China,

So, how did your weekend go? Communication is the key in all of this with your husband....with ALL relationships - good and bad can be resolved (or not) - but nothing is gained in a stalemate!

Hope all is well.

I have to agree with Loralee on this one. My sex life with my husband is good, too, but now, knowing he's seen other "better bodies" on the Internet, I'm wondering what's going through his mind when we're intimate. He seems to have stopped his viewing habits and I'm prepared to believe this was a "curiosity" thing, but I'm not going to let it rest. I don't want it to go any further, and if there are issues he's fighting, I want to help him. I'd rather he turn to me than the computer.

How many times do these men have to watch or look before their curiosity is filled? I know men are visual creatures but geesh.

It's not curiosity with men...it's just lust.

Maybe they are bombarded with so much through the media with ads for Viagra and women do seem to be sexually active later and later in life.

There are a plethera of young buxom bodies out there just begging to be looked at. I've seen ads on my own computer for 'hot' women in my little community who just want to have sex with someone. They call it 'hanging out' with someone. No strings, no exchange of money, just sex...geesh is right!

Anymore, a couple has to be completely devoted to their relationship and each other to survive!!

I think everyone is right about why men continue to "look," but I also think it's more than about lust.

It's about power and taking the easy way out. Porn is a fantasy land for guys -- they can look at an attractive body, pretend it's theirs and not have to work with the model's "mind" or deal with "that time of the month," etc., etc., etc. They don't have to talk to it or be rejected by it, buy it flowers, romance it. They can fantasize about the "perfect woman" who is right there on the computer for them. Once the needs are satisfied, it's just a matter of logging off and forgetting about her.

While we're bombarded with the importance of fighting "ED" with drugs like Viagra, we're also treated to the importance of having the perfect body to attract men, so I think BOTH sides are a little confused in this day and age. They do it, we allow it.

As an example, I was discussing my situation with a friend, who told me she couldn't understand why I was so upset. Seems in the early days of her marriage, she had an "open marriage," and her husband had carte blanche to fall in love with whomever he wanted, which I gather happened frequently. She didn't get jealous or upset, and was actually proud of herself that she was so "understanding" about it! She just didn't want to be the last to know, she said.

I asked her how she could do that to herself and stay with someone who simply wasn't ready to commit himself to a one-on-one relationship, but I never did get an answer.

With that type of attitude, it's no wonder some guys believe marriage means they can fool around with other women.

Amazing society we live in.

I'll now climb down from my soapbox :-).

Why would people even bother to get married in this situation?

To me, an open-marriage simply means there is no morality, love or respect in that union. It is a sham marriage, if a marriage at all.

This is an abomination of the sacred vows of marriage.

I bet a large majority of the men who engage in internet porn and other forms of fantasy sex do so because they are unable to sustain an errection for sex with their partner.

Also anything taboo increases desire. Brain thermography has demonstrated that doing something illicit or fighting any emotion actually increases it's intensity.

That accounts for the intensity of an illicit affair and how those relationships rarely work over the long term. If the affair moves to a morally acceptable form such as marriage or open dating or if the pre-existing relationships end, the compelling emotion misinterpreted as "love" will dissipate.

The moment an individual stops struggling against an emotion, the intensity declines and what was considered 'love' no longer compells them toward what was perceived as the 'love' or 'lust' object.

I think that applies to internet porn. There is probably the excitement of a taboo that is misinterpreted as the compulsion of lust or love.

Just some thoughts.
smile

[ February 19, 2006, 12:14 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

Smilinize, you are right on with your comments!

With internet porn or phone sex, a man doesn't have to perform, doesn't have to exell, isn't going to be judged thus embarrassed if he is unable to sustain an erection thus complete the act. He won't be disappointing anyone but himself if he isn't a super stud YET he can say he is, he can say anything that makes him feel as though he were a super stud. I would be willing to bet you that at least every other man I've talked phone sex with (and there have been thousands) at least 3/4 of them say they're 10 inches.... Yea sure in their dreams maybe.
But thats what all men think women want.