Thank you ladies. Now if I can just find a place to live. I need a housemate with a job...

I feel like a loser because I call him and ask if its OK to come over sometimes. I really hate myself when I do that. I'm getting over it though. I'm trying to make some nice friends.

Casey, what is body work? I'm going to the gym everyday and not eating much. Is that what you mean? And I've been scoping out the men around my age and ........folks, it doesn't look too good for the future and the possibility of anyone else. I'm way too picky in what I'm attracted to and that's what got me in this mess in the first place. So many things have to be there physically. I'm going to take your advice ladies and write my life story.

Bliss (aka #5)
Body work is a type of body massage which really concentrates on releasing emotional pain. It's really trusting someone to work with your body and who you feel free to cry in front of and release yourself to her touch.

I get concerned when you say you are going to the gym everyday and not eating much. It doesn't sound healthy. The person who shows up to love you won't care how skinny you are. They will love the inner you, the soul you have shining from within.

I would also let go of looking for someone right now. I believe you need to find and love yourself first.

You are not a loser -- not in any way, shape or form. You are transitioning and it takes a lot of strength!

I realize I've given a lot of advice here -- take what you like and leave the rest! :--)))

All the advice has been good and I thank you very much.

I really don't want to spend the rest of my life alone though. I like decorating a home for another person and myself, cooking for the two of us or a whole group! I really enjoy being with another person who I feel intimate with, who knows me and "gets" me and I them.

So, I guess that's where the fear comes in. All this is uncharted territory. I was only alone 3 months after my husband died and he was the most wonderful man in the world.

Number5,

You don't have to spend the rest of your life alone. But it's a really good idea to spend the next few years alone to get to know yourself. My advice is this : never get "hitched" up with anyone until you are totally satisfied being alone....At that point you will have made peace with yourself and will be ready to have someone else share your joy with you.....sharing this joy is really the only way to make a union just that.

Searcher

You are so right, Searcher. I have given that advice to teenage girls, too.

"Two halves make a whole" does not hold up to the rigors of a relationship. To be successful and happy, a relationship is whole when it is made up of two WHOLE persons. The math doesn't work but the wisdom does!

5, you are receiving some great advice. I agree wholeheartedly that you should work on yourself before getting in another relationship.

I would work at making some new women friends that yo can trust. Ones you can get together with when you feel lonely. Women you can talk with and share what you are going through. I know you have that at BWS, but it might be a good idea to do the same locally.

Hi Bliss (5),
You said:
"I like decorating a home for another person and myself, cooking for the two of us or a whole group! I really enjoy being with another person who I feel intimate with, who knows me and "gets" me and I them."

You can still decorate a home for yourself and enjoy the accomplishment. When you cook for yourself (and your granddaughter!), make it special, with candles and a prayer of Thanksgiving for being alive. Invite friends over to cook for -- better yet, have a pot luck! What fun! Dotsie is right -- women friends can 'get you,' too. Often better than a man. Are you over 50? Join the Red Hat Society -- they are made just for fun! Or if you aren't 50 yet, join the Red Hats as a Pink Hat Lady!

I still don't have the sense that you have gotten to any support groups near where you live. It's a really important step. Going it alone, or looking for a man to shore you up just so you don't have to spend time with yourself, is simply bad news right now.

As always -- take what you like and leave the rest!

BIG HUGGSS

Bliss, you don't need a man to have a satisfying life. I agree that it is preferrable, but let's face it, unless you're willing to be in the same situation that you're getting out of, there aren't too many good ones out there.

I like to cook, but I invite my family and friends over for meals. I love being able to decorate just for myself. My x would never have agreed to paint the kitchen red.

After I got divorced the 1st time, I thought I was okay emotionally, but each year that passed, I realized I was better than the year before. Please find a divorce-care support group at a church - you really need that support.

You don't need a man.

Daisygirl

#5
A while after I was divorced, I wrote a "life Plan." I wrote it just as I taught businesses to write business plans.

In prayer I identified the priorities of my life. I wrote them down. I wrote an overall vision and a vision for each of my priorities. The visions were big. They were desires that God put in my heart as I prayed. I wrote my prayers in letters to God.

After I wrote my visions, I wrote an overall mission and missions for each priority. I wrote my prayers about the path I would take to the vision for each area of my life.

Then with the mission in front of me, I wrote goals for each area with objectives. I built in accountability only to God because I never shared the plan with anyone except Him.

In writing I thanked God for where I was at that moment. I prayed for my children and that I be a blessing in their lives. I prayed for my professional life. I asked God to give me joy and allow me to bless others. I asked that God send me a mate only if He had chosen one for me. I prayed that I be a blessing to others either way and if there was a mate, God bless him and send him to me in His timing.

Recently I went back to read my "Life Plan" as a part of a class on "Life Planning" I am teaching at my church. I was astounded at the miracles in that plan. All the prayers have been or are being answered.

This weekend was my husband's birthday. Our families came together for a party and his mother spoke of how she prayed for him before he was born. I remembered how I also had prayed for him before I knew him. We talked about what he was doing at the time I wrote that plan and I realized how God was answering my prayers long before I knew my husband or that there would be one.

Writing that life plan helped me know what was truly important in my life. It brought me closer to God and settled me to find the joy around me as a single person. It helped me accept who I was at that moment.

Maybe writing your pain, your joy, your prayers, and the direction you hope to take in life would help you at this time.

smile

[ April 05, 2006, 08:43 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

Smile, I love your life plan idea! I used to write my prayers, but haven't done so in quite some time. Thank you for reminding me of that option. I'll plan on taking the time this weekend to prayerfully write a life plan for myself.

The past few years I've been stuck and I think this may be a way to move on.

Daisygirl

[ April 05, 2006, 08:19 PM: Message edited by: Daisygirl ]