I've learned to really enjoy the quiet times in the morning. No tv or radio and only the sound of Sammie talking to me, or herself.

I read or meditate. It's such a beautiful way to start the day and if I get lonesome, I pick up the phone and call one of my kids or my husband.

I guess we have to be determined and relax about this stage of life because it truly does have a lot to offer.

I've had an empty nest for a long time, 10 years! I was very excited about being alone at last. My son was 21 and it was time for us both to be on our own. However, when the time came, I got a skin disease my dr said was caused by stress. It lasted for 30 days and I was miserable all over my torso and it was itching all the way up to my jawline. I was so excited but when I unpacked a picture of my son as a baby, I lost it and had a good cry.

The empty nest is a big adjustment, but I did recover very well. I've discovered me and some things I enjoy. Life is good - not perfect, but I'm not one who believes that life was ever meant to be perfect.

I look at life as a great adventure, not knowing what good stuff may lay around the corner! (okay, well, usually)

Daisygirl

I DO like your spirit Daisygirl. And I will add that for the most part, I live that way too. It doesn't even HAVE to be perfect for me to enjoy it.

Sometimes I miss the kids, but I really do like the fact that they are getting on with their lives and are happy. After all, it's the only thing I've ever wanted for them!

JJ

I really like what I'm reading here. If life was supposed to be perfect, I would probably have given up on mine a long time ago. Instead, I try to live every moment that's enjoyable to the fullest. It's amazing what you can find to smile about if you really put your mind to it.

My kids are one of my major blessings, both when they lived at home and in the years since. I love it when they come stay with us, which they still do whenever they can. But I don't miss the mess they make. And the quiet is wonderful.

I just spent a wonderful day with my husband, we watched the football game, laughed at the antics of the dog and bird, and just had a good time with each other. We get to spend a lot more days like that now that we're alone in the house. We get to focus more on each other and have good times, instead of issues, good or bad, with the kids.

I just went through the second wedding of my family; my youngest daughter got married. It was a little tearful, knowing that she's really on her own now.

Life is good, in this new stage of our life.

Some wrote about being young parents, which led to a young empty nest. I think this makes a difference--being in your 40s when kids leave as opposed to 60s or older. I am currently looking for lots of information about the life stages after raising children--once they leave, many of us are DECADES away from the retirement years. I will be mid 40s when my two are gone--I am completing a graduate degree and plan to spend at least 20 years or more being a busy career woman. Popular culture focuses a lot on women who spent their 20s and 30s building careers and now are worried about their biological clocks running out. I guess I did the exact opposite--kids in 20s and now they will be grown when I'm in my 40s. While many women in their 40s are thinking about starting families before it's too late, many more are like me--been there, did that, now what? Lots of info about couples retiring in their 60s, but seems to be less info about women becoming career women in their 40s and 50s--two full decades before retirement is even an issue. I DO find a lot of info that is really geared toward women in their 20s and 30s--young career women--but a lot of it refers to the dating world and other issues that are irrelevant to many empty nesters. I propose a whole new idea to all forms of media--women who are in their 40s 50s 60s and beyond who have completed the goals of marriage and family and are now ready for a new life as a busy active career woman who is far away from her retirement years. She doesn't want to be domestic--she is tired of taking care of others and is ready to take care of herself--she is busier than the younger women who spend a lot of time either dating or focusing on the early years of parenting--these middle age dynamos are ready to put in many hours of work in order to build immensely succesful careers. She is different than the young single women who dream of having the kind of life she just completed. She is different than the women who are currently stuggling to balance work and family. She is still very capable and energetic and can take her life experiences and apply it to her career--she has lived through most of life's experiences, so she can reach women in many life stages. She used to be supermom, but now she's...she's...what shall we call her? Superwoman?--but won't she be held to a younger image? Ladies, we were once girls, then young women, then wives, then mothers, who are we now? Especially if we are ready for our big career years and far from our retirement years? I don't think enough has been written about this kind of women in American media--her image is not seen on a day to day basis. But she is there--in my mirror and the mirror of many of the ladies on this board. Oprah does a good job showing the world this type of woman--and her magazine, as well as More magazine does a great job with this. But how many movies and television shows reflect this woman--one who is over 40 and has finished raising kids, but is far from the days of the golden years. In other words--Sex in the City was about the stage before this, even though the women were in the 30s and 40s--their stage was busy career women who are ready to settle down and marry and have kids. And The Golden Girls was about the stage way after this stage--the stage where women are ready to relax and unwind after a long life of working and raising families. I don't know about you, but I fit in neither of these groups. I'm the age of the Sex in the City women, but not ready for the life of the Golden Girls. I tend to see the younger group as living the life I am ready for now as a middle-aged woman who is almost finished raising a family and is ready to move into their urban career lifestyle. Yet, I see the wonderful benefits of the friendships of the older group. We are seriously under represented out there in the media! We are not young and we are not old--we are inching our way toward the GGs stage, but we sometimes look and act like the SintheC women--but our lives are not like the younger women because we are not looking for Mr Right and are not worried about our biological clocks--we've already taken care of those issues. Sorry ladies--one symptom of my mid-life crisis is my incessant rambling--hope it didn't hurt your eyes! The empty nest years may be the big career years for some of us--no worries about traveling for business or late night work because no kids are waiting at home anymore--freedom to follow our dreams without the guilt many working mothers are dealing with--no more juggling! Sounds great to me!!

Kate, I love every word in your post. You need to join nabbw, www.nabbw.com. Many of the women you are writing about are doing exactly what you are doing. You can join now for 50.00. Also, if you do join, get Prill's book free with your membership. It's about women who have redefined themselves at midlife and are soaring!

One acquaintance I have said she is concerned that at 45 yr. old she wouldn't be able to get another job due to her age. That was the first time I'd heard of that type of thinking for a woman so young. Has anyone else been concerned about that?

Daisygirl

Hi All,
I too, am like you Kate, I married at 19, and got my empty next at age 47..and moved to New Zealand to find myself...I think that as you said...women like us are finding themselves..something they did not do perhaps (or at least I did not!)marrying young and having a family. This might be thru careers or other means. One thing that came out of the research of Sue Shellenbarger (Midlife Crisis) ws that over 50% of the women she interviewed wanted to "give back"...that generativity is something very ingrained in our cohort. Women, it seems, must first get " selfish" to find themselves, find their gifts, and then serve the world in true choice.
I did write an article about empty nest that good tips to deal with this time of life, if anyone wants it. It was used last year in a back to school edition for a big university town...let me know if you would like a copy.

I believe that at midlife the challenge is to find yourself and also be responsible for what you want to be. This is different for each of us. For example, even though I am half way around the world, I talk to my 2 children and my parents once a week, and I have a "savings account" with enough $ to finance an emergency trip back. For each women, a choice must be made about what their responsibilities will/will not be. The problem becomes when we are overly responsible and allow others to be irresponsible or we ourselves are overly selfish (which does not happen very often to women I know! ha!)

thanks for bringing this timely topic up!.....
in Adventure and Abundance,

Jenn

www.midlifeheroine.com
Taking Women on the Adventure of their Lives!

I also married at 19 but did not have our first child until I was 24. Our oldest left for college last year and our youngest will leave this fall. I am getting a taste of the empty nest every time our daughter spends the night over a friend's house. It seems odd for just my husband and I to be in the house. We are used to having a gang of kids around us. It is going to be quite an adjustment. I think that it will be very hard for us.

I guess it is time to start talking about what we will do with all of our free time. I have already mentioned that I would like to spend more time with my family (sisters, brother and father). I also think that I might enjoy watching football games with my husband. I used to enjoy watching them with him before the kids were born. Somehow, our son replaced me on the sofa to watch the football games with his father, while our daughter and I watched movies in the other room. Next year, I will start joining my husband in front of the television again. For now, I want to watch as many movies as I possibly can with my daughter. I will miss her terribly!