Good morning, everyone,

It's been a long time since I've been able to post in the AM. We actually had a semi-normal day yesterday. I say "semi" because Mom is now in "sick mode," a phenomenom I didn't know about when I first wrote the book.

This varies from person to person. In our case, if Mom is sick for more than a few days or stays in the hospital even briefly, she goes into sick mode. She moans, does nothing to assist in her daily activities, and has a grimace on her face like she sucked a lemon.

This time, she worked herself up so much, she clenched her teeth until she couldn't open her mouth without extreme pain.

The most important thing to remember is to snap your parent out of sick mode asap. If it persists, the way back to "normal" takes longer.

In our case, determining sick mode is easy. When Mom moans, I ask her if she's in pain. If she says no and I then ask her why she's moaning. Her answer is always the same: I don't know. Then I tell her, instead of moaning, say "ha, ha' ha" which she does. I also work on the grimace and make her smile, even weakly. I know this sounds ridiculous, but it works. (If any of you remember Norman Cousins' story, that was my inspiration.)

For Mom, I acknowledge her discomfort, but tell her if she was still sick, she'd be in the hosptial. I also tell her to look at my face and ask her if I look worried. When she says no, I tell her that she's recovering and she she shouldn't worry.

I think one of the reasons we wound up back in the emergency room was our doctor said maybe you should take her back to the hospital. She heard that and she immediately started to deteriorate. This is also why I do everything I can to keep her home!

I've got this down to a science, so after a little trouble starting the day, we wound up better. This morning, she's even better.

I "googled" information about TMJ and treated it that way. Warm compresses on the neck and sides of her face along with gentle massage of the area. Her right side is back to normal; now I'm working on the left side.

One more note. To get nutrition into her since she can't chew, I tried Boost, but it has a milk base--she has a problem with some dairy--so I switched to Ensure which she's tolerating better.

Until later . . .

Just love your positive approach to "sick mode".
She's a very lucky lady to have a caregiver that is so supportive and loving, one she calls daughter. Your love for her...abounds through out these posts.

My husband and I do not have parents, that we will be caring for...but, I have found your sharing most helpful.

You never know when time will present itself, and we will be called to care for loved ones.

Thanks...for sharing your love and knowledge.

May you both continue to receive the strength to carry on.

Hi Everyone,

We had our most normal day since Mom has been sick.

We (my CNA and I) got her out of bed and she immediately perked up. She ate a normal lunch and we chatted about shopping. By the time she got back into bed, she was exhausted.

I just checked on her and she's watching the Golden Globe Awards with a little smile on her face.

As for me, well, I feel like I took a Valium or had a few drinks. My entire body has relaxed and I am going to call it a night.

Before I go, just wanted to relate another nursing home horror story. My friend's son-in-law's grandmother was having trouble breathing but no one at her nursing home called 9-1-1 because they were too busy! By the time an ambulance was called, it was too late. She died from oxygen deprivation in the ambulance. I heard about this yesterday and needless to say, I was up all night checking on Mom's oxygen.

Until later . . .

F N, I recall Mom being in sick mode too. One time she was in the ER over 24 hours. Her reaction was horrendous. The doctor blamed it on the fact that there were no windows in the ER. He said they don't know if it's night, or day, and it totally confuses them.

Give in to the feeling and sleep. You need to take care of yourself too.

Hi Everyone!

Another good day on the homefront and I had my first work day since Christmas when Mom got sick. That's right, I haven't worked since Christmas!

It's a good thing I work from home and I've been doing this for a very long time or I'd never be able to catch-up. Now, for at least the next week, I'll be doing double time!

It's interesting. When Dotsie first invited me participate in this forum, I was excited to share my experiences with all of you. I never thought you'd be getting an "up close and personal" first-hand glimpse into my life!

Until later . . .

F N, glad to hear your mom's health is improving.

Would you be kind enough to share some of the changes that had to be made within your home to accomodate your mom? You mentioned quite a few in your book that I also recall taking into consideration when we were caring for my mom at her home too.

Well, I widened the door of the main bathroom she uses. It was originally 24" wide and I put in a 30" door so she could get thrrough with her walker. I found a sink and cabinest that was 18" deep (standard is 21") and a toilet that is chair height and space-saver elongated which is now readily available. (This use to be a special order item.)

I put hardwoods down - easier for her to walk on than carpeting and certainly easier to keep clean.

I also rearranged the furniture so there was a clear path for her to walk. After she stopped walking, this made it easier to move her around in her wheelchair.

I didn't put in grab bars because I think a medical model can be self-defeating for an older person.

The biggest thing I did was give up my "office" so she could have her own space. I now work in a 5'x7' area of my bedroom. I set it up so when I'm finished working, I can close it off and I have a bedroom, not an exposed office.

Until later . . .

[ January 21, 2006, 11:25 AM: Message edited by: F N Rosenstock ]

I think one of the most improtant things to do when caring for soemone who is ill is to get rid of the clutter. It gets in the way of oxygen tanks, hoses and walkers.

Hi Everyone,

I had to take my mother back to the hospital on Saturday. The ER doctor scared me to death by telling me my mother had pneumonia and was having a heart attack. When he asked me if I wanted to resuscitate, you can imagine. Then another doctor came along and said she didn't have pneumonia and she wasn't having a heart attack.

It's been a roller coaster ever since.

I'm spending nights there because they're horribly understaffed. I have someone staying with my mother from 10-5, so I'm getting ready to leave in a few minutes.

Until later . . .

Sorry to hear your mom had to go back to the hospital.

Did they inform you what she did have? Sometimes, these doctors can act so unprofessional and uncaring.

Good idea having someone stay with her so you can get some rest.

Saying prayers for both of you...