Can any of you gals list some recommended books on this matter. Not so much on the christian side, a book with basic facts.

China, I also wanted to add this:

Is he there right now? If he is, go out and take a hard look at him and ask yourself if he's worth the pain he is inflicting on you.

Allow yourself the comfort a true answer will bring you.

I wish I could recommend a book but often the best advice comes in letting yourself see the truth and understand it and act upon it.

You are worth so much more and you need to see that. It sounds like you already have.

My very best wishes are with you, to act with wisdom on determining your best course of action. Now is not the time to be weak but to rise up with strength and say, "enough!"

China,
Your story is almost identical to mine. I will be married 1 yr. the 19th to a 59 yr. old man. When we met I was sexy, vibrant and alive, bouncy and energetic and with the sex drive of a twenty something...
Now I feel 100 yrs. old, have put on weight, am depressed and see someone entirely different looking back at me from the mirror.
My husband has bought me roses once! I have asked him for cards, notes taped to the mirror, loving arms wrapped around me and appreciation in his eyes.
Instead, he gets Hustler, Playboy, looks at 21 yr. olds on the porno websites and goes on and on about how he used to visit the strip clubs and how the 21 yr. olds on his postal route smile and flirt with him.
He keeps a constant supply of Viagra on hand (gets it free) and says when a young girl smiles at him she really wants sex.
No romance, no foreplay with me, just get it on sex. No compliments, no praise, no kind words...
I might as well be a St. Bernard. He rests his legs and arms on me while he is sleeping because his back hurts...
He romanced and wooed but I did most of the work..then loneliness got the best of me and I agreed to marry him.
I don't want a young man with a six pack, young men bore me. What I want is a 6'2" balding man with glasses and facial hair and hair on his chest. I want an intelligent Christian man with whom I can have interesting discussions and who feels tenderness toward me, one I don't have to be afraid of; one who loves children and everything about me.
I would do anything for someone like that. almost..
China, I deserve someone like that and so do you deserve someone who respects and appreciates you.

Well said Number5. And the reason I mentioned a young, handsome man is because women are always hearing how men want young, hard bodies. That door can swing both ways. Some women are made to feel like they are invisble by a certain age. I've seen older women who are far more beautiful in face, figure and mind than many of these young ones that men seem to be lusting after.

[ February 04, 2006, 04:34 PM: Message edited by: ladybug ]

I just went to Mamzon and did a search for

help with pornography.

Lots of books came up. You may want to try it. Most seem to be for the person with the addiction. There was one for a couple battling pornography. See what you think.

Ladybug, that is so true! Now that I am at THAT..age...I know how it feels to still be young at heart, still full of life, but not have the stereotypical body of the centerfold.
I don't know about anyone else, but for me the biggest turn-on ever is the man who smiles into your eyes, who looks at you with such appreciation and love. Gentle touching and doing little things that say they have you on their mind.
I think men are intimidated by the older more experienced female who is educated and seasoned. As my husband explained it to me, the young girl is impressed with everything they do, laughs at their jokes and think they are funny. He says they are easily impressed, hot and if you have enough money they will do anything to impress him.
I don't think I like him very much...

Number5, I chuckled at your last line. I wish I could remember the name of that movie where the older guy says those very same things about young girls laughing at every word he said and being impressed with him etc, etc. In the end the young girl said she was faking all those orgasms and told him (the older guy) he wasn't all that great in bed. The look on the guy's (actor's) face was priceless after hearing this.

Ladybug, I think that was As Good As It Gets with Jack Nicholson. When asked why he dated young girls instead of women his own age. Could be wrong though. I loved that movie!

No, it wasn't that movie. Now I'll be trying to think of it even more.