Back 2-4 years ago when the problems were at their nadir, when my husband was starting 50 fights a day over absolutely nothing, when we were screaming 24/7, I said that the biggest problem with our marriage was that only one of us thought there was a problem.

I gave up trying to fix things about 3 years ago. I got tired of constantly screaming and fighting, of nothing ever getting better. I learned to walk out when he started fighting, very hard to do because by nature I'm a fighter, because that was the only way to stop it. I told him, "You want to fight? Carry on without me" and left anywhere from two hours up to a week. Since then, I've told my husband at least 20 times that I'd be happy to get divorced. I tell him that I don't love him and don't want him. We both work at home and I barely even talk to him.

Most of the time I live as if he didn't exist. I have a great circle of friends and my own activities. He lives his own life too. I don't understand what's in this marriage for him because I don't give him any hope at all, but he says he loves me. When he asks if I love him, I say "Not really."

The pottery shards are our marriage, not me. I never felt like a victim because I always fought back with a vengeance. However, I had to learn to walk away from the fights because they were a lose/lose situation. He did not damage my self-esteem, but he forever damaged my opinion of him.

At least I've gotten some great poetry out of this toxic relationship. Not that he'll ever read it.