think about now.

Talk about corporal punishment in Catholic schools! I had my mouth washed with washing soap by Mother Directress for saying "oh, shut up" to another girl. I was nine. Cried myself to sleep in the dorm with a washcloth under my cheek. So, I practised saying "get outta here" instead from then.

Last year I saw a most shocking documentary, with actual live black and white movie clips.
It was about unwed mothers in Ireland, I think it took place between the years 1920 and 1950! (I'm not sure about those dates)

These women were outcasts from their families and society. They were put into factories run by Catholic nuns. There they were treated as slaves and prisoners. They worked at least 15 hours a day, weren't allowed to talk, and were treated like dirt. After giving birth to their babies, they were allowed to keep them for about a year. Then the children were brutally taken away from there mothers and put into orphanages. The terrible heartbreaking scenes, how the mothers screamed for their children, still gives me chills. After the mothers were released, they had no place to go and couldn't find any work. Most of them ended up as prostitutes.

And all this was run under the Catholic Church's name.

Has anyone seen this documentary? It wouldn't surprise me if it were banned in some countries.

Is there a time on this earth when women were not brutalized by someone??? Think about it! I believe however that when women brutalize other women thats the most dispicable.

Hannelore, the nuns you are referring to were called the Magdilenes(Maggies)...and the last convent of that type was only closed as late as the late 70's. Most of the babies were sold to wealthy adoptive parents( BY THE PARISH PREIST) from middle to upperclass families. Most women never left the service..ending up istitutionalised and at the mercy of preists who would abuse them further than physical...in the name of God! Those that did escape...did so only if a man would marry them. They would also be told by there families that they would be 'came for'...but that rarely happened. The media portrayal is horrific but somewhat romaticised.

I was taught by the Sisters Of Mercy.....nothing I could say was mercyful about thier teachings! It was the singlemost damning influence on my life, emotionally, educationally, socially and spiritually. We have t-shirts sold here at home saying 'I survived a catholic upbringing'...I am serious. It's supposed to be funny/ironic....I ain't laughing. Clerial abuse is not amusing or ironic...it's real and the horror of it is only touching the surface here in Ireland today.

Po(of Perpetual Guilt...not!!!)

The beating as punishment and as a means of control was across the board in this country well scotland catholic and prodesent. It was government allowed regardless of religiouse belife or perswasion.

That being said i know only to well of the abusive situasion of the catholik run instituasions.

My father was educated by the Christian brothers and left when he was about 14 he couldn't stick it ...he became a buisness man as he had no qualificasions, his brother became an arcuteck from the educasion he did manage to get...The educasion was and still is good the means however dosen't justify the ends

My grandfather had a nerviouse brakdowen at 13 or so and had to be sent back home to Italy....due to the school treatment. The more sensitive the worst it was on certine people.

A frend had her baby taken by the order hannilore refered to the baby thirty or so now but her and her Mum reunited and getting on fine.....My frend had to waite for the preist to die before she was given the informasion as to wear the baby was placed....after all that time the baby had growen up within twenty miles of wear she lived....My mate aint a big fan of the ordeer and felt it more to do with the whole stigma and shame of being pregnant and unwed at that time.....She came from a good family and when she came out after given birth she was sent away to another country for six mounths but at lest she got out. She a good fine woman today hurt terriblie by the ordeal but a good woman nethertheless.

My mum was placed in the nun's care when she was a teenager, she'd been sexuly attacked and the thought at the time was she was now damaged goods....so send her away for her owen protection.....Instead of care and support maybee councelling this is the care that was given....my mum live'd and died in fear of god and terror of nun's and the whole religiouse system and could't rebell agenst it for fear of her mortal soul..... they got you all way's. their is nuthing more powerfull than controlling minds and actions in this world and in the afterlife.

My biggest gripe is the harm they do to a persons idea or image of god!!!!

I have a whole harted love and belife in god.....i have an strange attitude to the GOD FEARIND squade. ....think on it ...Should it not be GOD LOVING thats what i want my child to have a love of god and the belife that god love's him not this fear based nonsence.

i better go before i get more cross
celtic_flame

You said it ladies. It's appalling what is done in the name of God, no matter from what religion.

Yes, your right Popea, I recall that name; Magdilenes . It is shocking that they practiced their power till the 70's. Just shocking. But what is more shocking is that it was kept secret for so long. I'm glad we are talking about this in the forum. At least we are taking a tiny part in making those church crimes public.

Its so sad, Celtic-Flame that your mother had to die with the fear of God within her.

I have found a peace inside of me. It's just me and God and nature. I discovered I need no institution to tell me how to pray, what to pray, and when. I understand and respect that this doesn't work for many of the ladies in this forum, but it works for me. I am at peace with myself and believe that we have the God given ability to decide for ourselves, how we should live our lives.

Pope, I had Sisters of Mercy in high school. How about that? Grade school was the School SIster of Notre Dame.

Celtic, my Mom once confessed that she was using birth control. The priest told her through the dark confessional screen, "You might as well be a cat in the alley."

This turned her away from the church for years. She was so hurt. All she did was confess which is what we are called to do. I never knew this as a child, but she told me later in life.

Anyway, fortunately, we had a family friend priest who met with her many times while she was battling cancer. He once came out of the room from visiting with her and said, "It's taking me forever to un-do the hurt and make her realize she is worthy of heaven.

I am not knocking Catholicism. This type of thing happens within all denominations and it's miserably sad. Religion has gotten in the way of Christ's message.

yea religion and spirituality two diffrent things for me, i find it the biggest contradiction that all thats been horrible about religion (and it's been going on for centuary's) has been dune in the name of god....the loving god then you have their agents on earth doing pricisly the most unloving thing their is to do to other people.

The whole harted aim to instill fear or guilt into someone as a means to control their behaviour on earth gotta be in contradiction to whatever that higher powers purpise is....

Whatever religion you go to christion or not seems to be a commun unity regarding love and peace and respect for all others.

Then you get the prist like your mother got.....i think it's a human failling that we create laws then try and humiliate or terrifie followers into obidience.....consiquence for one's actions and hell fire and damnasion two diffrent things in my eye's.

i think and it's just my view that having people feel loved and secure and that they have personal choice and are acountable for their actions a better way for them to belive the love of god. and let them free to experience the world in all aspects of human nature.....becouse we all do wrong and even if at the time we dont feel it ...then later i certinly feel the consiquence of my actions...

I staye away from my own church ...but i served them for years and happily served them. I do get lonly for the company of others to talk bout spiritule things bout and as hannilore said nature a great comphort, i feel the presence of the devine their......I just had enough of you'r a sinner attitude or people's ego's getting in the way of any spiritule message. I am sure enough people have explaning why their such a turnning away from churches towards a more personal and solitory expression of spirituality.

I don't know how others reconcile the matter?

One matter thats short i promise lol

In NI their no choice but to send L (the child) to a christion school.

I know that unless their's such a major turn around in this country he's going to be tought that his mummies are commiting imortal sin's, and we are burning later for sure ......How when the time commes do i try and explain life choices to him then ask the wee soul to take a view and a stand agenst all that he's been tought...Or at the lest not to worrie for us and our soul's in the afterlife?

It's one of the central tennants running throw all of christianity, which i think has a fine teaching when it's not being poluted with the likes of the old school priest and nun's we been talking about.

Over heer their such a degree of funfimentalisum that their open and quite viciouse protesting in the street's ....Unless their big changies i don't know how to counter this fundementalisum. My frends with older children counter it and as far as i can work out then the kids could't reconcile the diffrence and the potencial consiquences ....so the result's a whole sale dumping of the religion???by the kids.

I took religion very seriously as a child...if L be like me then chance he might be worried sick...i know i would have been.....

Anyone from a christion background got any tips or suggestions, that dosent entail i stop living the life i lead lol.....i am already having nightmares bout it on his behalf...

Celtic_flame

Heya Ladies....gosh these threads have gone all around the houses...and I have to admit yesterdays post(mine) made me feel angry and upset...with a mild emotional hangover lurking today.
Dotsie, you called me Pope.....that made me giggle!!! I do not regard myself as knocking any organised religion either. I remember as a very young girl going to my first Irish mass(I was pretty good at our mother tongue back then....until they stopped the teaching of by law...and we were taught French instead!!!!).It was so beautiful...the full glory of the rituals in the mass was there to be seen. The spoken gealic mass was not a direct translation of how it was said in English and most could not understand it...sad I know. It was in this type of mass I could see hear and feel the true and pure message. The masses only happened once or twice a year.
I try hard not to harbour ill will and remember that such purity only became tainted by the powerful and greedy.


Popea

There is so much damage in telling a child they might go to hell for such and such. Control and fear. It's so awful.

Celtic Flame,

I don't come from a Christian background, but I'd like to answer anyhow. You raise your child with love and respect for others. You show that there is love in your heart and your home, and that this, at the core, is what religion should be about. I'm sure at some point your child will notice that your life is not quite what the church preaches. I believe in the power of love to overcome fear -- fear of "other", fear of not fitting in, fear of questions that can rock the fundamentalists to their core. Teach your child about love -- that's the best anyone can do.

Hi, Celtic: I am Catholic. A very orthodox one and in the practice of my faith, Catholic cathechism dictated and has taught that we accept everyone with respect, compassion and sensitivity to all circumstances as all are created in the image of God. To do otherwise would be unChristian. It is unfortunate and it saddens me that there have been occasions where you have met conduct which opposes all of that which goes against the core of the very simple tenets of love and Christian thoughts.

It is inevitable that your son who attends a Christian school will be taught tenets of Christian faith, all of which are fundamentally rigid. As he continues to attend school within the structure of a Christian setup, his intuitions will develop accordingly. That is the purpose and hope of any faith school. Before I can proceed further, I would like to ask whether your son's family circumstance made any difference to cultivating friendships in school.

And would this be a Catholic school?

hay meredithbead,

thanks i agree with you that fundamentals of any religion is about love, and it dose overcome so much.

I would like that as one of his spirituale principles but also as a moral principal that he live his life by. He never heer's or see's me distrespecting anyone in or out the house or showing any obviouse predijuce. I hope i get to the unobviouse or sutler ones addressed before he gets old enough (they gotta be their i am human lol)

If your not christian what perswasion are you, and you don't have to answere that publicly or privitly. I gess i am just looking lol.....still keeping my options open.

Celtic_flame

Hi Lola,

Yea at lest once a year I meet the opposite of the Christian tenant of unconditional love and respect. If I am lucky it's only once a year. It's always in the street in public, it's always noisy and potentially violent as its necessary aggressive. I am always a sinner and dammed to hell.....It's quite intimidating, first time since I had the child with me rocked me to the core just trying to make sure he would be ok and not even scared by the carry on. Regardless of the so called "unconditionally loving" people filled to brim with hate spilling all over the streets and everyone in its wake. This is the more vocal of the fundamentalist opinions. The subtler less scary and a bit more civilised but strange nevertheless. We get patronised to death....the constant attempts at brainwashing....the quieter but still adamant attitude of damnation of the soul...Not as obviously harmful but not necessarily loving or respectful either, as it's based in the belief that I am fundamentally wrong and dammed. It's a one way conversion them necessarily trying to change me. I am fine and don't need or want changed in some respects. The necessary’s I will do in time as part of my evolutionary learning.

If you’re from the UK then you know the craic over here and what’s going on at the minuet.

L is at pre-school he's only coming up to 3. I originally enrolled him at an integrated school but their wasn’t a place for him. He's at a Catholic pre-school at the minuet, I wouldn’t want to split him from his buddies but I would, depending if I could get a better education on all levels for him. The 1 draw back of integrated school is there is not a clear religious direction of any kind and the practical education can be patchy. Yet they are full to the point you can't get a child a place on occasions, perhaps reflecting the changing times in NI

I had been brought up catholic myself, I had a big trouble accepting the creed. In terms of the "one true god" it kind of leaves out half his non catholic relatives and the rest of the non-Christian society. Hence he's as yet not christened into any church.....

I consider going catholic or protestant depending wear the child will get the best deal. I don't reject Christ far from it and it's one of 3 religious icons I do have in my house.

I was in another relationship where the child was christened catholic but went to a protestant school, due to his mum's religion and no place at an integrated school........Yes lifestyle dos interfere with friendships within Christian backgrounds. It's hard to work out if it's just about religion and its influence or about society and how slowly things change.

My other friends with teenage children in the same practical situations mostly have their children, by their own choice turning away from religion completely because they couldn’t reconcile that their parents wear doomed to an eternity in hell....

Does that make it clearer or helpful for you? Before you answer?

Hope things have changed a lot within the religious schooling for all our children’s sakes

celtic_flame

My two pennys worth about the school issue.I am in the UK (in Scotland)As an East coast Scot the pace is different.More presbyterian we call it the Kirk.I fully understand this is different in part of West/Glasgow.Indeed a geneology programme recently illustrated it when a man went to N.Ireland and interviewed relatives.You lassies in NI are in the thick of it I know .
My own opinion is that fear of poverty due to non acceptance during migration caused tje divide.Yet who built the railways through UK in Victorian times? Mostly Irish Catholics.Little children should not have the issue to cope with...childhood is so short.Yet its that which makes the "man" I believe God is love.And this season allows us to express it.
Mountain ash

Hi, Celtic: Catholic school catechism has not changed significantly from our time because the doctrines remain unchanged and I do not think positions will shift at all. Where catechism has evolved is in the stronger portrayal of a loving God. A God whose love is inclusive. A far cry from the much emphasized feared image of God we were once taught in childhood. I do remember the scruples brought about by the old school thought of fire and brimstones from baby catechism, and to some degree, have suffered from it as a child. It is a relief that children grow up and come to reason in the process. Thankfully, it is through reason with which we exercise our free will as adults and make our choices therefrom. It is so liberating to discover that each soul has its own journey to make and it is only in God, who knows the recesses of our hearts, we remain accountable to. In our respective journeys, despite the many hurdles put upon by differences of faith, the expressions of spirituality and lifestyles, we can find peace in the thought that no one but Him can judge us. To bear that thought also gives strength and courage to carry on living despite voices and conduct which discriminate and hurt.

As I have mentioned in my previous post: it is inevitable that your son will be taught within the structure of the Catholic faith. It is the basis on which any faith school is established. As your son, continues to attend it, his intuitions will develop accordingly. At the same time, however, that which is learned from school can be reinforced by what is taught from home without call to pit one against the other, whether the child comes from a conventional family or otherwise. We can only be reminded that at the rate Catholics have been divorcing these days (myself included), amongst other situations, there are many cases of “otherwise”. But, many children from these “otherwise” families come out well with a full heart and spirit. And by the same token, we must also be reminded that many children who are in conventional families do not.

It is upon that thought where the heart can find inspiration rather than be bereft with fear for something which might not even happen especially so if a child is raised with the love which a mother’s heart so strongly bears for him. I would like to think, that what we are intent on teaching our children do not come willy nilly, for lack of a better word. A fact which must be appreciated is that what we teach from home, in partnership with what is taught our children outside of it, acquired from a faith school or elsewhere, will be on the basis of our respective personal struggles, whatever they may be and however they may be unpopular. It may not be what those in the mainstream would want but if the teaching is sincere and honestly given, rooted in love of God and for others, which mortal soul would be in a position to dole judgement?

Well, Celtic. I do not know if I made any sense or helped at all. You posted with an open heart and I hope I have done likewise.

hay mountain

good to hear from you. Its been at lest 20 years since i heard the word kirk lol way to long i have been away from scotland. I read that and thought of the mounthly discos i went to when i was all off 12 at the high kirk at Stevenston cross good memories lol.

I saw that programe to Dr who man,( i love him and that programe) a fellow native but was preety stuck for words when he found his family heer and who they had been and whot they now are.

Yea a lot of the divide in the North,st points in time was dowen to ecconomics and lack of jobs than much else, but look at the damage eh.

The noth south devide just bafling when you sift throw the history Eh! Goodness know what started it all waayyyyy back, diffrent stories from diffrent people.

It's more important whats going on now than then in my wee oppinion but it dos help you understand or confuse you more in some cases lol

celtic_flame

Hi Lola,

to its credit the move towards a more tolerable loving god is one I really welcome and much needed within the whole organisation.

Sadly, the fire and brimstone is still burning bright in NI unfortunately. It will take a fair bit of time to catch up with the rest of the UK and these voices are so loud the more considered views can't compete against the din.

The doctrines remain unchanged and will do for a long time. If they ever do change it take a long time to do so. I may be out of date but hasn’t their been more accepting moves regarding birth control....I think that’s shifted and softened in recent years. Trouble is, once taught it's hard to let go off the teaching. One friend springs to mind sadly a load of kids later she still set against any form of birth control, it has certainly been hard on her health. But it's her choice.

Thank goodness no one human can really have the final judgment over our soul, it's one job I wouldn’t apply for and I agree it is a comport knowing that even though human judgment does hurt, it's less important in the long run. In 100 years that human judgment won’t matter at all (I use that saying way too much lol)

One point you made struck out it's the journey of the soul mines and (separate but together in some regards) wee L's. He's got his own journey to make if I choose carefully and add to his journey in positive way's but still be mindful it is ..his.. journey and make it he will it be ok.

Trying to be positive about the future in his spiritual religious upbringing is about all one can do. Meanwhile, I will prepare myself for what I have already seen and heard in the past, makes for more measured responses when the time comes when they are needed.

Its funny but poignant, it was L first Christmas play yesterday they were just doing Christmas songs in his schoolroom my partner and I entered the room and the support teacher greeted us and said "hay L theirs your mummy’s now" the principal picked up seconds after and singularised the mommies to mummy!!!! It would have gone more unnoticed if she said nothing, I also didn't know why!!! Was it because of the other parents present, or the Canon (first I had met him) in the corner who appeared for the show, did she even realize she done it? Who knows, but those moments I reflectively protect my partner, who just shrugged it off and we both continued participating in the activates.

so thanks for a well thought out and inteligent responce

celtic_flame

Lola, I once attended a retreat and was aske dot write about the God of my youth, then the God of my adulthood. In a nutshell, the God of my youth was one of fear, and the God of my adulthood is one of love. What a difference it makes when worshipping. I'm so grateful for all those who planted seeds for me to keep searching for that rocognition. That's one of the resasons I feel so called to plant seeds for others. That, and the fact that Christianity is always only a generation away from being distinct unless we continue to spread the good news.

Dear Celtic,
I haven't felt like I've overstated stuff with my computer. But in person I'm usually unhappy about saying too much. I'm trying to muzzle my mouth but don't seem to making much progress. All too often, I tell people I don't know very well, too many personal concerns. Then I beat myself up. Folks have their own troubles, they don't need to hear mine. I know that. So why do I yak away? I haven't a clue!

Back to the original question, I know I could type
longer, colorful, detailed posts. But what stops me is that I
am usually pressed for time. Also, I tend to go on
and on, but in a good way, and I don't want to bore
anyone LOL!
Cindy

most of the time. both questions.

Mitzkity HI AND WELCOME...

i happie you brought this up, it was the first one i posted when i was in the rooms, i loved it too and heer is the first conversasions i had with some that are now my frends....i just re-read bits and its nice rememering, the love and help and support and debating we got into...i reallie am happie you re-activated it...i also wonder if i answered diffretnly i think then i was sussing out the rooms as in how safe was or is it.....now i know for sure sometimes i have said too much....
oh with or without the level of writing from some of the other members this IS AN AMAZINE place...their always something going on and somone doing something sooooo nice to meet you and i hop we get to know each other verie soon...

bet you will love it heer aswell or asmuch as i do...c ya soon

Mitzi my surfer girl cruiser ...

that is what your signiture is cool, what is a surfer cruiser....i from the uk its cool small waves and dont have a big crusing culture.....so can you tell and how long have you been doing it are you any good at it....and most off all how dose it feel....

Firsts, hi ladies...I'm back...sort of. Busy planning a baby shower in a couple of weeks and enjoying the spring weather down south. I've missed you all.
Now to the question: I only regret being open about things concerning my life when someone doesn't understand and tries to make me feel badly about what I felt I could share. I was recently told I'd lied because I had not told something from my past to a close relative of mine. My response to her was that I hadn't lied...I just didn't feel it necessary to share every detail. I am private about some things and never mis-represented myself by doing so. SHE had in her mind an idea of whom I was and when I shed light on one part of my life that she thought was totally different then suddenly in her mind I was lying. FOr me, I don't think it's good to tell everyone every detail of one's life and I certainly wasn't close enough to her to do that. I've shared a couple of pretty tough struggles I've had in my life because I wanted to help others who may be struggling with what I had gone through and let them see that one can overcome. I guess if there's any regrets it's been in trusting someone I thought I could trust with personal information only to have them hurt you with it later.

welcome back dee and i hope your enjoying the planning of the babie shower.

I not fond of that type of vulribilitie (as with your relative) especillie when someone taking what i told them and hurting me with it....its not something thats happend a lot in my time but the times it has happend its painfull.

There some thing i found i totalie open and happie to share and some other things i just dont go near, somehow that gets hightend heer on the net and i have never relized it as much as latlie.

Think its the fear of the vulribility comming back to bite me, i dont know...Anywzy its nnevern nice when trust is broken at all especilie by someone you thought you could trust

Celtic...thanks for the welcome back. I've missed all of you. Your words are very profound.
I like your statement at the end of your posts.

I use to be an open book, told anybody whatever thy asked me about. Times have drastically changed.NOW I pick and chose who I want to share things with and even then I am guarded in how much I tell anyone....

its by rumie a 13 centurie ecstatic poet, he wrote so the poetrie could be interprited in relasion to god.....or a lover....or a personal journie...his poetrie is amasing and that quote one of my favourite lines.

chattie what experinces came your way to make you change your behaviour.....it sounds like you got hurt and singed quite badlie? Or do you not want to tell the weers and whys?

Celtic my dear,
Actually I didn't get hurt but I always keep my eyes and ears open and don't miss much and have seen things used against people at a later date, that were told to others in trusted confidence....

Actually I did share with everyone at one time that I was a Phone Sex Mistress and it came back to bite me on the butt later when a few of the women got ticked off at my telling them the truth about the questions they asked in the forum and they used my occpation to try to make me look bad, like as if to say "consider the source." Well they soon found out Phone Sex was what I did for a living, not who I was...

It did help me to make a major decision however and that was to do what I was meant to do, and had done for years in the past for major newspapers, and that was edit copy. I took it one step further when people said I should start my own business. I did, and the rest is history. NOW I am proud of what I do, and shout it from the roof tops....

Maybe I'm wrong but I truly believe there are some things about ourselves others need not know, most can't handle the pressure of keeping a juicy secret, LOL!!!

Chatty ,
I have seen this first hand and what has happen to you so thing are better left unsaid as I have done so in the past . Just reading and not commenting on some things on here . Some people are so quick to judge others .... You have always been so kind and caring to me all the time. I apprecate that so much.

Blessings,

chatty, I didn't realize you used someone's insults to move forward. How cool is that? Now I admire that.

Chatty a chara(My freind)...you never cease to amaze me with your candidness and honesty. My picture of you since I have joined the forums has evolved as I have gotten to know you in here...and you have soo many wonderful facets shining from your personality..ie as mentioned above and strengh, warmth, compassion and a brilliant directness...I love that in others..but I am pretty cr*p at it myself.

I myself do tell too much everywhere, anywhere and with almost anyone!!!! I always, always beleive that the info I proffer will always be treated with kindness and respect!!!!
Duh!! I never seem to learn...even when I have been repeatedly hurt and upset!
I don't think that side of me will change...just an intrigal part of my many facets! Celt reckons that I am becomming 'slightly' more discerning...I think not....that is on of our more strident opposites.

Popea

If a bunch of people haven't met you at all and you have revealed harmless things about self, it can get easily misunderstood. I know of 1 marriage that accelerated into failure when wife met another married man online. Her hubby was online and didn't get it... This was on an open cycling forum. So the "divorced hubby" is slammed as a bad guy, while his wife has manipulated the forum audience as a very popular member. She is particularily vicious at me..probably once, because of particular opinion that I had..about parents footing a wedding bill. (I don't think any child should expect their parent(s) to foot part of wedding bill). Ya, this is on CYCLING FORUM.

Junk. My only protection was 2 another women who each actually met me in person....to confirm I wasn't a monster.

Soooo..I am willing to reveal certain parts about me, if it will help a bunch of people understand a particular perspective that they weren't even aware of.

'Course there is stuff about me on the Internet.related to my jobs/career...which I don't have a problem.

What is perhaps more care I take, is what people who I work with know about me. I've seen the most harmless personal detail blown up in ridiculous stuff.

the misunderstood bit easiey to do and be done to you especillie when you dont have or get to hear voice tone, bodie language etc. that all plays a big part in communicasion anyway and makes it a bit more difficult to do with onlie typed words...I have misunderstood and been misunderstood becouse of this and its fine all part of forum or bulliten board life i think. But the onlie other thing i have to compare it to is texts via cell phone thats my onlie experinces of written comminicasion of oppinions and views etc.

I think i look for consitences in post i reading to get a sences of the person, well all have off days but if you have a consistent type of personalitie posting a consistent way then i think/feel i know them a bit better becouse of that consitencie...

Do you think that people that have certine issues with somethings would have them anyway, like the marrige and who pays for the wedding. If you disagree with them that they would take as much offences online as they would off line. It being more to do with them not being able to take someone disagreeing with them at all and think people should agree with them no matter what, or dont understand that disagreeing is ok with no offences taken or ment??

I understand why you take more care of fellow workers etc in sences they have bigger impact on your physical life?
Did you get to feel close to other people online? did you count any of them as frends?

just curiouse as i do this

I don't necessarily feel closer to people here. True, that there appears to be a closer intimacy because of writing under no time deadline at all.

Online you can talkk about all sorts of subjects that you wouldn't think of spending time talking to people on the job. I work in a male dominant organization. 25% of employees are female. However within my dept. there are 2 other women. I don't talk about sensitive subjects on divorce, religion, because these subjects are deeply personal to each person and it's probably safer not to cross too much over into personal boundaries at work.