Kate you are carrying more than your share of burdens with your son and your mother. All the more that I hope you will finally find your joy and peace with your new love.
One of the boomer woman wisely said, ( sorry I forgot who it was) that you should surround yourself with positive things, and your life will become more positive. I hope this will come to be in the year 2007 for you.

I must admit I shed some tears after reading your responses. Maybe they were tears that needed to be shed, they don't come easy for me. I tend to hold my emotions in. But I think it is because I am overwhelmed by the support this forum offers. To think that women from all over the world reach out and help each other is amazing. We are all blessed to be part of such a caring group of women. I will be busy this weekend and may not be online until after Christmas, but I wish you all a happy safe holiday. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa. You are all in my prayers.
Love Kate

The ones who love you may make you weep. We love you Kate.

Unfortunately my son has returned to his old ways. He has burned his bridges with his Dad, can't go to his place and now mine. He left the treatment centre and is dragging his feet about going to another place. He just wants to sponge off me and get high. He was all set to go to another place but spent his welfare cheque (Shelter and food) on drugs. There is a bed for him but he can't have it now until the next welfare cheque on the 23rd of January. He has burned his bridges there too. I don't think he will go there either. It is a great facility that would be of help to him to more forward. Two nights ago I woke up to him doing drugs in my kitchen. It was 4am and he had the stove burner on high with two knives stuck in the burner heating up. I think they get the knives hot and burn the drugs and breath in the fumes. At least I think that is what they do. I couldn't believe it. I said, how dare you do drugs in my home, that is so disrespectful and your brother and sister are in the other room. The smell was like chemicals so I think it was Crystal Meth. Anyway my rule is no drugs in the house and no coming home stoned so told him to leave in the morning. He left. Today I came home and he was in my house. He broke in. I told him to leave and insisted as he just ignored me. Bad move, he yelled you Fu...n C..nt over and over.
He smashed my phone, another one (smashe one last week) and started kicking the door. I put his stuff outside and told him to go to his Dad's a friend whatever but not here.
He reverted to his old behaviour threatening me and said he was going to kill himself. Finally I talked him into going to his Dad's if I drove him. I kept hitting my car window, smashing his fist on the dash trying to do damage all the way there. When we got there he refused to get out of the car and said I had to ok it with his Dad or he wouldn't get out. His Dad was not home. I then told him I would drive him to his friends house, anywhere to get rid of him as he was raging. He refused to get out so I said I would drive to the police station and they could get him out. So he got really mad and finally got out at another friends but kicked my car and smashed the door on the way out. I have been having to deal with this type of behaviour for years now. He just did 18 months (got out in I year) and I gave him another chance. Let him stay here over Christmas but he continued to use so told him he had to leave. I am going to the police station today to file a no contact order so when he comes back the police will arrest him. I have to do this to stop the cycle no matter how hard. I can't beloved that we are back to where we were a year ago. He told me that he is going to kill himself tonight as he has no where to go. I told him that there are shelters and that he can work it out with his Dad or whatever but it is his choice. I told him I will not help him again as it doesn't work. It is time for him to help himself. Than I came home and cried and cried. I can't handle this anymore. No matter what I do he continues to just be a drug addict. I am going to call NA and start going to meetings. I think this will help. Just venting.
Kate

Sorry about the typo's, I'm quite upset.
Kate

katebecca, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I know you know this, but you need to hear it from other people as well.

Stay strong, and don't let him back in your home until he has been clean for at least a year. His promises, unfortunately, are worthless.

And you have done your best to help him, Kate. I can only imagine how hurtful it must be for you to see your son in the circumstances that he has put himself in but, the choice to seek help must come from him. I pray that he considers that soon. In the meantime, is there a support group you can seek that helps families of children with addiction such as your son's? Is NA such a group?

Oh dear Kate! My heart goes out to you. I can imagine you cry out of frustration, disappointment, anger, helplessness, all rolled in one. Please let me send you a quote that usually helps me calm down when I'm upset. It's all I can do for you, but if it helps, then I'm glad.

Quote:

---

The Final Analysis
People are often unreasonable, self-centred: Forgive them anyway. If you are Honest, People may cheat you, but be Honest anyway. What you spend years to build, someone could destroy overnight. Build anyway. The good you do today, People will often forget tomorrow. Do Good anyway. You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God; it never was between you and them anyway.
anon

---

I believe you did the right thing by getting a restricting order on him. The only good you can do for your son is let him hit rock bottom. As long as he finds a refuge with you, he probably won't change his ways.

kate, STAY STRONG. Cry all you want. It's heartbreaking and deserves tears. What you have to remember is that this really isn't your son. He's so messed up. You haven't seen that little boy within him in years due to the illness. The absolute best thing you can do for him is call the police jsut as you mentioned.

He needs to be off the streets. He will be safe in jail and perhaps this time around he'll learn that there's an awesome young man beneath the disease. One whom you taught right from wrong, one who knows how to love but has forgotten, one who will have confidnece to carry on once he is clean. He must get clean so if he won't stay at a rehab, the next best place is jail. Don't you think?

Sending precious prayers your way, and his way too. Also for your other children.

kate

just sending you kind thoughts and praying that you and your family have strenth at this time........hope nar annon helps, you got to be looking after yourself and your other children to the best you can ..........your other son making his own future thats way out your control at the minuet...... it might not allways be this way for him but it's a sad reallity that it is the way it is for him at the miuet...Who knows what the future brings for him so all you can do is get the help and support you deserve, hope na works for you, it's a great orginasasion...

all the best love
celtic_flame