Medication is there to help us; take advantage of it when you need to. Once your head is clear, you'll be able to take the steps to be with your other kids and be more stable for them - they need you now. They are probably scared that they might turn out like their brother, and need you to show them there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Take care, and keep us posted.
Kathy

I hear YOU coming through, kate!
Please, please, please remember that we are here for and with you.

(((((HUGS))))) I feel huggy today...

I have not been on the boards for a while. I have decided to attend Naranon. Went to my first meeting last night, wish I had gone a long time ago. I urge anyone who is struggling with a family or friend with an addiction to attend these meetings. They are a true blessing. To be with others in a supportive environment is very comforting. No one is aloud to judge or give advice, it's just a learning and sharing place. I must admit, it was not easy to go, I have been putting it off for a while now but I'm glad I did.
As for my son, we have been in no contact for over three weeks now. He has called but I have ignored the calls, did talk to him once and of course he asked me to deliver him some groceries as I used to do. I told him I will only speak or meet with him at a counsellors and he said no way so that is that. I have not heard from him for at least a week now and have been very worried.
Serendipidy, last nights meeting was about worry.
Kate

Just wanted to say how much I admire your strength. I may not be posting much, but I am listening and praying for all concerned. You are one, strong and beautiful person!

JJ said it so succinctly. I agree!

kate, I'm so glad to hear you are going to have a support system around you who are going through similar situations. Good for you for getting the courage to attend the first meeting.

How are you doing on the medication?

Also, just want you to know there's another forum where we are talking about WORRY! You're not the only one who worries. It's in the Our Bodies forum.

Thanks for asking Dotsie.
The medication was good for about a week, then I felt terrible, not sure why. My doctor couldn't explain it. She increased the dose and I feel better this week. I was talking half a sleeping pill nightly because the medication keeps you awake. I now try to do without and it seems to be better. I'll give it a chance and see how it goes.
Thanks for the heads up about WORRY. I'll check that out for sure.
Kate

My son is now 6 hours away at his 5th treatment centre.
For the past few weeks he has had a really rough time. I hope it's his rock bottom. Some drug dealers he ripped off caught up with him and beat him up. They found out where he was staying and said they would be back.
That was the only place left for him to stay. He has burned all his bridges in that department. So, he called and asked to stay with me. I said no. I also called both grandmas and his Dad and told them to say no to him if he called. He was so mad at me as he found out I had done that. I figured if he had "0" options he would be forced to look at himself and his choices.

He spent one night in my backyard, one night in his Dad's car, one night at a shelter. I met him downtown across the street from the shelter. He called me and begged for me to see him. This place is so horrible. People do drugs right out in the open, stick needles in their arms. I sat with my son, it was a nice sunny day. I said, look at all those people over there. Most of them were drunk, some stoned all laying about on sleeping bags in the parking lot. I said to my son "I don't see their mothers coming to their aid" He heard me loud and clear.

I went with him to the Salvation Army down the street as he begged me to help him. He did not want to spend another night at that horrible shelter. They have cots close together and you really take your life in your hands. There is little supervision and some people sneak in weapons. He was scared and I knew it. I also knew that it was necessary for him to be scared and extremely uncomfortable. The Salvation Army shelter does not allow drugs. You have to be clean to stay there. They have paid beds so I told my son I would pay for one night but that's it. He would have to get up at 5am, line up and try to get a free bed the next night. He wanted me to pay for a week. I wanted him to do something about his situation. They give out 10 nights per month for a free bed but they are really hard to come by. I went home and prayed. He got up at 5am and got the 10 nights. A miracle. I had talked to the guy at the front desk when I paid, I hoped that helped. I think my son getting up at 5am helped too which was another good sign. Last year I had offered to pay for him to stay at a very nice hostel for a month after a few times of getting evicted from the room he was staying at. He said "I don't stay at hostels" He has sure changed his tune.

Later I called the treatment centre to see if he was really on the waiting list. They said they finally got all the paper work and there would be a bed for him in two days.( I had helped him get the paperwork started and took him to get the necessary medical tests done weeks before)

So, yesterday I put him on the bus. I said, when you get there and you want to leave (which he always does) just think about the shelter and all those people out front as that will be your new home if you decide to drop out of the program this time.

I hope he makes it but it's up to him, as always. Over the years I have slowly done less and less for him to the point of shutting the door on my house completely.

He knows now if he comes back he will get beat up, and will be on the street. I hope that is enough to help him to stay.
I know logically for me it would be, but the drug addict doesn't think logically that's the problem.
He had to be clean for 72 hours before he could go to the centre and he managed to do that on his own so that was a good sign.
I'll keep you updated.
Kate

Bless you, Kate, for being a really great mom. It takes courage and love to do all that you have done. My son has told me (now that he's clean and sober) that he always knew that I would be there for him if and when he decided to make a change and that knowing that was important.

I pray that you and your son will be strong and well and surrounded by light.

You love him enough to do what your heart tells you. You are one wonderful Mother. I so admire your courage and strength. I pray that he will also find that same strength inside and find a new way. God bless you all.