Thank you, Hannelore. The kind of fear I'm referring to is a happy fear, if that makes sense. Its more an awe and a deep reverence, a worshipful acquiesence to someone so much greater than I who saw fit to not only choose me to have life, but also gave it to me with a plan for my success, (like an owner's manual for a new car..)
It would only make me deeply sad to disappoint him in any way as I know I have. But I've never doubted his love for me or his forgiveness. I have to realize and admit I've side stepped from his plan for me though. How can you forgive someone who doesn't admit their wrong and ask for forgiveness? I believe all of us are born with a sin nature or are born into sin and all need forgiveness and cleansing from our sin, otherwise we are doomed. God doesn't doom us...the plan for our doom was set up before our existance, but not by God. Not only do I believe in a perfect Holy God, I believe in a most unholy entity also who is the hater of my soul and whose sole purpose is to kill me, destroy me and steal from me all the joy and peace god has for me.
There have been debates throughout history about whether or not man is born a sinner or a saint. I just believe God loves us enough to give us a choice about whether or not to choose his son/him (God) or reject him. If one accepts his son, then they also agree to his terms and agree to turn their lives around in a new direction and cede ownership of oneself to Christ for complete control.
I'm very judgemental and trying so hard not to be in this life. I want understanding and knowledge and the best and in my opinion, only source of knowledge is God.
All the debates pro and con regarding homosexuality/or not, lesbianism/or not, sexual outside of marriage/or not, abortion/or not....all these are just symptoms of a much greater issue. Seems we get so bogged down in the issues that we miss the core, which is are we pleasing our creator or throwing his plan for us out the window and laughing in his face? Are we so enthralled with our own wisdom and our own self made design for our lives that we miss out on true peace and happiness? Just some thoughts.