Claire,

Your life will become what it needs to be.

I know that might sound spacey, but that's what I believe. We can't always see what's coming though.

I myself never had any problems becoming pregnant. Did it 4 times, whenever I tried.

The first three were miscarriages. The fourth was a tubal pregnancy that came within 1/4" of killing me. When I was told that there was a 20% chance of dying the next time I got pregnant, I did the math and religiously used birth control forever after (until I hit menopause.)

I always wanted a little girl, in part so I could raise her the way I wish I was raised. After the tubal, I figured: it was not meant to be. If I was supposed to have a child, one of the pregnancies would've stuck.

If you're "meant" to have a child, you will. If not, then not. And if you want, you can always adopt. But no matter what, do not feel guilty about other people's expectations.

Better Living Through Chemistry

Today, I am taking my sad 16-year-old daughter to see a psychiatrist. I am going to ask him to put her on an anti-depressant. She has been in cognitive-behavioral therapy since August and has shown improvement for her telephone-phobia, but she still has that persistent low-level feeling of sadness.

I know how she feels! I had dysthymia for the first 36 years of my life and didn't know it. I just thought that "everybody" felt that way. By 1989, I was so incredibly miserable that I decided to try psychotherapy. It was the best thing I've ever done for myself. At that time, an anti-depressant was suggested to me, but I was afraid of drugs. so I refused to try one.

In 1997, I suffered not one but two major depressive episodes. I was desperate so I decided to try Zoloft. And, the rest of the story is that, with the exception of a few minor dips in mood, I've been happy and well ever since. I wish that I'd tried an anti-depressant sooner. There's no question in my mind (pun intended) that, at least for some of us, depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. In my family there's also a huge genetic component -- both parents were depressed for most of their lives.

My daughter wants to try an anti-depressant. I am concerned about all of the stuff in the news about children and anti-depressants but I can't let my daughter suffer when there's a chance that an anti-depressant will help her.

My other "problem" is that my dear husband doesn't agree with me. He agrees that our daughter is moody and sad but he says that she just needs an activity to distract her from her feelings. I've told him that I know more about mental health stuff than he does and that he needs to trust my judgement on this one. He doesn't want our daughter taking a "happy pill." Sigh ... he just doesn't understand.

It takes 2-3 weeks for an anti-depressant to kick-in. I'm hoping that by mid-December, our daughter will be feeling better. I'll keep you all posted.

Misfire, what works for you is the right thing. The doctor put my youngest daughter on Prozac to help with her horrible PMS. It has worked wonders. She was nearly impossible to be around without it. I didn't feel I could keep going through the PMS with her...it was terrible! No rhyme or reason!

Most of the women I work with are on meds. When you live in an abusive situation long enough, it actually alters and changes the brain chemisty. The brain does this to protect the woman. The only thing that helps them is anti-depressants. Some are now going off it but the one's who took Effexor, have had a terrible time. I mean terrible! They've had to be monitored by their physician, the withdrawals are so bad.

You have to do what's right for you and your daughter and if she wants anti-depressants, I'd say she really needs them. She can't be happy feeling the way she does. Bless her heart.

[ November 15, 2004, 11:28 AM: Message edited by: Dianne ]

Thank you Meredith.
Claire

Lillian,

You're an extraordinary woman, facing issues that are extremely difficult and sensitive. I'm so glad that you're getting the assistance that you need.

Being open takes courage and that's hard for so many of us.

Your writing is clear, open and very interesting! Never give up on your dream...just when you think things won't work out, they do!

Blessings...

Better Living Through Chemistry (continued)

I am happy to report that my daughter is feeling better. She started taking Zoloft on Nov 15th and it has really helped her mood. It's only been two weeks but I can tell that she feels better already. She's not irritable and angry all the time anymore. On Dec 9th, she's seeing the doctor again for a med check. If she's still improving, I'm expecting him to keep her on Zoloft. Thank goodness for meds!

Misfire

PLEASE !! I dont mean this as a scare tactic -- just playing the "devils advocate" and hoping no one ever has to find out the hard way how a drug dealing with the brain can effect you

I have lived both sides of the story on anti-psychotics -- my son had schizophrenia for 5 yrs.

Risperdol turned him into a walking zombie -- but at least he wasnt violent anymore

Zyprexia gave me back my son - with the exception of the voices not being controlled and most of his artistic ability being lost - he had his humor back and he could read a book or watch tv and carry on a conversation with you

Within 12 hours of starting Seroquil he was believing the blair witch was chasing him around the house trying to kill him. The only time she wouldn't attack him is if I was in the room with him -- so for 48 hrs - long enough to get that drug out of his system and back on the Zyprexia -- I never left his side.

and then we switched him to Geodon --

3 weeks later he put a gun to his head and ended the battle

his doctor said -- when we called and told her -- oh yea -- patients sometimes do that when they start to feel better and realize how bad their situation is -- i mean HELLLLLLOOOOOO -- couldnt anyone bother to WARN US !!

Please be careful everyone -- drugs are great for getting us back on track -- and some have to be taken forever -- just dont let your guard down --

anti-psychotics are nothing to play around with - they are STRONG mind affecting drugs that help balance the chemical inbalances in our brain - but they need to be monitored VERY carefully -- and gotten OFF as quickly as medically possible - they also can damage your liver so make sure you get blood work done if your doctor suggests that

I am soooooooo happy for you that have had great relief from the mood swings and depression and other life altering situations ---- and I'm truly not saying not to take these meds ---- especially since it sounds like most of you are on anti-depressants instead of anti-psychotics -- but they are all heavy duty drugs

I just care about you one and all and want to make sure you are taking care of yourself and your loved ones

Thank you Lionspaw, I too am concerned when I hear about people taking these drugs. I know some are needed, and many patients benefit, but as a nurse, I have also seen the down side which can be tragic.
These are not chemicals to be taken lightly.
smile

Misfire - I wanted to address your daughter

I hope for her sake (and yours) that her "problem" turns out to be a raging hormonal teenage "thing" and in a few years from now she will be fine -- and I dont know anything about her so I may be out in left field here -- but now that she's feeling better -- perhaps you could get her involved in something to boost her self esteem

perhaps volunteering at an animal shelter or your local library or hospital -- something that will make her feel good about herself and feel like she's doing something productive

i say volunteering -- and away from school -- because a paying job is pressure and high school peer pressure is tooooo stressful also

the reasoning on this is to give her another way of "feeling good" (as things level out for her) than depending on a pill to feel good

i'd just hate to have her find, in 20 yrs from now, that medicine has totally taken over her life and caused all sorts of medical conditions

and that way -- perhaps -- you and your husband can come to a mutual agreement on your daughters mental health

Better Living Through Chemistry (Part 3)

I appreciate all of your concerns. I decided to give my 16-year-old daughter an anti-depressant after much thought about the benefits and possible consequences.

Depression has a genetic component, a hormonal component, an environmental component, and who knows what other kind of component.

My 90-year-old mother had her first depressive episode in 1929 when she was 15. She suffered from depression for her whole life and didn't get consistent relief until she started taking an anti-depressant in 1988 at age 74. It wasn't easy growing up in a house with a depressed mother. She was hospitalized 5 times. Her paternal grandmother also had depressive episodes when she couldn't get out of bed for weeks.

I suffered from dysthymia for the first 36 years of my life. It was probably caused by genes, the death of my 4-year-old older sister when I was only 2, and the stress of living with a depressed mother. I resisted trying a drug because I was scared of them. I tried Prozac in 1996 and it triggered severe panic attacks. In 1997, I had two major depressive episodes. Even though I was afraid because of my experience with Prozac, I started taking Zoloft and have felt markedly better ever since. Antidepressants work differently than anti-psychotics. Antidepressants keep people out of mental hospitals. Antidepressants improve the quality of people's lives.

It has taken me many years to accept that depression is a medical condition that runs in my family, that it's not my fault, and that drugs do work. There are insulin shots for diabetics, there is medication for hypertension, and there is medication for depression. Some day the genes will be isolated but, for now, finding the right drug is trial-and-error -- just like finding the right antibiotic for a sinus infection.

Like Mike Wallace and Dick Cavett, I plan to take an anti-depressant for the rest of my life -- for my sake and for my family's sake. I don't care what the long term effects of taking it might be because I know that the short term effects of having depression are unbearable.

As I look back, I realize that my older daughter has been depressed since she was 12. Maybe the hormones triggered the genetic component -- who knows. All I know is that I am thankful that I can do something for her so that she won't suffer for most of her life like my great-grandmother, my mother, and I did.

My daughter is a straight A student, is in two select choirs at school, is in Latin club and anime club, is auditioning for the school musical as a singer and a dancer, and is working on her Girl Scout gold award. I don't think she needs any more activities to boost her self-esteem.

My younger daughter (age 14) is not depressed and I'm hoping that she never will be because depression ruins the life of the sufferer and is devastating to their families.

We all have to weigh the pros and cons before taking any medication and then decide what's best for our families.