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#73606 - 07/23/05 10:48 AM
Re: Queen Jaw Jaw, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Throne, Georgia Richardson
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Member
Registered: 03/18/03
Posts: 332
Loc: Australia
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Didn't you know we have them breeding in the storm water pipes throughout our country? We all have to have a basic knowledge of croc defence. You never know what will emerge from the drainpipe...seriously...
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#73610 - 07/23/05 02:52 PM
Re: Queen Jaw Jaw, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Throne, Georgia Richardson
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Da Queen
Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
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Forgive me, where ae my manners? (Evie, leave it alone...) I forgot to give Meredith's web site address for any of you newer members! http://www.meredithbead.com/and her other site http://members.tripod.com/meredithbead-ivil/JJ
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#73611 - 07/24/05 03:58 AM
Re: Queen Jaw Jaw, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Throne, Georgia Richardson
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Member
Registered: 03/12/04
Posts: 1177
Loc: Decatur, Illinois
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JJ, just caught up on all the posts. I'm sorry to have been missing the good time in here. I've read your book and think it's better than Erma Bombeck! My husband thought it was a hoot too.
I miss you all.
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#73613 - 07/23/05 05:28 PM
Re: Queen Jaw Jaw, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Throne, Georgia Richardson
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Member
Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
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Okay JJ, I think the story in your book about the orange throw rug HEXED me.
Yesterday I ran out of detergent in the midst of washing everything I ever owned. I was wearing no makeup. And since I never dress up for laundry anyway, I had on some ugly, wrinkled, FATTENING, Bright yellow shorts and a matching tee shirt that I retrieved from a pile on its way to the trashcan. Because I go to Walmart all the time looking half way decent and never see anybody I know, I figured I could rush in for detergent without being recognized.
In case I got hungry before getting to the detergent aisle, I ran through the bakery to grab a muffin. Thank heaven I recognized my Miss Model, Glamourpuss neighbor before she saw me---I hope. She looked terrific. She has a New hairdo and she's a size 4 (FOUR) MAX! Maybe size TWO.
Risking starvation, I rushed right past the muffins pretending I didn't see her. That woman was probably just lurking there waiting for some unsuspecting fat, wrinkled, yellow slug like me to come along. I bet she never ate a muffin in her whole life.
I somehow escaped under the radar down the detergent aisle praying she hadn't recognized me. And if it ever came up, I could swear it was my older fatter sister or something. (Okay, I don't have an older fatter sister, but that's just a minor detail)
Well, I got the detergent and ran by the fridge for a case of beer. (Hey, I was on the verge of starvation and had to have some kind of nutrition) Anyway, still barely under the radar, I made my way to the check out stand. Only one person ahead of me and the glamourpuss neighbor nowhere in sight. I was just about home free.
I plopped the case of beer and on the counter and was unloading the detergent when I heard someone protesting, "Oh no, that's not mine. Oh no, that's not MY Beer." Seems the checkout girl was trying to check my beer out to someone else. And when the woman ahead of me turned around to point out the real beer guzzler--fat wrinkled yellow me--I recognized her immediately. It was this really great Christian lady from my Church (Baptist). She always dresses in these barely there colors and looks kind of faded, but she's real nice and very Baptist. I tried to sort of shrink up, but of course she recognized me. Every fat, wrinkled, Bright yellow inch of me. Being a really good person, she didn't tell me I was I looked like crap or was going to hell for drinking beer. In fact, she was real nice and very friendly. So while I tried to shrink and the church lady tried not to go into the alcoholic's prayer, the checkout girl from hell asked asked me TWICE-REAL LOUD for my DATE OF BIRTH. She couldn't hear so I practically had to shout it. TWICE!
So in one Walmart trip I wound up dodging my glamourous neighbor, being nailed by the Baptists for buying beer, and shouting my birthdate to the whole Walmart.
Talk about a crappy shopping experience. smile [ July 24, 2005, 12:29 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]
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#73614 - 07/23/05 08:00 PM
Re: Queen Jaw Jaw, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Throne, Georgia Richardson
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Da Queen
Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
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Sherri, we ALWAYS miss you when you're gone away from da boards hon...welcome back!
Cathi, you go girl! Congrats again.
SMILES---I have read this twice because it was soooo funny and worth it! I'm convinced now that you and I were separated at birth.
Here's my "experience" for the day.
I went to Lowe's this morning and I knew I would see NO ONE. Why? I wore makeup. You NEVER see a soul if you're dressed for it. But go to the corner market without your "face" on and honey, everyone you know within a 60 mile radius will be in that store...staring at you. And giggling.
While at Lowe's, I asked a worker there if they carried file cabinets. He was throwing a ball up in the air and catching it. He stared at me a minute like I had three heads and then I saw the light go on as he grasped what I had asked him. It was like a delayed understanding. He said, "ahhh...I don't thinkkkkk so."
Okay, is it me or does that not leave the possibility that they MIGHT?
We stood staring at each other like the "Shoot out at OK Corral." Finally, I knew one of us was going to expire before he said anything else so I said, "ah...well, wannaaaaaa check?"
He looked at me for a sec then shear panic washed over his face. It was like, "oh crap...nobody has ever asked me to check. What do I do?" He looked around, saw another man and ran over to him and asked him. The man said (and I am not making this up) "I don't thinkkkkk so."
The young man seemed really proud of that answer and turned to me and said, "nope, sure don't."
Where do they get these people? And yes, they DO carry them.
JJ
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