But you mentioned that you are enjoying your work, you have soemone to watch A, you're making new friends.

Maybe you should consider sticking around, but cutting yourselfoff totally from him. ANyone who spends as much time in a bar, and is as verbally abusive doesn't deserve you.

I can see in your posts that you are a faithful woman who knows right from wrong. You know this relationship is BAD. Please muster up the courage to stay away from him. It might be hard at first, but as time passes it will get easier. You will begin to question why you were ever attracted to him in the first place.
In your heart of hearts, I believe you already know this.

Smile and Dotsie, you are both right. He has said he would kill me if I took any of "his" money. In a situation like this I have to ask myself, "What would bring the most Glory to God?" I know what the most perfect thing would be and that would be for my husband to accept Christ into his heart and let him change him and give him a new heart and a new life. He might still be an a**h(((, but at least he would be under the tutelege of Christ. What he doesn't know is that he is under the protective umbrella of Christ as long as he is with me as the believing wife. As soon as he steps outside that umbrella whether by his choice or mine, all bets are off as far as his health, wealth, happiness.

The next best thing would be for us to part in a friendly manner and he would be a man and help me establish a new life for A and I.

For A, the fewer changes that occur in her life the better. She needs routine and familiarity and security. I'm providing those things for her right now. If I were to bolt and run with the money, I could never come back.

The company I work for has a branch office where I would be going. My friend has already said we could stay with him and pay rent. He is JUST a good friend and we have established that. He lives just 1 hr. from where Katie is and we could go and visit her often.

It would get me away from him and all his friends who look at me now as Chatty put it, fool me one time shame on you, do it again and its shame on me. They are looking at me now with "that" look like "Well, there walks number5, we knew that would happen, wonder who nummber6 will me?"

He'll still be sitting up at the bar night after night spending the money that he could use to help take care of an innocent little girl.

You are right Dotsie, I was beginning to like myself a lot before he walked in and offered his proposition. Please pray that God will give me wisdom and strength to break away and start a new life which will bring honor to God and please pray for my husband that he will turn his heart toward God and give his life to Him for his own good not just for mine...

I'm sorry but I'm not going to pray for this man. I'm going to pray that God gives you wisdom and the right answers.

Have you ever written out the pros and cons of this? It really brings everything into focus.

I know its an unhealthy relationship to say the least and I know it won't work-unless-God works a miracle in his life and changes him from the inside out. Only God can do that and I'm sure He loves Warren and wants him to give his life to him. He's not willing that any should perish, including Warren.

For my own good and that of my family, I'm making plans to leave permanently.

Bliss (aka #5),
You need a lawyer, an advocate who will deal with this man and keep you out of it, and get your fair share. But that will take time.

How long have you known the person you are planning to share space with? Is there a reference from someone else? It does sound like a good solution to the housing plan.

And you would have a job as well with the same company? Sounds good! What about child care?

Sounds like you are making plans for your future without Warren. That's really good.

I'm sure that God loves Warren, just as she loves all of us. But, you need to take care of you. This man has major problems (I just shake my head at the "demands" he made of you -- what a laugh!) that you can't fix. But what is worse, is they are dangerous to you and the ones you love.

Keep moving in the "away" direction! We're here for you.

HUGS

Since you wrote for all of us to read, #5, I'll put my 2 cents in too...Take the money and run. This new place sounds like it has more to offer - being close to Katie, AND a branch office...I'm not sure you would need to move in with your friend. Couldn't you find a small apartment or something? I believe there is much more harm being done to Aaliyah staying where you are...Way too much chaos for an already stressed out child...( I don't think she IS getting routine, and security right now - but maybe familiarity which is not necessarily a good thing) Take her and move, find a nice day care, give her stability and calmeness.

And you can find a decent used car for a couple of thousand.....I would do all this secretly and as soon as you can. Today..Or take your present car to the garage and have them fix it to good working order...

I believe you should withdraw that money as soon as possible - yeah, leave an IOU if you feel you need to, but how about payment for pain and suffering??? But just take the half of it, if you could get into trouble with the courts...

Since he threatened to kill you, can't you take advantage of a domestic violence program??

I believe you should let God deal with this man (child) without your involvement. His spirituality is between him and his God and should be left there. If you believe God can do miracles, then get out of the way and let Him proceed - it has nothing to do with you any longer. # 5, is it possible that you are unwittingly using your faith to continue a relationship with this man? If you are, consider this - I believe God(Harietta) is smart and knows exactly how to deal with your husband. You need not be anywhere around or connected in any way . But you are smart enough for a mortal and already know that this guy is a danger to you and your grandchild - if not physically, then emotionally. I also believe that you already know you should get out of there and that you are just needing some encouragement to leave. I am encouraging....If you were my own sister, I would come and get you and instill reason in your heart, in fact, I would do everything short of kidnap you and Aaliyah to get you out of there. But I guess you would just go back if you hadn't figured it out for yourself.

I don't think there is one single woman on this forum that would advise you to stay anywhere near this guy...That should be some encouragement.

The greatest glory that you could give God is to take care of yourself and your grandchild and let God take care of your husband .

I wish you well in this and really hope you will use the good reason God gave you - this is dragging out a long time now, and remember, Aaliyah senses every emotional state you are in - she has only you to look to for her sense of peace ,security and well being. If you are unable to leave this man for yourself, then do it for Aaliyah - she does not need to see his behavior as a model for her own future behavior, nor your reaction to him...I know you wouldn't want her to be involved with such a person - but she will from example if that's all she knows....

Searcher

number5,

I would think that if you sold the house, that it was joint marital property, and that if HE took his half, that you would be entittled to YOUR half.

I would consider taking "your half" and putting it in a safe place....and perhaps seperating yourself from him.

I'm praying for you.

Danita

Have you ever read James Dobson's book "tough love"? It is excellent.

That's true, Searcher. I am working on getting out every day. I'm not using my faith to stay with him because I've seen others do that and I've thought they were stupid for doing it.

Aaliyah IS in a safe, serene, structured home with her toys, her favorite foods, her favorite TV programs, her friends, a great daycare with teachers who are qualified and proficient, she gets to go to the park, downtown where everyone knows her and she and I watch princess movies and hang out in the evenings together.

I think the main things missing are that I need to take her to see her mommy and to church. Other than that, I am a fierce protector of my own and I would kick his blank from here to China if he ever disturbed her or treated her in anyway unkindly or without respect. I am his wife and I asked for some of it, but she didn't and I would have zero tolerance for anything that would disturb her in any way.

I'm just concerned for his soul because its the right thing to do and the Bible says to love your enemies and to do good to those who despitefully use you. He is my enemy right now. You don't fly in the face of your enemies they might be bigger and meaner than you.

I appreciate very much your letting me share and getting the great advice given. I take it all and put it to good use. My car is going into the shop on Monday, meantime I'm using my daughter's car for a couple days.

The only time my husband gets under my skin is on my days off, Tues. and Fridays. The rest of the time I could care less what he does and where he goes. A and I play and have a great time toghether. She's a lot more fun than he is and a lot nicer too.

I'm listening to God and praying for wisdom.

#5 half of that money belongs to you and half of $27,000. is $13,500 take it and get the hell out of there BUT once you leave have no contact with this man what-so-ever and believe me he isn't going to kill anybody. Everything he's done up to now shows his cowardice. First grab the cash, then find a motel near a garage and pay to have your car fixed. Then leave and never look back.....Not so sure about moving in with yet another man but it doesn't have to be a permanent situation.....Don't wait too long either or you may lose your job or he may spend the money by finding some dumb broad stupid enough to have the boob job he is willing to pay for and the cheapest one costs $6000.+

[ April 08, 2006, 08:09 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Wise words searcher.
Number 5, yes, Jesus says to love your enemy. But remember the translations that have occurred. The word love was translated from three different words. Love doesn't always mean romantic love. Terrorists are our enemies. We can love them, pray for them, etc. But we don't need to support them and put ourselves in harm's way. Would you sit with your grandchild in a cafe that you knew a terrorist would bomb? I hope not. Warren is a terrorist in his own way. He terrorises you. Even if it's only on your days off. It's still harmful to you and your soul and your grandchild's soul. Yes, you are doing everything you can for her, but take care of you, too. By being strong and healthy (mentally as well as physically), you can provide the best support for all your children. Being yanked around emotionally by this person is not healthy.

By letting this man treat you the way he does, by allowing him to "get under your skin," you are clearly teaching your darling grandchild that it is O.K. for a man to treat a woman this way. Guess what type of man she will gravitate to when she is older? Is that what you want?

You have the power to change it. You are smart and courageous and God-loving. Use the talents that God is giving you -- she didn't give them to you to ignore.

We love you in a spiritual and giving way.
HUGS