Me too. I'm Italian and my first marriage was to an Italian. We had the big wedding and all and in those days it was pretty much the custom that the bride's family paid for the wedding. There were certain customs we followed. While we hoped we would get enough money to help with our honeymoon, we did not expect or ask how much invited guests were going to give. If my father's future SIL had asked him a question like that, he would have been thrown out of our home. Things are a lot different today as far as customs and who pays for what. Weddings are costly. But, common sense, courtesy and respect have not gone out of style. This guy is greedy.

Louisa

Pam,
I did not mean to say that all Italians are like this. In fact, I myself am full blooded Italian and also 2nd generation American born. But we have never expected such things either. In fact, my parents struggled thru life, as my Dad was uneducated. He told us he went thru the 4th grade, but he could not read, so I even doubt he went that far.
The strange thing is that SIL's parents are not in a great financial situation either and I just don't get how they can pay for an entire wedding (daughter's)with her making only $8/hr. Someone is not telling the truth if you ask me.

Chatty -Maybe I did not explain correctly. My dtr and this man have been living together for 2 yrs. Just prior to that is when he moved out of his parents home. The reason she moved in with him - so they say - is because my hubby and I asked her to start paying rent. She was 23, working full time and its something we thought was right. Obviously, my kids think that is wrong. But thats a side issue. Because they have been living together, my hubby thinks that technically, they have been married for 2 yrs.

Thanks!
Crafty

I see nothing wrong and everything right with asking a 23 year-old to pay rent.

I'm with you Dotsie. Both my girls paid a monthly rent afer college when they came home to begin their careers. It was minimal, of course...but they needed to learn to pay their own way in life.

Craftyone...I really hope things get better for your whole family. Life is way too short.

Crafty, just wondering how things are going.

I too think that asking a 23yo to pay rent is the right thing to do!

When my oldest step-son announced that he was getting married to his college sweetheart who was also his live-in girlfriend, her father invited us all to dinner. At this dinner he proceeded to tell the engaged couple how thrilled he was that they were FINALLY getting married . He also stated that the reason he had invited all of us to dinner was to make sure everyone was on the same page as far as wedding preparations were concerned.

He then addressed these comments to his daughter. He said "Your mother and I have worked very hard to provide you and your sisters with the best life we could possibly give you. The one thing we promised ourselves was that we would send each of our girls to the college of their choice and do it so they would have no debt when they finished. I am saying this because you are well aware that your two younger sisters are still in college and we have those expenses. I want you to know that I want your wedding day to be the day that you have always pictured it to be, BUT there will be a budget. This is the amount that your mother and I are able to contribute and we cannot go a penny over this."

I was very impressed that her father laid down the budget to begin with. I think that it made it easier for them to decide what they really wanted for their wedding day. I also think that because they knew that anything over the budget would have to come out of their own pocket they chose everything very carefully. They stayed within the budget and had a very beautiful wedding.

I plan to use this tactic when (if) my other two ever decide to get married!

Excellent Leslie, your husband has earned the father of the year award in my book. Good for you both, this is how it should be done...

Things are not going well at all. I wrote last night, but it does not seem to be here. I am very depressed and can't seem to understand all this. Had a chat with my daughter yesterday. I just feel that what we molded into a beautiful, intelligent young woman, this man has taken away in less than 7 months. Everything that we have done to teach her right from wrong seems to have disappeared. I asked her how she felt about some of the things that were said on that ugly night a couple weeks ago. She is sticking with him. Here is one example that just blows my mind. Maybe mine is a simple mind. But I feel something is not right. I asked her how she felt when he wanted to know how much he could expect from OUR people - meaning the guests we invite. She told me that they have to "be smart" about it. I asked, so does this mean that my friends, Mr & Mrs T, who you have grown up with their children and known all your life, you will not invite because they cannot give you a huge gift? She told me that if it was down to the wire between 2 couples, then they would go with the one that would give more. I wanted to vomit!!!!! This is NOT the daughter I raised.....I am just sick about all this. I just cannot even imagine how this wedding is going to turn out. I cannot even imagine my husband toasting to this couple. I just can't imagine anything good right now.
We also talked about a few other things. One of which this guy thinks that he can talk someone into a deal all the time. I tried to explain to her that if it were my business and someone tried to talk down my price, I would tell them to take their business elsewhere. This guy thinks that everyone should cater to him and his whims. I really am wishing that they NEVER met, NEVER got engaged. OH - by the way - you will NEVER guess where these two met.....at a bible study!!!!!! Go figure. I just keep praying that God will show me the good in this, cuz I just don't see it.

Thanks for letting me vent!

Leslie -
What a wonderful way to go about it, I agree. We did tell our daughter in private in the beginning what our budget was. She seemed ok with it at the time. That is why I think this is all him and his wonderful family that has brainwashed her into their "stinkin thinkin".

Chatty~It was my step-sons father-in-law who said those things NOT my step-sons father (now my ex-husband,we were separated at the time). If the ex had shown just a fraction of the class that my DDIL's father has we would probably still be married. My ex was just happy that he wasn't asked to pay for anything more than the rehersal dinner. (I paid for the flowers). Thank goodness he (my ex) doesn't have any daughters...he'd probably hand them $100 and tell them to elope!

Cathy, my heart goes out to you...this should be such a joyous time for you and your daughter. It is so difficult to stand by and watch as our adult children make choices that we do not understand or agree with. I think that you and your husband are doing the right thing, in that you have told your daughter what it is that you are able to spend on her wedding given your financial circumstances and the fact that you have other children at home. I have seen parents reluctantly go into debt to the tune of 20 or 30 thousand dollars only to have their childs marriage end in divorce. Follow your gut on this. Hang in there!

Cathy, I will keep you in my prayers. I know how hard this must be for you. Seeing changes in your own child is very hard when you know that deep down inside, she is nothing like that. I have a feeling that one day she will come around and wish she had a backbone to stand up to her fiance during this time of planning. Maybe he will come around too and apologize when he grows up.