When my youngest who was a wild child was in her senior year the school had classes in how the kids could help their parent's deal with the "Empty Nest."

By then like the eagles who remove the soft feathers from the nest and add thorns to stick the young ones they want out, I was ready for the empty nest.

At least I thought I was. But when she packed up her little car and took off with friends to camp up and down the west coast I changed my mind. I just wanted her to come home and be safe and I was delighted when she finally did. It took a while for her to totally leave and even now she's on the phone a couple of times a day. I think we're both finally adjusting.

The oldest was not as difficult because I still had one at home and eventhough she lives ten hours away, she has never completely left either thanks to phone lines.

smile

[ January 08, 2006, 12:47 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

There must be something wrong with me. I had no trouble at all adjusting to having an empty nest. I missed my kids when they went off to college, but I was happy knowing they were doing what they wanted and were where they wanted to be. Perhaps the fact that Chuck was first diagnosed with cancer shortly after my youngest left home made a difference. I was too busy worrying about him to think about the nest being empty.

I'm counting the days!!! LOL, not really.

I don't expect it to be hard for me either - I think partly becuase mothering has been VERY hard work for me. I'm looking forward to the years A.C. (after children) where my life will be my own again.

I've stayed home all these years, and I wouldn't change a thing I've done...I'm honestly just ready to take back my life (and am already doing so in increments).

Everybody's journey is different.

danita

What comes to mind here is that when the kids are young and noisy and messy we are there to clean up after them. Once they grow up and are much neater and quieter and can do for themselves, they up and leave us. I use to wish I had time alone when they were small. Now I wish I had more time among them to enjoy the fruits of my labors. But no, now the wives enjoy the men I created. Doesn't seem fair somehow, LOL

I hadn't thought about it that way, since my kids are still single, but you're absolutely right, Chatty. Isn't it great that you raised such wonderful men who are now great husbands, though?

The nest is very rarely empty here, if I don't have one of my kids (my 36 year old son is with us now) then I have a grandchild at least once or twice a week. Once a mother always a mother. We could never turn away one of our children, even if they move in with three toddlers!....lol.

Sherri

Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me. My only son is now in an apartment, attending college. He didn't think he was ready to live on his own and I gently pushed (it was cheaper to pay rent than gas to drive back and forth to classes everyday)for him to move to an apartment near campus. I followed the example my mother set by giving him dishes, pots and pans, food, towels, his bedroom furniture--anything I could to help him move into his new life. My mother blessed me and set me free--I always knew she was there if I needed her and could comehome if I had to, but I never did.

I realize I am dealing with divorce, my mother's death and empty nest at the same time, but I truly haven't had a hard time with this. I enjoy only doing 3 loads of laundry a week. I enjoy walking into each room and having them be clean and orderly--house cleaning is so easy now because I just clean rather than spending all my time picking up and putting away. My time is freed up to do things I want to do. And I revel in seeing my son take strides in becoming a man, on his own, independent--who knows how to clean, sew on a button, do his own laundry and can cook. He won't have to marry someone to take care of him--he is able to marry for the right reasons. And if he ever tells his wife he doesn't know how to help--I'll let her know that isn't the case!

Now when my son comes home to visit we try to do something fun together that we both enjoy--I think we have (for the most part) successfully made the leap to a mother/son relationship as two adults.

Am I the only one who hasn't had a terrible time with this? Am I a bad person?

Starting over, sounds like you have a wonderful healthy relationship with your son. I'm already looking for items for Rob to start over with. His wife left him and took everything but the dogs. He moved back to Illinois from Alabama to find a job and be near his kids. He's hoping for a reconciiation, don't know if that will happen or not. I've already put things aside for his "own" home. He knows it's temporary, when the daughter moved back in, with three toddlers, it was temporary, but lasted 7 months.

I was so happy to have my home back again! Plus right now my husband is on medical leave, so it tends to get a little crowded here with three adults in the house all the time. I don't have any alone time at all, unless I go to work one of my part time jobs. Thank God I have my laptop, I would never get near the computer!

Sherri

Ha-ha. I can identify with the computer story! Did he move back to Decatur? I'm from Peoria originally. If I can't find a better job here I will be considering moving back to Peoria. We won't be too far apart, maybe we can meet in the middle sometime! We could be writing buddies..!

Sorry your son is going through tough times. Glad to hear I'm not the only one who enjoys having a tranquil house. Having kids at home, even for a weekend is a blessing and a strain at the same time. I can't imagine the adjustment to add one adult and three toddlers--that would be a blessing/stretch!

I think it's all about being able to shift gears, in life, Ladies. The kids going out on their own is a bit like when they moved from being infants to toddlers, from pre-schoolers to elementary schoolers, etcetera. I had a dear friend, who had difficulty adjusting to her teenage children. She kept longing for the days when they were small. I remember telling her we all have to learn how to shift gears, or in effect, to progress, through the stages of our lives. Being able to do so, smoothly, teaches our children a valuable life lesson.

Becoming an empty-nester for me, was a bit like being re-born! I experienced an almost giddy sense of freedom. I enjoyed every aspect of being a parent, of raising my daughters. I love them dearly, and we have close relationships. But, the opportunity and freedom, and privacy, to consider only ourselves, our lives, after so many years of basing every decision upon our responsibility as parents, well, it's still quite a heady feeling for my husband and myself. And yes, Sherri, once a parent, always a parent! We still share our children's good times, and their bad. We're always here, and when asked, will offer our advice, our opinions, and our support.

Also, I think we Boomer women have progressed in our thinking. Generations past may have held some idea that once the Herculean task of raising children was completed, so was a woman's life. Simply because we've achieved a major life's work of raising our children to adulthood, does not mean we have reached some end point in our lives. It's merely a matter of shifting those gears, Ladies!

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