WARNING SIGNS AND SIGNPOSTS: Part 1 of 2: TRIGGERS

Excerpt from Chapter 10

“The morning after the overdose became the dividing line in my life. Although it didn’t make an immediate and obvious difference to all outward appearances, deep within me there has always been a clear delineation. I liken life before the overdose as having lived in perpetual Good Friday mode. Life after the overdose has been more like living in Resurrection mode.

Despite the life-altering epiphany of possibility that morning, it was still a long, uphill struggle trying to climb far enough out of that hellhole to feel safe again. For a while it seemed that for every positive step I made forward, I slid two or three steps back. And always in the back of my mind was the fear of sliding all the way back there.

Dr. Reynolds [my awesome psychiatrist at the hospital] was honest with me when I asked him about the statistical possibility of sliding back. He told me that people who go in as deep as I did rarely make it back. And those that do make it out rarely stay out. I remember him telling me that he hadn’t seen anybody come back as fast, as healthy and as whole as I seemed to have. So, it was understandable that from the beginning, both of us were somewhat skeptical that I could stay out indefinitely.

But Dr. Reynolds gave me an incredible gift during that shaky time of my recovery. He gave me my own set of "signposts" for my roadmap. Like those little markers at the crossroads that tell you which road will take you where, there were warning signs to watch for that would indicate that I was beginning to cross into dangerous territory – and he drilled it into me that as soon as I saw any of those particular warning signs on my horizon to seek help immediately before I spiralled too far down.”


This “signpost” imagery continues to be a valuable tool for managing my depression. Most of us know the typical warning signs of depression. But many of us have our own unique set of trigger points and warning signs that we need to watch for. Today I’ll talk about trigger points, and then we’ll talk about warning signs tomorrow.

I’ve become keenly aware of my triggers, which helps me to do what I need to do to PREVENT the onslaught of worsening symptoms. I’ve learned that there are three things I need to keep in healthy balance. When any one of these falters, I falter. When all three are out of balance at the same time, I completely lose my equilibrium and crash. They are such simple basic facets of my being, and yet require my diligence in keeping them all in balance.

Healthy Diet: when I landed in hospital in 1984, I was 29 and weighed 97 pounds. Part of that was due to being too poor to be able to afford groceries. But part of it was that anxiety made swallowing food almost impossible at times. After several visits with nutritionists, I learned that while everyone else around me might be experimenting with fad diets, I MUST stay true to what MY body needs, and that is a well-balanced variety of foods, including carbs, fats, and even sweets. Everything in moderation and balance. Lowering carbs is dangerous for me. So this is another area of my being where my self-knowledge comes in! To know myself well enough to know what foods bring energy, clarity of mind, and even enjoyment and comfort (yes, even chocolate, ice cream and home-made cookies). Discipline, balance and moderation…it’s what works for me and my body that keeps me healthy both physically AND mentally.

Adequate Rest: It took me a long time to determine that my need for nine hours sleep every night was legitimate, and not laziness. For whatever reason, it’s clear now that my body NEEDS that sleep in order to be able to function properly. I was severely sleep-deprived when I crashed in February 2002. It took weeks of round-the-clock sleep to pay back all of that lost sleep. It wasn’t until I acknowledged my need for nine hours EVERY night that my fuel tank stopped being empty all the time.

Minimal Stress: We’ve seen the warnings on the damage to our bodies that persistent stress can do. For some of us, stress devastates our mental health as well. This is where that recognition of the need for “downtime” comes in. Knowing when it’s time to pull myself back out of the ebb and flow until I can catch my breath and regain my equilibrium. I dare to say here that the severity of my “mangled thinking” is directly proportionate to how stressed I am. When I minimize my stress (meditation, music, doing things that bring me energy and enjoyment), my mangled thinking becomes manageable…less stress gives me greater clarity of mind.

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This is getting long again, so I’ll stop here.

But how about you? Do you know what your own trigger points are? What things to avoid and what things to include in your life?