HUGS, Bliss (aka #5), we are loving you here. We are a safe place and we hate to see you in such pain. We support you in finding your way to the peace you want.

There are some things you will need to do along the way. And there are those of us who have been there before you, crawled out of the same dark hole. It's one step at a time, one moment at a time. Can you get to an Al-Anon group? You will find friends there. They will "love you as you already are." On a practical side, you do need to get to a lawyer to find out your rights. You do have them. Don't give them up just to spite him. All you do then is make yourself a victim one more time.

Once I was just where you are. I had no idea what to do next. I was in so much pain it was unbelievable. I didn't know how to get past the ache. I felt like it was sufficating me. Then I would get really angry and out of control. I remember thinking I would never be able to get rid of all that anger. Ten years later, it's all gone. I don't know where it went, but the aching pain and the rage are gone. You can get there, too. You have the power.

HUGS

You are on the road to recovery Bliss.....
He has hurt me for the last time' 'i dont where we will go, how i will manage to support the two of us, but i will figure it out"

Knowing what we will not accept or tolerate may seem a natural thing to some people, but if we've been in an abusive situation for a long time, it becomes a major step. Good on you!

Your needing friends is a wonderful thing Bliss,
you have kindness and love to share, just as others have love and kindness they too want to share. You will make it.

Number5 when you said you needed a new name instead of being someones number5, I looked up some words and found BLISSFUL and the definitions were "Serene" and "Happiness." I suggested this name because you deserve to be both. Someone else picked up BLISS and it seems to be sticking. I hope the name BLISS or BLISSFUL will serve you well and one day describe your condition. Now if you have another name you prefer nows the time because I believe this one is gaining momentum, lets say goodbye to Number5 and all it represents....HUGS

[ April 01, 2006, 08:26 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

I agree with Chatty. You deserve better than a number.

Daisygirl

Thank you ladies. I feel like I'm starting to gain a sense of who I am again and who I have been in the past.

It feels good. I'm beginning to like myself a little.

I know God won't let me down if I'm trying my best to put a foot forward in the right direction. Thank you for your support.

I hope you are sticking to your decision. Keep us up to date.

Is it normal to feel periods of sort of panic when you think of the person who was a part of you just off doing their own thing without you?

I don't know how to deal with that. I find myself looking at the phone hoping it will ring and I'll hear his familiar voice on the other end. He just seems so complacent without me like I must have been such a pain in the ass to him.

I feel lost sometimes like I'm foundering and the fear of loneliness creeps over me like a cold cloud.

Will I get over it? What if I were to see him with someone else or learn of his having been with someone else? Is it normal to deal with all these feelings?

#5.....
I've not been on the forum for a while, but have been following everything going on in it.
I truly feel for you for what you are now going thru, because I am separating from my husband of 41 years.
Even tho' there isn't any love felt for each other, and my husband wasn't really ever around most of the time(working and having his own place three hours from here)I still get a funny feeling in my gut that tells me I'm going to be alone now, and it sounds so weird to say it to myself, but it still makes me feel weird.
You're doing so well with what I've read.
Just keep up the fight girl, and you will be just fine down the road.
I wish you the best.
Lynne

Lynne and Bliss (aka #5),
Yes, the hurt is there and it is a huge change (especially after 41 years!). You have history. That will always be there. After I separated from my husband of 13 years, it hurt. I had loved him so much -- too much, probably. He was (and still is) an active alcoholic and I initiated the divorce, but it was still tough. I had been so emotionally entangled with him, I'd forgotten who I was a separate person. So I had to begin the work on me. One of the best things I did for myself was have some body work done to release all the pain and sorrow. It was an incredible experience that accounts, I think, I think for the beginning of my health. It was also suggested that I write my life story out. Since then, I have taken a class where we were required to write our life stories in bullet form and look for threads. It was an interesting and revealing experience.

Yes, Bliss, you are normal! We women are, generally, closer to our emotions. Men tend to shove them down and deal with pain by withdrawal or addictive behaviors. Your ex's pain is probably far greater and far older than yours, but you will never see it.

HUGS -- lots of them -- from all of us. I wish I was there to hold you while you cry.

It's a desire to return to the familiar, regardless of how awful it was. It's normal and will pass.