I think a letter is better too. I jsut want to address a couple of your comments.

You said - I know that it's possible if I talk to her in person that I will get angry and protective of my boyfriend.

You should be protective of him. You have every right to do that.

You said - If she doesn't want anything to do with him, and even if she doesn't want to talk to him, that is fine with me. I don't want to put him through that anyway.

I wouldn't mention this to her. I would only state what you want her to know. I would not address how she may respond.

I'm sure you'll handle this well. I can tell you are sensitive to ALL feelings. Think about us sending prayers and well wishes your way!
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com