Flipper, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so terribly sorry. I lost my husband quite suddenly about 2 yrs. ago and it still hurts.

My ultra religious family has abandoned me since I have been married 4 times, have a daughter who may wind up in prison, and drink and go out to bars and don't attend church regularly and no longer sing in the praise group or teach, etc.

Thank God, Jesus isn't like that!!! What would I do? There is still hope for the likes of me. I truly love Christ and don't hold him accountable for John's death, although at first I was terribly angry at God and hurt. I thought he was punishing me or something. I know now he wasn't. It was John's time to go. The song I had played at his funeral that haunts me to this day is My Immortal by Evanescence. I miss him so much. He truly was my soulmate.

I miss my sister and three brothers. I feel like I should shout out ahead of me, "unclean, unclean" like the lepers had to do in ancient times when I am around them. I have forgiven them though but I just miss the good times we used to have so much.

I've had a lot of hurt in my life. But I trust God to turn it all around for my good and the good of others.