LIFE AS AN INF (Introvert Intuitive Feeler): Part 3 of 3
(For background info on Myers-Briggs, please see *** at the end of this post)

Excerpts from Chapter 19

My INF (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling) epiphany hasn’t made it any easier to get along "out there," because I’m always going to feel like a fish swimming against the tide. But this new self-understanding has the potential to liberate me from the negative self-reproach (and self-loathing) that has kept the real me buried for so long.

I’m now free to clear away the cobwebs of confusion and self-misinterpretation as a social misfit, and choose to define myself with the truth of who I really am. While I don’t like labels, and see this one as yet one more tool in my quest for self-knowledge, I do find some comfort and validation within my legitimate INF-ness. It may not ever be possible for me to feel "normal" because I don’t – can’t - interpret life in the same logical way that the majority of people around me do.

I do see the same things as everyone else sees, but I’m also able to envision past the immediate effect of the events and understand the potential impact and implications of those same events as they affect people’s minds, hearts and emotional well-being, not only in the here and now, but perhaps even more significantly, further down the road. I see patterns and possibilities. I listen beyond the words and feel the anxious heartbeat, look beyond the shuttered eyes and detect an aching anguish, envision beyond today’s decisions and actions and glimpse tomorrow’s consequences and impact.

There is no right or wrong in this Myers-Briggs theory. No one personality type is “more right or legitimate” than another. We’re ALL vital pieces of the puzzle.

I can no longer deny that I am who I am. I no longer fight against who I am. I am innately wired to cope and function in the world through my Introverted Intuitive Feeling filter. My view of life and how everything is connected by the ripple effect is rooted in that INF core of who I am.

But while the INF perspective is valid, legitimate, and innately good - and when used wisely, brings a much-needed gift to the world - the unfortunate reality is that INF’s are easily misunderstood. We do baffle others around us. And you know how people react when baffled by others. So we often need to more clearly deliberate and define within our own selves our gifts of intuition and visionary presence, or we get lost in other people’s misunderstanding of us and may find ourselves sucked into those misfit feelings of not belonging anywhere.

There’s not a whole lot of affirmation available out there for those of us who are INF types. We have to acknowledge that we are not easily understood by others, even those closest to us. So, often, we Introverted Intuitive types have to learn how to become the primary source of our own validation, to give to our own selves the affirmation and validation that we need and seek from others.

Once again, self-knowledge becomes our best ally and defence against doubt and insecurity. We need to better define our own selves as valid contributors to society in such a way that we become steeped in and empowered by our own new definition of self and are able to declare for ourselves our rightful niche while interacting out there.

You all know that I’m still rewiring my attic. It takes a long time to rewrite those ancient internal dialogues. Forty-plus years of mangled thinking, of telling myself that I’m abnormal, stupid, a social moron, loser and could never fit in anywhere means that I have to completely change my thinking, re-envision my giftedness, claim my rightful niche in this world, and then more compassionately redefine my own self. I know now that I can no longer rely on others to provide the affirmation I yearn for, that it has to come primarily from within my own compassionate understanding of myself.

And I have to use my self-knowledge to protect my own self from further burn-out and breakdown. I have to use my understanding of my craving for downtime to more carefully protect my solitude. It’s difficult to find that time-out when loved ones keep tugging at our heart-sleeves. It’s a personal balance that each one of us struggles to find. But we must allow ourselves to claim that need for balance, and declare our craving for solitude as a legitimate, healthy and crucial need to be answered. I’m getting much better at making more realistic choices as to where and when to pour myself out, and can sense now when it’s time to stop, pull back and just be.

I know now that finding my balance and claiming my need to pull back is critical for me. If I’m going to be able to clearly envision my own giftedness and niche in the world (i.e., keep myself in that “ebb and flow”), especially during those times when the sirens of depression threaten to steal it away with their lies of not belonging anywhere, there is no denying that my self-knowledge and compassionate understanding become my most powerful allies in my resolve to make the healthiest choices.

Understanding my core self- in my case, my INF-ness - and my innate need for adequate solitude, and then daring to live within my own balance, will ensure that I have enough energy and empowerment to claim my niche, and to be a valid and valuable gift to the world.


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*** References for Myers-Briggs Personality Type

A fairly simple explanation of Myers-Briggs: http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/tt/t-articl/mb-simpl.htm

A more detailed explanation (and quick test): http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html

It’s best to take the long, official MBTI® ( Myers-Briggs Type Indicator ) test from a qualified professional. Most psychiatrists/psychologists or career counsellors should be able to administer it. To take the “quick” version of the Myers-Briggs test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

For a comprehensive explanation of different types: http://typelogic.com/infj.html

For more info, simply type “Myers-Briggs” into any search engine and start browsing the results.