Wow. This is very good. I can feel your pain, hear your confusion, see the frustration with the counselors who only serve to keep the mess spinning without resolution. I too lived in a sexless marriage for nearly 20 years--it appears the reason was different, but you manage to capture in your words many of the same feelings I had.

Question: Do you ever think you might leave him? If so save this until you go, that way you aren't setting up another conflict with him.

Or, write under another name, set up a seperate bank account for any windfall. Interviews with the author would be difficult this way.

Or, hire a ghostwriter to do the work, have book published under ghostwriter's name and set up a seperate account for any windfall. Interviews could be done by the ghostwriter continuing to keep you anonymous.

Or, give diary to a therapist/writer who could publish it anonymously for you as a research type piece, then set up a seperate account for any windfall. This might be the best way as a doctor would be bound by law not to reveal your identity.

Or...don't write your journal entries in that form. Create a heroine and have her story be the struggles of living in this type of marriage, have her write the hournal entries as a part of the story line, create a conflict, show her struggling to be happy, etc. As a cretive story the outside world wouldn't be aware of where your idea came from....

But....there is something very healing in writing and seeing your words on paper. Writing a book of your journals would be very freeing....having it written anonymously might continue to keep you imprisoned in a way. Since your children are grown, what are your long term thoughts, plans with this man? What are his long term plans regarding you and your marriage? Have you sat and talked to your children about this? Children tend to know lots more than we think they do and they probably are already fully aware of this problem--you may not be shielding them at all.

Anybody else have any ideas for Diana?