Hello Kate, I am so sorry for what you and your children have been through. I'm glad to hear the younger children are doing okay. What can I say about your older son? I was him when I was 20. Sexual abuse can do that to a person. You have great insight, such as how tending to others is one way of avoiding your self, and how the pattern of abuse begins when one is abused in childhood. You might be interested in the interviews conducted on www.worldtalkradio.com on Wednesdays during the Breaking the Silence segment. This is an internet access "radio" show where authors, speakers, survivors, advocates talk about abuse and its ramifications. Funny, when I finished that sentence I realized that is all of me: author, speaker, survivor, advocate...Please feel free to PM me if/when you want. One thing I can say is that my mother and step father gave up on me, and I did all the work for my healing by myself. I can tell you will never give up on your son. I wish you and your children lots of love and light, Lynn