Wow, thanks for all the support. I agree with you Smilinize that marriage changes those things..he alwasy talks about his need for some sort of "privacy", I call it secrecy! since it is not just him sharing with a male buddy. And Chatty, to answer your question...I JUST TURNED 50!! pretty sad that a man can still mess me up so, huh? But I have weighed the good and the bad and the good comes up the winner. He says that he has changed "drastically" for me and seems afraid that I want to take away every inch of his self??? which I really haven't...He's really not whipped at all. I call it "growing up". I've had to change in order to have the nice life we lead, why can't he give up this obsession. Again, his refusing to give me more info about her only leads me to imagine the worst. As to why I am waiting, it is his birthday month and I am trying to make it a very happy one so he will see what he is putting in jeopardy, which I know he does, he just can't admit that what he is doing is could affect it.Even if I didn't know about it, it still has to affect how he reacts to our relationship. Does he go to her for advice? comfort? and yes, even though it's not physical it hurts just as much. Thanks for letting me go on and on, it does help.