I believe that the calm in you has nothing to do with medicine or losing your mind. The calm you feel, Lil, is the "I" in your paragraph.

You're taking matters into your OWN hands and concentrating on "I" -- and that is an unbelievable rush of power -- and calm -- knowing that for once -- your future is in YOUR control.

Please stop thinking about a person that has no more respect for you than being able to have his cake and eat it too. OH -- I BELIEVE he loves you -- why wouldn't he -- and I don't mean to mean cruel here -- but it has nothing to do with your gentle soul -- and ALL to do with how you allow him to treat you.

You're scared to be out on your own -- but Lil -- you've been on your own all along. You think because you're married that you have something with this man -- but you deserve to have love and tenderness and marriage with a man who has no other woman in his mind, heart AND BED but YOU.

You DESERVE it -- now DEMAND it of yourself !! and I promise you that things will start to fall into place faster than you know.

Have you ever thought that maybe God isn't allowing you to "win the lottery" (and I don't mean Publisher Clearing House -- but a good loving relationship and your needs met comfortably) BECAUSE of Raul -- maybe God is waiting for you to be on your own -- with a clean slate and self respect before he opens the doors to the sunshine.

and Lil -- if you think I'm a prude or don't know what I'm talking about -- I'm not -- and I do -- because my first and second marriage's were the same way - and then one day I said ENOUGH -- DAMN IT ENOUGH -- and I left the following note on the table -- packed my bags and walked out ----- and now here I am 26 yrs later -- still married to my very best friend and eventhough we struggle to pay bills still -- my needs are met -- I have a home and car and job and my bills this month will be paid -- but most of all -- I have my self-respect !!!!

here's to me
and here's to you
and here's to fun and laughter
i'll be true
as long as you
not a single moment after ------------