Yes, I have spent many years working on my issues but mainly being there for my children. Two are doing really well 12 and 13 the eldest is 20 and has been a drug addict for the past five years. I have been going through hell doing the tough love thing on my own, trying not to enable, in and out of counselling etc. This is a very long story. The good thing is he has been to a couple of treatment centres in the past few months and is trying to stay off the drugs. It's a tough habit to beat. Up until five months ago I would drive around downtown looking for him and take him to detox or the hospital. He was going down hill fast and I saw the danger signs. Fortunatly for me most times he agreed to go with me. The hospitals don't do much even though at times he could hardly walk. He was also affected by the unhealthy marriage. My other two were very young when I left. They are well adjusted, do well in school and are involved in sports, music programs etc. I did take them to counselling in the early years too. They don't remember us as a 'family' (with my husband)
As for trust issues I do have them and the door has been totally closed in the men department. I needed to do alot of counselling and soul searching myself before even thinking about getting involved with another man. I did not trust myself and I am a care -taker by nature and am prone to taking on fixer upper type men. As I've learned that is only a way to avoid working on myself. I'm fairly healthy now but am aware that I can still attract the wrong type of man. I think that is why I went into the past to try to figure out how I married an abusive husband and why I stayed so long. Going back and looking at past relationships before I was married have given me some clues as to the choices I have made. The biggest problem has been that I was sexually abused by a trusted neighbor and in my later teen years I allowed men to use and abuse me. The tragedy for my eldest son is he was also sexually abused by a baseball coach when he was 8.
He also has severe ADD and was not accepted at school. He was teased, has alot of pain and because he wasn't accepted by his peers (did not fit in)he turned to drugs and alcohol. His dad turned his back on him which is so sad as he too was an alcoholic and could have really helped him. My son resents his father and doesn't know what to do with his anger and resentment. He is getting help for that too. I think he will be ok as he has a good heart but the road ahead for him will not be an easy one. My counselling has taught me that only he can change and I am working on treating him like an adult rather than a child. Now I try to empower him by letting him know he can do it rather than always treating him like he is helpless. We have come along way.
Thanks for asking about my children. I plan to step out more and try to take care of me.