I'm grateful for all these posts. My mother and daughter both have bipolar disorder and, after fighting lifelong depression/anxiety with therapy and antidepressants, I was finally diagnosed myself about a year ago.

It explained a lot. My relatives who suffered had "mean streaks," acting out, etc. I was always "good," determined not to follow that path, and blessed to know God and be surrounded by a loving circle of friends. But the wide fluctuations in energy and mood plagued me all my life. The sleep deprivation alone kept me miserable.

I was fortunate. I never got involved in drugs or alcohol, never got in trouble or lost a job. But the inner struggle to maintain equilibrium, the constant effort to monitor my behavior and contain my anxiety was draining.

I'm a psychotherapist, pretty gifted in sensing out the source of other people's pain. I never could figure out why I couldn't find relief myself.

Then my daughter was diagnosed after 10 years of struggling. She took her first dose of mood stabilizer, and said, "Mom. I feel like I'm in my body for the first time in my life." She still struggles, but she's a fine, gifted person. She feels like she has a chance at life now.

When I wrote my book, Watercolor Bedroom: Creating a Soulful Midlife (featured in these forums), I had just come to accept my daughter's illness. I had gleaned all sorts of wisdom from my own search for wholeness. But about the time the book was published, I consulted a doctor myself. I thought I had ADHD and depression. After about an hour of pointed questions, the MD said, "I think you have low-spectrum bipolar disorder." Something clicked into place.

It hasn't been easy. There are lots of medications out there, and it takes awhile to find the right ones. It also takes self-knowledge, the loving support of a spouse (my husband is great), and a healthy circle of friends. I was blessed to have all that in place, and I had learned a great deal about myself from the years of spiritual searching.

Vicki, I appreciate your sharing from the perspective of a person with the illness. It's hell for family members (I thought I'd die of fear for my daughter when she was totally out of control) It's a tricky disease that interferes with development and learning, often causing the character problems/tendency toward manipulation, etc., that have been mentioned here. But it's absolutely baffling for the person with the disease. The tendency to self-judge is overwhelming. The stigma of the culture--even among mental health professionals--is shameful and shaming.

It's a disease with a heavy genetic component. If you or your spouse has it, watch for signs in your children. If your parents or children have it, watch for it in yourself. Years of suffering can be avoided with proper diagnosis and treatment.