Start now to research the laws in your state, the type of facilities available for the parents, how the costs are figured (some are based on ability to pay), and the various in home care options. Also, find out at what levels state aid programs kick in and what your state requires and/or allows. They are not all equal. I've been through all of this too.

Hard as it is to think about, home care is not always best. Some elders don't even want home care. My husband's mother was one of them. She absolutely did not want her family changing diapers. And, since she was a widow, staying in her home would have meant total isolation. She loves her care facility and is more active than she was at home.

In regard to the long term care insurance. It is best to get it as young as possible (it's cheaper then) and carry as much as you can. We have two policies on my husband. Unfortunately, we have none on me because they won't take me. Look for one that will allow at home care. Also look for one that requires as few of the daily living skills as possible to qualify to draw on it. There are something called daily living skills and insurance policies will require from two to three or more be gone before you qualify. I can explain that more if you wish. Let me know.

I gave someone else in this forum some of this infor, but I'll repeat it because I'm not sure I could tell you where to find it.

One other suggestion is to document your parents' information, such as insurance policies, bank account numbers, etc. You can tactfully offer to help them make a list in case they need it to fill out hospital papers, insurance claims, etc. Then, be sure to keep a copy for yourself. If they will allow it, get your name on a bank account with them too. Even if there is a Power of Attorney in place, it doesn't always work the way the books tell you it does. Everything will be easier if you have direct access to funds to pay bills or otherwise help them.

I don't want to overwhelm you, so I won't try to cover all I learned doing it for over ten years. Both of my parents had different forms of dementia and physical disabilities before they died. My husband's mother is still alive at the age of 92 and we continue to handle her legal and financial affairs. She's been lucky. She did not have significant memory problems or health issues until her late 80's. Only in the last few years has she needed care assistance.

Believe me I've learned a lot. One of the biggest issues I have with the things they tell people to do to be prepared for the time they need assistance, is that many of those things are not a guarantee. The POA (Power of Attorney) is just one example. It's commonly thought that having one in place will allow your family to help you if necessary. My parents both had one. However, the bank told us they don't have to accept them--and they often don't. We learned from experience.

I'll check the board occasionally, but don't hesitate to send a note if there is anything I might be able to help with. I also did case management for adult developmentally disabled for some years. So I know medications and a bunch of recordkeeping, caregiver, nursing, legal stuff that sometimes comes in handy.

Keep a positive outlook and take care of yourself. You can't help anyone if you don't. That is the hardest thing for people to do in these situations.