Thanks for the advise Wizard, but unfortunately its a little late for that. Maybe when my #2 gets engaged it would be a good idea. The shower is already in its final stages.......don't get me started on that one!!! And the wedding is coming fast. I honestly cannot wait until its all over. Very sad. All the joy has been stolen from me. But its her life and if this is what she chooses, then so be it. I can only pray that she is happy.

Cathy, remind us of the shower and wedding date...

The shower is April 1st - yes April Fools Day!!! SHE chose the date!!! She drove me nutty this past week to get the invitations done and out. I made them and they are really cute. But she has turned into such a control freak, I want to say WHO ARE YOU AND WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER??? It makes me feel like she cannot trust anything I do. I am a designer for Pete's sake. Creativity is my life!!!
So - as it turns out - the MIL is getting the centerpieces and the favors....again the most creative parts of a shower. I guess she did not like my ideas.
The whole thing about this shower that bugs me is this: If I were on the other side of this, I would ask the brides Mom what I can do to help. I would not try to take over and push my wants on her. I just think that they are very ignorant people and want everything their way.
I got a call yesterday from the groom's sister, who is 25 yrs old. She wanted to know how the invites were coming along. I told her they were out and I already got some calls on it. She was flabergasted that she did not get hers yet. I said well maybe on Monday. THEN she proceeds to ask me what I was gonna get my daughter for the shower and what I think they should get her. I told her I cannot tell you what to do. (think they'd get the hint?)She goes on to say that she wanted to do the "Something old, something new" thing at the shower. I told her it was already taken care of that my dtr and I had already talked about it. Then she wanted to know what wedding things she needed. Well, I am making the pillow, the flower girl baskets and a few other things. She was very put out. Then it was on to the games. I suggested a few and then she said well your dtr is not gonna like that. I was so frustrated by this time, I said My dtr is not running this shower - I AM!!! UGH!!!! Please pray that I can keep my cool with these people, because I just want to tell them off!!! How dare they tell me what to do and how to do it!!!!!
Or am I totally wrong?????? The wedding is 6-30. I am going to throw a big party with all my friends when its over!!!!! Anyone want to come????????:-)

An after wedding party! That sound like fuuun! Will you be inviting the in-laws? Ha ha ha, -- just a little comic relief there.

Ok I am in need of some of your wise words. I want to run away and never look back. I went with my dtr today to get the 2 flower girl dresses. We stopped for coffee afterwards and stopped to talk. I am totally disgusted and don't really know what to do anymore. All I can think of at this point is to let go and let God. She pretty much told me that there is such dislike between the families and its pretty much my fault (her words). I don't know what else to say. No matter what I do or say - I am doomed.
She does not like anything that I have done for the shower. If I hadn't sent out the invites this week, I would call the whole thing off. I told her if she wants all these extras - she has to pay for them.
She told me she has changed since she moved out and I totally agreed. Unfortunately I don't like this person she has become.

Oh dear, crafty one, it sounds like your daughter stands under her husband's and in law's influence. Believe me dear, there is no winning this battle; no way at all.

My oldest son had a girlfriend whose influence on him was mesmerizing. The more I talked to him about it, the more he turned away from me and to her. It took a long time, but after six years I gave up. Now 10 years later, he's still with her, and they want to marry. She keeps postponing the marriage date (this is a part of her sick little brain). And I'm beginning to see puffy doubt clouds forming around my son's head. Maybe everything will take care of itself. But one way or another, I've learned; stay out of it; -- it's his life.

If you can, go on a vacation with your husband. Just get away from all wedding stress. Make a point of not talking about it anymore, and find your own lives again.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Sounds like you have become the scapegoat. Isn't it amazing that you're that powerful that you can cause so many problems? How ridiculous.

I think your idea of letting go and letting God is perfect. That is what I would do. I mean, is there another choice?

I rermember saying somewhere in all this upheavel that one day soon when all this hullabaloo wedding is over and done with and there is NO reason for you to be everyones door mat any longer, the wind is gonna shift and your darling pain in the butt daughter will become THE OTHER WOMAN (the one who stole the MIL's son away) and then she is going to get all of her own medicine BACK in her face in spades. Just sit back and wait...the tide will trun....!

Let go and let God. Let go and Let God. Let go and let God. Repeat one thousand times.

My heart goes out to you.

Here's an update Ladies! The shower was yesterday. I can breathe a sigh of relief....for a while at least..It turned out to be very nice - got alot of compliments on the decor and the food etc. There were so many gifts that it took all the personalization out of it. It was like an assembly line. After hours of primping packages so they were the right colors and had beautiful bows, my dtr never even saw them. The girls unwrapped and de-bowed the packages then sent them on down the line to the bride and groom....no broken ribbons! She got tons of doubles and some very nice things and some not so nice - in my opinion. They will have tons to return. Her future MIL did not say one word to me all day. She did not come over to our side of the room at all. I did go to their side to thank people for coming and to introduce my self to those I did not know. I felt that was only proper. Her dtr (grooms sister)is the bridesmaid from HE**!! She did things I asked her not to do. She insisted on really dumb games and clanging of the glasses. I tried to move things along to get them going with the gifts. I got a - don't worry Mom it will be fine. OK then.
I am glad it is over. I enjoyed the day because my friends and family were there. But I do not like who/what my dtr has become. I do not know her anymore. She is so involved in material things and everything is for show. This is NOT what I taught her. It is sad. And I hope that someday she will come back to us and I pray its not because her life is a mess. That is what I fear for her.
There was an issue that I will not go into detail over, but it involved grooms sister and my younger dtr who is the maid of honor. She made my dtr cry and was extrememly rude to her. I am wondering how the bride is going to handle this one. Will she allow this self-centered little witch (sorry - I am not being very nice here, just can't help it when it comes to my cubs!!)to come between her and her sister? hmmmm this ought to be interesting!
Oh then there was the the moment when the bride opened one of my packages - a penoir set. This is something that is a tradition in my family from mother to dtr. Well guess what - not 5 minutes later - she opens a penoir set from HIS mother. I was not happy that she did that. What do you all think of that? Is it improper for the grooms mother to give such a gift?