Katebcca, I'm reasonably happily married, but a few years ago I had a major breakdown. I had to leave work, spiralled into major depression, and eventually became totally unable to see any good in my life. I became obsessed with trying to find out why "nobody loved me" anymore (when in fact, it was ME who didn't love me anymore).

So I started writing letters and emails to people from my past asking them point-blank why they had stopped loving me and why they didn't care about me anymore. It was (in my mind) an honest attempt to find out what was wrong with me so I could fix it...but as sincere as my intentions were, the sad reality is that some of those letters did some damage on the other end.

Spouses weren't so understanding of this emotionally needy person from the past creeping back into their spouse's lives like that, and looking back, I cringe at my approach and audacity, even though at the time it seemed like the right thing to do for my sanity and health. It wasn't. It was selfish, intrusive, passive aggressive and hurtful, and I will probably never be on the same positive level of friendship with some of those people as I was before I tried to re-establish that connection. Most of these people were men, former boyfriends. None of them had been lovers (I was celibate into my late-thirties), but I was still trying to reconnect with them on an intimate level...to be fair to myself I was looking for spiritual/kindred spirit intimacy, not physical intimacy...but their spouses couldn't know that and had problems interpreting my poetic style of expressing myself and my neediness for answers.

Anyway, it wasn't the right thing for me to have done. I can't take it back or make it right again, but I CAN strongly suggest that you LET IT GO. Don't pursue this married friend of yours. Let sleeping dogs lie, as they say. Find the answers you need right there within yourself. And trust me, if anything was/is meant to happen with this guy, it would have/will happen, in its own right time, and in its own positive way. He's where he's meant to be at this moment in time and you are where you're meant to be. Move on from where you are and find your way back into your OWN life, not back into his right now.

That's my humble opinion.

[ July 15, 2005, 10:15 AM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]